Parents in PJs

Discussion in 'Debate & Marathon Threads Archive' started by jen12, Nov 10, 2011.

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  1. jen12

    jen12 Devotee

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    Kind of like the way you jumped to a conclusion by re-phrasing what you think I mean? Thanks 3sons, but I'm familiar with the language.

    No. I meant wonder in the actual interpretation of the word.

    Is this person ill? Was there a problem at home that caused him/her to forget to get dressed? Are there serious financial issues? Is it indicative of another problem at home that may affect the child?
     
  2. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    were you too bereaved to get dressed?
     
  3. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    If there is one place I never speculate on people's clothing, it's at a funeral. There are too many variables (timing of the death, ability of the bereaved to scramble for appropriate clothing, state of mind / money at that unplannable time). Another forum I inhabit has a huge thread on the subject, including instances where the bereaved was verbally harassed for wearing less than business profession. In all cases, there was an explanation.
     
  4. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Clearly I misinterpreted you, and you weren't being nearly as judgmental or reflecting on someone's character as I thought. I just didn't think "how they live their own life" referred to temporary issues or problems.

     
  5. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Maybe it's a small-town southern thing, but I have to admit that I judge people based on what they wear. I mean, one time running in somewhere in PJs, and I'll assume that there's some emergency situation. But where I'm from, people get dressed before leaving the house. Not doing so indicates that no one ever taught you better. I know it seems silly to people not raised that way, but I just can't retrain myself to get over the idea that it's not appropriate to wear PJs in public.

    The closest I'll get is driving through to get breakfast or coffee in PJ pants and a sweatshirt early in the morning before the sun comes up. But even then, I usually brush my hair and teeth, and sometimes put on a bit of makeup. I really think it's a regional cultural thing. What's considered appropriate in some places would not be in others.
     
  6. SpecSub

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    I figure it takes me 30 seconds to throw on sweats and a hoodie, and I feel no need to subject other people to viewing me in my pajamas. Even when I'm sick, I will get dressed if I HAVE to go out. I've put on jeans to take my daughter to the ER in the middle of the night.

    I know I shouldn't judge, but it does irritate me when I see people out in PJs and slippers even. I know this will tick some people off, but I feel like going out in PJs shows a lack of respect for other people. Nobody wants to see what you sleep in.
     
  7. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I wear jeans to Walmart at three in the morning. But I don't care if someone else there is sporting pajamas.

    My dad used to run into stores (small grocery, gas station) with his work clothes on...filthy britches, stained t-shirt with cigs in the pockets, straw hat, milking boots with a little manure here and there (despite hosing them off at the well house). I distinctly remember thinking to myself as a child on one particular occasion, "How embarrassing"...and immediately taking the thought back. Why should I feel embarrassed that my father had to stop in the middle of scraping the lot or whatever he may have been doing to run to town to get a part for the tractor or food for that night? Nothing to be ashamed of.

    I try to extend that "who cares?" attitude to other situations and circumstances. Cover what society seems to agree should be covered, and beyond that...whatever.

    As for funerals, I hope my generation brings some changes to that whole mess, and from my experiences, they are. At least two days of torture for the families, everyone scrambling to buy dress-up clothes when a family member dies (and then stuffing it into the closet for the next funeral)...but I guess that's another thread. :)
     
  8. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I don't at all equate what people wear with how much or little they respect me. It's not all about me.
     
  9. MissCeliaB

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    I agree. I think that what a person wears is all about them, and not at all about me.
     
  10. donziejo

    donziejo Devotee

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    Once in awhile I like to get up, shower, and put on clean jammies. I like to spend the day in them. I haven't gone out of the house, but when I do see people in their jammies they always look clean to me. I think a lot of the younger generation buys jammies to wear out in public. I'm not sure if they wear them to sleep in. I know of one mom that wears a housedress (robe kind) to drop her child off. I've been on duty this week for carriders...I didn't think anything of it until I read this post. Guess it's just one of those things we all kinda feel strongly about.
     
  11. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    I definitely think that this is cultural/geographical. I don't remember the last time I saw anyone out in public in pajamas. A few years ago, pajama bottoms were a bit of a "craze" with teen girls, but I haven't seen that in a long time either.
     
  12. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    I've already mentioned that I don't care what parents are wearing, but all this talk of pajamas in public reminded me of Michael Jackson wearing pajamas to court. I thought that was highly inappropriate and was even an outright disrespectful gesture.
     
