Public Service Announcement (I wish I could publish)

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by mmswm, Jun 26, 2010.

  1. monsieurteacher

    monsieurteacher Aficionado

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    Jun 27, 2010

    When our Literacy Intervention teacher was 7-8 months pregnant she had a shirt that said "Ask before you touch"

    I always thought that was funny.
     
  2. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Jun 27, 2010

    I have no personal experience w/ this issue, but I agree. When I'm out in public, I certainly do NOT ask anybody anything. What do I care about how their childbirth & other birth issues went? I don't have kids yet, but maybe someday.

    I'm not the type at all to start talking to strangers anyway.
     
  3. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    CutnGlue, I don't have family nearby either, and I met one good friend because she said to me, "I'm NOT a weirdo, but I just want to see your babies..." while hubby and I were walking around with the girls in their Bjorns. Haha. She's great.

    I'm a talker and will strike up conversations in lines and so on, but some people just seem to want the scoop. Or to judge me (maybe my filters, IDK). Or just to have a story to tell later at dinner, "You will NOT BELIEVE the preggy woman I saw today. SHe was 5,000 lbs as I stand here today!..."

    The adoption stories reminded me of my SIL. We are both caucasian and married to Asian brothers. Her baby looked very Asian and she lives in a small town, so people who met her thought she adopted her. "Where did you get her?" uh... from my jango! Good grief. OTOH, my friend Maria who is not Hispanic but has the name Maria is always mistaken for the nanny of her own kids, who look Asian, because she's Korean! Please.

    I, myself, am very curious about one of the neighbors here who is single and veryyyyyy thin, young-40s, who talks about being single a lot, who became pregnant last summer and now has a little baby boy. Who's the father? NOMB, that's who. I know some people would just ask. Crazy.
     
  4. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Shelly, I think you hit the nail on the head. Its not that I'm venting against random strangers striking up a conversation, its how personal they get and how they think that a baby or a pregnant belly suspends all the normal rules of etiquite.

    Your sister in law is a lot like my sister. She's red-headed, dayglow white (like me), and her husband is Cuban. The baby looks like his daddy. If you didn't know otherwise, you'd swear he was adopted because he looks NOTHING like her. Anyway, I joked around with my sister when she got pregnant with her second (due any day now), that she needed to put in an order for one who looked just a little like her...some facial features or something... :D.
     
  5. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    I will definitely smile, awwww, whatever, when I see a cute baby. I would never bother the mother, though, asking annoying questions. Some people just feel the need to ask things and just have no idea how rude they are. I also would NEVER ask anyone who is (or looks pregnant) about their pregnancy. I know two people who have recently been asked by strangers, "when are you due"? and they are NOT PREGNANT! What's wrong with people?
     
  6. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    TeacherNY, that's horrible! A student asked a coworker last year if she was pregnant. She wasn't. That's such a blow, and one that I've amazingly been able to avoid what with being overweight and having INSANE CHILD-BEARING HIPS! I also would never ask a person when they were due...I don't care if they seem to be nine months with a popped out belly button shopping for strollers in Walmart. I'm not assuming anything!
     
  7. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    Jun 27, 2010

    Yes, the 'when are you due?' question does not make much sense. What is the purpose of gathering that information? Do they plan on showing up to the hospital with a gift basket? Perhaps if, in response, you told them a date and time and asked them to be your videographer, they'd back off...
     
  8. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Thanks! People ask me if my twins are "real", what the heck does that mean? I know they want to know if they are from fertility treatments, but why is that ok to ask?!?!?

    Oh and just to add, please don't touch my preemies, especially in the face/mouth, it is NOT ok with me!
     
  9. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    I don't know if it is a southern thing or what but it never bothered me when people talked to my kids as babies or patted my stomach. Curious people do not bother me. Maybe it is that I will talk to anybody. All the things that ya'll are complaining about would just not irritate or bother me.
     
