Question about social life

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by John Lee, Mar 30, 2013.

  1. John Lee

    John Lee Groupie

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    How much of your social life (would you ballpark) consists of stuff you'd just as soon not do, in an effort to meet some other expectation of you. e.g. I was invited to a bar with a bunch of high school friends to see a band play--I have no real inclination to go... its basically one of those things that I just go because "the guys" expect me to. It's not going to be "fun". There aren't going to be loads of hot chicks, or crazy stuff happening. Its going to be the same old (mellow) thing, where we have a few drinks and just hang. Which is fine. But it has me thinking, as I get older... and as money continues to be tight... about just how much of my social life is stuff I just do, and just as soon NOT. I feel like I blow off a lot more things now.

    But I do feel guilty in myself, because I may be being selfish sometimes. And you don't want to blow off every thing consistently, because you'll get cut out of the loop when you do want to do something. And you certainly don't want to be that guy (or gal), who seems to jettison his/her friends for something better and goes MIA (e.g. guy gets girlfriend, you never see him again).

    My question is: Ballpark (percentage-wise), the things you do socially (i.e. "going out" with friends, going out with your SO's dorky friends, kids parties, etc.) that, all things being equal, pale to just hanging at home. ;)

    For me, it feels like at least 50%.
     
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  3. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I decided years ago to do very little I don't truly want to do. I don't do a lot of things people would feel obligated to attend and I don't ever want to make someone feel obligated to attend something of mine. It's hard to even ballpark...maybe 10%? There are a few family things I do out of respect or to avoid arguments. ;)
     
  4. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    I really don't know. Lately I have been broker than broke so my social life is almost DOA. I guess I'd have to say about 25% of my free time is spent going/doing things I could take or leave.
     
  5. donziejo

    donziejo Devotee

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    I often say yes to social requests because I'm afraid I might become a hermit'. Id say about 50% I don't really want to do. Usually once I arrive I enjoy an hour or two, while it seems my friends like to close the place down. I would rather entertain in my home than go to a bar. ( we have casinos here so there is a lot of nightlife

    I
     
  6. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    I don't do much I don't want to do.

    Maybe 10%, if that. I've always been pretty good at avoiding things I don't want to do.
     
  7. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Practically 0. I am the queen of excuses!!
     
  8. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    There were many years where I was all alone. Growing up, we moved around a LOT. By the time I got to high school (and we moved once again), it became REALLY hard to make friends. Didn't help that I was shy and socially awkward.

    So, I make up for that now. I say yes to 90% of the things I'm invited to, whether I feel like it or not. And 99% of the times I'm glad I went. I usually realize I had more fun that I thought I would.

    And, I guess I try to live life like it's almost over. Like, I want to enjoy the fact that I'm young, healthy, good lookin' :)p), and want to take advantage of all that while I can. So, I go out, hang out with friends, make memories, etc. (and again, I might overdo the commitments because I'm making up for my sorry childhood/teenage upbringing).
     
  9. Ms. I

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    0% of the time. First of all, I don't have a group of friends that I hang out with, so I never have this "them vs. me" issue. I have a pretty good friend, then a few other pals/acquaintances I meet up with 1-on-1. No one I know knows anyone else I know, if that makes sense to you.

    I've been invited to a few get togethers where I only knew the host. If I feel like going, I go & if I don't, I don't.
     
  10. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Social life? What is that? I did not like going to Bars, I don't drink (in my 20s I drank very little most of the time I was the designated driver).
    Most of the time my Social life was my religious life, church on Sunday morning, Sunday night, Wednesday night, Saturday Night.
     
  11. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    That sounds a lot like me. However what I find often happens is I end up having a better time than I thought I would have. That's why I try to drive when I can...so worse case scenario if I am not having fun, I have an escape.

    What I really hate are celebritory obligations. My first baby shower, bridal shower, bachelorette party, etc were fun. My fifth, sixth, seventh...eh, not so much. You are forced to mingle w/people, buy a gift and if u know the person well you are expected to contribute money and/or time during planning.

