Parent needs help...

Discussion in 'Fourth Grade' started by Sugar Mona, Aug 10, 2011.

  1. Sugar Mona

    Sugar Mona Rookie

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 10, 2011

    Please excuse me for being here and not being a teacher....I am just a mom, but I need advice in the worst way.
    My daughter is in the fourth grade this year, we've been in school three days. My son is in seventh and they attend a Christian school.
    We have very small classrooms and they are multiple grades. My daughter...M...is in her second year with this particular teacher and has three classmates (all boys) in 4th and a combined 8 students in 3rd & 4th.
    Last year we had terrible problems with M not completing her class work and bringing nearly all of it home at night. Math is not her favorite subject and apparently if she gets stuck on something her teacher will not allow her to move through the other subjects until it's finished. M tells me that her teacher won't help her. So she sits all day playing with her pencil and hair and then does all the work at home with me.
    The teacher is very young, last year was her first year and she is not yet a mother.
    On Fridays another teacher gave her a day off and M worked very well MOST days for her and enjoyed her very much. Now, I will not say that my daughter is not wrong. I know there are times that it is very difficult to keep her on her work. But I have never failed to get the work completed in the evenings. And mostly all I am doing is staying with her or checking on her to be sure she is working.
    The senior teacher and I talked last year about not allowing M to move on to other subjects and went to the young teacher... Ms. A and told her this wasn't productive.
    So, my kids start school on Monday and by Tuesday we had a full days work to do that night. Same thing again today.
    Math is the first class of the day and M is completing all of it with the exception of 6 problems at the bottom of the second page....this has been the case both days. Then nothing else is being done all day.
    This morning I walked her to class and told Ms. A that I wanted her to allow M to bring the unfinished math home but work on her other subjects in class. I explained that I felt that she would get behind in all areas otherwise. (I had written a note on the bottom of the homework list but M was afraid to give it to her teacher and asked me to walk her in and talk to her)
    After school today I get a note from Ms. A saying that she allowed M to work on other subjects but she still refused to do any work. Then she said, "I don't know what else you want me to do". But M tells me that she, "snuck and did half her spelling while Ms. A wasn't looking" and that she didn't let her do her other work.
    I'm sure there are plenty of things I'm forgetting to include, but this is the bulk of it.
    What do I do? Do I teach my child at home at night after school? Her comment to me about what do I want her to do completely confuses me. When I ask her what we can do about this she just says, I don't know. I totally get the feeling that this is "my" problem and we aren't going to work together to help the child. And I don't understand that.
    Does anyone have any insight or advice? Please?
     
  2.  
  3. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2005
    Messages:
    4,395
    Likes Received:
    7

    Aug 11, 2011

    It really sounds to me like you aren't getting the full story, both from your daughter or the teacher. It's quite possible that your daughter perceives what her teacher is telling her as she can't work on something else, and also that the teacher isn't communicating well.

    I think you need a sit down meeting with the teacher to get on the same page. The beginning of the day is probably not the best time to get the full attention of the teacher. I think the two of you should come up with a plan together, and involve your daughter. She needs to hear your frustration, and her teacher's side, and all of you need to hear each other.

    I would probably avoid including another teacher also, unless you feel that the meeting you have isn't going anywhere. Personally, I would see that as kind of threatening, sort of like I was being tattled upon.

    Don't worry, you can get this straightened out. The fact that you are asking shows that you care. Just keep that communication line open!

    Oh, and you are never "just a mom"!
     
