SIDE QUESTION ABOUT WEDDING GFOWNS

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by McKennaL, Jun 26, 2009.

  1. McKennaL

    McKennaL Groupie

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    Jun 26, 2009

    Ok... I know this will come up in a year or two...just asking now.

    My mom was very thin when she got married- though I was not heavy there was no way I ccould fit in her gown (I was a 10, she was a 6). This was actually a blessing because I didn't LIKE her dress...but the head piece (A one of a kind crown, designed by her best man-a hollywood designer after WWII, with lots of fancy beading) I LOVED! I replaced the beading that had broken or discolored over the years and replaced the actual veil.

    It was BEAUTIFUL!!!

    My SIL... is a rather ... snotty/bossy woman. She sees something she wants-she TAKES it (when my parents moved from their house..things went missing. No one had the guts to ask...but we all THINK!).

    Well her daughter is getting close to marriage age..and my SIL has dropped BOMBS (not just hints) that the girl WILL wear my mother's head piece. (Wouldn't it have been nice to ASK me? I'm my mom's only daughter..and though this is one of my mom's grand-daughters...I don't know..maybe it's the SIL that pi$$es me off!)

    My daughter has ALSO mentioned she wants to wear the crown...but that will be a few years on as well.

    Ok...here we go.

    I preserved my dress and the crown together. I don't really mind breaking the seal for my daughter's wedding (unless something earth shattering happens-my daughter will not fit into my gown-plus her tastes are definitely different)... but breaking it 6-8 years early. Do you think it would be too much to say to the niece...if you use it, you need to have it professionally protected again upon it's immediate return (I'm not going searching for it when it comes my daughter's time.) I mean./.. it's not like she is getting this from her mom (who got it from hers)..but instead from an aunt/another woman to whom it was passed on by HER mother.

    Is that too petty? After all... I'm going to have to re-preserve my dress as well once the seal is broke.
     
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  3. TeacherSandra

    TeacherSandra Enthusiast

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    Jun 26, 2009

    McKennal. I'm different I guess...I wouldn't trust anyone else to handle it...I would get it professionally protected MYSELF. That way, when the time comes to reopen it for my own daughter...I will know that I did the very best to preserve it myself.
     
  4. carlea

    carlea Comrade

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    Jun 26, 2009

    How is your relationship with your niece? Has she actually asked you to wear it? Personally, if my relationship with my niece was a good one, and SHE asked me, I would let her borrow it. But make sure she knows that you want it back so you can re-preserve it with your dress again for your daughter.
     
  5. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Jun 26, 2009

    I would snatch the thing right off her head as soon as the last guest leaves the wedding and get it re-preserved myself :blush:
     
  6. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Jun 26, 2009

    Based on the SIL telling you, I would say to not let her borrow it, and give her the reason that you have had it protected along with your wedding dress and do not want to risk ruining anything.
     
  7. love2teach

    love2teach Enthusiast

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    I would wait for your niece to come to you about the head piece.

    Then, if you are comftorable with having her wear it, stress its importance and your plans for other family members to also wear it down the line.

    Tell her that is has been preserved all of these years and that you expect her to pay for it to be preserved again and done with ing XX ammt. of time after the wedding (you can take it there yourself, but ask her to foot the bill).

    Just remember, your mom is your nieces grandmother too, how nice would it be for her to have her "something old" be something from someone special and having it be something with real meaning.
    I am sure that your mom would want all of her duaghters/granddaughters to be able to share something of hers!
     
  8. tb71

    tb71 Cohort

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    Jun 26, 2009

    I agree--maybe not snatch ;) , nope I'd be snatching too! I would meet her when she is getting her hair done if they plan on putting it on at that time and as soon as she changes to leave or takes it off--it would be back in my hands. It would not leave my sight. I would also wait for your niece to ask you. I wouldn't trust your niece or SIL to return it in the proper condition and you're going to have to have everything represerved anyway, might as well be kept together.
     
  9. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Jun 26, 2009

    :lol: I love it!

    Yes, wait until the girl asks you herself. Not your rude SIL.
     
  10. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jun 26, 2009

    I don't know... it's her grandmother's headpiece. Your mom was mom to your brother too.

