Police- What have been your experiences in different areas?

I am curious if you were in a small town or city? I do remember when drunk driving was common place. If you got pulled over, the cops would make minors dump the alcohol out. They'd tell the driver to drop people off and go home or call a ride.
I'd never heard people talk about Designated Drivers until my son's age group. Now you go to jail for 48 hrs at least here, and it doesn't matter who you are unless you are not charged. ( Courtesy cards might help you to get home and not charged . IDK)
I know a lot of really good people who maybe had 2-3 drinks who had to go to jail when that automatic law came into effect. It took a generation here to learn, you are going to jail if you get caught drinking and driving.
I 100 % agree with you about just admitting what you did. I grew up the same way. I can't believe the way some people act now when pulled over. I have seen so many videos of people lying, not following directions, recording, cussing and baiting cops.
It is interesting/ scary to look at how our society has changed.
When I grew up, most had a basic respect for adults and parents. I don't see much of that anymore. Kids behaved in school when I grew up in front of adults....anyways.
Now a lot of kids do not know what the word "NO" means. With the breakdown of parenting and schools, now the cops are having to deal w/ adults who never learned any respect. Honesty is not even valued anymore by many people.
You were fortunate to have gotten pulled over when honesty and cooperation were valued.

 

Well, we have a society that tells people respect is earned. In order to curb a problem that was in a minority of families (abuse) we tied the hands or made those who are not abusers fearful to do anything. As a society we judge harshly whatever parents do, it is never right. In many ways life got easier (washing machines, dryers, convenient foods in the grocery store), but life got busier and harder in other ways.

We, as a society, have almost obliterated marriage for life. Most don't believe it in. Most want what works for them now and how they perceive things.

Many of these things happened because society tried to apply solutions for issues that were about terrible things that happened to the minority of people into a generalization convincing people that anything that is remotely challenging is not worth their effort, anything they don't like is the other person's fault and must be changed, and they are to be uncompromising because compromising means the other person is treating you unfairly.

I'm not saying stay in truly abusive relationships, but people have given up on working things out and letting some things to in favor of having their way at all times.

 

Yeah, I have heard "respect is earned...."over the years, but that was not the norm when I grew up. Have they really made it that hard for people to discipline their children? Are you talking discipline as in spanking kids? It is still legal here if you do not leave marks, I think.
I have only known 1 person to get in trouble for spanking her kid. It was b/c she used a paddle and the boy stuck his hand out to cover his rear right before it hit him, injuring his finger. She took him straight to the dr. who turned her into DFYS. It did become a battle. That was in another place a long time ago.
Other than that situation, she was better than most moms I see nowadays who do not teach and correct their kids, totally neglect them, or give in to their every whim.
I have seen so much neglect be allowed by DFYS b/c there is no place to put the kids. ( Not enough foster care.) I know a lot of people's attitudes have changed about spanking kids too.
Spanking kids has a different meaning to different people. A quick swat on the butt to get the attention of a defiant 2 year old is a lot different to me than waiting until you are mad or they are a lot older. It's too late if they haven't learned certain things at a young age imo. I think kids need to understand by 5 that their parents are in charge ( not them) and that the word, " No!" exists and needs to be heeded b/c w/ most parents the word is often used to protect their kids from danger. Like when they decide to put scissors in a light socket...lol or go near something hot, or run into traffic.
I swatted my kids on the butt when they were young and they are grown and doing fine. If I raised kids all over again, knowing what I know now, I could still discipline or teach them w/out spanking them. I've learned a lot since those days.
I think I have seen it on here where some feel very passionately against spanking.
There are so many different ways to teach your kids now. I don't think the problem is not spanking kids, but more not teaching kids basic things at a young age.
Yeah, marriage for life is not as common as it was when I grew up. Looking back on years of family trees, my generation was the 1st ones that had divorces. Knowing history though, I know there were long separations w/ some that just never ended w/ divorce.
It was so socially unacceptable even when we were kids that some families lived in extreme dysfunction. ( Addiction, abuse, affairs)
I remember being in 3rd grade when I heard about a divorce for the 1st time. It was a big deal, and I remember women rallying around the lady who was getting divorced. ( Her husband was leaving for another woman.)
I am not sure when "no fault divorce" came out. Sometimes, I think 1 person is mostly at fault. Abuse, addiction, affairs ..., same as before only now less people put up with it. ( You are right though that many will not compromise, blame the other w/out looking at themselves too.) It is much easier to divorce now and the courts have really changed where I live anyways.
They almost always give equal custody to both parents which may seem fair to the parents, but it has screwed up so many kids I have seen over the yrs.
They go from 1 set of rules to another sometimes every week or every 2 weeks. Some are 6 months /6 months which is horrible for kids in a different way.
Neither parent wants to be the bad guy, so both parents give the kids whatever they want or do not tell them they can't do what they want. As a parent, that would make life very hard. Kids need consistency.
In many ways life is harder on parents these days. More women have to work to survive. When/where I grew up, most women stayed home and raised kids at least until their kids were in school. Inflation has gone through the roof too. Some people can't live off of 1 salary. Also, many people have not learned delayed gratification and easy credit has made it to where you can get whatever you want now.
I fell into that trap myself and was so thankful to have gotten out of it and learned from it. I wish I'd have understood it though without having to have learned the hard way. Life is so much easier when you are debt free.
You are right it is common to "judge" parents too. I have had times I root for parents to hold their ground w/ a kid who is arguing, but sometimes I can't help but think , "WT#? Who is the parent?
I have seen kids who hit their moms and the moms just turn to the side. They believe kids will develop empathy when they realize they are hurt or it is best to give zero attention to it. It will be interesting to see how Webster Dictionary changes the meaning of the word "parent" over the next 20 years. I know we shouldn't "judge" others, but dang some parents make it soooo hard not to!