    Right now my friend (she's getting married next year) is expecting me to participate and help out with all of those, plus pony up over $2,000 for me and fiance to attend her wedding. :eek:
     
  12. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    5% ... Family stuff.
    With friends, if I want to go, I go. If I don't, I don't. No lame excuse, just a truthful, "don't count me in."
     
  13. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Yeah, Dave, my social life is almost nonexistent. By choice, of course. Someone mentioned a fear of being a hermit, but I love being home! I'm not kidding here, the last thing I did like go to the movies or out to dinner with someone besides my husband or siblings was a few years ago. Eek...sounds bad when I type it out. :haha:

    The (maybe) ten percent I quoted earlier is strictly family obligations. And trust me, I don't feel obligated to go to much.
     
  14. donziejo

    donziejo Devotee

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  15. Rabbitt

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    Socially my friends make far more money than I do.
    They attend shows, wine tastings, concerts, and ballgames that I cannot afford to attend. They take their families to waterpark hotels, amusement parks, ball games, cabin weekends skiing, and tropical vacations.

    Sometimes it REALLY drags me down.
     
  16. lucybelle

    lucybelle Connoisseur

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    It's funny because although my SO has lived in Costa Rica his whole life, I have way more friends here than he does.:) I love going out with his friend (yes, singular! :lol:) or my friends. We have a great time. And if we're not having a great time, we leave early and find another good party. :thumb:

    We're both very social.:)
     
  17. MissScrimmage

    MissScrimmage Aficionado

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    I generally say yes, even if I'm not excited about something. I always end up having fun and glad that I went. If something is truely unbearable I leave early.
     
  18. Ima Teacher

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    That's how I feel. I love being home, and I'm content with my own company. Today I went to an Easter dinner with Mom. She had been invited to her BF's family dinner. She declines most invitations, so she felt obligated to go to this one. I went as moral support. :p

    I have a couple of friends who hate being alone and love going anywhere. I have to be careful about mentioning things I'm doing because they'll invite themselves along. :whistle:
     
  19. yellowdaisies

    yellowdaisies Fanatic

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    This has become a major struggle for me this year since it's my first year of teaching. Since I'm so busy and have so little free time and am truly exhausted after a long week, I guard my free time very jealously. I love doing things with our very closest friends. I can't stand things that feel like obligations that I don't really want to go to. I am becoming better at being selective and realizing it's ok to want to spend time at home with my husband rather than going out and doing things. I used to say yes to almost everything, but now it's very limited. I'm still working on not feeling guilty about saying no to certain things.
     
  20. Proud2BATeacher

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    My friends in the city that I live in are mostly 10-12 years younger than me. They are still in the bar scene -- as for me, did it, got the t-shirt and burnt it about 10 years ago... I stay at home unless it is a house party or dinner out.

    I'm going to an out of town conference this Friday with 2 co-workers. We are driving out and staying in a hotel Thursday night. They are great friends but I'm still dreading having to spend an evening "out" with two young 'uns.
     
  21. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Veryvery little..

    ...a lot is about attitude...I can have fun with my husband, family or friends almost anywhere.
     
  22. Em_Catz

    Em_Catz Devotee

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    Maybe you just like having time to your self. I personally find people, even those I love and am comfortable with, draining. I have to take time alone to recharge myself. If I am constantly with someone or lots of people I begin to feel agitated, angry and just moody. My friend Betty is the opposite. She hates being alone and sometimes will impose on people just b/c she hates alone time.