    I think I would gladly let her have a little piece of family history.
     
  11. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    I would only if niece came to you and asked. Tell SIL to jump in a lake. I have a snotty/bossy SIL too. I wouldn't do for her, and unless the niece was totally not like the mom and would appreciate it I wouldn't do it for her either.
     
  12. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Jun 26, 2009

    I guess I'm a snotty B myself. Because I would not want my brother's child to be wearing something passed down from my mom. It's a mother to daughter thing not a mother to daughter to niece. It would be different if you didn't have a daughter.
     
  13. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Sorry, guys, I don't get it.

    My son is every bit as much one of my kids as my 2 daughters. (and, no, this has nothing to do with his being adopted.) I would certainly expect that any kids he eventually has would have equal access to anything of mine as my daughters' kids.
     
  14. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jun 26, 2009

    Maybe the issue is your niece having the honor of using it before your daughter. I get that if it is the case...we're human. :)
     
  15. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    LOL Alice. I guess the way I see it is it is handed down to the oldest daughter, to daughter and so on. But that is what makes us different we just don't see things the same way.
     
  16. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    that is what I was thinking too. I would want my daughter to wear it right after me, not after my niece wore it.
     
  17. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Hmm... I can see both sides of the equation. I was given all of my mother's jewelry after she passed away. I wear my mother's engagement ring; her 10th aniv. diamond is in my jewelry box. That being said... should my brother ever propose to his GF, I wouldn't hesitate to offer that ring to him. But should they divorce in the future and have no children, I would expect it to be returned my family (and GF & I have been best friends since 6th grade, so that would never be an issue).

    On the other hand... if there is the slightest doubt that the veil will NOT be returned, I wouldn't lend it. Your mother gave it to YOU, not your brother. Also keep in mind - most women don't want to part with any part of the wedding attire. That's why all of our moms have saved them for us :lol: If your niece does wear it, will she expect to keep it and hand it down to her daughter?

    I'll be honest - I'm the only granddaughter on my dad's side. There were several things over the years my grandmother told me she wanted me to have. Nothing was written in a will. My aunt claimed my grandmother told her she was to have everything. I didn't argue with her about it - she was my grandmother's only daughter.

    I understand your point, Alice, but some of the more "girly things" are just sort of traditional in the mother-daughter relationship.
     
  18. McKennaL

    McKennaL Groupie

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    Jun 27, 2009

    Ok... I'll pop back in on this one.

    I have been thinking about this..and thinking about- what if my mom were still here? What would SHE do?

    I have pictured my mom as i think- and I can see her eyes welling with emotional tears to hear about her granddaughters getting married, and even wanting to wear her crown.

    (My niece is a sweetheart-a teacher-who knows...maybe she's here.)

    I think my mom would be thrilled for S to wear her crown-but would ALSO warn about not letting it get into the hands of the SIL. She would also be thrilled that my daughter would wear it- from mom to daughter to grand-daughter...and perhaps beyond.

    I WILL borrow it...but dang it! i WILL snatch it back if I must!!

    (And I am anticipating a snatch WILL be necessary!!!!!)
     
  19. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    It could always be her "something borrowed" with the promise of bad luck if it's not returned.
     
  20. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Don't do it. I still have the engagement from my ex. It was his great grandmother's. We have not been together for almost 10 years.
     
  21. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jun 27, 2009

     
  22. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    I told them I would give it back once they shipped all my stuff back to me. They never shipped my stuff.
     
  23. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    I do see your point, Jamie, and if it were any other girl but this one, I wouldn't. My friendship with her survived their 6 mo. break-up a few years ago, when all things on both sides were returned. It really does depend on the person and the situation.

    My MIL, for example, went through our house when we were packing up. She knew we were planning on having a garage sale, so she started helping herself to anything she liked. All of the good-quality knick-knacks that belonged to my mom. Big argument. Kept my stuff, but relationship is strained. I'm scared to even let her in my house. She's got her eye on a Waterford crystal vase I bought my mom for her 55th birthday. OP's SIL sounds a lot like my MIL.
     
  24. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    You now if either my ex's MIL children (which would be my ex or her other son) have children, I think I'll mail the ring to their mother. I just don't trust ex to pawn it.
     

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