Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by **Mrs.A**, May 26, 2010.
May 26, 2010
I decided I needed to delete this.
I think you could/should use it as an opportunity to teach your child, and yeah... I think you sort-a would be "that kind of parent."
Use it as a teachable moment... make it a lesson: in fairness (life not being fair, sometimes you do great work and don't get recognized), responsibility, excuses ("everyone has one").
I'm sure the teacher knows your kid is a good kid, etc. But if that was the rule (and it's a fair rule, as this one seems), then c'est la vie. (And maybe you can personally give her a smaller, appropriate reward/recognition of her efforts. I mean, don't give her an iPad or something.)
The teacher also probably did not want to do the three strikes on your child but since she knows you and she wants to show that she treats everyone the same even though you work with her and she may not really want to.
In my opinion I agree with John Lee. You would be "that parent"
Thanks for the input... I guess I'm thinking of my class and my student would have to have done something pretty extreme to lose an end of the year celebration, but it's not my class and not my rules.
I've had a talk with my daughter...We discussed the situation and as upset as she is, she's going to have to bite the bullet and take her punishment. They have several things going on and she would only miss out on the field day. I think she's more embarrassed than anything.
I agree with the others, but maybe you could just ask her if there is any way around that rule? If she says no, then drop it. But maybe just asking politely if there is a possible way she can make up the work will help.
I think differently than the other posters. The teacher has changed the rules that were in place for the majority of the school year, apparently. The children had learned to work with the old rules and now they get changed midstream. Some people don't take to change easily and it takes some time to learn new things. Your daughter may fall into that category. So, she is being penalized for not adapting well to change. I would choose to be "one of those parents" in this case.
I have to agree with Swansong here. I don't think its fair to punish the kids so harshly for not adapting to the new homework policy so quickly. She has been a good student all year and deserves at least a shot at asking. If you went in demanding or got the P involved, then I would say you were "one of those", but asking is acceptable IMHO.
We have done the same thing at my school out of necessity, so I wouldn't say anything.
May 27, 2010
The policy sounds fair to me. If the teacher had changed her policy spontaneously as a reactive attempt to keep kids focused as the year winds down it might be different. However, making changes at the start of a new quarter and adding some responsibility as they prepare to transition to a new grade level is normal. Since you are stating that your daughter did forget the assignments and didn't complete the project then it does seem perfectly fair to me.
If your daughter disagrees then you could encourage her to speak to the teacher and state her thoughts, but I wouldn't speak to the teacher about it.
The last 2 weeks have gotten me over my fear of being "one of those parents."
If I don't advocate for my kids, no one else will-- most certainly NOT Kira's current "teacher."
If you honestly think she needs an adult in her corner, then I say speak up.
I've worked at many schools where we were not allowed to include homework completion in the conduct grade, or give conduct marks for it, etc. I guess since that's what I'm used to, I just find this whole situation strange.
I've thought this over, and I have to agree with the posters that the punishment should stand. You said that earlier in the year, she received tallies for missed homework and that it was no big deal. First, that shows that she was forgetting it even before the new system was put in place. Second, she didn't seem to learn anything from those tallies, because she kept forgetting and even missed finishing a project. Maybe this will be the push she needs to be more organized and on top of things.
Before you know it, she'll be in middle school with homework and projects in most of her classes, and she will have to be on top of all that. If she forgets homework and projects, it will definitely have a big impact on her grades and progress.
I'm honestly on the fence with this one. I disagree with the teacher changing the homework policy during the last quarter of the year and making the penalties more severe at a time when the school year is winding down. I especially think it is wrong for a student to lose Field Day because they missed 3 homework assignments. That seems a little extreme to me.
On the other hand, I understand perfectly the post from JustMe about the change being made out of necessity. The middle school where I did my ST had instituted a new system of "checks" against the class when I went back to sub because the previous system simply wasn't working. Some students had gotten to the point where they didn't care if there name was written on the board and they received a point against their conduct grade. But, like this policy, the new system ended up being too harsh and unfair to the students because it punished the entire class for the actions of a few students.
