Prom Dilemma on the Radio This Morning

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by KinderCowgirl, May 5, 2011.

  1. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    I stayed in bed longer than I should have this morning listening to them talk on the radio. A mom called in saying that her son's friend is having a post-prom party at his house. The parents are going to let them drink beer, take all the keys and not let anyone drive.

    This mom is feeling peer pressure from other parents because she believes it's wrong and won't let her child go. Their reasoning is they could get a hotel room and drink, etc. (which I'm not sure would be so easy, since they are obviously going to know they are there for prom and underage). And are really giving her a hard time about it.

    I would also not let my child go to this party. I think it's really wrong for parents to try to be "cool" under the guise of protecting their kids. Others were calling in saying they would even go so far as to call the police (that I don't think I could do-the kids could be arrested with their parents, which I know, they are breaking the lay, but I'm not sure I could do that).

    I just can't believe beyond the unethicalness (I know that's probably not a word) the liability...if one of those kids sneaks out and drives and hurts someone, or gets alcohol poisoning-that these parents would even risk that lawsuit.

    What do you think?
     
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  3. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    My son wouldn't be going...and if he did, I would call the police.
     
  4. INteacher

    INteacher Aficionado

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    what do I think . . . . WRONG, WRONG and WRONG!! If they are trying to prevent them from drinking and driving, don't supply beer!!! I don't and never will understand this logic???

    My daughter wouldn't be going and thankfully I don't think she would want to go.

    I truly don't get parents like this. I have spent the past 10 years teaching my daughters the dangers of underage drinking. I just don't get it??!!!
     
  5. Cerek

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    My son would not be going and I most likely would call the police to let them know their will be a party with underage drinking going on.

    Breaking the law is not "cool", it is WRONG...period. The fact these parents would even risk the possibility of someone sneaking out or getting alcohol poisoning tells me they aren't thinking like adults, so I have no sympathy for any consequences they would suffer for deliberately engaging in such grossly negligent (and idiotic) behavior.

    As far as peer pressure goes, I was never part of the "IN" crowd in school anyway, so I don't really care if a bunch of adolescent parents don't think I'm as "cool" as them. And any parent that would resort to peer pressure isn't a real friend anyway. I don't need them or their approval.
     
  6. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    These kinds of parties are unfortunately very common here. The police just brush things under a rug as long as it's on private property and there are adults present. Because of this, many students grow up thinking that they are above the law, which really does a disservice to them.

    I attended some parties like this as a child (my senior ring party was one) and never drank. I was always the designated driver kid in high school.

    That said, my parents did let me drink at home with them (I'm talking wine at dinner, champagne to toast things, an occasional traditional drink for different occasions, etc.) so it wasn't a big mystery to me and I didn't feel the need to binge drink. I think there's a big difference in allowing a small amount of alcohol in a controlled environment and providing large quantities of alcohol to a large number of minors.
     
  7. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    I also want to add that as bad of an idea as this is, at least they are doing it after prom and not before.
     
  8. Shanoo

    Shanoo Habitué

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    The drinking age in my province is 18. We do supply alcohol at our prom. It's a wet/dry event. Ages are double checked with school records and ID before the students get their appropriately coloured bracelet. At prom, any underage person caught with an alcoholic drink is sent home (a parent or guardian needs to come and pick them up. The student waits in a different room until they arrive). Any underage person caught drunk is sent to a juvenile detention center, no questions asked. Any of age person caught too drunk to properly care for themselves is sent to the drunk tank, no questions asked. At the end of the night, everyone needs to be picked up by an adult. Their rides need to be pre-arranged and the adult needs to show ID before they can take the kids.

    That being said, we are following the laws of our province. Growing up, I never understood (and I still don't understand) those parents who feel it "necessary" to be cool in the eyes of their children. I didn't drink until I was of age (the age of majority is 19 in the province in which I grew up). My children will not have my permission to drink until they are of age.

    I would have a hard time letting my kids go to that party. Especially considering the gap in their ages and the age of majority in the US...3 years is a huge difference.
     
  9. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    My parents used to let my siblings do this. By then I was over 21 and teaching. I always refused to be around when they did, as I am sure I could be in trouble as well for serving to minors. While I do think our drinking age should be lowered, I would not want the responsibility of hosting this type of party. I also think that by "taking their keys at the door" they are encouraging not just a casual drink but drunkenness. (not that they should drive even after one drink, but the whole perception of the party seems to be getting DRUNK not responsible celebratory drinking).
     
  10. MuggleBug

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    No, my kid would not be going. I'd tell him he could have friends over our house...with NO booze...just lots of soda and food. :) The parents could get arrested and yeah, I'd probably tip off the cops because I think that's stupid and dangerous. Not only are there high school seniors, but what if some bring younger dates? I would not want my 14 or 15-year-old daughter to feel pressured to keep up with the older kids.
     
  11. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Same with me, MissC...growing up in Louisiana lol
     
  12. Mrs. K.

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  13. kcjo13

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    1. No, my child would not go. She would probably dislike me for a while, but that's ok, I'm not on this planet to be her bestie, I'm here to keep her safe and teach her right from wrong. Give her a few years and she'll get that.

