Since I have time to think

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Irishdave, Jul 27, 2010.

  1. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Jul 27, 2010

    It is summer and since I have time to think I have some questions.


    1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
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    2. At income tax time, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells ... 'THEIRS'?
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    3. OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
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    4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
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    5. There are three religious truths:
    a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
    b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith.
    c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or Hooters.
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    6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
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    7. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
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    8. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?
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    9. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist?
    * ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
    10. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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    11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
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    12. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
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    13. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
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    14. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
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    15. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me ... they're cramming for their final exam.
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    16. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
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    17. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?
    *~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*~ *~*
    18. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
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    19. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
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    21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
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    22. If a cow laughed, would she spew milk out of her nose?
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    23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
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    24. Why aren't there any Jewish country songs?
     
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  3. Mrs Ski

    Mrs Ski Companion

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    Jul 27, 2010

    Thanks for making me smile.
     
  4. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

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    Jul 27, 2010

    Thanks for sharing. Those made me laugh!
     
  5. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Jul 27, 2010

    I am offended. I DO drink Evian and I don't care what anyone says, it tastes WAY better than tap water or other bottled water!:lol:
     
  6. MelissainGA

    MelissainGA Groupie

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    Jul 27, 2010

    LOL thanks Irish Dave. That was cute. :)
     
  7. yarnwoman

    yarnwoman Cohort

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    Jul 27, 2010

    Thanks that was cute!
     
  8. Kat53

    Kat53 Devotee

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    Jul 27, 2010

    Number 5c made me laugh out loud!
     
  9. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Jul 27, 2010

    :lol: I love these Irishdave!!
     
  10. DaleJr88AmpFan

    DaleJr88AmpFan Cohort

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    Jul 27, 2010

    Awesome... I am going to have to pass these along! :)
     
  11. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Jul 28, 2010

    Thanks for bringing us a little sunshine.
     
  12. shouldbeasleep

    shouldbeasleep Enthusiast

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    Jul 28, 2010

    Made me smile!
     
  13. Mrs.Sheila

    Mrs.Sheila Cohort

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    Jul 28, 2010

    :) thanks Dave! And btw ..... I don't buy evian but i do love Fiji or Voss!
     
  14. mom2ohc

    mom2ohc Habitué

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    Jul 29, 2010

    my mom will love that!
     
  15. teacherSMK

    teacherSMK Habitué

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    Jul 30, 2010

    5c is hilarious as I am Baptist, and I love the idea of the # 11 being onety-one. LOL!
     
  16. teacher333

    teacher333 Devotee

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    Aug 4, 2010

    Your posts always make me laugh, Irish Dave! Thank you! :lol:
     
  17. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Aug 5, 2010

    Too cute!
     

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