  4. Sugar Mona

    Sugar Mona Rookie

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 11, 2011

    I have so much going through my mind about this....well, as you can tell. LOL It's 2 am and I can't sleep bc of this.
    Last year when this was happening I started out talking to her teacher about the problem and trying to find a solution. All I ever got was the standard, maybe punishment, take something away....but M isn't the type to watch tv much or play on the computer or talk or text. She is more likely to paint or draw, hang out with us and talk, that sort of thing. So I never could figure out a punishment along those lines. Besides, with a full days work in the evening, there wasn't any free time anyway!
    I agree that someone isn't telling the story right, because they aren't the same. So one isn't right. But I don't know which one. There's my frustration.
    But every day that she goes to school, all the homework is finished. One time I had to tell the teacher that we were unable to do one task. That's it. So now I'm alittle frustrated thinking that we are doing all the work at home and nothing is getting done in the classroom. I just don't believe my child is the first to have this problem or that there isn't a solution. And I'm frustrated with the lack of concern I am getting from Ms. A.
    The other teacher that I talked with, I should have explained, she is the principals wife and I felt more comfortable talking with her than with him. He teaches High School and she teaches 5th and 6th grades. Previously her mother taught 3rd and 4th, so I felt like she would understand better, also her being a mom too.
    I know I brought up the fact that Ms A isn't a mom yet and that might seem odd, but I remember what I was like before having children and I just feel that she doesn't completely understand the impact this could have. I thought today, one day she will look back on this and have regrets. I've been reading posts here tonight and I am so impressed with how many teachers are on here really working to make education all that they can. In thier free time. I had wondered this yesterday, why isn't she online trying to get insight? Is she going to teach the children that fit the mold and let this one slip by? Does she think she's doing her job and this isn't her problem?
    Reading here about homework not being turned in and what to do about it makes me think, I know there are parents out there that just don't care about that. Here I am doing all this work at night and getting it done and I can't seem to get her to meet me half way?
    Tonight we did 12 math problems, 24 spelling words with vocabulary, wrote 12 sentences, practiced penmenship, 3 times tables...6, 7, & 8's, and worked on memorizing a bible verse. Not to mention dinner, laundry, trash night, feeding pets, changing bed linens, cleaning the kitchen, and I didn't get home from having a CT scan until 5:30 and had her in bed by 9:30.
    For the past 2 1/2 years I have taught cake decorating classes in the evenings, M, T & Th (primary homework nights) from 4-8:30 and still kept up with all this homework. And yet, here I sit, feeling like I'm drowning....not knowing what to do and trying to do it alone. And by that I mean without help from the teacher.
    I appreciate your comment about not being "just" a mom, but right now it very much feels like that. With all I do know how to do, I'm feeling my way through the dark trying to parent and not knowing how to teach children or motivate them or discipline properly. I mean not on this level, ykwim? B/C it's not working.
    I cannot tell you how much it means to me that ya'll allow me to post here. I was afraid that I was stepping in where I don't belong. But I've been looking online and this seemed like the best place to get feedback from seasoned educators that would know much more about the teacher's side of things than I would. I don't want to bust in there and get all worked up and make a fool out of myself. But I also don't want the heartbreak of watching my daughter fail and be humiliated. The poor thing comes to me after school in her classroom, fighting to hold back the tears til we make it to the car. It rips my heart out. Yesterday I spanked her. I feel terrible but nothing else has worked and I thought if the teacher is right and she's just being stubborn and lazy.... I don't know. It was probably the wrong thing to do since I can't seem to understand what's happening at school or why. But having went through it for an entire year already I just wasn't prepared for it again. Although other than her maturing I don't know why I thought it would be different.
    I should add that I've taken her to the Dr. and he said there was nothing wrong with her....after someone suggested she might be ADHD or ADD.
    Thanks for letting me get it all out. I hope it's not just rambling. And thank you so much for your support. I think I will ask for a meeting next week. You are right, just dropping by isn't a good way to discuss this...we need a meeting.
     
  5. EdEd

    EdEd Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,769
    Likes Received:
    233

    Aug 11, 2011

    I agree with kcjo13 that trying to get more information is a very good first step. I will say that while hopefully there is more to the story, and you all can get on the same page, there are definitely teachers/situations out there that can be difficult, and that it might continue to be a struggle. However, it would be interesting for you to sit down and have a more in depth conversation with the teacher, and if that doesn't yield more information, try to observe at certain points throughout the day to see if you that gives you more information.