 

I am from the city and was driving in a rural area, through a very small town. I was picked up by county sheriff's dept. Respectful behavior is still valued by law enforcement.

 

Yes. Neighbors call CPS on families over little to nothing. Even some schools have used CPS as a weapon when parents fight for special education services for their children.

So, yes, parents who are anxious are frightened because of what could happen. It changes how they parent.

You might say, "No big deal if they are doing nothing wrong", but it can cause a lot of grief to the families who do not deserve it.

Do you know how many people visit the room in an emergency room when a child is injured by a regular accident (no abuse)? I'm not saying that incidents shouldn't be investigated, but it does change the mindset of parents.

Do you know some schools are telling children that their parents do not have the right to lay a hand on them (even a spanking - not abuse) and they can call CPS or the police and report their parents? Sure, not all, but some are and that is a big problem. Now some parents will just tell the kid who uses the 'I am going to call' card on the parents to go ahead and make the call because they will be the ones who are removed from the home and placed with strangers. But not all parents have the guts to do so because their fear will stop them.

And I think the saddest thing I've read was on another board where a teacher was genuinely asking if she should call CPS because the child came to school drinking Coca-cola and she didn't like the child's manners.

Yeah, things have become harder for parents.

Pop tart guns get kids suspended and a visit from police to see if there are guns in the house. Life has changed a lot.

 

Wow! I live in a small corner of the world that is probably very different than a lot of places.
We do not have many foster homes in the area I work. You have to pass a background check and maybe even a P test which would make it impossible for many.
The ONLY times I have seen kids removed from their homes here is if the parent goes to jail for a period of time for drug sales ( where they have been set up by an enemy, ex, or family member who is fed up or has been ripped off. )
Police don't have time unless someone calls in and tells them a big buy is going to happen at ___ time, that someone is running a meth lab at __, or where a large stash of drugs are.)
Extreme violence (usually involving guns) that make it so someone has to go to a hospital that is a far away is another way to end up in jail here. The hospital reports it.
There are not many cops near where I work either.
The kids usually are sent to a grandparent or a relative.
Having a kid threatening their parent though w/ calling DFYS is unheard of here.

