Sick with worry

Discussion in 'General Education' started by DamienJasper, Jul 19, 2020.

  1. DamienJasper

    DamienJasper Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2008
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    28

    Jul 19, 2020

    I got, in the literal queasy stomach sense of the word, nauseous back in April when there were images on the news of body bags being loaded into freezer trucks because of mortuary overflow. It's a nightmarish image that's been hard to shake. Almost gives me survivor's guilt. Am I a bad person for trying to find something to smile about or enjoy while that's going on? My best solution was to try and bury myself in teaching, as static and online as it was. Of course now lots of states are seeing surges, including mine (Idaho). Is this coming to an ICU near all of us soon?

    That makes me feel craven for worrying about other things too.

    I flat out worry about our profession. So many, many reasons to worry it seems. Decimated state budgets? Cut the funding from education, naturally. Seen surveys showing many (millions?) of parents wanting to homeschool or move online completely in some way. Saw one today that said something like 40% were considering that. I've been working full work days most of the summer to try and create online curriculum. That is to say true, full bodied lessons. Anyone with an hour or so of practice can send out a Google Forms assignment. That's the easy part. Creating a sort of three act structure lesson (my pet term for it anyway) that includes learning, practice and interactivity has proven more challenging than any job I've ever done. The creative well of the mind and the available resources just strain and dry up after awhile. Am I just rearranging furniture on the Titanic?

    I told someone something back in November that seems strangely prophetic now. I said:
    "I feel like one of the truly blessed people in the world. Most people are so concerned with what they're getting up to do in the morning that they forget why they're getting up. For me, the what is the same as the why. It's like having all the riches of the world. I don't think I've been good enough in life to deserve all the riches of the world."
    Needless to say, the afternoon of March 16th, I guess you could say I lost the riches of the world.

    I wonder (and worry, and wonder, and worry...) if this is some phase of the end of my teaching career (just two years in). It seems like the triple terror of Covid-19 itself, states bleeding funds, and the apparent exodus to other types of schooling is going to knock a lot of us out for the count. After that, empty buildings and ashes of memories that never happened.

    I don't have the virus (I'm pretty sure). But in a lot of ways, I feel like I'm fighting for my life in this.
     
  2.  
  3. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

    Joined:
    May 19, 2007
    Messages:
    6,764
    Likes Received:
    1,723

    Jul 19, 2020

    Many people are in the wondering stage right now. Lives have changed and it will be a while before things return to normal.

    Based upon other posts you have written, it seems that you are an anxious person, as many teachers are. I think you may find professional help will teach you how to get a handle on your anxieties, which seem to be overwhelming you right now.
    Good luck.
     
    MrsC and bella84 like this.
  4. DamienJasper

    DamienJasper Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2008
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    28

    Jul 19, 2020

    I wish I could find a way to control my worrying and stressing. I've thought a lot recently about some of the words to Bruce Springsteen's "Philadelphia"

    I was unrecognizable to myself
    I saw my reflection in a window, I didn't know my own face...

    I walked the avenue, 'til my legs felt like stone
    I heard the voices of friends vanished and gone
    At night I could hear the blood in my veins
    Just as black and whispering as the rain...

    The night has fallen, I'm lyin' awake
    I can feel myself fading away

    Meaning? I'm hardly who I was a few months ago.
     
  5. bella84

    bella84 Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2012
    Messages:
    3,935
    Likes Received:
    1,923

    Jul 19, 2020

    What else do you like to do besides teach? Consider reading a good book, professional or for pleasure. Get outside and go for a hike, if you have someplace local to go, a place where you can socially distance. Binge a good show. Do some virtual happy hours with friends. Find something you like to do, and start doing it. Something unrelated to work and all the unknowns. It’s good for your mind and body, and it’s what most other teachers are doing this summer because we know that this rest and rejuvenation is what makes us prepared for taking on the coming school year and all of its challenges.
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2020
    MrsC likes this.
  6. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2010
    Messages:
    6,361
    Likes Received:
    2,237

    Jul 19, 2020

    With anxiety this is actually the worst solution. Immersing yourself in the pandemic continually when it exacerbates your anxiety is doing you no good.
    I agree with what bella said. Find alternative things to do. Keep yourself save and social distance, but immerse yourself in other things.

    You are wrapping yourself in a never ending loop of anxiety that you can't break out of. Also, seek some professional help for your anxiety. There is no shame in doing so.
     
    creativemonster likes this.
  7. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2010
    Messages:
    3,314
    Likes Received:
    795

    Jul 19, 2020

    Wow, you listen to the boss (Bruce Springsteen)? How cool is that! His music touches our pain, and then it lifts us up to a whole new level. Go to YouTube and really listen to Badlands, Promised Land, and No Surrender. He shows how you can look at the difficult reality, but have an optimistic mind that something can be done positive about it. This was also shown in the movie "Blinded by the Light".
     
  8. DamienJasper

    DamienJasper Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2008
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    28

    Jul 19, 2020

    Easy there. I just have a greatest hits album of his. I'm not in the market right now for new music.
     
  9. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2010
    Messages:
    3,314
    Likes Received:
    795

    Jul 19, 2020

    Greatest Hits is a great album. Badlands should be #3 on that album.
     
  10. whizkid

    whizkid Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2016
    Messages:
    1,504
    Likes Received:
    731

    Jul 19, 2020

    I don't think that will even be enough this year.
     
  11. bella84

    bella84 Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2012
    Messages:
    3,935
    Likes Received:
    1,923

    Jul 19, 2020

    Probably not, but every bit helps.
     
    readingrules12 likes this.

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. Irama Jonson
Total: 141 (members: 3, guests: 119, robots: 19)
test