Parent question everything I do!

Discussion in 'Kindergarten' started by myKroom, Sep 10, 2007.

  1. myKroom

    myKroom Habitué

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    Sep 10, 2007

    I have a parent who sends a note at least every other day!! She questions everything I do! In some way or another she makes it related to her child (whether it's supposed/meant to be or not)! Today she sent a note questioning why I have taken things (recess time, milk, etc.) away from the whole class!

    I hate the fact that she's questioning me...I don't feel she has a right to question my every move (especially via note). Some of it is stuff that she doesnt' need to know...it doesn't involve her or her student! I'm meeting with my principal today...but does anyone have any suggestions!! Please and thank you!
     
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  3. Silmarienne

    Silmarienne Cohort

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    Sep 10, 2007

    Some Kindergarten parents are extremely nervous about their kids' entering school. I'll bet anything this is the first child in the family to enter school.

    Does this parent have a copy of your discipline procedure and other classroom policies? Whem she asks a question, she'll get tired of reading "As it is outlined in the discipline policy, the class lost recess time today due to...." or whatever is relevant.

    If it doesn't involve her or her student, you are right, she doesn't need to know. If she gets pushy about those things, ask her to request a conference with the principal. Most likely she won't want her bluff called and that will be the end of it.

    She has no right to assign you work you don't have time for, i.e. writing her exhaustive personal notes on a daily basis. This is her personal issue, not yours. She has a right to ask questions, but can't expect to know and/or comment on everything that goes on in the classroom.
     
  4. Kindergarten31

    Kindergarten31 Cohort

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    Sometimes it helps (depending on your principal) to meet with the parent and have the principal sit in. I had a parent years back that did the same thing and my principal told her that curriculum was set by the county and the rest was up to the teacher. He told her I was in charge of my classroom and what I said goes. And she backed off after that-knowing the principal supported his teachers.
     
  5. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    If I get a note-happy parent, I start ignoring the ones that I feel don't warrant my time. If anything is said, I was busy doing my job... teaching... and didn't have time to write her back.
     
  6. Miss_J

    Miss_J Habitué

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    Sep 10, 2007

    I had a parent like this last year and I went to my principal about it. He called her and asked why the weekly newsletters and his monthly newsletters were not enough for her. She taught K in a near by district. She stopped the unneeded e-mails and letters after his phone call.
    You might want to get your principal involved too.
     
  7. mrachelle87

    mrachelle87 Fanatic

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    Sep 11, 2007

    Put her in charge of an activity. I have found that once you welcome a parent into your room, they feel safer about what is happening. I made my mother in charge of a weekly activity at my school after she spent several days talking to other mothers and standing in the hall every day. Now she stays only on activity day and leaves as soon as it is over. She is also one of my biggest supporters.
     
  8. Silmarienne

    Silmarienne Cohort

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    Sep 12, 2007

    I was thinking later, be thankful for two things:
    1. that she is interested in what her child is doing in school.
    2. that she does it in writing, rather than expect to have an impromptu conference anytime she walks in the room.
    :)
     
  9. tchecse

    tchecse Companion

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    Sep 12, 2007

    You got that right....especially number 2!!! I had one of those last year I was so busy trying to get her to leave the room another one of my kids whacked her child in the head:eek:

    As far as "whole class" punishment goes, I am not a big fan of that. Actually, at our school it is not allowed. Recess is not allowed to be docked at all individually or otherwise per central office, even if this is the only thing that motivates the student to listen. If you have to respond to this parent about a consequence, I would definately only give her information about her child's participation in misbehavior, and tell her nicely but firmly that you cannot discuss your discipline of other students with her. (Prepare to repeat this several times!)
     
  10. myKroom

    myKroom Habitué

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    Sep 12, 2007

    Thank you everyone for you thoughts!!

    I am also not a fan of taking things away from the whole group! However, I have one of those groups where almost all of them are acting up!! It's only happened MAYBE three times since school started (4 weeks) and it was only about 2-5 minutes of recess.

