I keep telling myself that it's not me, it's the pandemic. I cannot help but feel so guilty when I decide to take a day off on the weekend from grading or lesson planning. We had a four-day weekend because of the NJEA convention, and I did nothing but work, grade, and lesson plan. I feel like I'm working much harder this year, and I feel like I'm failing. Everything I know about teaching has not prepared me for this. I cannot seem to stop the guilt and anxiety. I used to love this job, and I still do, but most days, I'm dreading going into work. Please keep me in your prayers, everyone. I feel like I'm sinking.
Honestly, this has been a year to try men's souls - to much doubt about the future, to little leadership through the pandemic, to much fear about a disease that is powerful and frequently deadly. Every teacher is struggling, no matter what brave face they are putting on. Districts are struggling, trying to provide the services that their parents expect in a time of uncertainty, where external factors are outside of their control. In NJ, the positivity and hospitalization rates are once again on the rise, and we never even got to stages of opening our state that other states take for granted. Talked to my sister in the midwest, and she commented that they were going "back" to only 50% capacity - NJ never made it to 25% capacity in most areas, so we have felt the needed burden of isolation longer than some states, and yet, our case numbers are on the rise again. You might want to talk to your health care professional and get an educated opinion about whether you are "just" being affected by the pandemic versus have anxiety issues that may respond to medication. I can only tell you that I doubt that many of your colleagues are as comfortable in their position as they may have been in years past - uncertainty does that to people. There is an overwhelming sense of loss due to all of the "don't/can't do" restrictions. I'm not sure how you define normal in this specific time of pandemic.
It seems to me that the pandemic has affected our work very strongly "it is certainly hard for doctors too." I was not as ready to quit my job as I was this year. I pray for all of you and me
I will pray for you @Iris1001 . Sometimes it is necessary to take a little break, just 1 or 2 days and isolate yourself to think and clear your mind. It does a lot of good! "To go far you must preserve your mount..."