  13. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    I'm from the NYC metro area where black is a staple in most wardrobes, but I've lived all over the US. No need to buy 'dress up' clothes for a funeral...clean, conservative day wear is appropriate in most cases. I went to a wake last year where the family requested that visitors wear colors because that's what the deceased loved.:love:
     
  14. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    That's because what is dressed up to some people is not at all dressed up to others. When I say dressed up, I mean: no jeans, no t-shirts, no manure...things along those lines. Dad has one tie and it's a clip-on, no joke. :)

    When my papaw died (I was just out of high school), I had to buy something to wear. I had only jeans. Which was fine by me, but my mamaw would have been offended. When my husband's mother died, he had to buy something to wear. He had khaki pants, but nothing suitable for his mother's funeral.
     
  15. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    This post is not going to make me a whole lot of friends.

    I think that the way we dress, as with the way we speak, is a symbol of respect.

    Certain things are appropriate in one context and not another. The same speech that's appropriate at a football game is not appropriate at dinner with Grandma.

    Clothing is the same way. In my opinon, pajamas are appropriate for bed. Under normal circumstances, they are not appropriate wear for work or for the store.

    I was recovering from surgery for my father in law's wake and funeral. I had a number of suits from which to choose, but did have to go out and buy a blouse that would fit over the drain I was still wearing. (I needed to get a ride, since I wasn't allowed to drive at that point.) I did so, because I wanted to show him and the rest of Peter's family the respect that I felt was due.

    When my friend got married in July I went out and bought a cocktail dress. Would it have been legal to wear shorts and a sweaty T shirt? Sure. Would it have been respectful? No.

    I dress up for work for the same reason. I feel that my job as a professional educator demands professional attire. So the only time I would wear what I have on now (jeans and sneakers) to school would be to a sports meet.

    My family will be dressed up for Thanksgiving dinner and for Christmas Eve mass. We do so as a sign of the respect with which we hold those events. Just as I would not choose to wear a bathing suit to either of those occasions, I would not choose to dress casually.

    It's my job as parent to teach my children respect. They're expected to act and speak and dress appropriately, and each of those things varies with the situation.

    Not having the money is a different issue alltogther. I would imagine that someone who could only afford one outfit would probably NOT choose pajamas as that one outfit.

    As to the "don't judge" line of thought: please rest assured that people are constantly forming impressions of you. When you enter a room, your clothing, your word choice, everything about you helps them form that impression. Enter a room cursing up a storm or sloppy drunk, and people are going to form an impression whether you like it or not. Attend a funeral in your pajamas, no matter how justified you feel you are, and the exact same thing will happen.

    It's funny, I read so much on these boards about kids not showing respect.
     
  16. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    It's but your opinion (not that it's not valid or valuable, as you know I value your opinion as evidenced by my PM to you yesterday), and not an uncommon one at that. Surely people won't be especially surprised or offended. :)

    I'm not exactly sure what you are implying with this statement and I hoped you might elaborate.

    Part of your "respect package" involves what a person wears. Beyond expecting for a person to be covered, I don't often include attire when making the judgment whether someone is being respectful or not. I think that is a reflection if how I was raised (and I'm thankful for that). At the same time, though, I dress appropriately even if on the casual end of the spectrum in most all circumstances.
     
  17. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    I wouldn't have batted an eye on school grounds or at the store even though I personally disagree with it. It just wouldn't be something I concerned myself about simply because I have bigger fish to fry. At a funeral or in a court room, I would have been offended. There is a time and place for clothes. PJs don't belong outside the bedroom, in my opinion, but I won't contest your right to wear them wherever you want to wear them. I draw the line though in formal settings. Blue jeans would have been preferable if you can't afford something appropriate to the occasion. I'm surprised the judge allowed it.

    I agree it is about respect.
     
  18. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Nov 12, 2011

    .
     
  19. PCdiva

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    If they are wearing a tshirt with an inappropriate saying that would be disrespectful.
     
  20. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I didn't say appropriateness isn't important.

    I also stated that I don't wear jammies to Walmart. My point is that I am perfectly okay with those who do.

    I also didn't intend to imply I believe there should be zero expectations. Some of the examples posed here are going far beyond jammies at Walmart.

    I said clearly I don't often use one's clothing to determine if they are respectful or not, leaving it a possibility that in some extreme circumstances I can and do.

    Dress up for your wedding if you wish. We are wearing jeans in our wedding photo. And I dressed up for my interview because it was a game I was willing to play, though it was still just a pair of pants and plain button-up shirt. I did, though, buy matching earrings and necklace so I felt super pulled together. :)

    PC, as to the inappropriate phrase on a shirt, that could be disrespectful to some and not to others. I once had an anti-abortion t-shirt which some people would find inappropriate or disrespectful, but I didn't.

    Alice, I agree with your comment regarding respect being taught and modeled.

    To summatize, wear pajamas to Walmart if you want. And generally speaking, I support dressing comfortably. Finally, I would prefer if we could all dress how we personally wanted to, not taking into consideration the need to impress or satify the desires others. I don't suggest anyone wear a bathing suit to a funeral.
     