    As for the impromptu visits...this parent is the queen! She came the next day (I had called and talked to her). She proceeded to tell me that her and her husband did not agree with what I was doing and they didn't think my techniques would work with five year olds! "They're only 5! They don't understand!" she said. She also told me she didn't want me fixing her daughters pony tail (supposedly the daughter is really picky about it at home...so I can't touch it at school??!! She's never asked me to fix it!!) THEN the dad stopped into the principals office to talk with him about it...luckily I've been keeping the principal up to date!

    Today I had another students grandmother talk to the principal because he didn't get milk today because he was repeatedly hitting someone in line!

    I seriously can't win!!! There are eyes and ears everywhere (small town, small school)! I expect it a little...but this is ridiculous!! I feel as if I have to tip toe around everything to make sure I don't offend any one!!! If they think it's so easy and they have better ideas...please...come into my room and you do it! GRRRRRR! (Sorry had to vent a little there!)
     
  11. SueHue

    SueHue Comrade

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    Sep 12, 2007

    Wait a second...Am I reading you right? Did the dad stopped into the principal's office to talk about the ponytail thing? or did he stop in to say your methods are wrong?

    Either way, I feel for you! Your principal needs to step in.
     
  12. myKroom

    myKroom Habitué

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    He stopped in to talk about my methods! My principal is kinda lazy and tries to please everybody!! I've kept him informed and gone to him for advice but he really hasn't helped me much! I'm only in my second year and talking to the parents is, for me, the scariest thing EVER!!

    I'm already planning on having another person in the room for this parent-teacher conference AND making sure I have a conference scheduled immediately following!

    I feel bad, but I see myself avoiding this child because I'm so upset at her mom!! That's so not fair to her because she is a really sweet girl! This sounds weird...but...I feel like this little girl has been "trained" on how to observe everything around her so she can report it to mom!!

    I'm so frustrated!!!!
     
  13. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Sep 12, 2007

    I feel for you. You know, some parents can be so wonderful, but we always seem to have a handful that really make our jobs more difficult.

    I have a parent this year who wanted her daughter to change classes because I'm not nice enough (to the Mom) when she comes to pick her up. She's come twice and the first time was the first day-I'm trying to dismiss 23 Kinders for the first time without loosing anyone. I'm always pleasant, but I may have been abrupt, not willing to chit-chat. She's got this child convinced she's going to change classes and the child actually raised her hand in class the other day and said "My Mom doesn't like you, so I don't have to listen to you anymore." The mother's never said anything to me.

    You're never going to please everybody and some things are just out of your control.
     
  14. Silmarienne

    Silmarienne Cohort

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    Sep 13, 2007

    There is really only so much you can do. You can't please everyone, especially in America, where everyone thinks they are God.

    As for "I don't have to listen to you anymore", Cowgirl, ARghh! I hope you got that one documented to the principal. Really, if I were you I would request that all further conferencing with this family happens in the presence of the principal, and you are going to have to get very good about standing up for yourself. YOU were hired to be the teacher of the classroom, and if they don't like it, too bad. I would ask the principal specifically that he stand up for YOU.
     
  15. SpecialPreskoo

    SpecialPreskoo Moderator

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    Sep 13, 2007

    Maybe send out a newsletter to all parents (so you aren't singling out that ONE mom) with tips from this website...
    http://www.partnershipforlearning.org/article.asp?ArticleID=2119

    Maybe be selective on which ones you put in the news letter... but make sure to include these...

    Or somethings from this site... parent-teacher ettique...
    http://www.parenthood.com/articles.html?article_id=9803

    Or from this site... http://www.pbs.org/parents/goingtoschool/parent_teacher.html

    http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qa3617/is_199911/ai_n8873833

    GOOD LUCK!
     
