Hello!! This is my first post. I am a new teacher. I have one student who is acting out like no other. He is very disruptive. You name it he does it- hitting, punching, yelling etc. He wasn't like this at all at the beginning of the year. He was an amazing listener, but there have been some family issues and he is like a different child now. Anyway, the mom won't admit the change at home is affecting him and is blaming everything on me and the other students in my classroom. This son is telling his mom that there are bad kids in my room and that they are making him act the way he does. First of all, I only have one other challenging child than him!! She just keeps telling me that his actions are normal for a boy. Then today she said maybe he needs a different class. I have enough stress as a first year teacher and now to deal with this parent. Please I could really use some advice/encouragement. How would you deal with this? I keep my rules consistent and have just started him on an individual behavior management plan. I have also started to have special teachers call the mom to inform her it is not just in my class that he is acting like this.
Welcome to the forum. Have you spoken to your principal/admin? If so, what has he/she said/suggested?
You need to start documenting this child's behavior and get your administration involved. What grade do you teach? As part of your behavior plan, you may have the student write down what happened, why he did it, how he feels about he incident, how others who were affected feel, and what he is going to do next time he encounters a similar incident (this will help you when talking to his mother).
I have got the principal involved. My principal and I sat down and came up with the individual management plan together. I teach 1st grade.
Also I do have a think sheet made up that he does fill out. What the misbehavior was, how he feels now, and what he can do differently. He takes this home and one of his parents is to sign it and the child returns it.
I wonder...have you gotten to know him? Maybe find an interest of his. For example, if he likes planes, then find a color book or coloring pages with planes. Create a contract and choose ONE target area (perhaps "I won't hit others and will use my voice instead). Then...each time period he does follow that (e.g. "Before recess" "After recess" "before lunch" "after lunch") he gets a check. If he gets X number of checks, he get a planes coloring page and once he's done that, there's a place at your desk where you proudly put it up and make a huge deal about it. This builds a rapport with him and maybe motivates him to use his voice instead of fists. Just thinking outside the box.
I love that idea! Do you have any advice on dealing with a parent like this because honestly I feel like I can handle the child's behavior but NOT the parents!!
Hmm...as hard as this may be, might I suggest sending a smiley note (heart-shaped note? etc.) when Timmy does something really well. "Timmy used his voice today calmly and I am so proud of him." Bring Timmy up to your desk: "Timmy! Let me read the note I'm sending your Mama today!" Then read the note to him. Let him watch you (or let him help you choose!) a sticker you can put on the note to seal it. He will PROUDLY give it to his Mama. Moms like when their children come home happy from a school day and are ecstatic when they bring home a GOOD note. Praise him a lot... because if he's dealing with family issues at home...when he goes to school...YOU are the one stable thing in his life at that time. I'll pray that things work out for you and Timmy.
Rule of thumb for knowing when to seek out your administrator is to always ask yourself if you have proof that you have sought out other ways to handle the problem. If you have tried to assist this student and parent to no avail and have documentation of doing so (3 or more times), then you may need to speak with the parent. Yes, while getting to know the child is important, it sounds to me that you do because you already know that there are problems at home. Praise is good and while that can help in turning undesirable behaviors into positive ones, you do have to make sure that he is not harming himself or others in the process. You can do this!
I agree with everything Ted said, but would add one thing: Make a "good" phone call! So often, parents only get called for misbehavior - I like to randomly call parents about good things! "Mrs. Smith? Timmy ate all his broccoli/earned an A on his spelling test/played football beautifully at recess - you get the picture. I find it really makes some parents (especially the more defensive ones) more open and approachable!
I agree Ted that is an excellent idea. Oftentimes I know I can get caught up in now rewarding or praising the good, so this helped a lot.
