Help! I have a parent who is driving me nuts! She send me notes or calls at least 3 times each week. She calls to ask how he is doing, is he working, is he listening, does he have friends? The list goes on and on. He is an above average student who is very active. He is not a behavior problem other than sometimes he is too loud. He really is a typical 7 year old boy. At a recent conference I mentioned that while his oral reading fluency is high for his age, his comprehension is not quite as high. Well, now she has something else to write me notes about. How can you deal with a parent like this? No matter how often I assure her he is fine, she continues to call or send notes.
I've never tried this before, but what if you have her a copy of the standards for your grade? Then she can check the standards herself to see how he is doing.
Maybe you can politely tell her each time she calls "He is doing the same as the last time you called." Then maybe she would get the hint not to write or call so often.
how about starting him on a daily checklist. even though, he is not a behavior problem and/or academic problem, this maybe could help in alleviating her worries. I send home about 7 a day for some of my children with problematic academics/behaviors. My checklist has a place to put a check, ni, or an "x" for no next to several points(listens carefully, stayed in my seat, used a quiet voice, lunchroom behavior, playground behavior and a couple others). you could pinpoint what she is overly concerned about using these. It is a hassle, but it could help.
I would tel her the truth! Tell her that her son is right where he needs to be within the class, and since you appreciate her concern and involvement you will set up a communication timetable. Tell her that you will call her once every two weeks, either way. (which I think is waaay too often but we need to start somrwhere) to let her know how her son is doing. In between those 2 weeks, she should assume that things are going FINE unless she hears from you, and that there would be no need for her to call you. Then follow through, or she'll go back to thinking that she needs to call you! After a couple rounds, tell her that you will send her a note every 2 weeks, just to confirm that things are fine etc. or switch it to 3 weeks, whatever she can handle. Don't get me wrong, its always nice when parents are involved, and when we take take the time to communicate - especially when things are going well, but this seems excessive. I like to drop notes in kids homework folders letting them and their parents know that they are doing great (just a little boost ) and to keep them on the loop.
I understand the phone calls, to which Grade1teacher had a wonderful idea of establishing a timetable. But shouldn't she be able to write notes, or e mails as she pleases. With notes, you can read and answer them at your leisure. If she is asking the same thing over and over again, then explain to her these changes do not happen overnight. Moreover, with areas like comprehension, children might understand really well one day and have some confusion on the next day. So, there is no way to pinpoint anything with such exactness as to relay a play by play three times a week. I would suggest that you build a decent enough relationship with her to explain obsessing over small points in her child's life will drive her insane. After all, one day he might have a friend and the next day he may have a bitter rival.... I feel for you, but isn't this a little better than those parents who never call, never come to confrences, and don't seem to think that school or even their child is of much importance.
I actually do a weekly "How your chid is doing" on the back of my Monday News. It takes 5-10 minutes to finish each week, but it keeps my parents informed and no surprises come up. If you would like to see what it looks like, I'll put it on my Monday News section of my website for a couple of weeks. I include behavior, classwork, homework, and any other comments I may have. It's a pretty easy thing to keep up and takes about 4 seconds for each student unless I have comments.
Thanks for all the great responses! I do many of the things suggested already for ALL my students. Each student has a daily behavior chart. I note with a smiley face or sticker if they had a great day. I note the rule broken if needed. I send Good News post cards. I make good news phone calls to parents and to my students. I guess some parents are just not satisfied...
A few years ago, I had one parent who was writing me notes several times a week. After the first few weeks of school, I decided to just start ignoring the notes. Well, it didn't take long for her to realize that I wasn't going to respond to all these little notes of hers & she stopped writing them.
You may have to do that with phone calls. Have the secretary take a message and have her say "I'll give her the message that you called." That doesn't mean you will have to call her back. I had a mom that got my home number and would call to let me know that she was going to put a note in his backpack. Uh... ok. It was aggrivating that she was calling over piddling stuff and even more aggrivating because I WAS LIVING WITH MY PARENTS AT THE TIME! SHe would call during supper everytime she called. Thank goodness for caller ID. Dad told me not to answer it. His home, his rules... lol!
I had a parent very similar to your parent this year. I talked to my principal about it and he called her. He basically just said that he wanted to make sure that all of her questions were answered to her satisfaction and he reminded her about some of my communication procedures. I have not heard from her in three weeks now (outside of setting up our conference.)
