Paying for daycare

Discussion in 'General Education Archives' started by Grammy Teacher, Apr 10, 2006.

  1. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Apr 18, 2006

    My family hasn't been a vacation for years yet my kids aren't missing out on anything. We do go camping, but we don't take expensive trips to Disney or other resorts. Our families happiness isn't measured in # of vacations we take or how often we go out to eat. My children don't have a sense of entitlement, they know the value of hard work and earning what you have. I think it is lacking empathy when one doesn't show their children how working hard is the tradeoff one makes for providing for ones family. It ISN'T about money, money, money...........it is about taking care of your family and personal responsibility. I'd much rather have my kids be impressed by how hard their parents work then by how many times they are taken to Chuckie Cheese, etc. If there is something I want, my hubby and I work for it. I don't feel entitled to things just because I have a job. Grammy, my friend, I think you have misread what many of us are saying on here. No one said children should suffer...............but many of us did say, parents need to get off their arse and work for the "things" they want. If there is money for those extras, then there is money for the necessities. It is called priorities. Yes, daycare can be expensive. If someone is having problems with affording it, then get creative and instead of whining about it............come up with a solution. It is amazing what people can do when they put their minds to it.
     
  2. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Grammy, I think your attitude was a little extreme in your last post. And it certainly wasn't being helpful to Selem. And in my post, where I talked about all I had given up in order to make ends meet, I never once mentioned that I was doing all of this in order to accept help from the gov for daycare. I'd never qualify for help, regardless. My dh and I make too much money. However, we have a lot of debt - housing here is really, really expensive, and we both have huge college loans to pay off, and we both had to buy cars (we'd lived in England and had English drive vehicles that couldn't be used here, so we had to buy ones here when we returned.

    I'd venture to say that almost every family, regardless of economic means, can find ways to do some things more cheaply. I'm lucky that I don't have to do that now. But if we were ever in the posiition where I did have to do that again, I would. You do what you have to do - even if that means accepting governmental help when it's available.
    Kim
     
  3. Georgia Peach71

    Georgia Peach71 Rookie

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    Apr 18, 2006

    "so that your kids can be impressed by your sacrifices and hard work."


    What's wrong with that?
     
  4. alien teacher

    alien teacher Rookie

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Forget the attitudes. Forget what people will think. Reality is reality and once it's here- kids born- you have to deal with it and them.

    I used to work for the Food Stamp and Medicaid division of DHS in Tx. Not a fun experience, but I believe that I went through that year of heck for a reason. I try to share anything I know with others. Here is some of what I learned:

    people can make too much of not enough income to qualify/ not qualify for any kind of benefits. This applies to daycare, food stamps, rental assistance, etc. If people are in a desperate situation, the very best thing they can do is to seek help wherever they can get it until they can get on their financial feet. They need to: seek asst. from all gov. agencies, talk to the financial aid person at the local college to get Pell grants, talk to pastors at churches- there are all kinds of programs and people willing to help people who are willing to help themselves. The BIGGEST hindrance I saw was lack of knowledge. Most caseworkers are stressed and overworked, so they don't tell their clients that the DHS offices have recipe books with cheap meals to make that the items are covered by the FOod Stamps. The WIC office will help with formula, cheese, juice, etc.

    Getting an education and a better job is not always possible/ easy. In our society, you have to be able to drive to get around. THe closest college to me is 1.5 hours- you can't ride a bike that far, at least I can't. That's why I say they need to talk to the advisors at the school. A lot of colleges are going more and more online, so once the person got their initial admission stuff taken care of, they could possibly do most classes online. Tx is going online everywhere. The person could go to the public library or probably even the local public school to do their classes if they didn't have a computer.

    I agree that people need to be more responsible, that our societal standards are way above what we can afford. That's one of the reasons we quit watching 'regular' TV channels at my house. We are sick of people telling us what is 'right' or 'normal'. Enough is enough.

    It does us no good to ridicule or sit in judgement of others. All it does is make us look bad. I believe that we were put on earth to help on another- God's second commandment to us was to love one another. So, I try to love and help and sometimes that means I give unsolicited advice because loving and helping is inclusive of many things, including discipline. Don't we discipline our kids? It's tough love.

    My point is this- people need to keep asking questions and seeking advice and help (including from themselves) to get out of their "hole".
     
