Parent who walks child to class!!

Discussion in 'General Education' started by Newto3rd, Jun 11, 2009.

  1. Newto3rd

    Newto3rd Companion

    Joined:
    May 28, 2009
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 11, 2009

    I have a grrrrreat student who has a great, loving mom. The mother walks the student to class every morning. The child was in 2nd grade this past year and will be in my 3rd grade class this fall. It wouldn't be a problem if the mother walked the child to class and then left. The mom stays out in the hallway and waits for the child to come out. (As she waits she listens to everything that is going on in my classroom and the other classrooms.) Then she walks the child to put her bag away in her locker. And the child is late EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can't do anything about the tardy problem because the school doesn't enforce it. Of course, the child wouldn't be late if mom dropped her off at the front door to the school!

    So, how do I go about getting the mom to stop walking her child to the classroom for 3rd grade? In a nice, tactful way. Or do I just leave it alone?
     
  2.  
  3. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2007
    Messages:
    17,362
    Likes Received:
    46

    Jun 11, 2009

    I'm not sure. When I taught 2nd, I had a mom that would walk her daughter to my room every morning and talk to me for about 5-10 minutes while other kids were coming into my room. No amount of persuading her to leave or come talk during prep helped.
     
  4. JustT

    JustT Comrade

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2008
    Messages:
    342
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 11, 2009

    Are other parents allowed to walk their child to their classroom in your school? She may wonder why she can't if others can.

    Maybe you can introduce teaching independence in 3rd and would like parents to help their child become independent and responsible for themselves. (?)
     
  5. Mamacita

    Mamacita Aficionado

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2004
    Messages:
    3,318
    Likes Received:
    10

    Jun 11, 2009

    I had middle school students whose parents hovered like that. Sad, sick, and pathetic. (the mothers, not the kids) (okay, some of the kids, too.)
     
  6. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2007
    Messages:
    2,428
    Likes Received:
    117

    Jun 11, 2009

    I had a first grader who's mom used to walk the child into the classroom every morning and escort him to his seat. It wasn't any inconvenience for me, but in my opinion, a normal first grader is dropped off at the front of the school or playground and should be socializing and playing for the 15 minutes or so before class.

    I told the mom that I believed that part of what kids learn in first grade is to be independent and to play and make decisions without their parents around. I also said that she was denying her child an important learning experience by bringing him all the way to the classroom. She took my advice and started dropping the child off in front of the school like everyone else. Interestingly, but not surprisingly, the child's academic performance improved after that.

    Now I discourage the parents of all my first graders from following them onto the playground every morning.
     
  7. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2007
    Messages:
    3,563
    Likes Received:
    4

    Jun 11, 2009

    Our kids don't have playground time before school starts. The kinder first and second meet in the cafeteria and sit on the gross carpeting. Older kids sit in the gym.

    Anyway, at the beginning of the year you can tell her and all the parents ....."in 3rd grade we are are all about fostering independence and parents should no longer walk their children to the classrooms after the first week. I know at this age it can also be a bit embarrassing for the children if mom is putting their things away and getting them all settled in front of other kids. I'd hate to have that happen to any of the children in my classroom. You'd be surprised at how independent these kids already are-they really can do it on their own. By all means, if your child forgets something at home like their lunch or jacket, feel free to drop it off at the office and the office will ring my room. When it is convenient and not interrupting learning, I'll send your child down to get the item."

    That is crazy. No one should have to walk their kid down in third grade and unpack them unless the child has some sort of developmental problem or is maybe on crutches or something.
     
  8. BioAngel

    BioAngel Science Teacher - Grades 3-6

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2007
    Messages:
    3,642
    Likes Received:
    108

    Jun 11, 2009

    Get her a book about being too overly protective and how it'll ruin your child. My own parents never walked to me class, but they hovered over a lot of parts of my life and it made living on my own and attending college rather difficult.
     
  9. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,947
    Likes Received:
    2,093

    Jun 11, 2009

    Get your administration involved. Mine start gently nudging parents out of the hallway after the first week of school in September...can't believe this goes on ALL year for you...:dizzy:

    Close your classroom door at the bell. Mark the kid late after the bell. They'll get the message, hopefully.
     
  10. jw13

    jw13 Groupie

    Joined:
    Feb 13, 2008
    Messages:
    1,494
    Likes Received:
    1

    Jun 11, 2009

    Well said Lemon :)
     
  11. sundrop

    sundrop Cohort

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2007
    Messages:
    552
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 11, 2009

    I think that whatever route you take you are going to want to nip it in the bud sooner rather than later. I like the idea of just talking to the parent about how they are depriving their child the opportunity to become independent if you feel you can do this.
     
