Single, Married, Civil Union or Living Together? What works for you and why??

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Master Pre-K, Mar 31, 2018.

  1. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    But it still happens, which is unacceptable. I really don’t understand how courts can think marriage between two people amounts to sometimes thousands, millions, or billions of dollars. Let’s say the same two people are married for 10 years, are you really telling me that the male spouse generated millions of dollars in that time with his middle class income? It’s extremely unlikely, so he should not get millions in the divorce. Just like a retirement account, in a marriage, you should only get exactly what you put into it.
     
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  2. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Am I supposed to assume that words mean something different? If you can't use the words that are written to gain meaning, how are people supposed to know what the other person means?

    I do know many people that believe that everyone thinks the same way that they do. So, it isn't far fetched to believe that someone believes that everyone goes into a marriage thinking it will last.
     
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  3. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    I was making a joke. :)
     
  4. jadorelafrance

    jadorelafrance Cohort

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    Agreed! However, if someone was a stay at home parent for a significant number of years, that should count for something because that person was not able to provide financially but did contribute to the household.
     
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  5. mathmagic

    mathmagic Enthusiast

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    The sad thing about this thread is that it started out with (most) people sharing "to each their own" or something similar to that. Then, all of the sudden, statistics get thrown out as though they are the only thing that matters.

    If one has a trusting relationship that has been developed carefully (thus where the conditional probability is likely lots less than 52%), then perhaps that's why they chose to get married? Because they knew that they had a better chance of lasting than the "collective" percentage?

    To future - you're entitled to not want to get married because that 52% is "too much of a risk". That's fine, and I respect that of you. But understand and respect that others go into a marriage with a much smaller likelihood of divorce (and others go into a marriage with life situations that lead to a much greater likelihood).
     
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  6. jadorelafrance

    jadorelafrance Cohort

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    Ok sorry everyone wasnt the right term. Everyone I know or most people go into marriages thinking they will last, I’m sure unless they make plans beforehand for the just in case (aka a prenup). Most people (I don’t know anyone really who doesn’t have this mentality) I know have a fairytale view of things. I don’t.
     
  7. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    But is that because fewer people are marrying?
     
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  8. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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  9. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    States With Common Law Marriage
    • Colorado: Common law marriage contracted on or after Sept. 1, 2006, is valid if, at the time the marriage was entered into, both parties are 18 years or older, and the marriage is not prohibited by other law (Colo. Stat. §14-2-109.5)
    • Iowa: Common law marriage for purposes of the Support of Dependents Chapter (Iowa Code §252A.3) Otherwise it is not explicitly prohibited (Iowa Code §595.1A)
    • Kansas: Common law marriage will be recognized if the parties are 18 or older and for purposes of the Divorce and Maintenance Article, proof of common law marriage is allowed as evidence of marriage of the parties (Kan. Stat. §23-2502; Kan. Stat. §23-2714)
    • Montana: Not strictly prohibited, they are not invalidated by the Marriage Chapter (Mont. Stat. §40-1-403)
    • New Hampshire: Common Law Marriage: “Persons cohabitating and acknowledging each other as husband and wife, and generally reputed to be such, for 3 years shall thereafter be deemed to have been legally married, until one of them dies.” (N.H. Stat. §457:39)
    • South Carolina: allows for marriages without a valid license (S.C. Stat. §20-1-360)
    • Texas: Common Law Marriage in specific circumstances (Tex. Family Law §1.101; Tex. Family Law §2.401-2.402)
    • Utah: Utah Stat. §30-1-4.5
     
  10. jadorelafrance

    jadorelafrance Cohort

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    Yes and those in my generation are just starting to get married so divorce statistics aren’t really out yet.
     
  11. mathmagic

    mathmagic Enthusiast

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  12. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    I agree, so calculate what an in-home provider/care-taker customarily charges by the hour, calculate how much that person would make in a year, and then multiply that amount by the years married. Done. Still not millions of dollars.
     
  13. jadorelafrance

    jadorelafrance Cohort

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    Yes but since it’s a mother or father, they’re bringing something a little more emotionally and physically than a general caretaker, and are 24/7. And they have lost many years of advancement in the workplace and salary, so I think that means something too. I know it’s a choice, but I think that if someone is willing to give that up for the family and both parties agree to it, it should count for something more than just “paid help.”
     
  14. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Interesting that you equate a stay at home spouse's worth as a common servant.
     
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  15. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    How are their duties any different?
     
  16. jadorelafrance

    jadorelafrance Cohort

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    A caretaker can charge up to $25/hr. Stay at home parents work 24/7 for many years. That could actually be millions of dollars.
     
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  17. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    Not when they’re sleeping. :p
     
  18. jadorelafrance

    jadorelafrance Cohort

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    But yes if the child is sick or cries! Or there’s an emergency.
     
  19. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    What if the marriage is childless? What then?
     
  20. jadorelafrance

    jadorelafrance Cohort

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    I’m talking about in the case of a stay and home parent raising children. I have no idea with just a stay at home spouse. The idea baffles me honestly.
     
  21. ChildWhisperer

    ChildWhisperer Groupie

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    I read the first page and skimmed the rest.

    Married millennial here. But not to another teacher (he's an engineer).
    Trying to get prego before I get "too old" and it becomes harder (I'm 30 now).
    We've been together since the beginning of college (so over a decade).
    Because of this, we've learned to live with each other's careers.
    I paid off all my school & auto loans by the time I was 27. We are both debt-free. We always pay off our credit cards in full. I realize we're "lucky" because we've never struggled financially.

    I have no comments to add to the divorce or stay at home parent topics, other than I'd love to be a SAHM someday.
     
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  22. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    Fair enough.
     