  10. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I'm pretty easy about a lot of things. The "when are you due" questions, even the tummy pats, never bothered me. And I've always been pretty easy about the whole germ thing, even when the kids were young. (There is, of course, a limit to everything though.)

    The problem with the adoption question is that all 3 of my kids hear quite well.

    Asking whether Brian is "mine" implies that he might not be. Asking whether he and the girls are "related" suggests the same. Implying that we adopted because we "couldn't be parents" implies that adoption wasn't enough to make it so.
     
  11. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    No--Alice I would not put up with that either. Brian is as much yours as your girls are. That is totally a different issue. The original issue of questions or touching a pregnant belly did not bother me.
     
  12. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

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    Jun 27, 2010

    Having just had a baby two weeks ago I'm running into this a lot. There are many people who will peek over into his car seat and make comments about him. Honestly, I don't mind when people want to see him, no touching. I'm proud of him and want to show him off, like it was mentioned before by someone I don't mind sharing some information. Now that I've given birth I feel like it's my badge of honor that I was able to do it and I'm so happy and proud of the little boy we created. People do make comments about him being so small which I don't mind. I actually had a complete stranger, a woman ask me if I breastfeed my baby when she saw me with a bottle to his mouth. I almost felt like I had to justify, yes he is breast fed, I pump and bottle feed for the convenience of trips. I did feel like I had to explain myself though.
     
  13. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Jun 27, 2010

    Different people have different comfort levels. I guess there are people out there (the ones I'm complaining about), who don't know how to "read" others, or just don't care.

    The world confirmed for me today that it doesn't get much better past the baby stage. I went to the grocery store and had 7 (I counted), make some remark about how I must have my hands full, and try to engage me in conversation while I was obviously trying to get my grocery shopping done. I don't mind the hands full comment, I hear it all the time, but its the second part. Really, I don't want to sit here while I'm trying to price compare Peanut Butter sizes, and talk to you about how energetic my boys are. By the way, you've distracted me enough that those same boys are now using the freezer display as a scaffold to climb to the ceiling (not really, but it sure feels that way sometimes).

    Anyway, I guess I yearn for a day when people are polite, cordial, but not intrusive. And I'm definitely pining for a day when people don't think rude comments are humorous.
     
  14. msmullenjr

    msmullenjr Devotee

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    Jun 27, 2010

    hahahahaha, Sometimes its better not to know as long as no ones crying. Theres something so fun about a fort.

    It really is amazing isn't it? How someone can start out that tiny. I think its kind of a blessing to have witnessed something so precious.
     
  15. GoehringTeaches

    GoehringTeaches Comrade

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    Jun 28, 2010

    It's funny that I came along this thread because I am quite annoyed right now at FAMILY about one question about my baby. "Why is he crying?" Seriously??? Do you think I'm that bad of a mother that I haven't fed him or changed him or given him gas medicine and that I'm just going to let him cry while starving etc????????? He's crying because he's a BABY. I've done all that I can do for him and now he can cry if he needs to cry!
     
  16. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Jun 28, 2010

    Alice, and all, here is a good answer to stupid questions that I've been dying to use but never think fast enough:

    "I'm curious why you would ask that question?" Of course with a smile on your face. What are they going to say? "Because I'm nosy?" or maybe "Because I am interested in adoption myself." (Probably not the motivating factor.) But the adoption question would also really bother me, coming from an adult.

    And when someone says something really stupid or mean, "I find it interesting that you would think I'd be interested in your opinion." With a smile. Whaddaheck they gonna say to that?

    Here are stupid things I experienced:

    I have huge child bearing hips. Doctor: "Your pelvis is on the narrow side so this could be a tough birth." Thanks.

    Another doctor: "How big is your husband? hmmm . . . I think this is going to be a big baby, probably around 10 lbs." How reassuring, since I have a small pelvis!

    Baby weighed 7.5 lbs, no problems at all, but sheesh!

    I am a large Norwegian woman! Hear me roar! Comment from someone who is of a nationality where tall means they reach my elbow: "Oh, your baby is so HUGE! SO BIG! How old? One year?"
    Me: "She is three months old" (and right on spot for weight/height) That one really made me mad!

