Sexual Harassment by Principal

Discussion in 'General Education' started by SamanthaJ, Sep 20, 2015.

  1. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Sep 20, 2015

    So, I'm approaching the start of my 4th week of teaching at this Catholic School.

    The principal will not stop asking me out. Will not. He keeps on texting me and asking me either out for dinner or to get a glass of wine--just us two. He even asked me out for a drink last night (Saturday night!)

    I have turned down every single invitation, yet he persists. I have given zero indication of interest. It is to the point where I am now inventing a fake boyfriend to scare him away.

    Incidents include:
    • "Accidentally" texting me the day I accepted the job, but then playing it off as his friend having a very similar phone number...but then him saying "oh, now I feel guilty...do you want to meet up for dinner?"
      Texting me again with a similar scenario, and again, asking me for dinner.
      Straight up asking me for dinner with no kind of "accidental" shield.
      Texting me at 11:30 pm asking me if I was still awake. I didn't answer until the next day and said "no, I was asleep. he replied, Oh sorry, that was my cousin."
      He laid off for about 1 week, then last weekend and this weekend asked me out to get wine.

    I do have all the texts saved, and have showed my 2 best friends and my mom. They are all astounded and livid.

    He is a very loud, aggressive, sly man who is from the Bronx, and I know he will lie and do whatever he has to do to make it look like I'm crazy and that I'm trying to make it look like a "business meeting" is more than what it is.

    Confronting him will make this worse for me, and I know I will get the brunt of this.

    I don't know what to do anymore.

    PS - I also found out about some other major corruption int he school last year over which 4 teachers resigned and one other teacher ALMOST resigned.

    Suggestions?:help:
     
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  3. Pashtun

    Pashtun Fanatic

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    Sep 20, 2015

    I think you need to clearly say that you are not interested and do not want to be asked again.

    Then follow protocol on sexual harrasment.
     
  4. otterpop

    otterpop Phenom

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    Sep 20, 2015

    Do you have a human resources office?
     
  5. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Sep 20, 2015

    Save all the texts and be sure to follow up with a text when you tell him that you are not interested in his advances. If he continues, go to his superior. If he fires you, you will have plenty of documentation to sue for sexual harassment. I think the Catholic Church will not want another suit of that type in this day and age!
     
  6. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Sep 20, 2015

    There is an office of education within the Diocese and we are funded by the local public school district. So which office would I go to? I have everything saved.
     
  7. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Sep 20, 2015

    I think you are definitely right, but my only concern is I have played off every advance from him as "I was sleeping /busy when you texted" OR "some other time!" would they understand I said things like that out of fear since he's my BOSS in charge of my career?!
     
  8. Pashtun

    Pashtun Fanatic

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    There should be a protocol for sexual harassment, find it and follow it.
     
  9. Pashtun

    Pashtun Fanatic

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    Sep 20, 2015

    IN MY OPINION, you need to tell him very clearly, you are not interested and it is making you uncomfortable and want it to stop.

    This is my opinion.
     
  10. Linguist92021

    Linguist92021 Phenom

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    Sep 20, 2015

    You should find out who is above him, and who is above that person. I agree with telling him straight out that you are not interested, and that he needs to stop right away. Let him know you have all his texts saved, but you do not anticipate any issues from him.
    If it continues, go to his superior, and make sure you also have the conversation documented.

    This is crazy. Absolutely unacceptable.
     
  11. Pashtun

    Pashtun Fanatic

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  12. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Sep 20, 2015

    I agree. I know I need to say something. I mean, I thought that passively inventing a boyfriend would keep him away (which I was planning for him to find out about tomorrow...I am LITERALLY the only unmarried teacher in the school. the ONLY one).

    I am not good at confrontation, but I know I have to say something. I just KNOW he's going to try to play this off as me "taking it the wrong way" and that it was "to discuss teaching." Even though it's happening on Saturday nights. Alone. Involving dinner or alcohol.
     
  13. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Sep 20, 2015

    I know he will definitely be making another advance because since I turned him down yesterday, he said "ok some other time." and I replied "ok!" just to shut him up.

    Next time, I will flat out say no, and that I'd prefer the invitations stop.
     
  14. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Sep 20, 2015

    Sorry this is happening.

