question for married people :)

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TennisPlayer, Jun 4, 2013.

  1. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

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    Jun 4, 2013

    even if you are happy invyour marriage...have you had a crush on someone like find them attractive but do not know them?

    is it wrong to smile and feel happy bec someone you find attractive even though you are happy in your marriage...they just catch your eye...
     
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  3. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

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    It is normal to continue to find others attractive even though you're married. Additionally, it is also normal to feel flattered when others find you attractive. It becomes a problem when the behavior becomes secretive. A little bit of flirting here and there - okay. Secretive communication, meetings, etc. - could be problematic.
     
  4. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I find Karl Urban quite attractive and I don't know him. Does that count? :haha:

    [​IMG]
     
  5. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    When I got married all the handsome men on the planet didn't drop dead. OF COURSE I find other men attractive. Do I flirt? Well, if it's harmless sure, you know maybe with a waiter or something. With guys who approach me at bars? Nah, because to me, that's not harmless. I know they want something.

    My esposo and I have our limits and have talked about them. That's the important thing. Setting limits you are both comfortable with.
     
  6. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    The way I explain it is that I do NOT find others "attractive" because I am NOT "attracted to" others. Maybe someone will sweep into my life that proves me a liar, but so far this is true. :)

    That said, I may find someone to "visually pleasing". Will Smith, for example. But I don't go on and on about it. I realize I'm in the minority, but I find that disrespectful. To acknowledge if asked, okay. But otherwise, no.

    I would NEVER, EVER flirt with someone and I have to say, I believe my husband wouldn't either. One because he's insaley awkward, and two because he knows it would be disrespectful to me (based on our relationship standards).
     
  7. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    I will say that I notice attractive people, but not necessarily because I'm attracted to them . . . if that makes sense. I am an equal-opportunity looker because I notice nice looking men and women. My ex always said that when he looked at attractive women his wedding band got tighter. :lol:

    Neither of us ever flirted, tough. That's possibly because neither of us are good at it. We seduced each other with our awkwardness. He has Aspergers, and I'm just . . . well, awkward. My dad was a huge flirt. My mom is, too, only I didn't notice it until after Dad died. Dad flirted just for fun. Mom flirts to get dates. :eek:hmy: Flirting is apparently neither learned nor genetic. :rolleyes:
     
  8. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

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    Just to be clear on the flirting thing. If I say I have flirted while married, I mean basically a smile or a brief conversation. I certainly don't mean giving someone the impression that I am available in any way. Several years ago, I was at the playground with my kids and a friend with her kids. A divorced neighborhood man was also there with his child. I'll admit that I thought he was attractive and we all (he, my friend, and I) talked for a bit and I guess I was a bit "flirty" even though I must have mentioned my husband a few billion times - and NEVER insinuated that I was available. Well, word got around after that he was "interested". I thought my husband was going to commit a violent act against this guy! I learned you really have to be very careful.
     
  9. bison

    bison Habitué

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    Well I'm not married but I'm in a happy long term relationship with cohabitation. As Lucybelle said, the handsome men in the world didn't drop dead the day we committed to one another. Are other people attractive? Sure. Neither of us flirt though, and any admiration is innocent and from a distance. If I found myself being attracted to a friend or something (hypothetical--it has never happened), I would create distance between us because I think that's the respectful thing to do in a relationship. We also never vocalize finding people attractive except in the case of me saying something like, "That guy is cute, you should go out with him!" to a friend. I know some couples are okay with sharing their appreciation for others, but it would make me uncomfortable. BF does turn a bit red in front of good looking women though, so that's a bit of a giveaway. :rolleyes:

    Our veterinarian is so handsome and charming that I think we both may have a crush on him! I can't help but grin every time I see him, and BF jokes about finding an ugly vet for the dogs. :lol:
     
  10. TennisPlayer

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    I mean like someone you say hi to as you pass by them....simple like that....
     
  11. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Saying hi isn't really flirting though, is it? I mean, shoot. If it is, then evidently I flirt with everyone, including teenagers, all day long.
     
  12. bison

    bison Habitué

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    Yeah I would not call that flirting. Another way to put it: if it's something I'd feel uneasy telling my SO about, I wouldn't do it. He would not care if I said hi to someone attractive. Spent an hour touching their arm and giggling at their jokes? He'd mind.
     
  13. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    I think George Strait, even though he is old enough to be my daddy, is awfully handsome.

    I talk to old boyfriends now and then, but the hubs is right beside me or I'm in the grocery store or some other public place. I wouldn't say that was flirting because it's usually "How's your momma doing?" kind of conversations.
     
  14. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    I don't think I have flirted since I've met my husband. (Saying hi isn't flirting to me. I consider flirting to involve flattery and some sort of romantic intention).

    There are still good looking people in the world. Some at a distance (e.g. Kevin Spacey), some I see (e.g. my vet). My husband knows I think both of these men are good looking, but my thoughts about them being "cute" don't go beyond just that.

    There is a woman that gushes over my husband ... she works at a restaurant he frequents. We both get a good laugh about it. I think she probably is flirting, but it is also part of her waitress repertoire. My husband probably plays it up a bit, but I don't feel threatened at all.
     
  15. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    Geeze what you guys consider "flirting" I consider "a conversation". Saying "hi"? Asking about family? That's a conversation!
     
  16. Jerseygirlteach

    Jerseygirlteach Groupie

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    I think the differences can be pretty subtle, honestly. Most of communication is nonverbal. I certainly have never or would never touch a guy's arm or make a suggestive remark. I have smiled at someone or laughed at their joke with just the slightest more enthusiasm than need be, knowing in my mind it was because the person was attractive. I don't really think I've done anything to feel guilty about, because I know I would never do anything without my husband that I would feel uncomfortable doing with him standing right next to me.
     
  17. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Yeah, flirting is not saying hello and just chatting for most people...I guess intentions can change anything, though.
     

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