Rough time to be a parent

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Aliceacc, Feb 23, 2012.

  1. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Feb 23, 2012

    I've just read my 3rd thread of the morning complaining about bad parents.

    As much as the world is bashing teachers, teachers are apparently doing the same to parents.
     
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  3. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    True, Alice. I've heard my share of it at school this week. Sometimes (usually) we need to stop trying to find the "fault" behind a difficult situation and just do what we can to help to make things better.
     
  4. mopar

    mopar Multitudinous

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    Well said MrsC!

    A lot of the parent bashing probably comes from a passing the buck kind of situation. People blame that teachers, so teachers blame younger grade teachers and the parents. It really is a terrible place to be.
     
  5. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    That book I write is going to have a chapter about picky, judgmental teachers who can't seem to get over themselves.
     
  6. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    The book I'm writing is on finding success as a teacher.
     
  7. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    We should start a group for people writing books. I'm writing a textbook.
     
  8. Rockguykev

    Rockguykev Connoisseur

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    This is bound to happen when teachers refuse to take responsibility themselves. Blaming admin didn't work so we'll try blaming someone else instead. Most of the parents of my students are wonderful people who love their kids and support their teachers. All of them? Nope. Just like not all teachers are wonderful people who love their jobs and support their students.

    We just need to suck it up and do our jobs regardless of situation.
     
  9. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    If I write a book, it would be from the dark side of teaching. Think Anthony Bourdain vs. Jamie Oliver.

    It might even have profanity.
     
  10. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Can't wait to read it!
     
  11. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I've had my share of run-ins with parents this week, so I apologize if I've contributed to any sort of parent-bashing. I don't remember if I've posted about it, but I sure have talked about it with my colleagues and hoosband. I've been frustrated, but it's true that that's no excuse for parent-bashing. I need to remember that for every one or two whackadoodles, there are a hundred other parents who are great, supportive, and gracious.
     
  12. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    My year is just the opposite-I have many students who have learning struggles, but the parents of my students are awesome this year!

    I do agree, however, that sometimes teachers aren't very understanding of parents are various home situations.
     
  13. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    I think - and we've seen considerable evidence of this on A to Z - that people in general are finding it harder to remember that being disagreed with is not the same thing as being attacked.
     
  14. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    The education of a student is a three-legged table. There needs to be a partnership between the student, teacher, and parent. If one of the three isn't working with the others, the table is wobbly and things start to fall to the ground.

    That being said, I think things are more venting about individual parents letting the education slide to the floor. Parents as a collective are not being bashed. Where would we be without them?
     
  15. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Looking forward to reading it!

    cat~great analogy!
     
  16. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    I disagree with the 3-legged stool analogy. A 3-legged stool means all legs are as strong as one another. But in fact, in educating students that isn't true. The teacher has the academic knowledge, the teacher determines the procedures in the classroom, the teacher determines what gets done and when, the teacher determines what goes home to get done, the individual teacher determines what constitutes parental support (this varies greatly from teacher to teacher from a parent needing the academic knowledge to re-teach the child to just making sure that the child gets a good night sleep and is fed), and the teacher determines the grades, tolerance for typical student behavior, etc.

    No, education is no 3 legged stool where all 3 legs are equally strong. What education is is one strong teacher and 2 compliant people. When the other can't or don't comply for some reason, there becomes a problem.
     
  17. stephenpe

    stephenpe Connoisseur

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    Which is all fine but useless if the kid does not buy in and the parent doesn't back the teacher. So it truly is a partnership with the kid, home and teacher. Semantics.......My experience is that if they care about the kid and his education it makes a WORLD of difference.
     
  18. Bear Knuckles

    Bear Knuckles Rookie

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    We have to learn to dismiss the things we cannot control. Instead, we should be narrowly tunnel-vision like focused on the things we can control.

    Teachers blaming parents. Parents blaming teachers. Teachers blaming other teachers. Etc etc.

    Move forward in a positive way doing your absolute personal best. That's all we can do.
     
  19. queenie

    queenie Groupie

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    I think the point is that education is a three legged stool- just as a broken stool is not effective, any time one of the three "legs" is not functioning well the stool will not support a good education. I really hope that my classroom is not seen as one strong person holding up the parent in one hand and the student in the other like dumbbells :dizzy:

    I happen to be a teacher AND a parent and I know that my daughter's education would not be successful regardless of how strong her teacher is if she doesn't have my support at home and if she isn't willing to do her own part. If education rests solely on the teacher, then I certainly hope every teacher is up to par. Otherwise we're done for.
     
  20. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    :clap::clap::clap::clap:
     
  21. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    Yesterday, I had a wonderful, productive parent conference. I went home happy that I have such wonderful parents to work with this year.