    The corker though - well, my DD cried and screamed A LOT for about a year - lots of colic and a nervous mother. Anyway, at about 6 weeks MIL and I took baby to mall. Baby was so happy with a pacifier, it really calmed her down. A total stranger came up to me, asked how old the baby was, then PULLED THE PACIFIER OUT OF HER MOUTH! I was just stunned, and had not yet developed the monster mommy protectiveness. Baby starts screaming bloody murder. We grabbed the pacifier and left.

    My young friend has a blended family with 2 older brothers the same age. People always ask her "Are they your real brothers?" She learned to answer at a young age "I don't have any brothers who are not real. Do you?"
     
  17. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Jun 28, 2010

    Oh, another good one for those brats who tell you that you need to lose the baby weight: smile with utter glee and say "I already HAVE! I am just thrilled! It only took me 3 weeks to get back to my normal weight. Guess I'm just one of the lucky ones!"
     
  18. GG Fan

    GG Fan Rookie

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    One that kind of irks me is when strangers mistake the baby's sex. I realize I have a blue/white car seat, but the child is wearing pink and is covered with a pink blanket. Trust me, DH would never allow his boy to wear pink anything! It's awkward for me and them to correct them.

    What really bothered me though was when our first daughter got to be about 3-4 years old. All of a sudden everyone was really interested in when we would be having another one. We had actually been trying for a while with no luck, and honestly this question was just painful. I would usually just smile and say "Oh, sooner or later" when what I really wanted to say was something like "Well we just didn't like any of the ones we saw at the cabbage patch." We were just blessed with our second little girl. In 3-4 years are people going to start asking when we're having #3?
     
  19. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    GG Fan...no, they'll start asking when you're going to try for a boy.

    Strangers ask me all the time when I'm going to "go for the girl". Um, never. Last baby nearly killed me, not that its any concern of yours. Whatever.

    There's a sign on my front door that reads "No Girls Allowed (except Mommy)"
     
  20. mrs.tt

    mrs.tt Rookie

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    I really can't believe some of the things people say to pregnant and new moms. It's the same way I can't believe people when they say things like, "Oh, you're engaged? I'd better be invited to the wedding!"

    It's funny how all the rude people seem to say all the same things.
     
  21. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    I learned this the hard way! I had a friend in HS that now works at a local bank. I hadn't seen her in a couple of years. She was wearing one of those shirts that makes you look pregnant. I kept looking at her and I finally just asked if she is pregnant this was last summer. I still feel horrible and let me tell you I will never ask any one that questions again!! And she lost the extra btw. Not that it matters. How rude of me to think she was pregnant. I just was excited for her. UGH
     
  22. msmullenjr

    msmullenjr Devotee

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    Jun 29, 2010

    I get that one all the time. Lets see my boys are 13 and 9 (almost ten) and you want me to start all over again because you feel my life in incomplete because I don't have a daughter. How embarrassing that Ruben and I thought that we had a nice little family going here.

    BTW, where can I get one of those signs? LOL
     
  23. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    When my 2nd was born and it was another girl, my MIL is asking as they are wheeling me out of the delivery room when were we going to try for another so we could get a boy. I told her that if I get pregnant again it would be an accident. Of course that came back to haunt me 7 months later when I was pregnant again (it was a very happy accident) and we did have a boy so I did not ever have to answer that question again.
     
  24. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    My little sister is 20 years younger than me. We get questions about being "real" or "full" sisters all the time. We are, but I think it is a weird question. Also, especially right after she was born, I would go to the store with my mom and people would make comments about "mom, grandma and baby" or "3 generations." My mom would get SOO mad.

    I also remember a story about me as a baby. Mom had me in a blue dress and some woman came up and was cooing over the cute baby "boy." My grandmother corrected her - "that's my grandDAUGHTER." The stranger made a comment about how they shouldn't put me in blue, then. Yeah, but it's a DRESS. (good thing I wasn't wearing my overalls my dad liked to put me in...)
     