  16. jaruby

    jaruby Companion

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    Sep 13, 2007

    I have had a parents just like this. There is ONLY one way to make this stop. DO NOT EXPLAIN YOURSELF she will find something wrong with your explaination. She is out to argue and/or run YOUR class. Here is what we do to get them to stop... and it works every time! :D

    Notes... throw them away or respond with "Thank you, I will take that into consideration"

    Emails... respond with "Thank you, I will take that into consideration"

    Phone... say "Thank you, I will take that into consideration"

    Nothing else is added. Again... DO NOT EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

    If you dont believe me try explaining why you do things to her and see what she says. After she explains to you how you should have done it (her way) you will remember this forum and say "Thank you, I will take that into consideration"
     
  17. cmw

    cmw Groupie

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    Definitely get the prin. involved. Nip this in the bud in K so it doesn't continue in 1st, 2nd, etc... I understand usually parents mean well, but if the child is doing well & not having issues they need to back off! I had a parent complaining about me and she wanted to observe me (wanting to prove that I was awful :). She complained about things like the kids having a separate folder for each subject (too many folders). Anyway, the principal sat next to her for 3 straight hours. We even all went on a restroom break together. (She thought she would stay in my room & snoop, but the prin. had her go with us). The principal was very supportive and that shut down the parent! She tried to act like I taught differently than usual, but had no leg to stand on (like I could chane my teaching style for 3 straight hours). Also get other teachers involved if there is a face to face meeting. If there is anything you're doing that the others teachers do, be sure to work that in.
    :hugs:
     
  18. cmw

    cmw Groupie

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    Sep 13, 2007

    LOVE IT :lol:
     
  19. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    Sep 13, 2007

    "I have a parent this year who wanted her daughter to change classes because I'm not nice enough (to the Mom) when she comes to pick her up. She's come twice and the first time was the first day-I'm trying to dismiss 23 Kinders for the first time without loosing anyone. I'm always pleasant, but I may have been abrupt, not willing to chit-chat. "

    I tell parents that at open house. I cannot watch 20 little bodies, escort some of them to the bus, ask for ID on some of the others when I've never met the babysitter, and have a mini-conference with parents. I always say hi and smile, and THAT"S IT.
    Kim
     
  20. kimrandy1

    kimrandy1 Enthusiast

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    "Notes... throw them away or respond with "Thank you, I will take that into consideration" "

    Never, never throw away notes from a parent with which you have a contentious relationship!!! Date them, save them for documentation. Copy your responses and save those, as well. Communicate via email if it is appropriate, and save copies of those, too. Document, document, document.

    Kim
     
  21. jaruby

    jaruby Companion

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    Sep 14, 2007

    Agree, Sorry, I didnt meant "throw away in the trash" Just meant ignore. ALWAYS save every coraspondence with these parents letter email etc....
     
  22. myKroom

    myKroom Habitué

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    Thank you, I'll take all your comments into consideration!! :p I'm practicing!!! :angel: Everyone has been really helpful...some of these I have been doing...others I'm going to start trying! It's amazing...I have not seen or heard from her since Wednesday! That's gotta be some kind of record!
     
  23. cmw

    cmw Groupie

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    Maybe she needed a break from herself :rofl:
     
  24. jaszmyn

    jaszmyn Comrade

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    Sep 16, 2007

    You are not alone I had a similar situation with a parent and grandparent this year already. She said she came in to volunteer and the next day she came in and critiqued everything I had done with the students, from sitting on the carpet to much to why I made children return to the end of the line for pushing. After she ran of her list of critiques I nicely referred her to the principal and asked her to have a nice day.

    Then the mother thinks that i personally don't like her child. I have 23 children this year. I don't understand why this parent thinks I would just pick out her child not to like. Whew!!! Well sorry I had to vent a little as well.

    This lady was so nasty and full of judgement about my teaching methods three weeks into the school year that I was in tears on the home one day. But i said enough was enough. I continually referred her complaints to principal, and she meet with the principal a number of times about small issues like her child not recieving a snack etc...

    Than I realized that this woman was impossible to please when it came to her child. And some people are just that way. Luckily we had to divide our classes becuase our numbers were to high and this student went to the other class and complained about that teachers methods as well. So the principal just said to refer her to the principal, don't even speak with her. And know that she CANNOT be satisfied with anything.

    Sorry so long. I just wanted you to know- not to take it personally, she is probably a hard one to please and I wouldn't even worry about it. Some people are just that way. You are not alone.
     

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