What do you guys think of this? Someone was telling me that they went to a party that a couple she knew was throwing and SURPRISE - halfway through the party they disappeared and came back in wedding attire - it was their wedding! I told my boyfriend and we both think it's a really fun idea. We both want to do something for a wedding (ok, well I do, anyway) but we want it to be fun, laid back, and void of all the excessive planning and drama. I am thinking we could say we are engaged and send out invites for our engagement party, and then halfway through - surprise! I think I would tell my parents before, but not right away. I might pull the people I would pick to be bridesmaids aside with me when I went to get ready and tell them and hand them some flowers or something. I don't know. What would you think if you were a guest at something like that?
I would be afraid that not all the guests would think were dressed appropriately for a wedding. For the invite for the party I'd make sure to specify what the dress is for the 'party'. I think it's a great idea though!
It could be fun, but would you have any people who would like to attend the wedding that wouldn't want to attend another party? I know that I had family who wouldn't consider coming to an engagement shower or other type of party, but would attend a wedding. They would be upset if they missed the wedding honking it was only another type of get together.
Brad Paisely did this. Everyone thought they were going to the rehearsal and it was the actual wedding
I think it is a fantastic idea. I am so not one for fussiness, and I don't like getting a bunch of attention (hence the reason we went to Vegas). This would be perfect for me-no chance for anyone to get out of control with gifts or general fussin'.
*sighs* I thought you meant a secret wedding, not a surprise wedding. I wonder what's the percentage of secretly married couples (i.e., couples who have not told many others they were married, such as parents/siblings/friends)?
My cousin had a "surprise" wedding for his wife! They had gotten married at the JoP originally, and for the 10th anniversary, he planned the surprise. Everyone knew except the bride. It was awesome. Of course, she found out about 2 hours before so that her daughters and friends could get her dressed. We all had a blast. I think it would be a lot of fun to surprise your guests! Like KC says, it also gives you a chance to totally do your thing without letting anyone else bicker and fuss about it.
I think it's a super fun idea. My biggest concern would be that people might decline an invitation to "just" a party, even if they might make a special effort to attend a wedding. Like, I wouldn't take time off from work to go to my sister's party, but I would absolutely take time off to go to her wedding. You'll need to decide if you'd be okay with having a wedding without certain people there. I think you might also consider their feelings too. I'd be devastated if I missed my sister's wedding because I thought it was just a party and didn't take time off. If it's important that certain people are there, you might need to communicate with them the true nature of the event so that they can come.
This is one thing I have been thinking of. We started thinking of it as "just a party" but then I thought that maybe if it is an engagement party, more people would come. And then I was thinking maybe we could start the rumor that we might be having a destination wedding, so this might be the only chance to celebrate. But if it was someone who really needed to be there, I might let them in on the secret if that is what it took to get them to come. I should have said surprise instead of secret. I posted awhile back that we went to my friend's wedding and after the ceremony, they rolled down some screens and showed her getting married in Vegas almost 2 years before, and they hadn't told anyone! But when I saw the pictures of them getting ready together and the video, I thought it was incredible. That wedding wasn't about anything or anyone but them. I think that is one thing that sort of inspired me to go this route - too many people would be hurt if I just got married and didn't tell anyone. But this way we could do the planning without any hassle and make it truly ours and something special.
Silver, I think you should go through with it! Please, let us know what you decide! Maybe if you pose it as an engagement party, and let those that you WANT there know that they will be introduced as part of the wedding party...
Ooh, that's a good idea - You have to come because I have gifts for my wedding party or something. Hmmm. We are going to keep discussing it. lol.
As soon as I read this I thought of Parks and Recreation where April and Andy had a party that ended up being a surprise wedding...I think that it would be a lot of fun and a good way to have a wedding with your family and friends while avoiding some of the stress.
I know people who have done this. Yes, some people miss out - you have to be willing o accept that. However, it is a ton of fun, very relaxed, and great memories are made. You have to get a photographer in the mix though to catch all the "surprise" faces!