    2. Is it the wisest move to be advertising an underage kegger on the radio?

    3. Despite what some parents think, their children will respect them a lot more for the boundaries they set, not for the rules they allow them to break.
     
  14. scienceteach82

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    Interesting article. My parents let me have small glasses of wine on special occasions with them at an early age. I never became a huge drinker...rarely drink at all...and don't like wine that much anymore. My brothers are the same way.

    I forgot to mention...I would not let the girls go to a party like that. Inviting kids to get drunk is absurd.
     
  15. midwestteacher

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    My children also would not be going to this party. We have had issues like this in the past. The parents will actually sit with a police band scanner and listen for a call to their house. They heard the call and went out and took all the beer cans and gave the kids sodas. A few years back, a school board member let their child have this party at their house after graduation.
    The problem around here is everyone has connections. Cops aren't going to this house because the kid's uncle is a deputy, etc. I wish just one of these parties would get busted to teach people a lesson.
     
  16. Cerek

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    The article is interesting, but it pointed out the major flaw I see in any type of justification offered for parents hosting parties.

    It stated that some parents think it is inevitable that teens will experiment with alcohol. NO IT IS NOT INEVITABLE! Chances are, these parents were the ones sneaking around "experimenting" with alchohol, cigarettes and other things when they were teens, but just because THEY did it doesn't mean their children will - especially if they raise their kids in an environment of respect, but also with boundaries.

    Both of my parents were heavy smokers and my dad was a heavy drinker. I've never had a single puff of a cigarette and I never took a drink of beer until I was in college. Even then, it only took 3-4 to get a buzzed and that was when I stopped. I also WALKED everywhere on campus, so I never drove after drinking. While I do like a beer every now and then, it is just an occasional thing for me.

    I've also NEVER experimented with drugs, even when some of my college buddies were passing joints around the room. I simply held up my hand and declined, which made the guy offering even happier cause he got a second hit.

    Any parent who uses the excuse "They are going to do it anyway" is just making an excuse for not being adult enough to let their child get mad at them and may still be coping with guilt over their own youthful indiscretions.

    Also, even though I do like to have a beer every now and then, I NEVER have beer at the house for my boys to see. I don't lie or hide the fact that I drink one from time to time, but I never do it in front of them. And I NEVER go out to the pub or bar when they are with me. I have time to do my own thing when they are with their mom. When they are with me, it is THEIR time, not mine. Some parents think have a hard time with that concept as well.
     
  17. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    I agree with you...I hate beer. I have alcoholics in my family. I was always scared of being one. So I stayed away from it. I hope my son does, but I am not stupid. So instead we have talked about research that shows that there are connections between our genes and addiction. I also have stressed to him that if he drinks, no matter where, he is to call me to come and get him. I have promised no lectures that night, but that there would be probably one later. But at least he won't be in a coffin.
     
  18. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    My parents let me drink while in the presence. They let me have my first sip of beer (YUCK!), but they would never have allowed me to go to a party like this though.

    And there is no way my daughter would be going to this party.
     
  19. catnfiddle

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    There is a difference between having a small, supervised glass of wine at dinner with family and being in a lockdown with one set of eyes watching a dozen binge drinkers. That one set of eyes would need a hold-harmless agreement from each kid's parents in order to avoid committing some serious felonies.
     
  20. Peachyness

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    What dumb parents. Wow. If anything happened to a child at that house, the parents would be in so much trouble, legally. They are underage, so it's illegal. Period. If kids sneak off and drink, that's one thing. But if parents are supporting this and providing the booze and the place, than that's a whole other issue. If this is being planned ahead of time and is being broadcast on the radio too, then I'm sure the police will be in on it, soon enough.
     
  21. Ms. I

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    What stupidity on the part of the parents throwing the party! Just because they "think" they're taking away everyone's keys, that doesn't mean anything. Anyone can still get hurt on their property. Then, they better take away cell phones (which not everyone will do) & put their home phone out of commission too so no one can call other friends to borrow their cars. Someone always finds a way.

    Besides, who wants a bunch of drunken idiots throwing up, stinking up, & tearing up the house?! :mad:

    These parents need to be locked up!

     
  22. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    Haven't read all the responses, but this sort of thing was very common where I grew up in WI. My friends and I had "Kool-Aid Parties" at our houses instead...
     
  23. Cerek

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    I don't think the Party Planners broadcast it on the radio (that would be even MORE stupid, if possible). Instead, it is the Concerned Parent that called the radio station and reported the planned party and the peer pressure she is feeling to let her son go.

    So it seems the mom found a passive way to "report" the party without actually calling authorities directly. ;)
     
  24. Brendan

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    Nope my kids wouldn't go. What idiot parents to advertise the drinking. To be honest, I don't have a problem with my college aged children drinking with a few friends in my basement, but in HS no. I let my kids drink at family functions and dinner once they go to University. Both of my sons are/were in a Fraternity, I don't pretend to be oblivious to what is going on.
     