    Maybe after those steps check back here and give us an update with what you've learned?
     
  6. EdEd

    EdEd Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,769
    Likes Received:
    233

    Aug 11, 2011

    Just saw your latest post as well - hang in there! The number 1 thing you can do as a parent is care, and follow up on that care. You're on the right path, just keep walking it. Let us know how the meeting goes next week...
     
  7. Sugar Mona

    Sugar Mona Rookie

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 11, 2011

    EdEd, thank you and I will certainly follow up here. I don't see this being an instant fix, so I will be checking back to read any responses and update.
    I appreciate having a place like this for the insight and support. Thank you.... :)
     
  8. EdEd

    EdEd Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,769
    Likes Received:
    233

    Aug 11, 2011

    It's great to have you as well, and I think that's an important observation - most things in education, or life for that matter, aren't simple or quick fixes, but the prize goes to those who stay in the fight - talk to you soon...
     
  9. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2006
    Messages:
    9,154
    Likes Received:
    1

    Aug 11, 2011

    Could one of the suggestions be having math moved to the end of the day? She isn't lazy. If that were the case, it would show up in all areas. There is something about math and she needs more support not consequences.
     
  10. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,959
    Likes Received:
    2,116

    Aug 11, 2011

    Is another school an option?
     
  11. SCTeachInTX

    SCTeachInTX Fanatic

    Joined:
    May 27, 2009
    Messages:
    2,972
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 11, 2011

    I think I would request a meeting with the teacher and the principal. It is important that you document that you had these conversations. I know it is difficult and definitely your daughter has to take responsibility for her actions. I wonder... if you let her fail (not help her with the work) what would happen? Would she want to move to the next grade enough to start doing her work at school? Sometimes as parents we have to teach our kids hard lessons. If we keep bailing them out of situations then they learn that you will always be there so that they will never fail. This is learned helplessness and you do not want that to happen to your daughter.

    I think there are some issues on both sides of this fence - teacher and child. Be part of the solution and meet with the teacher and another person (like a principal) so that someone that is not part of the situation can give some suggestions from an objective position. You are paying to have your daughter there. Why pay if you are just homeschooling her anyway?
     
  12. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,959
    Likes Received:
    2,116

    Aug 11, 2011

    Not all private schools have the resources to help struggling students. Clearly there are things your child's current school could be doing differently, and that's a conversation you need to have with them. If however, your daughters difficulties are due to learning, rather than teaching, issues, it's important that those be addressed.
     
  13. Sugar Mona

    Sugar Mona Rookie

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 11, 2011

    How do I determine which it is, if it's not both? Why would a child sit quietly all day and not do any work. And then be able to do it at home?
    I've tried encouraging her, I'm always telling her she's smart, she can do this, Beat the boys, whatever I can think of....but I also tell her the consequences if she doesn't do it, failing and so on. The odd thing to me is that last year this went on almost constantly and yet, her report card was good. She made all A's, maybe one B, I can't remember right now.
    She is given new spelling words on Monday. By Monday night she remembers most of them and by Tuesday she says them before I do while writing them for homework. By Thursday for her test, she can tell me the entire list and spell them all correctly.
    They tell me she is very bright and when she applies her self she does excellant. But that she will sit there all day and play with her hair, or her pencil.
    I just can't figure out why. Tuesday when she came home with all this work and told me she got stuck on math and wasn't allowed to move on, I asked her why she didn't do the last 6 problems in math. First she told me she was stuck and Ms A wouldn't help her. But it was addition of four numbers, all in the thousands....review from last year of course. She totally knew how to do them. So when I said this to her, she said it takes her a long time to work them and Ms A would get mad. I agreed that it was alot of numbers and I could understand that to look at them might seem overwhelming, but that it made no sense to me to NOT do them because she thought Ms A would be mad if she were slow, because wouldn't she be mad if M didn't do them at all?
    But then my point was still, why not bring those home and continue with other subjects? So I told Ms A this yesterday morning. In her note home to me yesterday she claims that she allowed her to move on and she still didnt' do any work. And then made that comment, I don't know what else you want me to do. I was very put off by that, but I am trying to tell myself that I am being too sensitive to the remark and I'm reading it differently than it was written. Like in emails where often the tone is lost.
    But in my heart I felt like she is telling me this is my problem not hers. That I need to find the solution, bc it is my child. And that I've stepped on her toes by "telling her what to do". (told you I was reading too much into it.)
     
