personal question...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out Archives' started by becky, Apr 21, 2006.

  1. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Apr 21, 2006

    ...for those of you that are married.

    You girls all work. Are household responsibilities equally shared at your house?
     
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  3. MrsMikesell

    MrsMikesell Cohort

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    He does laundry, cleans up after dinner, does most of the shopping, maintains the pool.

    I vacuum, cook, fold laundry and maintain the yard.

    We have somehow found a happy medium.

    We both work about 50 hours a week.

    Kelly :)
     
  4. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Oh god no.
     
  5. GlendaLL

    GlendaLL Aficionado

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    Hubby has his things that he does around the house and I have my things that I take care of. After 21 years, we have it down to a routine that we both pitch in to make it a team effort.
     
  6. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    I'd have to second what Glenda said. After 20 years of marriage, I don't really keep track of he does and I do..........we just both do what needs to be done. He does most of the outside stuff as well as mechanical maintenance of things around the house and cars, etc. I do a lot of the inside cleaning things..........but overall it is pretty fairly divided! :)
     
  7. CanadianTeacher

    CanadianTeacher Groupie

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    We don't keep track either. I usually end up doing a bit more, though as he works 12 hour nights, and ends up very tired most of the time from the constant shift in sleep schedules. We've been married 16 years and our kids are old enough to pitch in also, so we expect them to do their part. It all works out in the end...and neither one of us is really picky about it either.
     
  8. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    We have been married 30 years. When the kids were little I was a stay at home mom so I did ALL of the house work and cooking, etc. He did the car maintenance, yard work, sometimes shopping if I made a list,cleaning of basement ... Now that we have no little ones at home and we both go off to work 40 or more hours a week, I do most of the cleaning and laundry...we both cook and I wash the dishes...he puts them away so I have a clean slate to cook again the next day! We help each other out as needed.
     
  9. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    He does his laundry. I do mine. I do the towels because I want them folded a certain way. We both cook and do dishes. I think I'm doing them more now because of washing Emily's bottles... BUT I use the dish washer! WOOHOO!! He does the yard work (that is the one good thing allergies are good for!! LOL) The rest is sorta half n half.

    WIth my first husband, he was in for a rude awakening when it came to ironing clothes. His mom always did his. I HATE IRONING. Well, one Sunday morning I was ironing my dress for church and he wanted me to iron his shirt and pants. I told him I didn't allow time to iron his clothes when I set my clock to get up. That he had 2 hands that could iron just as easily as I could and that I'm not his mama and I wasn't going to iron his clothes. He stood there with this dumbfounded look on his face and when I was done with the iron, he ironed his. :)

    The way I "iron" now-a-days... mist it with water and tumble in the dryer for about 20 minutes. It is a 100% cotton tee, I put a couple more tops in there with it otherwise it gets caught on the things sticking out on the tumbler and put new wrinkles in it. I have maybe 2 blouses that HAVE to be ironed.

    Lori
     
  10. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    My husband doesn't iron...and my son's are not good at it...
    I always iron my husband's for shirts for him so that he looks really nice for work. I grew up ironing my dad's clothes so it seems the natural thing to do.
     
  11. Mamacita

    Mamacita Aficionado

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    A man who did not do his fair share of it all would not be allowed to live in the same house as I do. When both spouses work full time, they both come home exhausted. If one of them sat down and expected to be waited on, HE would have a big surprise coming to him if he were married to me. MEN don't do that. Little boys might, but MEN don't. MEN do their fair share.

    I can not even imagine putting up with anyone who did not do his fair share. What an incredibly selfish and babyish person that would be. Um, not to mention. . . . sexist pig?

    Of course, we all have things we are better at, than others. We both do laundry and we both cook and clean. He likes to take care of the vehicles and I like to mow the grass. It works out pretty evenly here.

    When the kids were young and lived here, we both took care of them pretty evenly, too. I would not have stayed with a man who refused to learn how to care for a baby in all aspects.

    Women have to learn parenting skills; men can do it, too. Unless they're too stupid, in which case, why would a woman WANT him?

    A man who must be 'taken care of' isn't a man. He's a large child. And that is just sick.
     
  12. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    I think I told the story of the night I had a meeting to go to. I set the vacuum cleaner on the toilet and the mop in the middle of the bathroom and when I got home...the whole house was spotless. The girls at work couldn't believe it...they have the husbands who are "sexist pigs." I can't believe what these women put up with...I would have their butts out the back door if they acted like that.
     
