PLEASE Critique my COVER LETTER- HELP A NEWBIE!

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by TeacherJ4life, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. TeacherJ4life

    TeacherJ4life Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2007
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0

    Mar 30, 2008

    ** Hey everyone, I need help fixing my coverletter. A friend of mine whose been teaching says I need to rephrase things because I have too many I's! Any help is appreciated:help:**
     
  2.  
  3. caliteach78

    caliteach78 Rookie

    Joined:
    Mar 18, 2008
    Messages:
    65
    Likes Received:
    0

    Mar 30, 2008

    It sounds good. There are a few extra I's. You can just combine a few of the sentences like " I have a long history of being a leader and highly value.." just take out a few maybe. Or you could just chsnge up your sentence structure. Other than that I think the letter is good. :)
     
  4. TeacherJ4life

    TeacherJ4life Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2007
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0

    Mar 30, 2008

    Really? Thanks because a professional friend of mine was like you need to rephrase a lot because you have too many "I's".

    Any other opinions out there?
    THANKS
     
  5. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2007
    Messages:
    3,563
    Likes Received:
    4

    Mar 31, 2008

    Hi

    I really like this sentence "I'm sure teamwork and teachers who will step up and take an active role will be more important than ever in a new school like ****. I have a long history of being a leader and I highly value working closely as a team with other teachers." Wonder where you got it? :whistle:

    Seriously though. If I am honest, I don't like the first paragraph. Here is why:

    It is with great pleasure that I introduce myself to you. sentence is too "you" centered. It is my strong desire to secure (I don't like strong desire to secure) a teaching position in a school that believes all children have the ability to learn. I'm sure teamwork and teachers who will step up and take an active role will be more important than ever in a new school like ****. I have a long history of being a leader and I highly value working closely as a team with other teachers. okay in the sentence before you were talking like any school that believes all children can succeed is where you want to work so I thought that was too generic---but then it sounds like you want to be at a new school. This is confusing. I think the New school stuff needs to go at the bottom
    I have to go but I did look at the second paragraph too and I made a few suggestions since I don't think just saying you have magnificent experience is enough- i think you need details about the experience. Please don't hate me!

    I have had a magnificent experience over the last three years teaching preschool age children and student teaching while obtaining my master’s degree. I have had experience working with diverse learning styles, educational abilities, and cultural backgrounds of students. My flexibility and my abilities to be level headed and remain professional are crucial for dealing with the day-to-day challenges that teaching brings. These qualities along with patience, great organizational skills, tenacity, and being a good listener are qualities I possess and believe will make me an exceptional teacher at ****. (These are my qualities so you might have others that are better for you) I love teaching because I enjoy hard work and helping others find success. I want my students to experience meaningful, interesting learning that applies to their lives. I believe this can be accomplished through the use of hands-on activities, cooperative learning, an integrated curriculum, and, when possible, technology and the Internet.

    I'll be back later
    Lemon
     
  6. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2008
    Messages:
    6,216
    Likes Received:
    0

    Mar 31, 2008

    I think that it looks pretty good; I tried to make it so you have less sentences that start with "I," and I just changed a few other minor things. I think that it's important in the first paragraph of your cover letter to say what position you are applying for, so I added that in. Good luck and I hope that you get an interview!
     
  7. TeacherJ4life

    TeacherJ4life Companion

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2007
    Messages:
    118
    Likes Received:
    0

    Mar 31, 2008

    THANKS GUYS! YOUR THE BEST:up:
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. Backroads,
  2. deannathomas,
  3. SaraFirst,
  4. RainStorm,
  5. waterfall
Total: 470 (members: 7, guests: 436, robots: 27)
test