  25. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Trust me, it's no better when you have 2 girls and actually do have the boy.

    "Oh, your husband must be so happy to get his boy!"

    Um, actually we are BOTH as thrilled with the birth of this child as we were with our girls, thank you.

    Lately, the one I have been hating on is "Is he a good baby?"

    No, he's the devil incarnate. Are you available for babysitting?

    Or, "Does he sleep for you?"

    He's a baby. What do you think?
     
  26. chemteach55

    chemteach55 Connoisseur

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    My MIL is very lucky that my son was the last of the 3 born because if he had been my first baby, I would have been more vigilant about birth control and he would have been an only child. I was never sick with my girls and they were both fairly easy going babies. I was sick the entire pregnancy and it was not morning sickness--it was 24/7 sickness. I also so not think that he slept for the 1st 6 months of his life and neither did I. As a teenager though, he is the most easy going of my children. He never complains about anything and is the most lovable.
     
  27. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I hate how people are so darn miserable that they can't seem to accept marriage, birth, and other "happy" announcements without being negative. Rolling the eyes, scoffing, saying things to the effect of, "Oh, good luck with that!" Very annoying.
     
  28. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    No kidding. I remember telling this curmudgeonly coworker who happens to have twins that I was having twins, too, and he said, and I quote, "Oh. I'll have my wife send you a condolences card."

    Niiiice.
     
  29. GG Fan

    GG Fan Rookie

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    Uh oh. Sounds like I better have some prepared answers on hand for when they start asking when we're having a boy! Ironically, I'm all for having another one, but my husband says he's done. I thought for sure he'd want to try for a boy. So I guess I could respond with "Well, I can't do it on my own." Okay, I would never actually say that, but I do think I'd be smart to come up with some quick come backs.
     
  30. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    I told one particularly obnoxious middle aged woman who made the "triyng of a girl" comment that "when did my sex life become any of your concern". She backed off, red faced, very quickly.
     
  31. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    My husband's standard response before our son was born was "we aren't trying yet, but we practice daily"...
     
  32. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Jun 29, 2010

    haha KC.

    GG how old is your daughter?
     
  33. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Well, first, you'd have to butter up my brother in law....
     
  34. mrs.tt

    mrs.tt Rookie

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    Oh, and for the record...the man's "contribution" determines whether it is a boy or a girl. So, I guess an appropriate answer to "when are you going to try for a boy/girl" would be, "Ask my husband!" :lol:
     
  35. raelynn823

    raelynn823 Rookie

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    i have an in home daycare. all of my kids are from different nationalities, literally. One blond w/ blue eyes, one red headed irish, one asian, one hispanic, one African american, etc....you get the picture. when we go out in public on field trips i ALWAYS hear....

    "are they all yours?"

    one time i did actually say...

    "yeah, i'm DESPERATELY trying to find Mr. right":rolleyes:

    usually i say...


    "yeah, until 5:30";)
     
  36. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    haha Rae that is funny!
     
  37. monsieurteacher

    monsieurteacher Aficionado

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    I was working one-on-one with a kid with autism that was about 10 years old... I would have been 19 or so, and we were walking to the local grocery store for something.... the cashier asked if he was mine! Yes, I had him when I was nine, and decided to keep him.
     
  38. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    :lol:
    :lol::lol::lol:
     
  39. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    Oh, dear:eek:.

    I have three girls. I hate how people ask, in front of them, if we were disappointed that #3 was a girl, again. Nope. She was not a healthy baby, and in all honesty, we are happy that she is alive. Are you going to try for a boy? No way in heck! Three kids is already a lot for us!

    Kim
     
  40. GG Fan

    GG Fan Rookie

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    Jaime - My oldest daughter is 5 and the baby is 3 months. They better not start asking about another/boy any time soon!
    My husband would love the response about practicing every day - if only it were true, lol!
     

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