  25. Peachyness

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    Yeah, I suppose so. :) It seems to me that it would be kind of hard to keep this party a secret, so I'm assuming there's going to be a few parents who find this whole thing ridiculous. This one parent called in the radio station. Maybe another parent will actually contact authorities. Hopefully. I mean, geeeesh, we all did stupid things as kids growing up, but at least we had parents who were there to hold us down to earth and to talk some sense into us. It sounds like this kids parents are quite like that.
     
  26. JustMe

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    My child would not be in attendance. Not a chance.
     
  27. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I see it a bit differently than you guys and this is probably because I have drank at "parties" in high school with the parents knowing. My child would not attend this because of the size of the party and the safety issue, but not the legality reason nor the ethical one.

    The size of the party makes it much more likely for somthing to happen and it would not be a safe situation. When I went to mine after prom it was a small amount of people and we all were responsible people. Our parents trusted us and knew we would not go crazy and we didn't. If I trusted my child and the parents all talked about it, I think I would be fine.

    The reason I don't agree with the ethical/legal reason is that we do illegal things all the time in front of our kids. I guarantee that everyone has gone over the speed limit at some time. And some parents let their kids drink in their own house on special occasions.

    So, while I wouldn't let my child go, it would be a safety reason, not an ethical one.
     
  28. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I would be hosting the alternate party, the one with no beer.
     
  29. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I may not always be the good example for my kids that I would like to be.

    But that doesn't mean I'll ever stop trying.
     
  30. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I completely agree with this. I just don't think letting kids under 21 drink is setting a bad example, at least not in a certain safe environment.
     
  31. Jem

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    The week before my high school prom, our social studies teacher (we had one for the whole school-small town) would always take the junior and senior class to the local funeral home. We got a tour of the embalming room, the memorial room, the casket room, etc. And then Mr. Jennings would tell us that if we were caught drinking on prom night, he would pick us up in his hearse. Hopefully alive. I never heard of any drinking parties afterwards, but then I wouldn't have gone anyways so maybe they didn't waste the invitation. Or maybe there were none due to this field trip.

    In regards to ethical argument-not only is it against the law, but people-regardless of age-make really stupid choices when they are intoxicated. You are putting a large group of teenagers together in a house with bedrooms and taking away any judgment they might have had coming in to the situation. So the ethicalness goes beyond breaking the law into making it easier for students to engage in sexual acts they might not otherwise, dare each other to do dangerous physical acts-how many spring breakers jump off balconies each year??-and possibly get alcohol poisoning if they don't know when to stop.

    There is a reason binge drinking is a bad idea, and it's not because of piousness. It can lead to some really bad, irreversible decisions.
     
  32. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Part of what we're trying to teach our kids is that the rules apply to everyone.

    So letting them think that compliance with ANY law is optional is not part of our parenting philosophy.

    As I said, we don't always live up to our ideals. But we try.

    And, not that it matters, these are 16 and 17 and 18 year olds-- minors. Not anywhere close to 21 year olds.
     
  33. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Well I very much respectfully disagree with this philosophy. I think going a few miles above the speed limit (for which the punishment is a fine) is much different than drinking underage-which is a felony and will be a box to check on every future job application/college application. Supplying alcohol to minors is also a felony-I don't think you can compare the 2.

    I had a friend who was drinking once (there were only probably 4 kids altogether) who ran straight through a sliding-glass door and needed over a hundred stitches-his mother was home and knew they were drinking. I don't think there's any "safe" way for teenagers to drink-anything can happen.

    We probably have 6 fairly large school districts in the radio station's listening area-so there's no way to figure out what school this was. They didn't identify it at all. What made me really mad was these other parents who were making this mom feel like a heel for not wanting her child to participate. She was just being a responsible mom.
     
  34. TeacherShelly

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    These parents seem to think they'll be seen as "cool" or "with it," but the kids know they're just pushovers. They are congratulating themselves on pulling this one over on them. Sad, really, to need to be cool even into your child's teens!
     
  35. sue35

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  36. Irishdave

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    A Firm NO from this parent
     
  37. kpa1b2

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    A local high school use to have a smashed up car on their front lawn in the weeks before prom and graduation.

    I had a girlfriend get married when we were only 20, drinking age was 21, the next state, across the river the drinking age was 18. Her Mom drove us through the cemetery before letting us go out the night before her wedding. After that trip we quickly changed our minds about going across the river!

    My children, 19 yrs & 15 yrs. are offered a glass of wine at the holiday tables. Both decline. I started offering, and they started declining, after they were confirmed.
    No way would my children be going.
     
  38. DrivingPigeon

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    This is where my boyfriend and I disagree. I would not want to let my child go to a party like that. My boyfriend, on the other hand, would be the parent who would host the party.
     
  39. INteacher

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    And if their prom is like ours, there could be freshman and sophomores in attendance. In that case, we're talking 14 and 15 year old.
     
  40. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Right. And where do you draw the line on "close enough to break the law?" The law says 21. So is 18 close enough? 16? 14? 12? 10? Is it OK to serve my Kira's 8 year old guests pina coladas at Saturday's First Communion?
     
  41. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Only if I am invited, Alice!
     

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