Sentences you would never have said...

Discussion in 'General Education' started by amakaye, Sep 20, 2013.

  1. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    ...if you weren't a teacher!

    Mine today: "You basically just let 1,000 people you don't know lick your face."

    Context: Student was rubbing a dollar bill over his mouth. :eek:
     
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  3. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    :lol:
     
  4. ATwainedTeacher

    ATwainedTeacher Rookie

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    "The baby was born without feet? Wow, I haven't heard that particular inference before."

    Context:
    Going over six-line stories starting with Hemingway's "For sale. Baby shoes. Never worn."
     
  5. minnie

    minnie Habitué

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    "Come here so I can get that giraffe out of your hair."

    Kindergartner was playing with zoo animals and got a giraffe stuck in her hair. Only in kindergarten...
     
  6. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    That is absolutely hilarious!
     
  7. willow129

    willow129 Comrade

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    :lol::lol:
     
  8. ecteach

    ecteach Devotee

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    You never know when you might step on a needle. (To a student who was walking around in the halls with no shoes.) *She immediately put her shoes on.*
     
  9. ecteach

    ecteach Devotee

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    This just made me laugh really hard.
     
  10. eternalsaudade

    eternalsaudade Companion

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    "Please don't lick your friends."
    "Thank you for the dirt!"
    "Oh no, are you stuck in the toy bin?" (He was.)
    "Babies are not for throwing."
    "Why are your pants off?"
    "We don't stick our hands in our friends' diapers."

    Context: Two-year-olds.
     
  11. HorseLover

    HorseLover Comrade

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    "Everyone needs to come out of the closet"
     
  12. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    "Alright girls, you can keep the moustaches on while waiting for your bus to be called, but you have to take them off before you leave. The paper earrings, too."
     
  13. Pisces_Fish

    Pisces_Fish Fanatic

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    Why did you put your head in your desk, anyway? (He got stuck)
     
  14. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    "please pull that pencil out of your nose....(pause) Thank you. That's probably the only time in my entire life I'll ever get to say that sentence." -subbing years ago for a sixth grade (honors!) class. The kid was very bright and a major smart aleck.
     
  15. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Gentlemen, hold your balls.


    On way to lunch as third graders were bouncing and losing control of playground equipment.
     
  16. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    This thread is a coffee table waiting to be created.
     
  17. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    oops - I mean coffee table BOOK!
     
  18. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    LOL these are hilarious!!! I teach little guys, so I'm sure I've said some ridiculous things...I just can't think of any right now!
     
  19. Zelda~*

    Zelda~* Devotee

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    While walking in the hallway--- "Why do I hear voices?"

    "Please don't chew your shirt. We have better things to eat."
     
  20. ktdclark

    ktdclark Comrade

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    "I see you eating your pencil. Are you that hungry?"

    "Boys, please take your hands out of your pants and control your balls."

    "Did you really mean to write the word "penis" or did you mean "Pennies"?"

    That last one was to my son in second grade:)
     
  21. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    "Please do not play with your balls until I tell you to."
    - Recreating a scene from A Wrinkle in Time.

    "Honey, an Oedipus Complex isn't a building."
    - conferencing with a student on her research paper.

    "Ladies, I have told you: the girls bathroom is not the school version of a hair salon."
    - multiple times, upon finding pieces of weave in the bathroom sink.

    And then alternately on the girls' hair: "Two girls don't need to be in the bathroom at the same time." (We have a single stall bathroom.)
     
  22. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I love this thread!
     
  23. monsieurteacher

    monsieurteacher Aficionado

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    One I use all the time (the kids don't get it, but it always amuses the EA if she's around)

    The only voices I should be hearing are the voices in my head!
     
  24. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    "Grade 1s, make sure you all have s & m".

    ( We were doing McCracken spelling with letters Ss and Mm. A parent walked in at that moment, too!)
     
  25. TeachTN

    TeachTN Comrade

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    A teacher recently sent out an email mentioning a few funny things her students said. One of mine this week said:

    Buffalo wings don't come from buffaloes???

    We were discussing the U.S. region and talking about pioneers moving west. I felt like I had to tell her that Chicken of the Sea was not chicken either (of course none knew that Jessica Simpson reference).
     
  26. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    No, not Lewis Clark. Lewis AND Clark.
     
  27. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Did everybody remember to put on their deodorant today?

    Context: 7th grade class that came in right after PE.
     
  28. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    LOL... reminds me of when I worked with 5th and 6th graders. By 7th grade, I think most of the kids have gotten the idea of deodorant. By 6th grade, the girls have, the boys haven't. But 5th grade... not so much. When I taught "Family Life Education" to the boys, I actually came right out and told all of them that boys usually started wearing deodorant a year later than they really needed to!
     
  29. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    "Gentlemen, this is not Dancing with the Stars!"

    When 2 boys start horsing around in the hallway.

    "When I am Queen of the Universe...."
    When I come across something in the material I would have done differently.... like using the word "tangent" for two completely different things in math.
     
  30. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    :lol:
     
  31. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Yes, they're normally pretty good about putting it on in the morning by 7th grade, but they haven't gotten the concept of re-applying it after a workout just yet.
     
  32. iteachbx

    iteachbx Enthusiast

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    "No, Spongebob doesn't have enough fingers either, he has less fingers than you."

    "You're not bleeding, you ate a piece of red paper."
     
  33. a2z

    a2z Virtuoso

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    :rofl:
     
  34. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    I've done the ball one before. I have a co-worker who regularly says "close your mouth and eat!" Last year I was very boy heavy. I sent the girls to the room and then told the boys, " we don't play where we pee and poop."
    I keep deodorant in the room and regularly say, "no smelly pits!" :)
     
  35. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    :lol:
     
  36. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    "No, you may not braid my hair"
     
  37. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    "Are you really taking your snack into the washroom?"
     
  38. Loveslabs

    Loveslabs Companion

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    I teach second grade. Recently I had to ask a second grader these questions.
    Did you wipe?
    Did you do a good job wiping?
    Do you know how to blow your nose?

    I have also said.....
    We don't suck on magic markers. (Yes, their teeth were black!)
    We don't let stuff from our nose drip on our desk.
    No, you may not bring your tarantula in for show and tell.
     
  39. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    I have to say that to my girls all the time. None of them have ever had a male teacher before, and a male teacher with long hair just makes it worse.
     
  40. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    "There should not be four feet in the bathroom stall."

    "Take my stapler out of your pants."

    "Both hands on the desktops, gentlemen." (Middle school boys touch themselves WAYYYY too much.)

    "She called you a gardening tool?" (Girl 1 told me that Girl 2 called her a h-o-e.)

    "Quit smelling each others' shoes."

    "Get your finger out of your nose."

    "Don't chew gum you find under the desk." (I teach SEVENTH grade, mind you.)

    "Go wipe the snot off your arm, and don't touch the door handle."

    "Just pick it up. It's still in the wrapper. It can't hurt you." (We get rogue tampons and pads in the floor sometimes. Nobody claims them.)
     
  41. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    Thank you--I needed the laughs that this provided this afternoon! And I agree--this would make a great coffee table book. :)
     

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