Single, Married, Civil Union or Living Together? What works for you and why??

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Master Pre-K, Mar 31, 2018.

  1. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Apr 1, 2018

    Seems to me there is no possibility of a relationship with someone else beyond a superficial one. Which is ok if all involved understand that that is all it will ever be.
     
  2. whizkid

    whizkid Cohort

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    All good with me. ;)
     
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  3. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    I've been a teacher as single, divorced, married (2x), and living with someone. I was single for the first 8 years or so, then I got married. After 12 years of marriage, I left my husband. (There was no splitting of assets because we hadn't acquired anything besides one vehicle (which I let him have) during that time. The house was mine before we married. Also, no alimony.) I was single again for four years before meeting my now DH. He and I chose to live together for six months before we married. We married in the summer of 2016, so now I'm once again a married teacher. We sold his house and live in mine, which we made bigger.

    I don't care what anyone chooses to do or why they choose to do it.
     
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  4. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    I was there too....whizkid

    Maybe life was easier then. Before credit reports, mortgages, grandkid.

    I’m good with moving to a gated senior community with all the comforts of home, pool & weight room, flexibility of apartment life, but a pull cord in the bathroom if I pass out. I want my loved one there...not necessarily leaving every other night.

    Thought I wanted a yard for grand children to play. Now it’s Easter Sunday and I haven’t even heard from my daughter. Don’t even want to celebrate stuff anymore since my dear mom passed away. :disappointed:

    Maybe I’ll just keep my mouth shut and see where this goes....If I feel he isn’t serious about building a future with me, I can always move into Shady Pines. He can’t come until he reaches 62, so there.
     
  5. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    I’ve been a single, married, widowed, and married again teacher. I prefer being married even knowing I run the risk of being widowed again. Love is worth the risk. For me.

    I have a friend who has been with her boyfriend for 21 years and they have several children. She’s happy and likes her arrangement.

    We’re both happy. I think that’s what matters in the end.
     
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  6. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    That is a very lovely thought...
    Tennyson...

    "Tis better to have loved and lost...
     
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  7. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 2, 2018

    Okay...

    So I will do what I can to keep myself healthy. I am responsible for me.

    Be the best I can be, and keep good friends. Try to maintain peace in my family.

    Stash my $$ and keep good credit.

    Work as long as I’m comfortable.

    And see where this road leads....

    If me and my guy are meant to be together forever....I’ll know it when I see that bridge. I’ll see when I get there. But I won’t let love = a security blanket.

    :heart:

    Thanks guys :)
     
  8. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    Apr 3, 2018

    I've been with my partner for years. I'm pretty certain we'll tie the knot one day; however, we're in no rush to do so. He's been with the same job since he graduated college (20 years), so we're both the type of people who find something good and stick with it! ;)
     
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  9. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    That’s where I heading teacherguy...nice and slow...see how it goes!
     
  10. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I like being married. I'm okay with others deciding for themselves how they want to do things.
     
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  11. nklauste

    nklauste Comrade

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    My husband and I met right at the beginning of my first year at this school. He graduated from here, so many of the teachers and staff knew him from when he was in school. I moved in with him that December, we got engaged that May and were married a year later in June. I didn't find that anyone talked about it at all and it worked for us. I feel like it is each person's personal decision to make for what works for them. I love being married, but I know not everyone feels that way.
     
  12. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    :)

    To everyone...I really appreciate the input, lovely thoughts, and honesty.
     
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  13. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Update...

    I asked my dad what he thought about my relationship. He’s 99 years young and alzheimers and all, he gave me a straight answer. Said if we’ve been together this long and he hasn’t ask to marry me, he probably won’t. :oops:
     
  14. ChildWhisperer

    ChildWhisperer Groupie

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    Apr 7, 2018

    My husband didn't ask me to marry him until we had been together for 9 years.
    We celebrated 10 years together a week before our wedding!
    There's still hope
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2018
  15. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Meh. I proposed. If it's what you want, the ball CAN BE in your court, but only if that is what you want.
     
  16. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Apr 8, 2018

    Why did your sister in law 'allow' her parents to have this control?
     
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  17. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 8, 2018

    We have $ issues. Now, I make more, but still expect him to do his fair share. He will sit on his $ and wait for me to spend mine. Gives me his share for rent, but weeks will go by before he buys groceries. I buy food, and he eats most of it. It can't keep up! But he will gladly eat everything in the house, even my little lunch treats. He buys drinks & junk food, and eats through it in hours. I get food for the week, and he eats that too. If I get ticked off, then he offers to buy dinner. If I ask, yeah...he'll cough up the dough. But why should I have to do this??
     
  18. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Because they are Mexican, and it's very cultural. It probably makes little sense outside of their culture, but that's just how it is in the Mexican culture.
     
  19. mathmagic

    mathmagic Enthusiast

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    Apr 8, 2018

    He has life experience, but doesn't know the relationship as well as you.

    It was about 7 or so years before my wife and I got married after meeting each other. I just simply have a hard time making big decisions :p

    Trust yourself, and just have a conversation with him about it if you're that worried!
     
  20. Always__Learning

    Always__Learning Comrade

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    Apr 8, 2018

    I think the first question is: is this a relationship ending issue for you? If you would stay with him if he never married you, I'd let him know you want to get married and then drop it. Hounding someone about marriage rarely works.

    If you are ready to leave if he doesn't ask, then you have a different conversation.

    I really didn't want to get married for a long time and my OH wanted to get married but it wasn't a deal breaker for them, so they left it alone. Eventually, we found a way to make it work that worked for both of us - my biggest issue was with the wedding day stuff not being married. I needed to be a bit older to feel comfortable disappointing my parents - they wanted a big wedding - I really didn't - we had a tiny wedding and they loved it in the end.
     
  21. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Apr 8, 2018

    I am comfortable, perhaps too comfortable. But I realize that a marriage means so much more. Why isn't he committed to me? What else does he want or need to prove that we should be together? I can't help but think about the line... "Why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?"

    Financially, I would gladly wait a few years, claim my ex's social security, and if my guy would propose, then we would be in a good place. I realize it's not about money, but in a way, it is. I don't want him to think I am going to spend the rest of my life taking care of him. Period. It should be a partnership. He needs to pull his weight. I think he knows that if we were married, he would be 'obligated' to do more, and just living together he can skirt around the issue.
     

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