Overall, I like the idea, however, I do have one concern. On the opposite end of the spectrum from people missing out because they won't go to a party, but would attend a wedding, there are some of us out there that won't go to weddings. Now, if any of my friends planned something like this, I would hope they'd know me well enough to know just how adverse I am to weddings, and would find a way to tell me I might want to skip this particular party. It's not that wouldn't be happy for my friends, but I'm really not a good wedding guest.
On one hand, it's your day so you can do whatever makes you happy. On the other hand, you have all of the points mentioned above.
A big part of the fun of a wedding is the anticipation and planning. (I'm thinking my mom and Peter's mom here. My mom would have been crushed.) If it's what you want, go for it. But it would not have been a good idea in my family.
I have never for one second regretted not having a wedding. Great decision. I think you would enjoy a surprise wedding. Thinking about my siblings who are married, my sister went away to be married so I wasn't present for that, and I don't hold any dear memories from my brother's wedding....so I really can't imagine being crushed because I missed someone's special day. Stress to your parents the importance of the party and what happens happens.
Well if we are engaged, we can still do some of the stuff of the wedding planning - but I have more control if we don't have a day in sight. Like, I could still call my mom and ask her to go dress shopping with me.
I think it would be fun, but do have your mom/parents somewhat involved where you can so they don't miss out their part of the big plans
I still think it's kinda weird, but having planned a wedding myself, I can completely understand why people do it. I wonder...do people get gifts later?
I know what you're saying, but this is the worst part of the idea of a wedding for me. The thought of the process of planning seriously makes me shiver. I am not a shy person at all, but to have to walk down an aisle with all those eyes on me...shudder. I didn't want a dress (although I allowed myself to be talked into one), and the number one reason I scrapped my wedding and booked tickets to Vegas was my MIL buying $700 in fake purple flowers without telling me. I had 10 people at my wedding, including the minister and videographer, and that was 9 too many (somebody has to do the marrying part).
A family member got his girlfriend pregnant, she threw a party, and came out in her wedding dress. A "you are going to marry me right here right now" kind of thing. It didn't last...
Weddings can be stressful and expensive. The focus can very quickly turn to flowers, seating arrangements, and gift registries instead of love, devotion and commitment. Plus, many people consider themselves to be a little less than traditional. Just because it's tradition to wear a big (and expensive) white dress and eat super sweet cake, that doesn't mean that those things are right for the couple. Nowadays it's a little more accepted and acceptable, at least among people in my generation, to make their weddings less about tradition and more about each other. I had a lovely and relatively small wedding. I loved every second of it. Even so, if I had known then what I know now, I'd have easily gone for a Vegas quickie. I'd have certainly invited my parents, siblings, and best friend, but I would have left out all the other people. I know they love me and would have been happy for me no matter how my wedding was. It just would have been a lot easier, less stressful, less expensive, and a little easier for us to focus on each other than all the other extraneous stuff.
I get the small wedding part of it. We had our wedding on a Friday night and invited our family and very close friends. I didn't buy a traditional wedding dress. Mine was long, off white, with tiny flowers through it, and bell sleeves. We each had a small corsage and wedding party of 2. My mother made the food and we had a heart shaped cake made by a friend. My wedding ring was made by a friend of ours, not a diamond, but a coral. It cost 25.00 and has lasted 37 years. I did my own hair, long ringlets down my back. We went home after the wedding. Our entire wedding probably cost 300.00.
Anyone remember that show Mad About You? When they recalled their wedding, they showed all the stress and pressure they were under, then revealed they actually got married the night before on a NYC street by a city worker, in their pajamas. It was all about love and the two of them and was just beautiful. If I could do it all over, I'd do just that. Well, not in NYC, but you get the idea. Everyone's idea of the perfect wedding is so different.