  23. jadorelafrance

    jadorelafrance Cohort

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    Too old? Oh dear. This sounds like my parents pressuring me to get married and providing them with grandchildren before I get “too old” (I’m 30 now) and they get too old. People struggle to have children at all ages.
     
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  24. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    I don’t want children and don’t think I am parenting material. I would rather someone birthed a child who is invested, emotionally and financially, into providing for a child. I’m not and so I don’t think it would not be fair for a child to be brought up in that. And I get to work with children in my everyday job, so that’s good enough for me! I absolutely adore working with children, but I would never want to bring a child home with me. They need to stay at school and leave when I leave, lol.
     
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2018
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  25. ChildWhisperer

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    I meant because it gets harder the older you are. I also don't want to be near retirement and still putting children through college.
     
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  26. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Whoa! I had no idea what kind of firestorm I was creating!!

    I want to say I really enjoyed the millenial video! Kudos to that teacher who literally helped me understand my part time job! :confused:

    Now, statistics and dollars asside, I do believe in love and caring for each other. I do believe that good couples will find a way to make things work, that is with or without government/religious sanctions. I believe there’s a good love song out there for every situation...

    It does, however, disturb me when one partner decides he/she wants to blow every dime on useless garbage, mess up your credit, trash the house, or refuse to keep a job because - hey - you’re teaching and making good money, so get off my back. These people need a sign on their forehead that reads: “Take care of me! I am a spoiled brat and always get my way!” Additionally, special place down below for alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts and abusive people. They hate the world, never learned how to deal with pain, and need a victim (sorry -partner) to suffer along with them. They need their marriage license revoked. Get counseling, fix yourself, then go out there and meet someone.

    It’s these people, IMO who make the rest of us miserable and bitter and mistrust the institute of marriage.

    Dad always told me, “Keep your mad money. If that boy don’t treat you right and makes you mad, call a cab and come home.”

    Enough said.
     
  27. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    I'm comparing it to countries such as France where any religious blessing must happen AFTER a civil ceremony. There is complete separation of church and state in this matter. While I loved having my college roommate officiate my wedding (it was a Jewish ceremony but Christine is a Lutheran pastor who did remarkably well with the Hebrew), I would have been happy to have made my oath at the local courthouse and the signature by the clerk the end of the legal matter.
     
  28. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    My mother occasionally reminds me that I should have my own checking / savings account "just in case". I smile, nod, and refrain from reminding her that she didn't do this until she was in her late 60s. That being said, I'll probably start a savings account this upcoming week and tithe into it each pay period. It's a practical thing.
     
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  29. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    Good advice is good advice even if the person couldn't implement it or figure it out until later in their life.

    Judging the advice based on when something happened would be like judging an ex-smoker's advice to not smoke because they didn't stop until they were older.
     
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  30. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    I guess I don't see the need for the extra step. Civil paperwork must be filed for any marriage to be legal. You can have a million marriage ceremonies and still not be legally married if the state paperwork isn't completed.
     
  31. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    It scares me to think, “For better or worse” means I have to live with a serial killer. Shelters, domestic violence counselors and EAP programs did not exist years ago.

    You have to be careful as a teacher. Don’t want lunatic spouse stalking you on the playground. “Honey let’s talk. I promise I won’t do it again.”
     
  32. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    And the beauty is you don't have to get married in a religious ceremony that has that as the vows.
     
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  33. ChildWhisperer

    ChildWhisperer Groupie

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    We got married in a non religious ceremony and said our own vows :)
     
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  34. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    Anybody watch “Married At First Sight” on Lifetime? Realty show that matches 3 couples who don’t know each other! After 8 weeks, they decide if they will stay together or get a divorce. Me and my guy DVR this show and debate outcomes, guess who will make it to the end. We see ourselves in many scenes because we took a leap of faith and moved in together.
     
  35. whizkid

    whizkid Groupie

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    [​IMG]
     
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  36. whizkid

    whizkid Groupie

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    I know this. I love having my freedom. I can go and come as I please. When I leave work, the kids are going home to someone else and be someone else's responsibility. I can go to bed when I please and wake up when I please. If I want to cook, I do. If not, I don't have to. I can go out and eat if I want. I can go out on the weekend or sleep all weekend, it's up to me. I have no one to take care of but myself. Every decision I make affects me and no one else. My place is mine, my retirement, savings, vehicles, all of these things are mine because I've worked for them. I don't want to put any of it at risk for a piece of "paper", but to each it's own. I honestly don't see anything in a marriage for me.
     
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  37. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    I have been married almost 35 years. Our personal beliefs and morals led us to stay living separately until we got married. We wanted to be able to tell our children that we believed marriage comes first, before sex. We chose to instill that belief in our children. What they do with their own life as an adult is their choice, we will not criticize any decision they make.
     
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  38. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    Hahahahahahaha! Thanks!
     
  39. futuremathsprof

    futuremathsprof Phenom

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    :yeahthat:
     
  40. Master Pre-K

    Master Pre-K Virtuoso

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    I respect that swansong1, and all the married teachers here.

    Depending on your state (or state of mind)....,

    If you passed out today... the person in charge of your well-being would be:

    1. Spouse
    2. Adult child
    3. Parent
    4. Sibling

    Significant other, your girl/guy...sounds weird to have a 50 year old boyfriend. :rolleyes: They don’t have a valid case to make decisions for your behalf, without a written statement.

    That love interest can bring you in the hospital, but legally, medical staff doesn’t have to tell them anything.

    I was there Whizkid....some 30 years ago. Yes, that was a great time and felt good.

    But that was then. Now, I see people in their 50’s dropping left and right....and I’m pushing 60, I have to ask these hard questions.

    Do you love me and are you going to take care of me?

    I can do bad all by myself.
     

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