question for mothers and teachers

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by Grammy Teacher, Dec 29, 2006.

  1. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    In a daycare setting, if a one year old child cries frequently about many things and is only quieted and soothed by being held or at least next to the teacher, should the teachers be walking away saying, "I'm not going to pick you up!?"
     
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  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Not if it's my child!! And not if I see it happen to someone else's child either!
     
  4. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Isn't that really doing more harm than good to the child? Walking away is going to leave the child more anxious and afraid. A one year old child, in my opinion needs basic needs met.
     
  5. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    No!
     
  6. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Just curioius: what makes you ask?
     
  7. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Ok I'm sitting on the couch talking with Paula. My thought was NO who would do that. Paula (steve's mom said) NO it's a baby pick him up.
     
  8. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Alice, I am asking because I know it has been an issue in some daycare centers. The reasoning is that they are trying to teach them that they cannot be carried around all day. It is especially a problem if they have more than one child who wants to be carried around or held all day. Sometimes there is a one who has been "spoiled" by being carried around at home or held constantly, or there is the child who is never happy unless they are held.
    Jaime, I would say the same thing as your mom...it's BABY...pick him up!
    I feel there are ways to soothe a crying one year old, no matter what the problem. If they need the closeness, then give it to them.
     
  9. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    Exactly.
     
  10. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    I wouldn't carry them around ALL day, but I would do what I could to soothe the child and make him/her feel more comfortable (poor thing!!):( Hold, hug, sing, reassure...:love: Once the sweetie starts feeling more comfortable THEN it's time to start 'weening' and distracting him/her with toys, books, etc....
     
  11. Dzenna

    Dzenna Groupie

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    I agree!
     
  12. boogaboo214

    boogaboo214 Companion

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    i think that if a child that young is crying it is for a reason. there are ways to distract children that age a fun toy or a special blanket or doll. maybe the child has a security toy that the parents are not letting them bring to daycare. children that latch onto a security item at a young age are terrified with out them. they probably feel lost and alone. you can also console children with out picking them up you can squat down and get them interested in a game or an activity. I know a lot of people don't agree with this but i believe that in a daycare where there are several kids there should be a block of time for tv. there is too much educational stuff out there for children to not learn from it now a days. playhouse disney is wonderful and all of the little einstein videos and leap pad videos. it would enrich children and give the teachers a minute to tend to other children's needs.
     
  13. Tigers

    Tigers Habitué

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    a one year old child would fit in with eriksons "trust vs mistrust" stage. I side with the many cultures including our own that say you should pick a soothe a crying one year old, regardless of how often or how long. That said, it wasn't too long ago that it was a popular belief that you should not always pick up a crying baby. And, though I have never been to Germany, I am told that this stance is still supported by many. I think that if someone is doing that at a center of which you know, and want to change, you should be able to do some easy research and combine that with the center's philosophy on childcare to convince the director to change or create a policy.
     
  14. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Tigers, I agree!
     
  15. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    If someone finds some info on the web that deals specifically with just this topic, I would appreciate letting me know. I want it in writing from a professionally written article so that it's not coming from "my opinion." I have found lots of info on one year olds, but they are not specific enough to drive the point home regarding holding them and picking them up often.
     
  16. Tigers

    Tigers Habitué

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    have you tried googling "trust vs. mistrust"
     
  17. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Which way do you want to go? For the picking up and holding a crying one yr old or not?
     
  18. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    I am FOR it!
     
  19. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Ok I'll see if I can find anything.

    I can't find anything for one yr olds. I did find a lot of research stating infants should be comforted.
     
    Last edited: Dec 30, 2006
  20. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Tiger, I did take a look at Trust/Mistrust and find it interesting. I am thinking that at one year old, the professional care giver might be expecting the child to grow out of the need for constant holding. I'm not so sure I agree with them thought because children develop at all different times, so perhaps one child needs that closeness longer than another...but what to do if it's clearly the parents fault for "spoiling" them at home? I believe that is many times the problem with these little ones and it is probably difficult for the care giver to decide how to handle such children.
     
  21. Tigers

    Tigers Habitué

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    The young infant is equipped to express distress through crying and other means that are signals to the caregiver to respond. Responding to the infant's signals keeps the distress and arousal within reasonable limits and represents the beginning stages of coordination in the regulation process.

    this came from this link: http://www.zerotothree.org/vol20-2.html
     
  22. Tigers

    Tigers Habitué

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    check out bowlby attatchment theory
     
  23. Tigers

    Tigers Habitué

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    unfortunately, so many jounals charge on the internet these days...if you are a part of any organization that allows you to search scholarly journals.
     
  24. tm91784

    tm91784 Comrade

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    I know exactly what you mean though. When I worked at a daycare, I was told to put down a crying child because the teacher in charge of the class could not hold him all day long. I understand that they cannot hold him all day, but I was available to hold him and I think that as long as someone is available to hold a child, he/she can be held. I don't think that the child is spoiled if he/she is held most of the time.
     
  25. 5thgraderocks

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    Oh no! The first posting I read today!! Please forgive this doting first time grandma. My little grandson goes to daycare four days per week. My heart hurts to think of him crying ... ever!! As I read the replies, I couldn't tell how the mother feels. I can probably guess how "grandma" feels.:)
     
  26. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    5thgraderocks, this is not a rhetorical question, so need to worry.
     
  27. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I think I would go to the director and ask why the child is being ignored by someone being paid to care for him. Ask how long the child will be allowed to be ignored.
     
