Scared to give teaching a second try? Help!

Discussion in 'Elementary Education' started by Mommy1982, Jul 2, 2013.

  1. Mommy1982

    Mommy1982 Rookie

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    Jul 2, 2013

    I posted on this board back in September about my experience at a Catholic school that I got a year leave replacement position in. To sum it up, I only worked there 2 weeks before resigning. My family member who was taking care of my 16 month old at the time had a heart attack, we had no other child care, so I had to resign. The principal was understanding, but while I was very upset about my family member's condition, it ended up being an out for me from the school. I had already planned to give in my resignation letter end of the month, possibly sticking it out until mid October.

    In those 2 weeks, I realized I was at a VERY toxic school, it was no school for a first year teacher, I was treated disrespectfully from the pastor, that's right a priest, down to other teachers and school admin, and I had no support. It was a gossip mill with the 3rd grade teacher who was supposed to help me, I suspect, reporting back to the principal and other teachers about me. The school had me teaching without a background check:eek:hmy:, that was until I mention it to them and had a supposed "contract" for me to sign, but never gave it to me. Thank god I did not sign anything. I had a very tough class, I was having a really hard time with classroom management (and no one offered any help either even when I asked) and I just had this gut feeling that I would not make it through the year.

    I posted what was going on at the school, and how I was treated here and on another website, and with the exception of maybe 2 people, everyone told me to quit bc of the env't I was in. I had a very unsupportive family at home and my husband was no support, telling me I was weak, we needed the money and making every excuse for me to stay when he would see me in tears almost every night.

    I spent the entire summer before I started teaching literally a ball of nerves. I was very nervous about leaving my child with my mother for the first time since she was born, who I did not trust to take care of her, worrying that I would do a bad job teaching (I'm a perfectionist) and I really wanted and tried to put my all into this job. I spent $500 on supplies, only to not get a single one of my belongings back after I resigned. The principal made me come up during school hours to give back my keys, etc, and a sub was in there who replaced me, so I never got back into my old room. Not to mention the money I wasted on gas, tolls and a 45 minute commute each day back and forth to the school. I spent almost the whole month of August writing detailed lesson plans, all which ended up not even being used. I found myself completely drained being my students, even though I had student taught 2nd grade and "thought" that was the grade I wanted to teach.

    I left after those 2 weeks feeling like a total failure, incompetent, like maybe teaching wasn't for me and maybe like I would never be a good teacher. I had a great student teaching experience, got a letter of recommendation, and when I had my own class, it was like everything I had thought I would do or learned went out the window. I subbed a handful of times at a Catholic school before this job and loved it. I went in with so much confidence, yet I had none at this job.

    I was cleaning my closet yesterday and found my old classes' spelling tests which I never got to give back and I almost cried. It just reminded me of what an awful experience I had at the school. But I will admit, after I resigned, I felt like the weight of the world was off my shoulders, I was back home with my daughter and HAPPY again.

    I am having another baby this October, so I did not apply for any teaching jobs for this school year. I have been certified for 2 years already without getting a full time job yet, and once 5 years come, if I don't have any full time experience, I will have to get my license extended on an emergency basis. I feel like I'm only getting older, I'm 31, and I really hate the thought of being a first year teacher in my mid-30s, which it seems like I will be. I know I'm not old "per say", but I am beginning to feel like it when it comes to this career. I'm starting to regret even going back to school to get my master's in EDU so I could teach. Subbing is not an option for me, since I was never nominated by a principal to sub in any public schools and I will have 2 little ones at home and do not have an "on call" person I can call at 6 a.m. to watch my kids.

    So, please give me some advice on how I can put those crappy 2 weeks behind me and give it a go again? Do you all think perhaps I should try the older grades, like 4,5,6 and maybe the younger grades aren't for me? I ST in the 5t grade as well, and liked it too and it was much easier, IMO, dealing with kids who were at a self-sufficient age. I am in the state of NY where there's still a hiring freeze in general ed certifications like I have, and I REFUSE to waste any more money, take out any more loans and get Special Ed certified just to get a job. If by the 5 year mark I still haven't found a teaching job, would you just put the idea of being a teacher to rest? I have even thought of tutoring since in my neighborhood there are a TON of kids, but again, I only have experience ST and working at an after care program. My other job out of college was in an office in the financial sector.

    I plan on leaving this job off my resume, obviously, but I still can't put it behind me since what little confidence I had in myself, was almost all but taken from the school. Help!:thanks:
     
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  3. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jul 2, 2013

    Time heals. You have two little ones at home...enjoy them. There will be time to et back into teaching when you feel emotionally ready. Take care of yourself.:love:
     
  4. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    Jul 2, 2013

    From what it sounds like, your school contributed to your horrible experience. When are you planning on going back to teaching? Are you waiting until after the new baby is born and grows a little, or are you looking to jump back in? I agree with CZACZA, take care of yourself first. I think when the time is right you will likely know.
     
  5. Mommy1982

    Mommy1982 Rookie

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    Jul 2, 2013

    Yup, it did. I would like to get something hopefully for the 2014 school year or maybe even start sending out resumes again mid school-year of this year. I'm thinking the longer I wait, it's just going to be harder for me to ever get a job, you know. But like both of you said, I do want to make sure it's a time when I am really ready again..
     
  6. paperheart

    paperheart Groupie

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    Jul 2, 2013

    A year after being nominated for teacher of the year at one school, I moved to a new city and was hired at a rumor mill school. It was an awful experience for me and I know the feeling of failure you refer to a you think back or come across old items from three position. I can tell you I still feel crappy about it even though I logically know I did a good job and they were the unreasonable ones. I can also say the best help in dissipating the pain was through my previous accolades in teaching. Unfortunately,that is your only experience but perhaps you c an concentrate on ST successes and strength s in other related skills . Best wishes.
     
  7. AlwaysAttend

    AlwaysAttend Fanatic

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    Jul 2, 2013

    Why don't you think about easing back in and looking at a day care where you can bring your kids (not sure if this is even done). The money will be terrible but It's experience.
     
  8. Croissant

    Croissant Comrade

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    Jul 2, 2013

    What they said. Also, I personally feel like the first 2 weeks of the year are two of the most difficult. They're crazy chaotic. Paperwork is constantly going out and coming in, kids and parents need extra reassuring, administration is trying to enact new policies at the last minute, you have to "retrain" the kids, etc. That, on top of it being your first year, you being a new mom, having a family medical emergency, and a toxic environment....Remember the experience only for what you can learn from it and forget the rest!
     
  9. chrissy1214phx

    chrissy1214phx Rookie

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    Jul 5, 2013

    You can do it again and you are not a failure. Look at your experience as just that.... an experience! No environment is perfect, but some are better and more supportive than others. Now you know the worst case scenario and most likely things can only get better. That bad experience whether you know it or not will empower you for the future. You are now aware that behavior management is something you need to improve upon. All or most teachers do. Don't beat yourself up over it. Persevere and remember why you want to teach.
     
  10. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Jul 5, 2013

    I can't find your previous post. Did you post under a different username?
     

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