sis doesn't want my ex to attend her wedding! OPINIONS PLEASE!

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by mrs_u, Jan 7, 2009.

  1. mrs_u

    mrs_u Rookie

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    Jan 7, 2009

    im having a problem with something my sister just told me. shes getting married over the summer and wants my daughters to be flower girls. as im getting ready to ask about dresses she interrupts and tells me that my ex husband is not invited. i am getting ONE ticket for myself and thats it!
    yes he is my ex-husband but he and i have been together (back and forth) for 15 years. we even had another daughter since we've divorced (that makes 3 daughters together). anyway, she hates him because according to her, the things he has done to me throughout the years...i told her i dont think it's cool that she is asking me to not take my significant other.

    AM I WRONG? :confused:
     
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  3. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Jan 7, 2009

    It's supposed to be "her day". Initially it sounds selfish on her part, but it's hard to deal with people who you know have tormented loved ones. I'm sure it was a difficult thing for her to tell you that so she's probably pretty adamant about it. You'd hate to see her walking down the aisle, look at your ex, and then make a scowling face.
     
  4. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Jan 7, 2009

    I agree HootOwl. Sometimes we just have to keep quiet even though we might be hurt. It's her one day to shine and be the complete center of attention, and she wants it to be perfect (as we all do!). I don't like that she's only giving you one ticket. I mean, if you wanted to take someone else, now you can't.
     
  5. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Jan 7, 2009

    I can understand your sister not wanting to invite your ex. But she also has to realize that you are an adult and it's your choice who you are with. (yeah I had to go to a counselor to get that answer). My sister is dating something that I didn't really like, and the counselor basically told me it's not my choice but hers and if I want her to attend my wedding than I'll have to deal with him. I decided it's more important to have her there than not there. And now I'm starting to actually like her boyfriend.
     
  6. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Jan 7, 2009

    It is HER wedding do as she asks
    if you feel you need to celebrate with him go out after the reception
     
  7. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Jan 7, 2009

    This is kind of hard to follow but my by brother-in-law (my husband's brother) was getting married and his mom had a boyfriend who none of us liked. He was in fact still married but only for 'insurance reasons'...yeah right. Well, my brother-in-law's fiance refused to let this guy in any of the pictures.. I thought it was not nice at all but I wanted to do the same thing a year earlier when I got married. So now I have all these pictures with this goober in them that is no longer her knight in shining armor. So my S-I-L did the right thing.

    Anyway, I probably would just comply with your sis. She doesn't have to invite him. Why would you want someone at your wedding who you hate?
     
  8. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

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    Jan 7, 2009

    I just reread this and saw this part. You told her, so maybe she will stew about it and change her mind but I would drop it on your end. I am sorry. I know how you must feel and I know this isn't what you want to hear.

    :hugs: lemon
     
  9. mrs_u

    mrs_u Rookie

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    Jan 7, 2009

    Thanks, teachers, for your replies! She and I are like night and day, water and oil, toothpaste and orange juice (im sure you get the point) :). I am the type of person that believes to each his own. I do not pay their bills and they do not pay mine. Our brother has a girlfriend who's given him drama a thousand times as well. Needless to say, my sis hates her too. She also hates my friend for having a boyfriend 10 years her junior and another friend for "acting too rich". Anyway, I agree and think like JaimeMarie that it would be more important for me to have my sister there than not. BUT even though i dont like it, IM going to have to deal with it cuz like everyone said it is HER DAY!

    Thanks folks! Teachers are so smart!
     
  10. Special-t

    Special-t Enthusiast

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    Jan 7, 2009

    It sounds like she "hates" a lot of people. I feel sorry for her that she has so much antipathy for so many. Did she invite any of the other hated people to the wedding? If I were your ex I wouldn't want to be at the wedding of someone who actually hated me. You should probably make it not a big deal and tell him he's lucky that he doesn't have to attend.
     
  11. mrs_u

    mrs_u Rookie

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    Yeah special-t she does and I feel sorry for her as well. She only wants to invite immediate family because she dislikes some of her fiance's friends! I'm not trying to paint an awful pic of my lil sis. I guess i just feel she hates everyone (doesnt even talk to dad) for reasons that are none of her business. I think she's still young and will eventually realize that hate consumes your soul.

    oh and i like your idea about not making it a big deal.
     
  12. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    my sister hated my EXes more that I did and I hated her EX more than she did .....

    The only time I really hit some one was my sister's ex....
    I was kind of refereeing one of their "disagreements"....I have almost always been a peacemaker.......
    my sister was about to scratch his eyes out or hit him and I caught her and diverted her, he made a smart remark (here I was protecting him!) so I cold cocked him!
    my sister got mad ....... because she wanted to hit him...:lol:
    Later she told me that was one of two top times she was glad she had a big brother:whistle:
     
  13. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Jan 7, 2009

    Honor her request to keep the peace.
     
  14. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Jan 7, 2009

    I'm w/ everyone else. It's HER day, so do what she wants. I don't care if she has 10 siblings & doesn't want any of them to bring their SOs, exes, beaus, lovers, etc., then everyone (as mad as they may be) should respect that if they love their sister & abide by that.

    When your day comes again, you can do what you want.
     
  15. MuggleBug

    MuggleBug Companion

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    Jan 8, 2009

    Well...I'm going to play Devil's Advocate a little here. I'm in sort of a similar situation. My fiance's sister had a big falling out with her family over a guy (much older, still married when they got together) - lies were told, accusations made, police involved, etc. It was messy and his sister didn't speak to anyone for well over a year. Around Thanksgiving she finally started to come around and has been communicating with my fiance. She did call her mother on Christmas but still won't speak to her father or her other brothers. She has expressed interest in attending our wedding in June but, of course, would like to bring her boyfriend. At first my fiance said no way - he didn't want the drama. Now, there's a very good chance the rest of his family won't be able to make it (that's a whole other can of worms - they don't have much money but we've offered to help pay and offered free accommodations so I don't know). My fiance's still hesitant about allowing his sister to bring her boyfriend - mostly because he thinks it'll make him upset/angry to see them together after what happened. I told him I think that if she can't bring him, she may not come...which I know he doesn't want, either. So I told him he has to make a choice. Either he invites his sister and lets her bring her boyfriend or he risks having zero family members at his own wedding. I understand how tough it is and I completely understand where he (and your sister) are coming from when they don't want someone that may be undesirable to them at their own wedding. On the other hand...family is important. If bringing your boyfriend will make you happy, then your sister should respect that, as well. So I see both sides...I can see why your sister would say no but I can also see why she should allow it. I think you just really have to have another heart-to-heart with her. Let her tell you her concerns (and don't you get angry/upset/argumentative) and you can offer your side of the story as well. If there's a history, then your sister has a good reason to be wary of your ex being there and you'll have to bear that in mind, as well.

    Families can be tricky businesses, for sure! Good luck.
     
  16. TampaTeacher

    TampaTeacher Comrade

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    Jan 8, 2009

    Yeah, it's her day. I wonder if she even realizes that it will go by in a glorious blur, and your ex-husband would barely make a difference to her. Whereas, having him there would certainly make a positive difference to you. I'm assuming he's a polite guy who wouldn't try to be the star of the show or get drunk and belligerent, of course. I don't actually know the details of why she hates him.

    I think it's only good ettiquette for brides to allow guest to choose their date, IF dates are being allowed.

    But, it's her day. If you cause a fuss, she'll probably bring it up forever.
     

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