  28. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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  29. Dzenna

    Dzenna Groupie

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    Grammy, Your posting has been bothering me since I read it yesterday. Our center refers to the NAEYC Code of Ethics in the parent hand book and refers to it above all other research, theories and guidelines. If yours does, you can remind the Director/Teacher that our responsibility to children is to create and maintain a healthy setting that fosters growth, respect and dignity. Ignoring a crying one year old does none of the above. I hope I'm not being too political!!
     
  30. bunnys

    bunnys Rookie

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    Hi, I just joined, and this post caught my eye. I am a teacher of 6 toddlers ages 12 months to 24 months, and I have 4 of them that wants to be picked up, held, and carried alot. If 2 of them wants to be held at the same time, I sit in the rocker and hold them for just a few minutes then they want to get down, then the other 2 usually wants it. but if all wants to be held at once, I sit on the floor and they all sit by me, on my legs, lap or wherever they can, and it's a good time for me to get them to share me with each other. Children at this age needs all the comfort and care they can get, becasue they are going through seperation issues, and needs to learn that there is other people that care for them also, not just their parents or grandparents. I've been doing this in my class room since we opened last Oct., and the parents has commented numerous times on how well their child can leave them and come to class. One parent even gets teary eyed when she is signing her child in the child is already coming down the hall to my room. It's her first child . So in my opinion, if a child wants this attention, it doesn't hurt to give it. They need it. I just wonder if the child is getting enough cuddle time at home?
     
  31. IVETTE

    IVETTE Rookie

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    WHEN A BABY IS CRYING

    I HAVE A GIRL IN MY ROOM THAT CRIES EVERYDAY SINCE THE "GRANDMA" LEFT OUR ROOM. GRANDMA USED TO HELD HER ALL DAY AND NOW SHE CRY IF SHE IS NOT HELD.

    WHAT SHOULD I DO WHEN I HAVE OTHER 7 BABIES THAT NEED MY CARE AND 2 ARE BITERS?

    WHEN ITS POSSIBLE I HELD HER BUT SOMETIMES I AM SO BUSY FEEDING OR CHANGING ANOTHER BABY THAT I KEEP TELLING HER "ITS OK" 'YOUR FINE" "I'M COMING" OR SING TO HER UNTIL I CAN HOLD HER. THIS SEEMS TO WORK. THAT WAY I AM NOT CARRYING HER ALL DAY BUT AT THE SAME TIME I'M NOT IGNORING HER.
     
  32. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    I wouldn't hold the child all day either, BUT I would work on creating transitions and fostering feelings of trust. How to do this depends on the child. I would nurture and hold the baby when it is feasible and most compassionate to do so. If my own child wants me to pick him up while I am cooking dinner, I wouldn't because it is unsafe. I would talk him through it though. If a teacher needs to deal with multiple children, decisions do have to be made. Just flat out ignoring the child and TELLING the child you are ignoring the child, isn't the best nurturing approach. I do ignore a child who in the middle of a tantrum when I've given choices (applesauce or crackers)and have worked with the child.

    I don't work in a preschool though. Most of that is from my own 3children or watching someone else's children temporarily.

    If a teacher really wants to work on independence, maybe instead of saying "I'm ignoring you right," she could have said, "I can't hold you right now, but I can read you, Julie, and Brandy a book." or "I need to finish changing diapers, then I we can play." Never holding a child at this age is wrong though. Short bursts of time without immediate gratification in a child is like a lifetime and is showing signs of maturity. Progress, not perfection is the key. Love them.
     
  33. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    If it's working, it's a good approach. You are still lovingly interacting with her, while tending to other kids and you are giving her transitions yet holding her when it is feasible and compassionate to do so.
     
  34. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    It really depends on the situation. Is this child always picked up at home? The teacher has a responsibility to ALL the children and can not be always picking up the same child all day and ignoring the others. This is the type of environment this situation can create. I would be trying to soothe the child by other means, but not ignore the child completely, but also not carrying and holding this child all the time. A child can not learn other ways to help feel comfortable when they are always held and picked up. I've dealt with many "hip babies" and it truly can make the classroom very difficult to manage when you are constantly only giving that one child all your attention.

    It also depends on how long this child has been in care. If he/she is new then they need to know they can trust the person taking care of them and feel comfortable in the new environment. If it's been a pretty decent amount of time, then it's time for the child to learn how to keep her/himself entertained. IMHO, when children go to a daycare setting they need to be able to learn to be comforted by other means and not always be held, but those opportunities need to be shown to them.

    If it is a persistant problem and the child does not get better after a certain amount of time, then daycare is not best suited for this type of child and needs a private babysitter instead that can give the child one on one whenever she/he needs it. I've met many parents who think the daycare is just like a private sitter, when it's SO different. Some kids are just not meant for daycare.
     
  35. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Wanted to also add that it depends on how old this "one year old" is. If they are nearing two...that is a big difference in how they will communicate and understand you versus a newly turned one year old. In any case, a child this age is also not a "baby" in my opinion and will not get treated as such. Babies use bottles, pacifiers, eat baby food...a one year old does not. I don't consider a child over 12 months a "baby". I cuddle, but I do not coddle.
     
  36. puff5655

    puff5655 Cohort

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    No. You can't spoil a baby. Babies cry not because they are trying to manipulate you into giving them attention, but because they actually NEED something! They need someone to be attached to who will soothe them whenever they need it, and if they don't get that in a setting where they spend much of their time every day, it will have effects on them.
     

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