That'd be a hard position for a parent. If they live in an area like that people should teach their kids what happens to kids in foster care before they get to the age they threaten with that preferably! Also, they should try to teach them lying like that is horrible. I have heard some group homes are pretty bad. That would be a hard decision for a parent to make.

Guns are seen as a household appliance here, like toasters, so there would be community out roar if someone checked their homes for guns. I remember when 1 president 1st got elected. Kids came to school horrified saying, " They are going to take our guns!"
They truly believed that their family's weapons would get confiscated that day. It was hard to calm them down without telling them their parent was over reacting or wrong.

Oh, and it is so opposite here...Pop tart guns would not even get a 2nd look. My friend had a kid who spent weeks pointing his fingers at her and classmates saying, " Boom!" ( Like he was shooting them, 1 after another.)
The kid had ready access to guns and was really disturbed. It was just "blown off" by admin. The police do get called and involved if a kid gets caught w/ a gun at school.

I did live in a couple of places in the past where DFYS would interview kids after receiving reports at school before contacting parents. I only remember 2 kids who were taken out of homes then and 1 was extremely abused. ( His entire face and body was black and blue. ( Very sad!)
Then the other was the mom who used a paddle and hurt the kid's finger.
I am sure many kids are abused in the area I work, but really abusive parents would not send their kids to school. They can totally get away w/ that where I work. They just say they are homeschooling.

 

Yeah, I would hope so. I guess it is just different personalities, but I try to be respectful of people in general. I can't imagine talking to anyone, let alone a cop, so awful like some people do now. Then they think it is cool to post it to you tube. That is what many teachers are forced to tolerate ever since our schools hands got tied.

 

I wonder how disrespectful Breonna Taylor was being when she was murdered by police while she was sleeping.

 

I missed out hearing much about her murder. ( So I just now read a bit about it.) I think no knock warrants are insane. I don't know anyone who would not automatically shoot if intruders broke into their home while they were sleeping. All over just drugs !! I can see if a violent killer / rapist who may be able to escape and kill more people might be arrested that way, but for drugs, nope. What do cops expect when they do that? That the sleeper is unarmed? I have never known of an unarmed drug dealer, so the dumb butt cops were stupid for doing that! I think that law needs to be changed majorly.

 

I grew up in the 60s and 70s. Got my liscence to drive around 1972. I would get a ticket about every five years till I was 35. Never had a problem with any policeman on any stop. State troopers NEVER gave a warning. Small town policeman did. Last time I was pulled was for a tailight. I was heading to work in Feb. It was COLD. Had my hands in my shorts and the large black cop said "please take your hands out sir" On all of those stops over the years I was also yes sir and no sir. I did have a close teacher friend tell me about her and a friend being pulled over by drunk cops in Kentucky and scared to death they were gonna be raped. Back in the 70s. A close friend of mine (just passed away) was the police chief of a middle sized Fla city. He was a great guy and his dept. was run well. In a city with a large university. That comes with special problems.
Biggest problem now days in many places is low pay and not enough good training.

 

I've mostly had decent encounter with cops. I've been pulled over for speeding,having taillight out. There has only been one experience that was scary. My husband and I were pulled over just as we were getting on the expressway. The officers walked up to both sides of the car with their guns drawn. My husband asked why we were pulled over. He told my husband that the car tag came up as stolen. He said this isn't your car. So my husband asked who does it belong too. The office said the name, which was my husband's. So after showing ID, we found out that the name the officer was looking at on the handheld device was incorrect, different first name same last name. I guess he pulled up the informationon the laptop and scrolled to the wrong name on the device. They had the guns out because that person had a warrant and restraining order. It was a misunderstanding as the officer pulled up the wrong person on his device, but it was scary to have a gun pointed at me form the other side of the glass.

 

I never thought of that being a factor, but it may have been w/ my ticket issues too. It is good you had decent experiences. I am so scared of cops still to this day IF I am alone. I know to keep my hands where they can see them and make no sudden moves. I am sorry your friend had to deal w/ drunk cops in KY. It seems like there are excellent, good, average, and bad cops. Just like in any profession from people's experiences.