    I think ALWAYS needing to be around people can be just as bad as (almost) always wanting to be alone. I try to balance the two. Like today, I was w/ fiancé and family several hours at moms house. Now we are back at apartment I will probably just web surf, read and hang in bedroom while fiancé does stuff in living room for an hour or so. The I will feel like socializing again
     
  23. John Lee

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    Yes, a lot of it is money. If I had more, I probably wouldn't even be asking this question... It doesn't make the events any less ho-hum to me, but the issue compounds because I really compare the money I spend to the fun I'll have. Let me clarify too--I didn't say I don't like being alone. I feel like I like it too much! My issue is the feeling of constantly turning down invitations. Makes me feel a bit bad.
     
  24. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    When I was in my 20s, I'd feel obligated to attend all events I was invited to. Now that I'm in my early 30s, if I don't want to attend something, I wont!
     
  25. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    People have learned not to ask me. ;)
     
  26. dizzykates

    dizzykates Habitué

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    Social life? I'm pretty sure I don't have one. Most of the time, I am ok with that. DH and I have become hermits.
     
  27. DrivingPigeon

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    I mostly do things that I want to do (about 75% of the time). This causes some arguments between me and my fiance. He is a very social person, and wants to do EVERYTHING. He sometimes does stuff without me, which upsets him. Sorry, but I don't want to go to the retirement party of the wife of a guy you worked with in college.
     
  28. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    I am such a home body so I tend to stay home a lot. There's nothing that a social event can give me that a great book cannot (I read daily, I absolutely love reading). I guess I have always been this way but before I would have been mote inclined to accept invitations. If it is a couple event DH and I will almost always go. Sometimes we are invited to some wild parties and it's just not my thing.
     
  29. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Have you tried groupon or livingsocial for discounts?
     
  30. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    I'm kind of fond of the hermit life myself.
     
  31. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    We are blessed with a lot of interesting friends, and have frequent "get togethers" which may be small dinner parties, happy hours, a soak in the hot tub, etc. If, however, I'm not in the mood to socialize.... I don't period. My "excuse" is usually a straight forward "this isn't a good time for me". It works every time. :)
     
  32. brigidy

    brigidy Comrade

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    I've always been a loner so I don't really go out with any group of friends. I love being at home, or spending time with just my immediate family, instead of out and about with a group of friends. So I would ballpark 5-10% of obligation if that.
     
  33. knitter63

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    Maybe 10% of what I do socially is out of obligation. Most of the time I stay home. We live in a rural area, so my DH and I have found ways to have fun at home: swim in our pool, walks in the woods, watching movies, playing cards.
    We do like to have our friends over. Most of the time, they want to come out here for "peace and quiet" from their city life, and we love that. My DH's homemade pizza is frequently requested!
     
  34. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    You guys are just like me!
     
  35. Enseignante<3

    Enseignante<3 Companion

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    I love my friends and always enjoy hanging out with them, but I've also always enjoyed being home as well. I like spending time by myself sometimes, and I spend most of my time with my BF b/c we just genuinely enjoy being together most days. I think it's taken me a while to start saying YES to things instead of no! I used to say no b/c I wanted to say home or I wanted to spend time with BF or my family...OR b/c I have anxiety about social situations and never wanted to do anything new! ...but I've realized over the past year or so that I need that friend time and I need to try new things...so I honestly try to say yes to everything my friend invite me to do.

    So I would say about 25% of the things I do, I don't really want to. But I say yes b/c I need to step out of my comfort zone and get over my anxiety about really stupid things!
     
  36. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    I have always enjoyed alone time. My biggest thing is that I like to make my plans in advance, which isn't common for people my age. I don't need a step by step plan or anything, but I like to know in advance if someone wants to do something. If someone just texts or calls and asks if I want to do _________ right now, I generally don't feel like going because I've already planned to do something on my own (even if it's just catching up on my favorite tv shows or something). I do find though that if I end up going when I'm not really up to it, most of the time I do have a good time.

    I will say that if I'm always asking someone to do things and they always say no or make dumb excuses, I don't continue to see that person as a friend. If I'm really not up to going out I at least try to reschedule or tell them when I am available to do something. Just constantly saying no makes it sound like you're not interested in being friends.
     

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