  13. Danny'sNanny

    Danny'sNanny Connoisseur

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    I HATE ironing. I'll throw it in the dryer and hope that works...but my bf is really good at it, so if something has to be ironed he does it for me. I have to scrub his kitchen though- three boys live in that apartment and no one does the dishes. But I'd much rather clean a kitchen than iron ;)
     
  14. jpre-k teacher

    jpre-k teacher Companion

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    I'm not married, but my boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year and a half. We don't really keep track of who does what either, but things end up being divided for the most part. There are times when he works WAY more than I do, and then I end up being stuck with most of the housework (of course I don't mind because there are also times when I am working more so he gets stuck with more of the house stuff). Japan is changing some, but a lot of families still have traditional "the woman does the housework and the man has the job" roles. I think I'm a little bit spoiled compared to some other women around here because whenever I say my boyfriend does most of the cooking, I always get really surprised reactions. ;)
     
  15. ABall

    ABall Fanatic

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    even the yard has been neglected, so no some one isn't doing his fair share.
     
  16. hanvan

    hanvan Connoisseur

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    My husband works about 75-80 hrs a week so I def. do more around the house. We pay someone to do our yard because of his hours and I just started paying somone to clean every other week. I love it :) Now when summer comes I will probaby so my own cleaning but I still do the dishes, laundry, vacuum and pick things up. My husbands a mess but he is sooo good to me that I could never complain.
     
  17. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    To a point. When I make dinner, he does dishes. I do most of the cleaning of the house, but he does the lawn work and snow removal, and will vaccum and do laundry for me. I've had to sit him down and tell him it means a lot to me if he just simply asks if there is something that needs to be done when he sees me running around the house trying to get things done. He also does the fix it stuff, but I do the "pretty" stuff like painting. I had to ban him form painting anything in the house because he sucks at it.

    In all, he helps out more than some people could probably say about their husbands, but I do realize I am home more often to get things done than he is. The most important thing to me is that he helps when I ask and he puts forth the effort, and doesn't give me a hassle when I ask him...usually he doesn't.
     
  18. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Oh, I should probably add that my biggest pet peeve is that sometimes I have to go and redo something he already cleaned. He never pays attention to detail, so I tend to nag at him about that. And he loves to leave clutter around the house and I can't stand clutter! He'll leave things around the house that really belong in the garbage and it drives me insane!!!
     
  19. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Jen, your husband sounds a lot like mine...
     
  20. Beth2004

    Beth2004 Maven

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    My boyfriend leaves his shoes and socks in the middle of the living room floor when he gets home from work. It drives me crazy!
     
  21. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    When I was reading this, I was thinking that maybe I should go kick my hubby in the backside, but then I got to thinking about all he does do. He only vacuums, and empties the dishwasher- the two chores I hate the most. He cooks sometimes too, but never cleans up!

    But he does almost all of the outside work. He fixes the fence when the bull knocks it down as he did this morning, hauls hay- I did that once when I was fifteen and ran three miles each day and that knocked me on my you know what, feeds the cows, pens them up to take to the auction, mows the grass, chops weeds in the garden, tills the garden, plants and picks the veggies, digs out the tank with the tractor, and all the hot stuff out in the sun. I would never last. I'm stuck with a lot of the household cleaning, but I do get to do it in a heated and air conditioned space so I guess I'd better not gripe too much! The only stuff I do outside is plant flowers and feed the catfish in one of the tanks and I like doing those things.

    If we ever move to town, the dynamic will definitely have to change, but I can't see us ever doing that.
     
  22. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    My spouse was raised by a grandma and greatgrandma. It's not that he wants waited on, but he believes I should be wholly(SP?) responsible for the house, Jeannie, whatever. These women waited on him, fawned on him, and I'm paying for it.

    I was ready to spit fire at him the other morning. I had 90 things to get done withing the hour, and Jeanne was ready to come down for breakfast. His FreeSpiritness was on the Chuck Norris thing his brother gave him. I can't even get to the gym due to school and the gym's short babysitting hours. I was seething, but that's normally how it works here. He just goes and does what he chooses in total oblivion.

    Needless to say... I get a little ticked.
     
  23. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    I see Jeannie as my full time job. She's with me all day every day, whether we're here doing lessons or at one of her classes.

    If I'm not directly interacting with her I'm doing something with her schooling. There's never, ever a break for me. Even going to the bathroom, I have to deal with Jeannie coming to the door because her dad ' didn't hear her' ask for something.

    If we moms tried to pull something like that can you imagine the outcry?
     