 

Guns drawn on you is definitely a scary experience. We all make mistakes, but man, when cops do it, it can have scary/ deadly consequences. Whenever I had about had it at work, I'd tell myself, " Cops and drs have it a lot worse." We usually have a chance to remedy our mistakes. They don't always have that chance.

 

Atatiana Jefferson was shot through her window while in her own home, Aiayana Jones was 8 years old and shot dead while sleeping, Breyonna Talyor was sleeping, and there are many many more. Let's not get wild in here and make dog whistles talking about law enforcement values respect. There are too many dead people.
Just say that has been YOUR experience and move on without disrespecting people whose lives are in danger every single day and it it has nothing to do with driving, obeying the law, or being respectful.
People are being murdered in their homes, or murdered period and have been since policing began.

Elijah McClain played the violin for homeless cats. Read his last words. He was walking home...they targeted him and choked him. He vomited and apologized for vomiting. They still killed him.
How's that for being respectful.

 

No it's not like any other profession at all. The entire field is based on some history that people need to research.
And cops have qualified immunity. They are legally allowed to murder people. It's impossible to convict them of murder, even with video. It's the law. It's basically impossible to prove a cop guilty, even if he sat on someone's neck for 8 whole minutes.
3 other cops did nothing. And without video, the whole department was going to allow a lying coroner report as well as a lying police report. I would hope to God no other professions are allowed to be this corrupt.

Only because of protests have they been getting sort of arrested but still no real convictions
Oh, Botham Jean shot dead in his house while he was eating ice cream.

They are nothing like any other profession though there is an epidemic of doctors causing the deaths of black women and black babies so many of us are not safe in hospitals either

 

Please tell me more about the doctors... I’m curious to know what that’s all about. I have heard that black women and babies are at higher risk of dying, but I haven’t heard about the reasons behind it.

 

Here's a start: https://www.heart.org/en/news/2019/...gh-risk-of-dying-from-pregnancy-complications. A search on "why do black women die in childbirth?" pulled up this and depressingly many more hits.

In addition, one complication of childbirth occurs when the blood vessels that supply the placenta don't shut down after the placenta separates. Many women have bled to death when this happens. It turns out to be relatively straightforward to deal with, once identified - but someone has to be paying enough attention to the mom to intervene before she bleeds out. And hospitals that don't serve the well-off may not have the staffing or may simply not prioritize monitoring.

 

I stayed in about 10 different states. I was in the military and formerly a youth pastor so I moved quite a bit. I've been pulled over in every state but 1. I've been pulled over literally dozens of times. The high majority of those times for no apparent reason. Why are you here? Where are you going? What did you do today? Do you mind if I look through your car? etc etc.

I've had a wide range of different officers some use abrasive language, some have been physical, the majority were friendly enough though. The whole process is just kind of frustrating. If anybody is wondering I'm an African American Male, also my cars are normally older model cars.

 

I had to look Elijah McClain up on you tube. It made me sick. We have very limited news here. I had never heard of him before. Now that I have more time, I am able to look up events like his murder on the computer.

 

I have probably had more police experiences than you, but most of the time ( not all) they had a reason. I got the same stupid questions too like it was any of their business. It is extremely frustrating when you didn't do anything wrong.
They ask those questions on tape in case they can incriminate you in anyway. (As simple as an address change since your last driver's license change.) Once when a cop had pulled me over and asked to search, he had such a crappy attitude that I said, " No!" and then held my ground for a long time. (I would not advise that to anyone unless they had people video taping.)
I am sorry you have had so many unlawful stops and some abrasive and physical experience too. I'd add more, but we are not allowed to get political on here. I'll just say the more high quality training teachers get, the better they get.

 

I went down a rabbit hole here probably a week ago, or right after I saw this. I looked up the other situations, and thought I'd replied. I guess I didn't reply from what I can tell. It seems like I only got to some names and situations, so when I saw the name Elijah McClain...my guess is I didn't get to him yet. I remember reading about the no knock warrants and a whole lot of other crap including the history.