    If I were you, I would say "Thanks for the invitations, but I prefer not to meet you alone for dinner or any other outing alone with you outside of school/contract hours. If you want to discuss business, it can be during school hours in the (where ever is an area that you do not need to be completely alone with him, like the teachers' lounge, or the main office), otherwise, just email me."

    If he presses: "I prefer to keep my work and personal life separate, and I'm not interested in seeing you non-professionally."

    If he continues to press, file wherever you need to to report sexual harassment as you would have ruled out the possibility that he was inviting you for business reasons.

    Better yet, do this by text or email so you have written record.
     
  15. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Sep 21, 2015

    This honestly sounds like something where you would want to go to leadership in your school's diocese. You're in an untenable situation, and the bishop's office seems to be the closest to a superintendent that you can reach. Please keep us in the loop and continue to keep any documentation you might have.
     
  16. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Sep 21, 2015

    I would take the advice of the previous posters and also not answer any more texts.
     
  17. Koriemo

    Koriemo Comrade

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    Sep 21, 2015

    I don't think you should take any other steps until you've clearly told him you aren't interested.

    If he asks you out again, say something like, "Oh, did we need to discuss something about work? Should I schedule a meeting?" Or however it works.

    Don't passively invent a boyfriend. Don't respond to any more texts. If he's texting you, you can respond with something like, "You know, my school email is a better way to reach me."

    However, you haven't really set up appropriate boundaries yet, so this may not go over well.
     
  18. Backroads

    Backroads Aficionado

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    Sep 21, 2015

    More than an opinion in many cases. Most sexual harassment policies expect the individual to be clear about their feelings on such advances first and foremost.
     
  19. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Sep 21, 2015

    See, that is why I haven't said anything yet. Because I know you're right. I know that they will just see me repeatedly turning down every single one of his advances as me "potentially, honestly being busy," rather than true avoidance.

    I WILL have to say something now.

    I'm beyond aggravated and I want out of this situation now.
     
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2015
  20. Tyler B.

    Tyler B. Groupie

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    Sep 21, 2015

    Be sure to tell him in writing or record the converstaion.
     
  21. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Sep 21, 2015


    I actually had to meet with him privately this past Friday to discuss curriculum and I tape recorded the whole conversation since we were in a closed office. That's how much I don't trust him.

    But thank you, I will continue to do so.
     
  22. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Sep 21, 2015

    I don't know the law in PA, but recording without the other party doesn't hold up in litigation on some states. Not that you are headed toward litigation but the best step might be to simply say his invitations are making you uncomfortable and that you are not interested. Period. If he continues, take it to the diocese office and then let the local school district know you informed the diocese.
     
  23. readingrules12

    readingrules12 Aficionado

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    Sep 21, 2015

    This is sexual harrassment and it must stop. I am so sorry you are going through this. Yuck!

    Personally, I would suggest texting or e-mailing that you are not interested. I'd do that within the next 24 hours (personally if it was me, within the next 24 minutes). Be polite, but very clear that you are not interested. I would also go to the Diocese's Department of Education: Human Resources.

    If he goes ahead and bothers you ever after this, I would press charges for sexual harassment. Since you have in writing asking him to stop, your case would be extremely strong.
     
  24. MrTeach11

    MrTeach11 Rookie

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    Sep 21, 2015

    PA has a two-way recording law. So it is could be a crime for you to record any private conversation without his knowledge.

    http://www.dmlp.org/legal-guide/pennsylvania/pennsylvania-recording-law
     
  25. missrebecca

    missrebecca Comrade

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    Sep 21, 2015

    Yikes. I agree with what others have said about reporting him and continuing to document the behavior. Are you planning to continue working at the school, beyond this school year? Honestly, if I were that creeped out by someone above me (to the point that you're tape recording him), I'd probably find a new workplace at the end of the school year and cut off contact.
     
  26. blazer

    blazer Connoisseur

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    Sep 22, 2015

    Why is it her job to set up 'appropriate boundaries'? The Principle is stepping over what should be regarded as normal behaviour from a manager to a subordinate.

    Is he married?

    You will probably find that this guy has form for this sort of behaviour. Go and see his boss, if you get no joy then go to the next Boss up the chain right up to the Pope if necessary.