  12. ZoomZoomZOOM

    ZoomZoomZOOM Devotee

    Joined:
    May 22, 2008
    Messages:
    1,186
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 11, 2009

    If she's that involved then she probably reads everything you send home. Why not send a letter home to parents on that first day? Something like, "Dear Parents: I wondered if you could help me get your child's school year off to a great start. 1) Please make sure your child brings his binder to class each day. 2) Students should be at their seat and ready to work by 9AM. 3) Please don't hesitate to contact me if you have any questions at all about the classroom or your student's progress. I can be reached at 111-2222 before 8:30AM and after 3PM. "

    You know, something like that only worded much nicer. Put the ball in their court. You're asking for their help to make your students' year go much more smooth. Then when she comes in after you've given her that note, you might write her a personal note or call her after school. Just be honest with her. "I appreciate you bringing Sue to class each day. However I've got to be honest with you, it's a little distracting for the other students and myself. Also, Sue is coming to class late each day. I wondered if you could help me out by dropping her off earlier and making sure she's in her seat ready to work by 9AM?" If that doesn't work or if she gets angry, then sorry to say it, but you're S.O.L. :(
     
  13. Newto3rd

    Newto3rd Companion

    Joined:
    May 28, 2009
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 11, 2009

    I'm afraid that's gonna happen!! Hopefully not. :unsure:

    BUT I do feel better prepared to deal with it now! I'm going to take a little of everyone's advice. I'm going to tell the parents as a group on the first day, send a note home, then talk to her individually. I'll first suggest that she drop the child off at the corner by the classroom. And it's very important to this parent that the child makes perfect attendance. (She has the last 2 years, but actually shouldn't have because of the tardies and early pick-ups.) So I'll use that angle too. I'll come up with a line about how the system is cracking down on our tardy policy and every time the child is dropped late, they'll have to go back to the office before returning and it'll count against the child and she'll miss instruction. This parent is also disabled and seems to use that as a way to get around school rules. She has also requested me the past 2 years so I have to take that into account also.

    :hugs: :thanks: for all the advice everyone!!! I feel much more at ease now. Keep anymore ideas coming!
     
  14. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

    Joined:
    Aug 26, 2006
    Messages:
    2,518
    Likes Received:
    9

    Jun 12, 2009

    Definitely send a letter home to all the parents before school starts, and definitely make your expectations very clear:

    Our number one goal on day one will be to foster independence and confidence in your child. It is very important for you to drop your child off in time for him to get to the classroom before the bell rings (or whatever). After the first day of school, third graders are expected to hang up their own backpack and jacket and go directly to their seats and follow the directions for beginning the day. Parents are welcome to help their children on the first day of school. At 9:00 we will say a quick good bye to parents and begin our great year!

    Then on that first day, at 9:00, say "Class, let's all say good bye!" Get everyone to wave and say good bye as you herd the parents out the door and close it! Our doors are closed and locked at all times.

    I do feel a bit for this mom because it is so hard to have your child doing so many wonderful things that you don't know about. It will probably be fine if you address it right away. She wants her child to practice independence so he can grow in confidence. This means he has to be responsible for all these school tasks - and you need to have something really important going on right when that first bell rings, so kids will be really motivated to get there on time and not miss out!
     
  15. lemonhead

    lemonhead Aficionado

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2007
    Messages:
    3,563
    Likes Received:
    4

    Jun 12, 2009

    I like that Bonneb
     
  16. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jan 15, 2008
    Messages:
    3,888
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 12, 2009

    I'd take the child by the hand and just close the door, this helicopter mom needs to get a life. It's not best for the child for the mom to do this.

    Your principal should put a stop to it.
     
  17. ZoomZoomZOOM

    ZoomZoomZOOM Devotee

    Joined:
    May 22, 2008
    Messages:
    1,186
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 12, 2009

    That sounds like a great game plan, NT3. Remember: STICK TO YOUR GUNS. ;)
     
  18. LynnB

    LynnB Rookie

    Joined:
    May 27, 2009
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 13, 2009

    HootOwl, helicopter mom? LOL!!

    In our district, three unexcused tardies = one absence!
     
  19. MissAmy

    MissAmy Companion

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2006
    Messages:
    222
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 13, 2009

    I think telling all parents in an introductory lettere woudl be a tactful approach. I agree with earlier posts that you should lett parents know that it is a positive thing to let the students try to be independent in third grade. You don't want the parent feeling as if you are attacking them personally. You could do the letter to all parents at first and see if this reaches her... then talk to her individually if it didn't work. You want to start the year out on a positive note with parents. :)
     
  20. Historyteaching

    Historyteaching Cohort

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2007
    Messages:
    724
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 13, 2009

    Not heard the expression? I like to use it lol..refers to those parents that 'hover' over their child like a helicopter hovers..shockingly I've seen it a few times in at the high school level..
     