I understand the teacher's reason for the new policy and agree that the system seems fair as written, but it should have been implemented much earlier in the year (perhaps after Christmas Break) so the students would have time to adjust to it.
I have no problem with being "one of those parents" either - especially now that I have more experience as a teacher. If I don't think it would be fair to my students, I certainly don't think it would be fair to my own children. And I've gone to their teachers more than once to question one of their policies or procedures and asked if there was another way to accomplish the same thing.
I don't think you'd be out of place asking for a more clear explnation for why your daughter was missing out on the end of the year activity. After talking to her, you could make your decision. If that policy was in place, though, then, unfortunately, I'd say it would be teaching your daughter the wrong thing for her to go. I know we walk a delicate line with teachers' kids. Some parents watch like a hawk to make sure they don't get special treatment.
THIS is how children learn responsibility. My k child missed something big this year because his teacher decided his behavior was not up to par. Tough. Our kids will encounter all kind of teachers and then bosses. When they learn to do what is expected of them they will be happier and earn their rewards.
But you still have the right to state her case but I would let her stand on her own two feet. Especially in fourth grade
To be honest, those are the rules now. Children need to learn to adapt. I agree it is hard and has a stiff penalty, but I am sure her teacher knows what she is doing. Maybe instead of YOU advocating for her, your daughter can asked the teacher if she can make up the assignments. That way, she is advocating for herself. If the teacher says no, then it's a no. I agree with JohnLee, learning opportunity....
I think the penalty is a bit stiff. HOWEVER, I think as parents, we often get too caught up in the fact that our child is being viewed as someone who did something wrong.....rather than understanding that all of these experiences are what helps to guide our children towards successful adulthood.
Your daughter is doing what she is supposed to do....testing the limits a bit, being careless when it comes to responsibility....all age appropriate behaviors. The issue occurs when we don't allow natural consequences to help our children to gauge their behavior. Then, problems escalate, compound, etc.
Don't bail her out. I agree with the previous poster, ask her to advocate for herself but don't go bail her out.
My daughter is in 3rd grade. She would have had a 100% on a spelling test this year (which must be done in all cursive), but she didn't dot the "i" on one word. Tough teacher. Next year's 4th grade teacher is said to be much more flexible and works on building the self esteem of children. Great, but I know my daughter will have learned a great deal from both of these individuals and their personalities that my child needed to adapt to.
It is a little extreme but if your daughter was aware of the rule and didn't follow through, she needs to accept the consequences.
But...I would talk to the teacher on behalf of your daughter. Find out if there is something else going on - hanging out with a new group, acting out in class, or who knows what? If this is a change in behavior for her, there may be more going on that you should know about.
Just remember, if the rules are changed for one student, they must be reviewed for everyone. That's a slippery slope for the teacher but really shouldn't be your concern.
Personally, I'd empower your daughter. Practice with her what she might say. It's much more empowering for her to see that she can initiate a mature discussion (not a whining-session) than if you fly in to save the day. Sometimes when parents get involved, students don't understand the negotiation and instead view it as, "my mom totally told that teacher what to do." That can become quite a problem.
I don't agree at all with this sentiment, and the sentiment from a lot of people saying they would interfere with this class. You sure as heck don't want someone else telling you/questioning your classroom methods (asking if there is another way to accomplish a certain end).
(Really not trying to pick on you Cerek, but) I don't understand why you would think that something that doesn't seem fair to you should be worth confronting the teacher if it's something like this... after all, everyone seems to have been informed uniformly and the penalty was expressly laid out. You may think it harsh; but just cause this teacher's child fell victim to it, is that a need to intrude? (i.e. If this little girl, who seems to have been on-the-ball all year, simply continued to be and had no issues with the new policy, would you as a parent still go and complain to the teacher and question her method here?)
I HATE when I have to punish a child who typically always has their homework and does not misbehave. But, if there is a rule for 1 person, it should be for everyone. Exceptions are not fair.
Plus, having a late project is a pretty big issue in my room. They lose recess and it gets dropped a letter grade for every day it is late.
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