  5. selem

    selem Rookie

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Well okay....let me see...I am a full-time college student studying elementary education and in January of 2007 I will begin Student Teaching. My wife works three jobs and, if we are lucky we get 1000.00 a month (if we are lucky!!!) Daycare in our area is relatively cheap at 500.00 a month. That leaves 500.00 for rent, groceries, utilities, heating bills ($$$$) in the winter, gas for both of our cars (her for going to work and me for commuting the fifty-mile drive to my college classes), etc. and this doesn't even include formula, diapers, etc. I have tried to get employment, but because I was very immature in my previous job (i.e showed up late, had a poor attitude, etc.) and I am a college student NO ONE WILL HIRE ME. You people make it sound SOOOOOOO simple....just get a second or third or fourth or fifth job you say....well, somebody has got to hire you for those jobs to begin with. Also, just about how feasible is it for someone to work while they are student teaching? That is a very good way to fail your practicum and have to do it all over again. Also, do you all want to know why the entertainment industry is a multi-billion dollar industry? It is because people want to FORGET. They do not want to think about how depressing it is being poor and not being able to pay for anything. That is why there are big screen tv's, playstations, sporting contests and rock concerns running out of our ears. And don't forget, these babies don't care whether or not you can afford them....and don't even THINK about asking my wife to give one up if we ever had one. My apologies for being harsh but there are times I don't even feel adequate as A HUSBAND much less if I was ever a parent.




     
  6. selem

    selem Rookie

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    Apr 18, 2006


    Sorry alien teacher I was replying to the wrong person.
     
  7. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Salem, people who have tons of money tend to let it go to their head. Do you really want to end up like that...like the people in the entertainment industry? Money does not make happiness. Do you really think that all those entertainers have a perfect happy life just because they have money? If so, that is very naive. My grandma and mother grew up around the music industry, and I can tell you, it's not as glamerous as you think. You need to be realistic.

    Maybe you should consider going part time to school instead of full time? Look around the college campus for a campus job? Be creative, but if you continue to have that negative attitude it will carry over into everything else and things will not happen for you.

    You are also forgetting that you are talking to people who have been there and done that. We aren't oblivious.:love:
     
  8. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Selem, I worked during student teaching, it wasn't easy, and I got very little sleep. I would get up at 4 am to take care of my sister's kids, get them ready for daycare and school, drop them off and head for student teaching. It was horrible, but all I could do. I also got a student loan to pay for living expenses (I had a grant that paid most of my tuition).
    Where I live and teach now, getting a second job isn't really an option, there's just nothing there. If you are still in school, though, there should be grants that you would be available for, or loans for teaching. There are some loans (Carl Perkins here) that will be excused after teaching in certain schools for so many years. Also, is there an option for daycare? There are a couple of retired ladies around here who offer babysitting in their home for very little. I don't know what type of set-up you are in, but we used to have a garden to supplement our groceries.
    If nothing else, maybe you could take on a few yard jobs and other type jobs in the evenings. Good luck!!
     
  9. JenPooh

    JenPooh Virtuoso

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    Apr 18, 2006

    I know it's especially hard on the man in the house. My husband felt this way for YEARS! But, we got by, we always do, and so will you. In 5 years or so, you will look back and think "how did we do this back then when we barely had anything"? We just skid by through most of the time, but that is the important thing...we DO get by, even if it's not by much. :angel:
     
  10. hanvan

    hanvan Connoisseur

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Selem,
    Just remember that there will be an END in sight. All of this will pay off (one way or another) when you graduate. I always had to tell myself that while I was in school. Good Luck
     
  11. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Apr 18, 2006

    I agree

    Finally, someone who has some answers. I am so glad that you didn't go off on how you haven't had a vacation or a honeymoon, or how everyone in need should just get more jobs or whatever...you actually had some suggestions that might be helpful...places to go for help...It's so important to get that message out to the less fortunate. Thank you very much...you get the picture.
     
  12. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Apr 18, 2006

    You were the one who brought this up.............I merely mentioned that it isn't all about vacations, etc. By the way, I DO get it. Sorry you don't see that.:(
     
  13. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Apr 18, 2006

    It was a figure of speech for crying out loud! The whole post was about how all of you came across in your posts...All of a sudden you all start talking about honey moons and vacations! If that's all you are getting out of this discusson,there is no point in me even replying. Now remember,the question is how can we help these people who are struggling? Any ideas besides getting more jobs or giving up their children?
    Perhaps you should try and think of a solution rather than just "sticking together" on your opinions. Can't you think of anything better than getting more jobs?
     
  14. kinderkids

    kinderkids Virtuoso

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Well, giving up their children is just ridiculous and over the top, that certainly isn't an answer. But Grammy, in all honesty, I WAS trying to give valid advice...........it is what I feel WILL help! It may not be the answer you were looking for, but it is just ONE answer among thousands. Gosh, if I had the answers to that, I'd run for President. The problem you mentioned I think goes back to the beginning of time..........how to make ends meet. I think everyone who posted on here had only the children in mind. We all have different ways of going about things, but it is good to get a variety of answers, it may be that just one of those will help someone through the difficulties you mentioned. If people aren't willing to look at ALL the ways to make it through those times, then they will NEVER get over the hump. The advice given I think was posted from experience............after all, that is how we have seen our issues resolved. Now what works for me, may not work for everyone, but that is why this forum is great. We can suggest new ways of looking at things...........and can speak from experience.
     
