Should I make my son repeat 6th grade at a new district?

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Thebear, Aug 6, 2014.

  1. Thebear

    Thebear New Member

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    Aug 6, 2014

    My is now 11 and his birthday is in late November and in California the cutoff was Dec. 2nd. I regret not holding him back to give him an extra year to grow and mature. Academically, he did fine, passed all state tests, but maturity wise, you can see a difference in him and his peers, and I'm worried that will create problems. I am an HS teacher, and I can tell which students are the younger ones without knowing. These students are behind socially and academically, and struggle throughout HS. We moved from California to Colorado last month and at the new school district I have the option of enrolling him in either 6th grade or 7th. When I mentioned this to him he BEGGED me to go to 7th grade and told me that if I put him in 6th that he will refuse to do all work. I did tell him that in HS he will be the 1st to get his driver's license, that all his friends will be getting their drivers license in 10th grade while he will be in 11th grade and still won't be able drive, and can drive girls on dates. That is not the reason I want to hold him back, but I told him that, and he still said NO. I feel it would be best to hold him back, but I don't want him to act moody and refuse to do work.
     
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  3. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    Aug 6, 2014

    The time to hold him back would have been five years ago. That ship has sailed, for better or for worse. Holding him back will do much more harm than good for him, both in the short and long-term.
     
  4. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Aficionado

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    Aug 6, 2014

    I have taught for 20+ years, and I am quite the nerd when it comes to research. I believed like you did at first, but the research shows that 6th graders that are held back don't do well. In fact, many of them go on to drop out of school. I have given this advice to parents, have had it ignored, and watched as these students go on to do worse at school. I don't wish that on you or on your son.

    As far as maturity, I don't think your son is alone. I think he will find boys in his grade who are also a bit immature. The range in maturity in 6th grade can be quite large for boys.
     
  5. LisaLisa

    LisaLisa Companion

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    Aug 6, 2014

    His age works against this working in his favor at this point in time. I've had kids held back and it doesn't matter after a certain point. The benefit is reinforcing the basics but you said he has academics down.

    His maturity or lack thereof is not unique. The harm done will be hard to undo.
     
  6. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    I would have to agree with this wholeheartedly.
     
  7. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    Exactly what I was going to say. There is so much research out there. I would not hold him back, especially if he is doing fine academically.
     
  8. comaba

    comaba Cohort

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    I disagree that younger students struggle more than older students as a general rule.

    I agree that, unless your son is okay with it, now is not the time to retain him.
     
  9. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    I would not have him repeat 6th grade. I don´t think that would be a good idea.
     
  10. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Aug 6, 2014

    If he is doing well academically, there is no need to hold him back at this age.

    Perhaps you could enroll him in some activities outside of school that could help him grow socially.
     
  11. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Don't do it to him. Both of you will regret it.
     
  12. janlee

    janlee Devotee

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    Aug 6, 2014

    Exactly what I would say. Get your son involved in activities outside of school where he can bring on leadership rolesand enhance his social interaction...boy scouts, sports, doing community service.
     
  13. GTcub

    GTcub Rookie

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    I don't think you should hold him back. In high school kids come in with varying maturity levels, even older kids are immature in HS. My birthday is Sept. 15, and I was the youngest and one of the more mature kids. My husband birthday is Nov. 21, and was the youngest, and did great too.
     
  14. MsMar

    MsMar Fanatic

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    Aug 6, 2014

    I agree with the advice to not hold him back. Many boys that age don't seem age appropriately mature. As a fifth grade teacher I have definitely come across my share of students who most definitely don't seem to act the same age as the test of the class. His immaturity now doesn't mean he won't seem to be at the same maturity as his peers a few years down the road. I know there are times my 12 year old daughter seems way more mature than my 14 year old son. Let him go to 7th and I like Caesar's suggestion of enrolling him in some out of school activities to help him grow socially.
     
  15. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Aug 6, 2014

    Any kind of decision like this needs to be mutual. He sounds adamant to the point of self-sabotage if you retain him against his will. However, I disagree that the ship has COMPLETELY sailed. My parents and I agreed, for multiple reasons, that it was in my best interest to repeat my sophomore year of high school in a new school. Many of my new classmates had known me for years and didn't make any noise about my choices, which made it a lot easier.

    If your son decides later that he needs that extra year, revisit the thought process. Heck, if he needs a year after high school to get himself together, that works too. However, this needs to be a choice that will make him happy.
     

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