PSA - pregnancy jokes

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by silverspoon65, Oct 4, 2011.

  1. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Oct 4, 2011

    First let me say I know I am guilty about this so i am not passing judgment, but now I see this in a new light.

    I recently found out that I cannot have kids at the weight I am at now, and with health issues that are caused by that extra weight. I am trying hard to lose the weight but I am 31 - I am worried that once I get the weight off I may still have problems conceiving.

    I have had stomach issues twice in the past couple weeks, and both times other women in my department have made little comments about me being pregnant, like little jokes.

    I don't find it funny at all. I don't want to jump down their throats because, like I said, I am sure I have made similar comments in the past, and they are not aware of my situation. So instead of saying anything to them, I am just passing on a PSA - spread the word. Think twice before making those little comments about pregnancy unless you are sure of the person's situation. It could be that you are just squeezing lemon on the wound. I know I am sorry for those comments I have made and am going to think twice about making them.
     
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  3. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Aw Silver, my heart goes out to you. Thanks for posting this.

    Every adult human needs to know - you don't say ANYTHING to a woman about pg, until you see the baby's head popping out!!

    There are other things people say without really thinking that can be very hurtful. People don't mean to be hurtful. These things have become part of our everyday language, which is really awful. I think our manners are just not what they used to be.

    For instance: "How retarded!" "You retard!" -- not funny when you are holding the had of a little girl/young lady with Down's who has become a part of your family.

    "I'm just brain dead today" - "I'm so stupid, I must be brain dead." -- not so funny when you had to have your dear sister disconnected from life support because she WAS brain dead.

    We all need to spread the word, and watch our words. ( PS - if you want a baby, do what you need to do, don't worry about what might happen in the future! There are lots of miracles out there. I had my family after 33.)
     
  4. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Oct 4, 2011

    Oh, silver, I completely agree with you! As someone who has gone through secondary infertility (twice), I know how hurtful those comments can be. I HATE it when people give me the little wink wink every time I don't feel well. ANNOYING.

    I have always had 2 comebacks in my head, never used, but sorely wanted to:

    Me: Whew, I don't feel well this morning.
    Idiot: <wink wink> Morning sickness! You know what that means!
    Me: Well, you've caught me, I'm knocked up, and I've chosen to reveal that secret by hinting to the world that this fetus is making me puke every morning! Congratulations!

    ~OR~

    Me: Whew, I don't feel well this morning.
    Idiot: <wink wink> Morning sickness! You know what that means!
    Me: What? If it's you assuming that my age and marital status makes me eligible for childbearing, you would be WRONG. Because I watched my husband have a vasectomy, and I've had an ablation. So any child we conceive would be a miracle. Thanks for playing.
     
  5. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Oct 4, 2011

    I've found it useful to give a cool stare for five seconds, followed by the phrase, "That's an interesting assumption." It works in a variety of situations. Most recently, I used it when my cousin "hinted" that my childless life was disappointing my parents (they know kids are not an option for me).

    I'm sorry you're in the place you are now. My hope is that it is, indeed, a temporary one.
     
  6. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Oct 4, 2011

    :hugs: silver.....I try not to say comments like that, but I know they have slipped out in the past.
     
  7. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Oct 4, 2011

    I am ok. We still have time, and kids were never definitely something we were set on anyway. But those comments really irk me.
     
  8. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Oct 4, 2011

    Actually, I would like a way to be able to point this out to people without 1. making them feel totally awful - after all, many of us have made these little comments, and 2. without being passive aggressive. Any ideas.
     
  9. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Well, neither of my fantasy comments will work then! I get frustrated with people, and my passive aggressive mean side comes out. I rather liked cat's suggestion.
     
  10. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Oct 4, 2011

    How about just smiling and saying something benign like "No, I wish. It is that chronic acid reflux! ugh. But you'll be the first to know!"

    Or even a simple - "I could never keep that kind of information to myself!" Again, the big smile takes the edge off the message.

    You have a good attitude about this.
     
  11. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Most importantly, I am sorry for your difficulties and wish you the very best.

    And two, I HATE THOSE COMMENTS AS WELL! Hate them, hate them, hate them.

    And God forbid I hold a baby...
     
  12. Maryhf

    Maryhf Connoisseur

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    Oct 4, 2011

    Sorry Silver:hugs:
    One of my coworkers confided to me over the summer that she and hubby were trying to conceive. The other day I told her that even if I stared at her belly every morning, that I would never be so forward as to tell her that she was "showing" or something (because what if she wasn't?) so I would continue to wish her the best and to please let me know if she had news.
    Wow, people can be so clueless!
     
  13. math1abee

    math1abee Companion

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    Oct 5, 2011

    I'm sorry silver. I know I've said those comments and have had them said to me in return. They are annoying but I just shrug them off. I appreciate your post because it is very enlightening. I will definitely attempt to think about my comments before saying them.
     
  14. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Oct 5, 2011

    When I saw the title, PSA - pregnancy jokes, I thought of a Prostate-Specific Antigen (PSA) Test (for Prostate cancer) and I was trying to think what kind of jokes would include Prostate and pregnancy !? Two gender specific conditions. :dizzy: :lol:
    When I encounter a woman who could be pregnant I NEVER ask or say anything about till she says something, even if I have jokes roaming around my mind.
     
  15. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    When I saw PSA, that was my first thought as well Dave.
     
  16. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Oct 5, 2011

    I think most people know (though sometimes ingore :)) that to play it safe, one shouldn't comment on what appears to be a pregnant belly until things have been confirmed. What many, many people don't realize is that joking about having children can be awkward or painful for those who cannot.

    Oh, you better not drink the water...you'll be pregnant in a minute!

    Oh, you look nice today. [pause] Wait a minute, you're glowing...is that a preeeeegnancy [drawn out, big smile] glow I see?

    It's absolutely, totally meant in good fun or comes from a sincere place, but...just something to keep in mind.
     
  17. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Yep and that was totally my point - I don't want to bite anyone's head off about it. But the more people keep it in mind, the fewer awkward moments there will be.
     
  18. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Oct 5, 2011

    Now that I am married I am shocked at the amount of people that are asking when we will have kids. In fact, my husband's dad made a speech at the wedding and it mentioned when we would start having kids. What is surprising is that even people who know my medical situation ask.

    Please don't ask people this. It is none of your business and it can make the person feel very uncomfortable if they do not plan to have children.
     

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