  15. ipse99

    ipse99 Rookie

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Hi Everyone- I'm new here but I wanted to post to this thread. I'm starting my student teaching in the fall. This is a career move for me and I'm currently working as a budget analyst and make a good salary. It's been a tough decision to go into teaching because I'm going to be cutting my salary in half. My husband has a good job but makes about half of what I do so about what a starting teacher makes here in the San Jose area of California-$40k. But what I was going to say is that I have 2 little ones both in full time day care and I pay $2k/month for it. I also pay that much in mortgage. Luckily I just looked into the daycare at the University where I'm doing my credential and I if my husband works no overtime on his salary alone we'll qualify for subsisted care there which is 10/day per child since I'll be quitting my job. There's no other way I could afford to quit and pursue teaching. My current job is a 8-5 job and I need to do my student teaching and take my classes that are mostly offered during the day. Hopefully things will work out and they'll have room there for my kiddos. The following fall when I get my credential and hopefully get a job teaching my youngest will go back to the daycare she's at now and my oldest will go to kinder so I won't have to worry about his daycare bill but things will be tight. It's tough, and I feel for those families that are right on the border to qualify for daycare and that truly work hard. I see alot of it here too in the downtown area. You just have to do what's right and hope for the best.
     
  16. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Nice response ipse!
     
  17. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Emotions are running really high on this post. I think we all need to take a deep breath and take a big step back. We are all offering suggestions, but from our own perspective and our own experiences. Please remember to keep the posts to the topics and not on personal attacks. There are ways to disagree without attacking someone else's point of view. Alien teacher, thank you for posting what you did. You have a base a knowledge that most of us don't because of working where you did. Another important thing to consider is location. What is true here in rural Louisiana is not true in a large city somewhere else.
     
  18. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    Apr 18, 2006

    "In 5 years or so, you will look back and think "how did we do this back then when we barely had anything"?

    Jen, my hubby and I talk about this often. We find it amazing that we lived with so little...but we did what we had to do.

    I also had to work through my student teaching. My parents didn't pay for my education, and I had loans, but I had to pay my own living expenses. I was fortunate that I did my student teaching while I wasn't married and supporting a family, so I could certainly live more cheaply (4 girls in a 2 bedroom apartment, and we ate a lot of Lipton rice packets!). But I still had to work weekend evenings waitressing....

    Selem, I'm sorry you're stuggling. I've been there and I know what it's like. Working as hard as you can and getting through this will just make you appreciate your degree more and make you appreciate what you do eventually have more, too!
    Kim
     
  19. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Apr 18, 2006

    ."ANYTHING to avoid expecting help with your daycare bill..."

    Here's the crux of the issue and what rubs people perhaps the most- The EXPECTATION that there will be a handout. We have become and are becoming more of a nation of handouts. (Look at how some want to hand out legal residency status to illegal immigrants...and then they can EXPECT help/handouts too.....) Enough is enough sometimes-really. My taxes hurt this year- I'm paying, my husband is paying, for God's sake my 19 summer employed college kid is paying.....for what? The handouts/help/benefits...(by the way anyone want to help me pay the taxes I owe? Should I expect it? It is causing me some stress- I might need to pick up another tutoring day...) Yes I'm all for helping those who need it desperately and who can't help themselves but the EXPECTATION??? The question is ask how you can help yourself first before you EXPECT others to help you.
     
  20. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    you are right

    You are right...where we live and where we are in our lives makes the difference. Perhaps that is why we are not agreeing. In our area, there are not many good paying jobs for the average worker, but daycare costs are out of control. A family could work several jobs and still not be able to meet their daycare bill. Another reason we might not be agreeing is because of where we are employed. I happen to work for a very respected daycare in the area and we all see this problem frequently...couples losing their assistance and they can no longer bring their children. They are not in a position to work 2 jobs ,etc. We (teachers) at the daycare are very sympathetic to these young families and it touches our nerves when people in essence say, "Oh well, too bad for them." We know they are doing the best they can. They are just in a bad state financially.
     
  21. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    I just can't believe how off topic this has become. We are not talking about the people who are lazy and not working...and have made welfare a way of life. We are talking about the people who have jobs and children who need quality care...and in order to keep that quality care, they need to be able to pay the high cost of daycare. Some of them are single parents going to college and working full time...some of them are young couples who make minimum wage...They NEED HELP.
     
  22. alien teacher

    alien teacher Rookie

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    Apr 18, 2006

    First of all, thanks for the encouragement. Sometimes I feel stupid doing this, but then sometimes I don't and it's helpful/ cathartic/ educational. Here's another bit, for what it's worth.