  24. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Go on strike;)! My mom did that once...my dad didn't care for that too much but it opened his eyes.

    Oh...I know...apply to go on Wife Swap, then he'll learn to appreciate you more! ;)

    Have you talked to him a lot about it Becky? I'm sure you have now that I think of what I just asked, but thought I'd ask anyway.:love:
     
  25. NCP

    NCP Comrade

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    We have been married for two years and have also found a balance. I do the laundry b/c I have had too many shrunken or ruined items. He takes out the trash, I vacuum, he cleans the dishes. We both cook, clean the rest of the house and do house projects (no yard work, we live in a townhome). We both put in a lot of hours.
    I think that one of the best things that happened to our relationship was when my husband had been laid off for a year and a half, and although he was working on a Master's/PhD, I was in my first years of teaching and he did most of the work, including learning to cook! We both appreciate each other!
     
  26. Play to Learn

    Play to Learn Comrade

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    OK wow you all are lucky. We have been married for 10 1/2 yrs. All my husband does is work. He will do his own laundry if I dont get to it, and he will cook his self something to eat if he gets hungry and I dont have food ready for him. That is it. We have three children, Austin who is almost 10, Rebecca who is almost 8 and Emily who is 5 months. He does help with the kids some. It is very hard to keep up with everything. I grew up in a spotless house and a few years back I had to go for counselling and they basically told me I cannot keep pushing myself to do everything around the house. So since then I let alot of the housework go. You all say go on strike I have tried that and regretted it, I had a hard time getting things back to halfway done. My husbands mother waited and still does hand and foot. That is one thing I do not do is bring him his plate. Sorry. I try not to say much to him about the housework, I'd rather avoid an argument. Yard work, well so far this Spring it has been all me. Luckily we have a good 5 months old baby and two older children who help out with their sister. My husband is so into sports, right now it is baseball. I can't tell you how many times I have to watch Sports center or ESPN in a day. Then he wants to sit and tell me all about it, like I am interested. Honestly if I took a break nothing would get done. I am trying to train my son not to be like his dad. This is so hard when all he sees when dad is home from work is his dad in front of the TV or going out with his friends. Yes, I do put up with it. It absolutely drives me crazy, but I love him. It could be worse is what I always tell myself. And we do love each other, he is just lazy. :) I do what I can do and it has to be good enough. I do get very B----y after awhile of asking nicely for him to do something. He is a big help when I am cleaning he will take care of the kids and the baby unless she is giving him a hard time. So kiss those hubby's and be thankful for what all of you do have.:)
     
  27. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Jen, I have talked to him, argued, huffed and puffed, but it makes no difference.
    My other gripe has to do with no free time for myself. I can't even get up the street for a bingo game once a month. I also seethe over how I have to ask him to do things with Jeannie.

    He's just out of touch.
     
  28. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Did you decide if you were going to send Jeanne to the school or keep homeschooling her yet? Do you think that will help you if she goes to the school?

    I know when Troy gets home I just need him to sometimes take Tanner and go somewhere by myself a lot. Make plans ahead of time to go play bingo and tell him he doesn't have a choice! If he doesn't take you seriously then prove him wrong by just leaving the house for the night. Don't give him a choice. You need time to yourself too.

    Troy and I have had many arguements about this. He tries to understand, but because he's not the stay at home parent, he just can't...it's impossible unless he chooses to run my childcare.
     
  29. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    Back in '99 I decided I wanted to get my highschool diploma. Our county has a program where you use lifeskills to prove what you know and at the end of the program you get a Maryland highschool diploma. With the GED, I was told, you go back to ninth grade work and work your way up to 12th. My brain is like a sieve, so the other program was best for me.

    Well, me doing that meant I needed Dean here to get Kevin safely in after school. I had to reschedule my initial appointment at least three times because each day he'd come in from work and whine how tired he was and looking forward to going to bed. I was afraid he wouldn't get up and be downstairs when Kevin came home, so I'd cancel.

    One day, I had enough. I wanted this for me. By golly, I made an appointment, enrolled, and finished the program in just a few months.. 2, I think.

    I think he didn't want me to do this because he liked it that I just existed for him and Kevin. He was of little help during the program, because it didn't interest him. I'd ask him to check my math, for example, and it was like pulling teeth. He did all but yawn.

    Something I have against me is people who tell him he brings in the money so he should be the boss. His GM is one to do that, plus a few others. Bunch of Neanderthals!
     
