Parenting dilemma

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Elena3, Jan 27, 2018.

  1. Elena3

    Elena3 Rookie

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    Jan 27, 2018

    I am wringing my hands right now because I just dropped off my 8th grade son at a sleepover. The parents are there but I noticed they had a ton of booze prominently visible on a shelf in the living room where at least 5 boys are going in and out. I am acquainted with the parents but I don’t know them well. They seem like reasonable folks. I entered their home for the first time tonight to check in with them and I happened to see all the alcohol very visible and accessible. I don’t know if I should drive over and pick up my son, ask the parents about this and risk offending them or if I am over-reacting. I thought I would post here since this forum is filled with level-headed people. What would you do?
     
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  3. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Jan 27, 2018

    Any chance that the booze was locked down somehow? Even if I didn't know them all that well I might risk a simple call of assurance that the booze would be secured as the night wears on and the lights go down. It may have simply escaped their attention. In part it depends on how much you trust your kid, but I think that most parents may bristle initially, but then realize that if one parent has concerns others might, too. If you call, no accusation, just the question of whether or not it will be secured as the night goes on. Tough call - sorry.

    Any older brothers or sisters in the home? Does your son have his cell phone with him, and have you had the talks about you coming to get him, no questions asked, if drinking is present? These are all factors to be considered.
     
    Last edited: Jan 28, 2018
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  4. TrademarkTer

    TrademarkTer Groupie

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    Jan 27, 2018

    Could you go over and drop off a pizza for the boys just to check up?
     
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  5. Elena3

    Elena3 Rookie

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    Jan 27, 2018

    I actually brought 2 Costco pizzas over when I dropped him off. But that’s a good idea. I can tell you guys, the booze was not locked down. I just found it odd that anyone would have their booze out in the family area on display with the glasses stacked up alongside. There was Jack Daniels and other hard stuff and lots of it! My son doesn’t have a cell but his friend does and the friend’s mom and I conferred about this. She seemed to think it would be fine because the parents are there. The mom was nowhere in sight when I dropped off. The dad came out and we talked briefly. I saw the booze but didn’t ask about it. I wish I had said something. So you guys would be concerned, right? I’m not over-reacting?
     
  6. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jan 28, 2018

    So how did things go?
     
  7. Elena3

    Elena3 Rookie

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    Jan 28, 2018

    My son had his tablet so I emailed him with Vickilyn’s suggestion in mind. I told him I saw the booze and was concerned. He replied immediately and said he and his friends were watching Ferris Bueler’s Day Off and the booze belonged to his friend’s parents . I told him to call me at any hour if someone decided to help themselves to it, that I would pick him up no questions asked. He promised he would. I haven’t seen him yet because he’s still there.
     
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  8. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Jan 28, 2018

    The good news is that this is a perfect lead into the drinking talk, without accusing anyone of wrongdoing. When my son was in college, 1200 miles away, I got the call at 1:30 in the morning. Friends of his who we knew well decided to start drinking after midnight. The option was to join in, get into the car, or call home, since he lacked access to a computer. With no finger pointing, I simply got on my computer, made a few calls, and arranged for him to be returned to their hotel on my dime. They were at an educator's conference, and the ones who were drinking got lost, missing the meetings the next morning. My son got pretty much a full night's sleep, was on time for the conference, and those "friends" all contacted me later to apologize for changing plans and adding alcohol to the driving. My son later told me he didn't know if I would stick to the no questions asked part of our agreement, but he told me it was a weight off his shoulders to not have decide what to do all by himself. My parents had given me the same talk, and I never had to rely on it, but believed what they had promised. I simply got to share that same vote of confidence to the next generation. You have the chance to do the same for your son. Best wishes.
     
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  9. GemStone

    GemStone Habitué

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    Jan 29, 2018

    I also employ the no questions asked with my teenagers. However, I hope that they will be able to call a cab on their own as young adults. They need to develop that independence.
     
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  10. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Jan 29, 2018

    I can agree, and say that he would be able to take care of that now. He was out of town (from the university), unsure where he was in relation to the hotel. The driver was looking for a strip club, and the other two were willing to go along with driver despite the drinking. My son was not sure where they were, and pretty disappointed in his "friends". This is pre smart phone, although he had a cell phone. He would now be able to find out where he was and access information about cabs better than I could, but in the middle of Kansas he parted ways with his ride pretty much in the middle of nowhere. I'm glad I was here to take that call.
     
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  11. Elena3

    Elena3 Rookie

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    Jan 29, 2018

    Well I really appreciate your advice! I hadn’t thought of the “no questions asked” policy. He came home yesterday and nothing seemed amiss.
     
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  12. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Jan 30, 2018

    So glad to hear it - a load off of your mind, I'm sure.
     

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