I would have been terribly uncomfortable recieving shower and wedding gifts—serioulsy one reason we knew we didn't want a wedding. We just had our parents tell those who asked that we didn't want presents. Of course, it was phrased better than that so as not to be insulting. But the answer is that a few people still insisted. One grandparent, two aunts, a great aunt, a couple cousins, and a church lady gave us gifts. I do not like when people elope or simply have a private wedding and then return to have a reception.
When I married my XH, we had the big traditional wedding with all of the parties and showers and gifts, etc, etc, etc. It was fine, a good day, I enjoyed it and had a lot of fun. I'm assuming that some day SO and I will get married (we've lived together for years and have talked about buying a house). I DO NOT want another wedding like I had before. A destination wedding would be fine, or a backyard barbecue, but, honestly, I'd be just as happy to go to the courthouse. What's important to me now is the relationship, the marriage. The wedding is just a ceremony. With that said, I think it's a great idea.
I totally get that too, but that is totally what we did :lol:. Our reason: $700 in fake purple flowers. My MIL got free reign to do whatever she wanted for the reception, and we got the wedding we wanted.
DW and I got married in NYC, at city hall, on our lunch break. That was as much a wedding as we had. There was one witness, and we didn't know him until 5 minutes before -- we pulled him from another marriage. Then we went back to work, and met later to go out to a nice dinner.
I got married at 9AM on a Monday at the Justice of the Peace. It was just the officiant, my hubby, and me. It was totally about us and our relationship and not at all about a big display of money, fashion, etc. that some weddings turn into. We had fun calling family and close friends to tell them the news on the way to file the paperwork at the courthouse, and went for a nice lunch before changing our Facebook status and then fielding a whole new batch of calls from acquaintances. I never regret doing it that way. Maybe for an anniversary party we'll do a renewal and invite people, but I just don't see the point of putting on a show (and I'm a drama sponsor.)
If I was a guest at a surprise wedding, it would feel great that I was one of the people they chose to share this event w/. If that's what a couple wants to do, it's none of my business, I'll be happy for them. It sure wouldn't matter that I wasn't dressed up enough. If the couple chooses to spring that kind of surprise on people, they obviously want their guests to be as laid back as they are & just go w/ the flow. MissCeliaB, good for you. At this point in my life, I could care less about a huge wedding. As long as I get married is fine w/ me. It doesn't have to be the blowout of the decade. As far as MYSELF doing the surprising, I'd never do it.
For me, an important part of my wedding was the Church service in the church in which I had been baptized, received First Communion and Confession and Confirmation. It wasn't just a party, it was a sacrament. We had a mass, and the Chaplain of Peter's school (who had been Assistant Principal of mine) was the officiant. We sat down together and decided on the readings and the hymns. It was a big deal to me and to my family. I wanted all my friends and family there to share in my joy. My sisters and my sister in law were my bridesmaids. My dad walked me down the aisle. Mom helped me plan. Peter and I worked and saved for a year and a half to make it possible. We paid for our wedding and our honeymoon. Twenty three years later, it's a day I remember with great fondness. I look at our wedding video and see so many people who are no longer with us as they wished us luck: my dad, Pete's dad, my uncles, some neighbors... I see mom with a tear in her eye as a friend of ours sang Ave Maria during Mass. My way isn't everyone's. But I wouldn't have changed a thing about my wedding.
The person who told me about this said part of the reason they did it this way is that they didn't want a bunch of gifts, but that she still sent a gift later and she imagines a lot of other people did, too. But I would imagine if we posed it as an engagement party, people would probably bring them anyway. I don't care either way - we have everything we need, but I would graciously accept some new stuff, too.
We did the city hall, Justice of the Peace ... it took all of 5 minutes (if that) and cost $50. First marriage for both of us. IT WAS WONDERFUL! We then hopped in the car and drove for 19 hours, straight north, to the Wabakimi Wilderness in Canada. Once there, hopped on a water plane and were whisked away to the only cabin on Lake McKinley. AmAzIng! (even with no plumbing or electricity!) About a month later, we hosted a catered dinner for 50 to celebrate our marriage ... had a piano player, an open bar ... it was exactly what we wanted.