    Are you in a union? Get them on the case.
     
  27. Koriemo

    Koriemo Comrade

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    Sep 22, 2015

    As previous posters have said, most sexual harassment policies indicate that victims are clear about their discomfort with the advances. That's all that I meant.

    I agree that he is clearly overstepping his boundaries and she should never have been put in this position in the first place, but in order for her to have a solid case against him, having documentations of her clearly indicating she desires him to stop his behavior is important, especially since her principal may try to blame it all on her behavior.
     
  28. blazer

    blazer Connoisseur

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    Sep 24, 2015

    Any news?
     
  29. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Sep 30, 2015

    Hello,

    Yes, actually he asked me out for a drink by myself yet again last Friday night. I replied and said that if he had any school business to discuss, I will make an appointment with him. I told him I only want to meet with him on school grounds. I also was diplomatic and said that if he wants to discuss the crazy beginning of the school year then he should arrange a happy hour for all middle school teachers to attend, rather than him and me alone.

    He hasn't said anything since, but he only ever texts me with invitations on weekends, so this weekend will be the true test.

    But now, my firm "no" is on record.

    And yes, he is married with two sons!
     
  30. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Sep 30, 2015

    PLEASE consider printing out these texts and getting them to your school's diocese.
     
  31. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Oct 2, 2015

    Do you think I should do it right now or see if he approaches me again, even though I said "no" to him last Friday and THEN give them to the diocese?
     
  32. DigitalDiva25

    DigitalDiva25 Companion

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    Oct 2, 2015

    I think he still thinks he has a chance because you told him "some other time". You need to be straight up with him.
     
  33. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Oct 2, 2015

    No, as of last Friday, I told him that I am happy to make an appointment with him regarding any teaching conversations during school hours. He then pushed again, asking me if I wanted to meet for a drink later that night. I said, "I prefer we only have meetings in the school during school hours."

    I then tried to be diplomatic to stay on his good side and suggested that maybe he should arrange a happy hour for ALL teachers if he'd like to get drinks.

    So I dd indeed give him a firm, but polite no.
     
  34. DigitalDiva25

    DigitalDiva25 Companion

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    Oct 2, 2015

    is he even cute at least? ........





    lol. j/k
    But yeah, seriously, I'm sorry you have to go through this type of situation, must be really uncomfortable for you to be going to work everyday. What he is doing is very unprofessional!
     
  35. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    LOL! No, he is disgusting, a good deal older, and married with two kids!
     
  36. Peregrin5

    Peregrin5 Maven

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    Oct 2, 2015

    Did he push last Friday, or since then? If it was just an immediate reaction, and he hasn't bothered you since, I would play it by ear, and probably hold off on reporting. The very next time he tries though, report him. Did you get your firm polite 'no' on a text or email or was it verbal? Try to get it written if possible.
     
  37. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    You gave him an in with a "happy hour". How many "happy hours" with cheaters end up with a "ride home" afterwards in the mind of a cheater?

    You should stop trying to diplomatic about this issue. That always gives him the idea that there is a chance to spend social time with him. You basically invited him to create a group social environment to spend time with you in a social way.

    Yes, print out all written correspondence with him. Be blunt and direct if he asks again since you did not really completely tell him no but encouraged a "social outing".
     
  38. DigitalDiva25

    DigitalDiva25 Companion

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    Oct 2, 2015

    Just tell him straight up that he's not your type. If he fires you for rejecting him, well you can sue I think since you have all the documents/texts.
     
  39. Pashtun

    Pashtun Fanatic

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    Oct 2, 2015

    I agree. You have to tell him no like you told your little brother when he was bothering you in 3rd grade....that you mean it, nothing left to interpretation.
     
  40. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Oct 2, 2015

    No, he hasn't asked since last Friday, but he usually only asks on weekends. So I could be getting a text at any time over the next few days. If he does, I will report it since I told him that I prefer to only meet on school grounds during school hours "to discuss teaching topics."
     
  41. SamanthaJ

    SamanthaJ Rookie

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    Oct 2, 2015

    Ok, if he comes back to me again, I will say "no" in the bluntest of ways, as long as turn over the documentation to the diocese (it was all texts, and I have screenshots of absolutely everything).
     

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