  14. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

    Joined:
    Sep 4, 2006
    Messages:
    9,154
    Likes Received:
    1

    Aug 11, 2011

    Can you ask to observe?
     
  15. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Sep 30, 2001
    Messages:
    24,959
    Likes Received:
    2,116

    Aug 11, 2011

    I'd ask for an administrator or child study team member (if the school has one, not all private schools do) to do the observation. A parent observation changes the whole dynamic of a classroom.
     
  16. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

    Joined:
    Dec 6, 2005
    Messages:
    4,395
    Likes Received:
    7

    Aug 11, 2011

    I'm not sure you want to hear this, but honestly, it sounds like your daughter is playing you. Why would she want to do her work at school, by herself, when if she just sits and plays, her teacher will get frustrated and not let her do anything else? Then at home, it sounds like she gets mom's attention one on one?

    I can totally feel the teacher's frustration. Six problems that should be a review, and she is just refusing to work them. I can see how out of frustration she would threaten a night's worth of work. I can also hear this: "No, Susie, I will not help you with that addition problem again. It is just like the ones we have been doing. You need to try first."

    Kids are so smart. They are also master manipulators. You mentioned a busy household-is it possible your daughter just really likes the mommy and me pep talks nightly?

    I have a parent who practically does her son's work every night. I know it, she knows it, and the son knows it. It is so obvious when he has perfect work nightly, but fails every quiz. I've pointed this out to her, showed her quizzes and assignments side by side, but nothing helps. So my only option is to let him fail. He hates it, but he also loves having his mom do his work every night. I have little other option until something gives. This reminded me of this situation.

    You must sit down with the teacher, the principal, and your daughter. Nobody's wife, no other teachers, whether they have kids or not-that's irrelevant. Your daughter isn't doing her job, both in and out of school, and she needs to know that none of the adults involved are going to continue ti enable this behavior.
     
  17. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2004
    Messages:
    2,397
    Likes Received:
    4

    Aug 11, 2011

    I also think you need to ask for the teacher's perspective. For example, ask her what she has tried in class. From her "what else" comment, maybe she has tried as many different things as she can think of, and really is out of ideas.

    I also agree with kc. I had a student that was very capable, but would sit and do nothing at school because he enjoyed the extra attention he got at home then. In that situation, what worked very well was finding him a secluded spot at home where he sat alone until his homework was done.
     
  18. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2007
    Messages:
    14,606
    Likes Received:
    2,713

    Aug 11, 2011

    I think you nailed it. Something here is fishy. I suspect that the student is misrepresenting what the teacher is saying/doing, either intentionally or accidentally. A meeting with the teacher (and probably the principal) is in order to get everything out in the open, clarified, and resolved.

    A note to the OP: please be careful about being critical of the teacher for not understanding what it's like to have children. That sort of attitude/approach is very off-putting and offensive. This teacher is a professional who works with children every day, so presumably she knows a little about kids. To tell her that she doesn't get it because she doesn't have kids yet is demeaning and insulting, and it sends the message that her education, training, and experience are meaningless because she hasn't given birth. Furthermore, she may not be interested in having a child, or she may be unable to have a child, and comments like that are insensitive and potentially hurtful.
     