  21. Newto3rd

    Newto3rd Companion

    Joined:
    May 28, 2009
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 14, 2009

    LOL!! Love the "helicopter mom". That will be code for this mom when I'm venting to my coworkers! I've never heard it either.

    bonneb - thanks for the encouragment! I agree that I've gotta nip it in the bud ASAP. And our first day is going to be alllll about how 3rd grade is going to be a little different and how we're promoting independence and responsibility.
     
  22. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,947
    Likes Received:
    2,093

    Jun 14, 2009

  23. monsieurteacher

    monsieurteacher Aficionado

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2005
    Messages:
    3,231
    Likes Received:
    65

    Jun 14, 2009

    When I worked at a daycare while finishing University, there was a woman who was coming to work with us with a Masters in Education. Major red flag, as daycares are minimum wage here and she could make more money teaching. This was during a time in Education where if you were there were plenty of jobs to go round. It was a bit of a red flag. It turned out she was a bit nuts. Seems to be very intelligent, but no social skills whatsoever, and not that great with kids.

    When I went to do my student teaching, I found out that she had done her student teaching at the same school as me. She had not passed her student teaching. She talked about her pet rats with a grade one class, and how they died and she put them in the freezer right next to the hamburger.

    When she learned that she wasn't passing her student teaching, her mother came in and fought for her. I can't imagine having my parents come in and argue for me to pass a course in University!
     
  24. LynnB

    LynnB Rookie

    Joined:
    May 27, 2009
    Messages:
    77
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 14, 2009

    dfleming--So the mom of this crazy one would be a "lawnmower parent" according to Wikipedia. LOL!! You AtoZ people are SOO much fun!
     
  25. valindy

    valindy Rookie

    Joined:
    Jul 3, 2004
    Messages:
    48
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 14, 2009

    I had a mom like that a few years ago. I tried several ways to gently tell her it wasn't appropriate, but she continued to walk her son to my classroom, unpack his things, get him settled in his desk and then linger at the back of my room and try to talk to me. I finally told her that the kids were starting to make fun of him. This was a wake up call enough to get her to stop.

    I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. It’s hard to teach a child independence when the parents are unable to let go. Good luck!
     
  26. Newto3rd

    Newto3rd Companion

    Joined:
    May 28, 2009
    Messages:
    116
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 14, 2009

    dfleming - that sounds like something my mom did once!!!

    I had really messed up teeth when I was younger(thumb-sucking), but my parents couldn't/wouldn't get me braces. So when I was 19, I went to the orthodontist to get a consultation for my braces. When I opened my mouth he said "uhhhh, yea you need braces." Well, DUHHHH!! So I called my mom to vent when I left the orthodontist. I was self-conscious about my teeth and obviously was trying to correct the problem. And I was ticked that he didn't use his filter when opening his mouth to a patient. So my mother called the orthodontist and told him that he needed to be more sensitive!!!! Of course she never told me this! How did I find out? Well, I SAW A NOTE ON MY CHART!!! It said something like "mother phoned about a comment Dr. X made regarding the patient's teeth". No wonder they were SO extremely nice to me!! I could have DIED!! My mother has an issue with overstepping her boundaries sometimes! I took that has a learning experience (a rather embarrassing one) and now my mother rarely hears personal info. that she might use against me!

    My sister also experienced this! She just became pregnant and sent an e-mail to my mother and sisters saying how the baby was "eating her brain" because she had so many headaches. In the e-mail, she also talked about wanting to go off on a "heifer" of a co-worker. So, what does my mother do??? FORWARD the e-mail to about 20+ people including the PASTOR of her church asking for serious prayer for her pregnant daughter!! Of course the e-mail was only intended for us to read and in a joking manner!
     
  27. kidsandpups

    kidsandpups Companion

    Joined:
    Aug 20, 2007
    Messages:
    141
    Likes Received:
    0

    Jun 25, 2009

    Tell the mother that she needs to sign in as a visitor if she's going to be there that long. Maybe she'll get tired to going in and out of the office every day.
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

  1. mathmagic,
  2. MissCeliaB,
  3. catnfiddle,
  4. MrsC,
  5. RainStorm,
  6. vickilyn
Total: 263 (members: 6, guests: 236, robots: 21)
test