  21. jen12

    jen12 Devotee

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    Alice - I cut a lot out of your post, but I wanted to address a few things.

    In terms of a post making friends, I think we've all seen people fly off the handle on this board when someone says things that they disagree with. The sad thing about these internet boards is that many people want to make personal attacks instead of debating an issue, and some people go on the boards looking for a fight. I think that goes to the "don't judge" thing. People talk about things they aren't proud of, then say "don't judge," yet they want to call someone judgemental when they are called out on their own comments or behavior. Either discuss an issue or don't, but once you start pointing fingers and calling people names, who is really doing the judging?

    And I agree appearance affects impression. We all know it does. Otherwise there wouldn't be an enormous industry dedicated to fashion and beauty. We'd all be in our sloppiest, rattiest clothes every single day if we didn't care about appearance and the way others perceive us.

    And while a person who wears pajamas out and about may be simply too lazy to get dressed, I also wonder if they're clinically depressed and can't drum up the energy to take care of their own appearance. It makes me wonder how far the situation is stretching. Are they cleaning their home and feeding their child? Or is the child doing more than a child should do, and is further attention needed to the family situation?

    Personally, I relate pajamas to the comfort of home and the peace and solitude I only feel there. If I have to run to the store, I leave my PJs in my personal haven. They're mine. They're not for public wear, and I like it that way.
     
  22. jen12

    jen12 Devotee

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    And Alice, in regard to your job as a parent teaching your children to respect others, it's unfortunate that many people don't seem to share your view. We've all seen in the classroom that there are the occasional parents who seem to feel it unnecessary to instill respect for others in their children. Teaching them to dress appropriately for different situations is only a tiny piece of that puzzle, but I agree with you that it is important.
     
  23. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Someone told another human being that they WANT someone's cancer to return and they WANT them to die?

    I think that is beyond reprehensible.

    I'm a cancer widow and cannot fathom someone wishing that on another person.

    Not knowing the context of this, I cannot imagine a situation in which that would be appropriate.
     
  24. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    texas, a "new" member publicly said this to Alice a few weeks ago. I agree...it was a horrible thing to say.
     
  25. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Migod, that makes me want to throw shoes at someone.
     
  26. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Having no expectations is not the same as having different expectations in different settings.

    I'm not advocating wearing PJs to a job interview or to a wedding. Obviously those situations would not be appropriate places to be focused on the comfort of PJs. But at a grocery store where I'm bothering absolutely no one (except those who choose to be bothered by my appearance)? I don't see a problem. I get it that other people do see a problem. My feeling is that if other people want to get worked up by my PJs at the grocery store, I'm not going to take responsibility for that. Their crazy is their problem, not mine.

    I think it's a huge, giant leap to suggest that someone who is wearing their PJs at the grocery store is clinically depressed and in need of intervention or that they lack the ability to care for their child. How dare you presume that you are informed enough to make an appropriate decision about some stranger's medical situation. I think that behavior is exceedingly rude and inappropriate, far more rude and inappropriate than wearing PJs in public, in fact.

    And with that, I'm out of here to go find some comfortable PJs, which I will probably wear to the store in a few minutes to pick up ingredients for the salad we are having for dinner. Haters gonna hate.
     
  27. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Nov 12, 2011

    :lol:
     
  28. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    I hope that person was banned. I still cannot believe that.

    I guess I need to read more on here so I won't be lost.

    But wow. I still can't believe that.

    If you don't agree with someone, you don't wish death on them.
     
  29. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    I just don't think it's crazy to expect people to get dressed before they leave the house. It's just how I was raised, and it's the expectation where I live. My grandmother wouldn't even answer the door at home without putting on a blouse, which she kept hanging on the hook be the door just for that purpose. I hate when people stop by when I'm not dressed.

    I don't get bent out of shape when people are in public in their PJs, but I do sortof shake my head in a "the times they are a changing" way.
     
  30. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    But they are dressed.

    A person is wearing a hoodie, pajama bottoms, and flip flops. Surely everyone would agree the hoodie is Walmart appropriate, and most would say the same for flip flops. So that leaves the bottoms...and I just don't see how cotton or flannel pants going from waist to ankles are so offensive. During my childhood, thin cotton legging pants were perfectly normal. They were usually snug and tucked into socks. Oh, the memories. Point is, what's the significant difference? The labels, tags, prices? The signs on the tables the two different bottoms sold on which marked them as being different? The patterns?

    We all essentially created these rules or expectations, but half the time I don't understand how they came to be.
     