  19. EdEd

    EdEd Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,769
    Likes Received:
    233

    Aug 11, 2011

    I think one step at a time - theres a lot of speculation going before actually sitting down and meeting with the teacher. Before thinking too hard and problem-solving with incomplete info, I'd meet with the teacher and reconvene. We all could come up with 34 different explanations for whats happening - from your daughter "playing you" to the school not being equiped to hand a child with more intensive needs - all of these are possibilities, but premature. I'd meet next week, get more info, and give us an update if you think we'd be of help. No sense in stressing over or trying to solve problems that might not even exist :).
     
  20. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Aug 30, 2007
    Messages:
    2,065
    Likes Received:
    230

    Aug 11, 2011

    I'd add that you should feel a little better about yourself and your parenting than you seem to feel. All parents feel like they're stumbling around in the dark sometimes, make wrong decisions, feel helpless, and worry. Making mistakes is experience -- in fact, it's the very experience that gives you insight into what it's like to have a child.

    You're actively seeking a solution. You've put in hours and hours every night ensuring your child does keep up with her education regardless of the actual situation at school.

    There are a couple of things I might suggest. First, abandon spanking her -- that's a punishment contingency that's simply misapplied and won't work for what you want. It could very likely make things worse.

    After all, look at your daughter's response to the idea that her teacher will get mad at her: she just shuts down. That's a very typical response to punishment (the teacher getting mad could be a punishment in the same way as spanking -- depending on your daughter's sensitivities, it might even be worse), especially where it cannot be escaped. If she didn't shut down, she'd engage in escape behaviors -- which could mean getting better at math, but would just as likely mean lying or avoiding the situation in some way. It must be pretty stressful to your daughter.

    Hmm, and indeed, the stress could be making her slower. My wife and I had worked with our middle son for two years to memorize the times tables. Every night was arduous, between an hour and three hours of sitting with him and doing 100 single-digit problems (we're very good about not doing the work for him). Then one day we got a DS program to practice math. It virtually mirrored what we did, except with music and rankings -- but the other thing it did was remove the stress for him. Instead of us sitting with him to do it and noticing every wrong answer and correcting him (and of course, getting frustrated ourselves), he would just scrawl the answer into the DS screen and it would nonjudgmentally tell him if he was right or wrong. In less than a week math practice went from taking up to 3 hours to taking less than ten minutes. Now he's consistently the fastest at multiplication* in his grade (going into third grade in the fall -- yes, we started early).

    * he's actually not very talented at math overall -- he doesn't have a very logical mind, his memory is weak, and his ability to consider abstract ideas is questionable. But he does have the persistence to sit and study a subject for several hours without complaint, so there's something of a silver lining to experiencing these types of difficulties.
     
  21. Sugar Mona

    Sugar Mona Rookie

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2011
    Messages:
    5
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 11, 2011