  30. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    UGH! That would really anger me. Marriage is a two lane road, not one. If two people agree and are happy with one person being the "boss" and the other is happy being the footstool, then fine. Or if both are in agreement with responsiblities/little responsibilities, then great...as long as both are on the same page, it's their business. Good for them, but if one isn't happy, that's just not right. Everything is a shared responsibility in a marriage, especially when it comes to children. Just my opinion.
     
  31. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

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    I think it's just about impossible to have things "equal" in a household. Really it's just a matter of finding out what works in your household. In our household, my husband does ALL of the work. He mows/trims the lawn, washes the vehicles, does all the laundry/ironing, does all the housekeeping, does all of the dishes, and does some of the cooking. Pretty much I do most of the cooking, my handwashing items, keep the flowerbeds/garden, feed the pets, and do whatever else happens to catch my fancy. My husband's job keeps him at home most of the time, so he's around to get the work done. Pretty much his job is Friday and Saturday with an occasional weekday or Sunday thrown in on the rare occasion. When I'm home I often pitch in and do some things around the house as well.

    I grew up in a household where my mom did all the housework and most of the outside work as well because my dad worked and she stayed home. When he was home, he helped out some, but that was usually on weekends. Once he retired, he started helping out more, and now he's in charge of the yard work, cleaning his rooms--bathroom/den/bedroom--and some of the cooking. Mom doesn't trust him with laundry yet. LOL

    My husband grew up in a family where housework was "women's work". Both of my in-laws worked, but it was always HER job to keep the house. He's still that way today. He will NO do any of the work around the house . . . unless it's some kind of "manly" work like changing the oil or fixing the roof. I can tell that it kind of bugs him that his son is the "woman" of our house.
     
  32. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    This is exactly what I was trying to say...I just couldn't find the words:D .

    Sadly, it doesn't seem to be working for Becky though.:( I think when it comes to children, to a certain level depending on the situation, the children DO need to be a shared responsibility though. Of course when one stays home it can't be "literally" equal, but the responsibility should land on both, not one parent. Hang in there Beck!:love:
     
  33. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    I still say Jeanne and her education IS my full time job. LOL. This teacher works 24/7!
     
  34. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    We both share responsiblities... however, I get to a point where sometimes it's just easier to do it myself.
     
  35. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    If you try to start keeping score of who does more or are we "equal", you are in for trouble. In the scheme of things, I say "it just doesn't matter". If things get done, great, if they don't, oh well. But I'd much rather have it that way then worry about who did or didn't do it. That's my philosophy and it has worked so far for nearly 21 years.......
     
  36. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    I hear ya there! Some people think I sit at home and "babysit" my kiddos...UGH!:rolleyes: Homeschooling is no different...it's work.

    I hear what Kinder is saying too. Sometimes you just have to let it go. On the other hand, I'm not in anyone elses shoes but my own so I don't know what goes on behind your doors or know you situation exactly, but I know sometimes letting things go (like, letting cleaning slide) helps. Well, unless you have cleaning OCD like me and can't stand to see messes! LOL! Our friends make fun of me while they are over because I am always cleaning or picking something up.:eek:

    If it's not a "chore" thing and if personal time is all you need, just tell him "this is what I'm doing" and that's final. Do your bingo if that is what makes you sane! Once a month is not asking much of him.
     
  37. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    CLEANING OCD - THAT'S DEFINITELY WHAT I HAVE... :D
     
  38. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Virtuoso

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    Actually, my husband DOES have OCD . . . so it's probably a good thing that he takes care of the household duties. He's a major germ-o-phobe, and I think I kind of freak him out when I clean around the house because I'm not doing things according to his routines, so he sometimes has to do things over when I do them. :rolleyes:
     
  39. AMK

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    My father who was from Italy thought the woman should do everything in the house and my mother disagreed and that just didn't work!
    My grandfather who was a wonderful cook did the cooking, cleaning, yard work and food shopping b/c he worked nights. My grandmother did the laundry, bills, the dishes and such. But she said for a long time she did everything but it eventually changed.
     
  40. MissFrizzle

    MissFrizzle Virtuoso

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    I think one of the worst things is being responsible for paying the bills on time... that's the area in which I wish my hubby was a little more involved. Sometimes I tell him, I hope nothing ever happens to me because you wouldn't know where to find anything or when to pay the bills...
     
  41. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Ha!!!!! I use that same line!!!! Oh, and that goes for doing our taxes, too!!! He doesn't have a clue. I've been doing them since we've been married! Boy, the more I think about this........he's got it pretty good!!!!!!!!!!!!:p
     

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