    Today, I had a kind of crappy parent conference. I drove home gritting my teeth, up in arms, upset that the parent was choosing to ignore what the teachers said and attacked us, rather than trying to help us figure out a way to help the child.

    I guess it's like many other things in life - we bask in a silent glow when things are great; we vent and complain on the internet when they aren't.
     
  22. knitter63

    knitter63 Groupie

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    Agreed, Caesar! I try not to parent bash, as I am a parent myself, but on occasion, I do simply shake my head. Believe me, I hear plenty of parent bashing at work!
    On the other side, I bash myself plenty! Yep, I do blame admin for some things, too. But, I bash myself plenty!!!!!!!!!!
    If I write a book, it will be how to be a more effective teacher, even if I am effective already! One can never be too effective! :)
     
  23. kteachone

    kteachone Companion

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    I think we also need to throw the kid in the mix too. While I only teach 4-5 year olds, they have the ability to understand that decisions they make affect them and everyone around them. I have a mama this year who is sweet as sugar that has a son with a nasty attitude. Sometimes it isn't the parents--it's the kid's choice.
     
  24. 2ndTimeAround

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    Some parents deserve bashing. Some teachers do too.

    I like parents in general. I am one. But there are some that make my life VERY difficult.
     
  25. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    An individual teacher, at least in high school, might have 300 parents to deal with - more if we throw in step parents and other guardians. An individual parent has maybe 8 teachers to deal with. Mathematically, there SHOULD be more "parent bashing" from teachers than "teacher bashing" from parents. (Not that I think venting and complaining is the same as "bashing.")
     
  26. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    This.
     
  27. donziejo

    donziejo Devotee

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    Agree.
     
  28. Curiouscat

    Curiouscat Comrade

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    I think people become a little defensive when they feel that there is a certain tone in some responses. Sometimes I personally feel some remarks on this site kind of sound like the person thinks they are better than everyone else because they would never act or think that way. Condenscending is the word I am thinking of right now. None of us are perfect. I think we are all trying to be the best we can be in this profession. I think sometimes we complain/bash out of frustration and a need for compassion. For some this is a place to receive the compassion sprinkled with a little gently given advice.
    I agree about focusing on what we can control. Some days though the negative just takes over and consumes you. It is hard to shake it off especially if you have a few bad days in a row.
     
  29. knitter63

    knitter63 Groupie

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    Very well said!
     
  30. Speechy

    Speechy Comrade

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    So true.
     
  31. Ms. I

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    With my experience throughout the years, I've had good parents, no complaints here...honest. They may not say, "I appreciate you helping my child", but they abide by what is determined at the IEP meetings with ease & have been pretty easygoing. I have yet to run across a rough parent.
     
  32. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I understand completely. But I still agree with TG's post. Both make a lot sense. :)
     
  33. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    I have some wonderful parents and some I hope are finished reproducing.

    I think it also depends on your area. I teach in a high gang activity, very low socio-economic neighborhood, and there are very few commonalities with the higher socio-economic schools I've taught in and all schools have been title 1 so I'm just comparing working lower to middle class to super poverty.
     
  34. bison

    bison Habitué

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    I think that this is just the nature of a place where teachers come to vent and find support. In the grand scheme of things, a couple posts out of all the members on this forum are very few. While I'm sure there are some bad apples because that's just how the world is, I doubt the majority of posters here make a habit of bashing parents and passing the blame all the time. This is a great place to come let it out to people that will understand their frustration. Everyone has tough times, it's good to be able to talk it out. :2cents:
     
  35. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    I have a great friend who's child had trouble with his hearing when he was young, and has a lot of behavior/noise issues now even though he can hear fine (surgery corrected the issue). This friend overlooks a LOT of his behavior. While I can sit here and say I would never do that, I can't be sure-I've never been a parent. But just because she's a parent and there's some reason for her allowing him to act like that doesn't mean that her son isn't driving the rest of us CRAZY! So yes, I'm sure it's hard to be a parent. And I give her the benefit of the doubt. But dh and I def. vent to each other after watching him for several hours, while still loving our friend.

    I think it can be the same with teaching-we vent about parenting styles, even though deep down we know that the parent is trying their best.
     
  36. TeachOn

    TeachOn Habitué

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    I am lucky. I have very few students who are "parentally disabled." Where there is reason for complaint, it is usually because the parent cares too much, prevents the student from advocating for himself, puts too much pressure on the student to excel in everything in school and out, mistakes their child for an ambulatory college application from grade six on: that sort of thing. Nearly all of my parents, though, are wonderful.
     

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