    First let me say that when I mention that she doesn't have children, it's her uncaring attitude toward the situation that makes me even mention it. I am torn to pieces over this, having dealt with it all of last year and now starting again. And everytime we have had a conversation she is aloof. I simply felt that if she understood what it is like to have your heart walking around outside of your body and caring so much about this little person, she would take more of an interest in talking to me, working together and not letting this continue. Furthermore, I would NEVER say this to her. She presents herself as less than caring, more annoyed by the inconvience.
    I am not going to say this is not my daughter's fault either. The idea that she is misrepresenting the teacher to me is entirely believable. Which is why I said I didn't want to storm in there and make a fool of myself only to find that I'm wrong about the way the situation looks to me. It is also the reason that I am here. On this forum. I wanted a teacher's opinion. It will do me no good to go to a forum full of parents that will toot my horn and tell me I am completely right and the teacher is a horrid woman for treating my child this way. I wanted the prespective of someone that works with children everyday and could tell me what they have done or would do, or if they have had this problem before. Since I am not getting any information from the teacher I need to understand that side of this. She seriously simply looks at me and says she won't work and she doesn't know what to do. Done. Period. No explanation, no ideas, no conversation.
    I also agree that if I sit in the class I wouldn't expect things to happen as they would without me there. I think that would be disruptive.
    As for what she has tried....she doesn't allow M her breaks. Everyday. She gets no recess. And she says it's the only thing she can take away.
    As for the child not passing quizzes and letting mom do the work....I only supervise. I read her spelling words to her. I tell her, now do the next problem. I am not doing anything for her. And the funny thing is, she makes all A's on tests and quizzes. That's why I was saying that she has the spelling list memorized by the second night. She says the words before I do most of the time by Wednesday, sometimes Tuesday.
    3Sons, your post was very helpful. She is very sensitive. She is so meek at school and her manners are so very good. She addresses her teacher with ma'am and is very respectful of her. She is very afraid to upset her. And she spent many nights last year crying telling me that Ms A doesn't like her and is always mad at her.
    Today she had a seasoned teacher as it was Ms A's day off. I spoke with her after school about how the day went. It was a productive talk. EdEd, I think you will approve....I thought of you on the way home.
    In the course of the conversation Mrs. R told me that she is very bright. She came to her desk, asking to do those last 6 problems there. She told me that she knows it and was working it faster than she herself was able to.
    I said, if M is having a problem I would think I would see it in other areas, at home. Then I remembered. This morning she came to me and said she didn't have any clean skirts. I said, well, there's my dirty laundry, you can see that I have everything washed and there are no skirts. Where are they? Why aren't they here to be washed? She didn't know where they were.
    About a year ago we had to leave our home and move in with my elderly mother to care for her. Things have changed alot. We don't have much room for everything and M doesn't really have her own room here. Things aren't as organized as they were. For the past year I have trouble getting her to put trash in the can, clothes in the hamper, dishes in the sink and so on. As I talked to Mrs. R I wondered if these things could be connected. It seems to me as though M isn't taking care of any responsibilities.
    She suggested a chart and more structured home. That perhaps it would get her to thinking more about taking pride in herself and her work and thinking about others.
    I haven't had time to really think about this or do anything since I just got home but I wonder if this isn't all connected.
    I want to thank you all for brainstorming with me and helping in anyway that you can. And please understand that I am not upset with hearing something I didn't want to hear. :) I came here for that. I was afraid that my comment about Ms A not having children would be taken the wrong way and I apologize, I mean nothing against anyone that doesn't have children. But I hope you understand what I was thinking.... I also wasn't comfortable with spanking and didn't think that was the way to handle it, just didn't know what to do, I wish I did. And I believe that I will....if I keep working at it. ;) Thank you ALL....
     
  22. EdEd

    EdEd Aficionado

    Joined:
    Jan 12, 2011
    Messages:
    3,769
    Likes Received:
    233

    Aug 11, 2011

    Sounds like you're making progress! You're gathering more information, and thinking more about what you've noticed as well. The talk today was hopefully helpful, and the one next week with the regular teacher will hopefully give you even more information to start moving forward.

    What you mentioned about M's organization could be connected, but possibly not. Because you are living in a tight space, and things are already a bit disorganized, it could be that her behavior is more related to the current space she's living in, rather than any underlying cognitive or behavioral issues.

    It seems that today was interesting because you got to see how M performed with a different teacher - I probably wouldn't read too much into that, though, as kids behavior often changes (either for the better or worse) when in new environments or with new people. Still, interesting that she was more active in completing her work.

    Keep noticing, and definitely try to schedule that talk with the teacher next week!
     
