PLEASE HELP...needs proofreading

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by McKennaL, Jan 12, 2010.

  1. McKennaL

    McKennaL Groupie

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    Jan 12, 2010

    I know that this might not be WHERE I should put this...i just wanted to get some the quick attention.

    This is a thank you note to a principal for a LTS assignment and a request for a (prized) letter of recommendation.

    Thanks you for your help!:

    Dear ______,

    I would like to thank you for the opportunity you gave me to work at _______ Elementary School. Thank you for having the faith in my teaching abilities and for asking me to join your amazing staff. Working alongside __another teacher__, ___Literacy coach__, and the outstanding kindergarten support staff was an honor. I will truly value the experience I had to work with my Tier Three boys, to witness the extraordinary benefits of the Fountas and Pinnel L.L.I. program, to introduce Handwriting Without Tears to the children, to help to pilot the new kindergarten report cards, and to experience all of the responsibilities and joys that go along with leading a busy classroom. Thank you also for your advice on how to improve my communication with parents and staff. I appreciated you taking the time to work with me on goal setting.

    Besides all of these wonderful experiences, I take with me the memories of working with each of my precious students. I would like to believe that I touched their lives as much as they have changed mine. Once again, thank you so very much for giving me this opportunity. If there would ever be another chance to join your staff, I would be honored to work with you again.

    I was hoping that you would agree to write a letter of recommendation for me and to serve as one of my references in the future. My aspirations are to work as a full-time classroom teacher (preferably in District __this one__), and I would be so grateful to have a note from you in my resume folder. Thank you for your consideration of this request.

    __principal__, you are in charge of a wonderful school. Your leadership and diligence towards providing exceptional instruction is obvious, and stands out as a wonderful benefit to each and every student. It was a privilege to work for you.

    Sincerely,

    McKenna

    ***

    Whatcha think? I want to get it out to her no later than this afternoon.
     
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  3. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Jan 12, 2010

    Okay, here goes. I've written a lot, but don't claim to be an authority. I've ( ) the suggested deletions and bolded the suggested inclusions.


    Dear ______,

    (I would like to ) Thank you for the wonderful opportunity you gave me to work at _______ Elementary School. It was a privilege (Thank you for having the faith in my teaching abilities and for asking me) to join your amazing staff. Working alongside __another teacher__, ___(L) literacy coach__, and the outstanding kindergarten support staff was an honor.

    I (will) truly value the experiences I had (to) working with my Tier Three boys, to witness the extraordinary (benefits) results possible with use the of the Fountas and Pinnel (check spelling - Pinnell??) L.L.I. program, to introduce Handwriting Without Tears to the children, to help to pilot the new kindergarten report cards, and to (experience) participate in all of the responsibilities and joys that go along with leading a busy classroom.

    (Thank you also for) (Y)our advice on ways (how) to improve my communication with parents and staff will be put to good use in the future. (I appreciated you taking the time to work with me on goal setting.) My goals for the future include working for _____ School and I plan to pursue teaching positions there as they become available.

    Therefore, I would be grateful for a letter of recommendation. Thank you for your consideration.

    (Besides all of these wonderful experiences, I take with me the memories of working with each of my precious students. I would like to believe that I touched their lives as much as they have changed mine. Once again, thank you so very much for giving me this opportunity. If there would ever be another chance to join your staff, I would be honored to work with you again.)

    (I was hoping that you would agree to write a letter of recommendation for me and to serve as one of my references in the future. My aspirations are to work as a full-time classroom teacher (preferably in District __this one__), and I would be so grateful to have a note from you in my resume folder. Thank you for your consideration of this request.)

    (__principal__, you are in charge of a wonderful school. Your leadership and diligence towards providing exceptional instruction is obvious, and stands out as a wonderful benefit to each and every student. It was a privilege to work for you.)

    Okay, I can't tell how this looks, so I'm going to post again and reprint the letter with my suggested changes.
     
  4. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Jan 12, 2010

    Dear ______,

    Thank you for the wonderful opportunity you gave me to work at _______ Elementary School. It was a privilege to join your amazing staff. Working alongside ____, ___ , and the outstanding kindergarten support, staff was an honor.

    I truly value the experiences I had working with my Tier Three boys, to witness the extraordinary results possible with use the of the Fountas and Pinnell L.L.I. program, to introduce Handwriting Without Tears to the children, to help to pilot the new kindergarten report cards, and to participate in all of the responsibilities and joys that go along with leading a busy classroom.

    Your advice on ways to improve my communication with parents and staff will be put to good use in the future. My goals for the future include working for _____ School and I plan to pursue teaching positions there as they become available.

    Therefore, I would be grateful for a letter of recommendation. Thank you for your consideration.
     
  5. scholarteacher

    scholarteacher Connoisseur

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    Jan 12, 2010

    Looks good! Paragraph 3 I would put a comma: recommendation for me, and to
    serve.... Hope that color thing on the comma comes out right!
     
  6. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

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    Jan 12, 2010

    The sentence "I will truly value.....with leading a busy classroom" is too long. Break it up. You also need to take out TO in the phrase "to help (to) pilot".
    Rebel1
     
  7. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Jan 12, 2010

    Good luck!!!! I think you've got your foot in the door for sure.
     
  8. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

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    Jan 12, 2010

    Upsa Daisy has my vote. All the best and I am SURE that you will get that letter. When is your last day?
     

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