    Selem, believe it or not, I understand your point of view. Before I went into teaching, I made more $ than my husband. This is a second marriage for both of us and naturally we both had financial 'issues'. We worked together to sort all of those out. Actually, we still work together on those. You live and you grow and you learn. It doesn't stop till you die. As my hubby tells me or the kids when we're faced with a challenge, "Suck it up and deal with it." Not very soft-hearted, but we all get the picture. For now, you are going to have to learn to deal with your situation.

    Here's the good thing- you are working to make your situation better! Good for you!!!!! WHen I decided that my calling was teaching, well, first of all I thought I was losing my mind. Then when I got over that, I had to deal, with my husband, with the financial issues again. To do my student teaching, I had to quit work. Neither of us thought I could handle working nights and teaching days. I got student loans to get us through. I've learned to be Scarlet O'Hara and not worry about them until tomorrow. I can no tell you how many times I cried, wondering how we would survive. I have a much different perspective on life now. To me, that time in my life was MUCH worse than childbirth. I felt very vulnerable, scared, shaky- things that even as a new mom I didn't feel. I have realized that I am so much stronger than I thought I was and that I can do anything I set my mind to. You have to decide for yourself if you are at that point.

    Do not let your financial status be equated with your character or personality. Where you are in life is not necessarily who you are as a person. Believe in your wife a little more, too. If she's like me, she didn't marry for money. (I tried that once-didn't work). I would also, on a personal note, suggest you talk to God or whomever you put your faith in.

    Daycare- I've also worked at the church. You would not believe the resources that are hidden in those places. There are people that are willing to help, and I'm not talking with money. Women, and men, that will watch your children, mow your yard, provide counsel or toilet paper- you name it. Not only that, but that is a group of people that work in every kind of profession there is. Talk to a pastor and tell him you need somebody's advice about finances, school funding, gardening, nail care- you get my point. There is a plethora of information at your fingertips, and people involved in church generally have their hearts in the right place.

    Sometimes in life you have to develop your creativity. I've also decided that you have to be a little bit crazy, that way more things roll off your back like a duck's and you can let them go. Somehow, somewhere, find your smile. Life is too short to be without one.
     
  23. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Apr 18, 2006

    Nice comments alien...very caring and thoughtful.
     
  24. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    Grammy, I don't think anyone was talking about lazy people not willing to work. All I've seen is people offering advice on ways that they were able to cut corners to help those who needed it. I don't think anyone said anything against people taking the help they needed. I also know that, unfortunately, many people who need help can't get it and they have to find other ways to survive.
     
  25. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Christy, many have referred to people expecting hand outs. That is not what this is about at all.
     
  26. selem

    selem Rookie

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    Apr 18, 2006


    I would like to thank everyone for their suggestions. Sorry for the emotional message earlier. Although I am not a father yet (thankfully) I feel that this would not be a good time for us to be having a child. I too feel that when the time comes that we only want one. It is unbelievable how many people tell me that "you cannot stop at one!" Well, in my book you can. Children are wonderful, don't get me wrong. I volunteer every week in the children's ministry in my church and I can truly say that I love (I hope that is appropriate for a man to say!!! ;-)) each and every one of them. If you can care for someone else's children then how much more your own flesh and blood. The problem is that I live in a very traditional, small rural community and EVERYONE is in everyone else's business. I don't know how many people have told my wife that "your husband is a loser because he is not working." Forget that I am preparing for our future. Forget that I do plenty of volunteer work in my church. I am automatically branded a loser because I do not have employment. Can you imagine what they would say if we had children? People pass judgment on everyone around here and children are expensive. That's why I would advise any childless couple to make absolutely certain that they are ready for a family before they take that huge step. People have a tendency to trivialize this subject, and they shouldn't. We are talking about a helpless human life here. Thanks for letting me vent.
     
  27. selem

    selem Rookie

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    Apr 19, 2006



    You misunderstood what I said. The point I was trying to make was that the reason there is a demand for the entertainment industry is because it helps people forget about their situations in life. That is also the reason that people follow all of these celebrities. Because really, who cares who Angelina Jolie is going out with? People just tend to focus on these people to forget about the stress they have in their life.
     
  28. GlendaLL

    GlendaLL Aficionado

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    Apr 19, 2006

    Selem - It sounds like you are being very responsible and thoughtful in your decisions about having a family.

    As for having one child - that is exactly what my husband and I decided to do. We had one son. After a couple of years we really thought about whether we should have another child or not. We were both "older" parents, so that played into our decision. The other factor was the cost of having a second child. In the end, we chose to have just the one. It worked very well for us! We have no regrets at all about not having more children. Now, with college bills to pay, we are really glad that we only have to go through this one time! :)
     

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