  23. collteach

    collteach Comrade

    Joined:
    Aug 3, 2005
    Messages:
    295
    Likes Received:
    0

    Aug 11, 2011

    It seems that this school and/or teacher is unaware that children who are in the 4th grade should not be saddled with so much homework. I teach in the public schools, and we are unable to send home more than 40 minutes of homework daily. Of course, there are times that students might take a bit longer or have some makeup work, but that limit is more than enough even in those cases. It sounds like your daughter is reaching out for help. I know that some private schools, especially some of the faith-based schools in my area, have no tolerance for students who are slower learners. I have taught children who have been in the same position as your daughter, and the parents gave up on the private school. All the children needed was some extra time and guidance. There is NO reason why a teacher with such a tiny class cannot give your daughter some time and help. I have classes of 30+, and can still manage to help those that need me. I had a student this year who had some issues and struggled to complete even 25% of the work we did. However, if he could complete SOME of the work and show me that he "got it" during the regular class time, then I saw no reason to make him suffer through 10-20 more problems or questions at home just because the other students completed more work.

    Of course, I do agree that there is probably some information that you are not getting, but I have this feeling that your child's teacher is not sure how to implement best practices and to allow for differences in her students. I would request a meeting and explain that she might be a child who just needs a bit more time and support during math instruction. If they are not willing to give that, then you need to find her another learning environment.
     
  24. agdamity

    agdamity Fanatic

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2007
    Messages:
    2,705
    Likes Received:
    470

    Aug 11, 2011

    The behavior continues because it is allowed. You and Ms. A need to sit down and come up with a plan for what will happen when your daughter does not complete her work. It should not be an option for her to take it home and complete it there. It is going to take you and Ms. A working together to correct the situation.
     
  25. iteachbx

    iteachbx Enthusiast

    Joined:
    Feb 27, 2011
    Messages:
    2,096
    Likes Received:
    2

    Sep 3, 2011

    I understand what you're saying about parents and how they love their children, but one does not have to give birth to be a great caring, loving and attentive teacher.

    I've actually seen sometimes where teachers become less attentive towards their students once they give birth and have a family to worry about. (Not all by any means, just saying its a two way street, having or not having children really has nothing to do with the situation.)
     
  26. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

    Joined:
    Jul 22, 2008
    Messages:
    1,522
    Likes Received:
    0

    Sep 3, 2011

    Send a note to the teacher requesting for a meeting after school, without your daughter. You need to find out from her first before you go to the principal, UNLESS you feel that you need INSTANT solution; you meet with her and the vp or p. These kind of meetings though sometimes can end up GREAT or vice versa.
    Go through the proper channels and you and your daughter will find a much better solution.
    Rebel1
     
  27. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2010
    Messages:
    4,330
    Likes Received:
    573

    Sep 3, 2011

    I'd like to add - if you are "just popping in" when you drop off your child, you are most likely disrupting the teacher's morning. Mornings are VERY busy for teachers and having an adult come in and expect attention can be distracting and can set the day off on the wrong foot. It does for me. So her being aloof when she talks to you may have a lot to do with WHEN you approach her.

    You wouldn't expect a doctor or lawyer to stop what they are doing just because you came in on a whim, would you? Try making an appointment, when SHE is available, to discuss this with her.
     
  28. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2005
    Messages:
    5,282
    Likes Received:
    749

    Sep 3, 2011

    What happened when you discussed this with the teacher last year? (I'm assuming you had parent conferences last year.)
     
  29. hm1107

    hm1107 Rookie

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2011
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0

    Sep 23, 2011

    I'm not a teacher yet- I graduate college in May- so I don't have the same experience as the teachers on here. I don't have time to read all the responses, so if this has been said or tried, I apologize! I noticed that a few people said that she might be refusing to work in school so she gets time/attention with you at home. If taking things away doesn't work, how about rewarding her for good behavior instead? Tell her that if she does her work in school, you two can use the time she saves at home to play a game, watch a movie, do arts and crafts, or something like that together. If she does her work for a week or two in a row, take her somewhere special or get her a new shirt. Do this for a while, then slowly lengthen the time between the rewards. You can still spend time with her every night, but you don't have to buy the new shirt every other week. If the issue isn't with her wanting time or attention from you, then it might not work, but I think it's worth a try, especially if the teacher isn't trying to make things better. Good luck!
     

Share This Page

Members Online Now

Total: 275 (members: 0, guests: 258, robots: 17)
test