  31. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    I couldn't imagine judging someone's mental status or their ability to take care of their children because they go grocery shopping in pajamas :confused:

    I certainly don't wear my penguin pajamas out to the store but I will put on a flannel pattern and a hoodie and go do my grocery shopping. Maybe it's a generational thing. Most of the time I at least put on jeans but if all I'm doing is running to the store then I usually just toss on a pair of comfy pants, whether it's sweats or pajama bottoms. I can assure you that I'm not clinically depressed. I don't have any kids to take care of but I do remember to feed my cat ;)
     
  32. YoungTeacherGuy

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    Okay, I didn't read everyone's responses, so here's my opinion:

    1. At the two elementary schools I taught at during my first 6 years teaching, I'd see at least 95% of parents come to school in their PJs. Granted, both schools were located in highly impoverished areas (most parents were unemployed and receiving public assistance). In fact, I think 98% of the kids received free lunch.

    2. The only time I'm seen wearing PJs in public is if I'm very ill and running to the drug store for meds. A few years ago, though, I went to Walgreens to pick up a RX and I ran into the mother of a student. The next day, he said, "OMG, my mom said she saw you wearing pajama pants!" Most parents and kids are used to seeing me in a shirt and tie each and every day, so I guess it was a shock. :eek:

    3. We have TEACHERS in my district who wear PJ pants to school. Yes--you read that right: TEACHERS who wear PJ pants to school. Our contract doesn't state what we can/can't wear to work, so there are a few teachers who abuse that.

    4. Personally, I couldn't care less about what people are wearing. If it doesn't directly affect me, it's none of my business. However, my mom always used to tell me to dress for success, so I've always taken that to heart.
     
  33. 2ndTimeAround

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    I was 28 and married for almost a decade when a former classmate became a temporary coworker. He joined us two weeks before his wedding. He was 22 and his wife was 21. I was talking about my daily routine on days off one day and he jumped into the conversation. I would take my daughter to school, go to the gym, go to the grocery store and then go home and start dinner so I wouldn't have to do much of anything after picking my daughter up from school. He asked if I changed clothes after the gym. I said I didn't, I waited until I got home and took a shower. He was repulsed that I would go to the grocery store in workout clothes.

    He said that he would divorce his wife if she ever disrespected him in that way. I laughed at his hyperbole. He said he was not joking - he would consider that grounds for separation @@
     
  34. PCdiva

    PCdiva Connoisseur

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    ?!?!?!? Some people are out of control! I missed that....terrible :(
     
  35. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    I have been in wind pants since school got out on thursday (no school friday). I haven't felt the greatest, and I am really wanting to enjoy my break in comfort. I've been to the store too. My time is my time.

    As for parents, as long as they aren't inappropriate or they don't smell, whatever. Lots of our parents work nights, and their only sleep time is when kids go to school. At least they are getting them there.
     
  36. soleil00

    soleil00 Comrade

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    We have a parent in our school that is "notorious" for this and all the teachers judge her. I don't care. It isn't hurting me, it isn't bothering me, so what's it to me that she likes to wear her jammies to the school?

    Yes, she comes inside. She walks her kid to the cafeteria every morning wearing jammies and flip flops. The other day she had fuzzy boots on because it was cold.

    For me, it's not an issue. I wouldn't do it personally but I see no problem with others doing it. I certainly won't judge them based off their clothing, no matter if they are judging me.
     
  37. waterfall

    waterfall Virtuoso

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    Wow! I wear workout clothes to the store practically every time I go! I mean, it's gym shorts/yoga pants and a t shirt or tank top, not just a sports bra or something...

    The grocery store and the gym are about a mile away from each other and about 15 minutes from where I live, so I always get my workout in first and then go grocery shopping. I've never even given it a second thought!
     
  38. MissCeliaB

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    Again, it's a cultural thing. Many people in the south have house clothes and what some call "real" clothes. You just don't wear your house clothes out of the house, and you know that if you do, people will look at you and wonder why you didn't get dressed. i'm not going to question your sanity or your ability to care for children or anything, but I will notice.
     
  39. massteacher

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    Maybe I'll get some flak for this, but I personally don't see what the big deal is about wearing pajamas. It's not my place to judge other people, as I hope that they wouldn't judge me based on my wardrobe attire. Sometimes I go to the grocery store on Sundays in a sweatshirt and pants. However, I have tended to shy away from this in fear of running into a parent and getting judged. I certainly don't think wearing pajamas out in public reflects the way a person raises their child or takes care of their home. I would hope that at the least a few conversations would take place with the individual first to try and gather a more well rounded opinion of them before jumping to serious allegations such as neglect at home. :unsure:
     
  40. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    That person didn't have the guts to do it under his or her normal name. The mods, as always, were wonderful.The psedonym was banned, but the "teacher" is presumably still a member here. And presumably still teaching, or trying to.

    Charming, huh??

    My apologies for the hijack. I'm now off to take my children to mass.
     
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