I had a parent email me this morning and say that her daughter cries and doesn't want to come to school because our instructional aide is "mean to the kids". I don't even know how to address this. My aide is very strict about behavior and I do have to override some decisions but I value her approach and it really helps keep the structure in our room and lets me focus more on academics. What should I tell the parent? What should I tell my aide?
This. Since you stand behind the aide and feel she adds something positive to the classroom, I'd also make sure to mention that to admin.
What does "mean" mean?? Yelling, not being fair, or just not letting the kid get away with not following the rules, doing work, etc.?
It sounds like you support your aids strict classroom management style... although you override some of her strictness. I would def talk with your aid first. I believe in handling it in the classroom first. This will keep the trust and keep a good relationship with your aid. I also have an aid and I believe in addressing everything with her first (I rarely involve admin). Do you feel comfortable speaking with your aid? Sometimes it can cause negative vibes if you do not at least speak to her an address it to her first.
If the child is crying at home and doesn't want to come to school, I would take it seriously. I mean this is kindergarten. Children should not be afraid of school, especially at this age. Talk to the aide about her approach and if that doesn't work, let the administrator handle it.
They might just be a young kindergartener - not everyone goes to preschool or daycare. We have a few kindergarteners who cry for the first 10 minutes or so of the school day because they don't want to be in school, then they start crying near the end of the day because they miss their parents.
But she did not say that age was the problem. I have seen some really grumpy aides before. Maybe this is not the right age group for the aide to deal with. Kindergarten takes a lot of patience.
Maybe it's the things that you've had to override that are causing the child to be so upset by the aide? What kind of things has that been? I would have a private discussion about her with anything that you view as too much. I'd tell the parent I'll discuss it with the aide and I'll get back to her in a week or two to see if there's been an improvement. If the aide is on the exact same page as you and nothing has changed I would then talk to administration and at that time support the decisions the aide is currently making regarding behavior. I might also have a small talk with the child, see if you can get him or her to voice any specific incident that have troubled him or her and maybe explain the reasoning behind some of the aide's decisions, "she wants to help you do your best," etc. etc. The parent probably can't do the best job of handling it at home because they're not there to see exactly what is transpiring. Maybe the child is perceiving something in a much different way than what is actually happening.
Keep in mind different kids respond and perceive different approaches differently. I once had a kid in a neighboring classroom who saw my response to my own class, who were perfectly okay, go inconsolable over it. It wasn't even directed at her but because she was nearby, she felt emotional about it. I've learned over the years that it is important to take personality into the mix of things, especially at this age when they are not always used to how different adults handle things. Some kids can take things more personally and sensitively than others.
Also consider that some kids don't want to come to school because they miss mommy, don't like being told what to do, etc. See if maybe the child just isn't used to "strict".
We had a kindergartener play mom a few years ago with this issue. He discovered that by telling her I was mean and he was scared of me she wouldn't make him come to school. I NEVER saw the kid but once a week for 15 minutes. My principal observed the child a few times then called him and mom on it. Turns out her nephew was a kid who I filed a report about for bullying my teenager. He was expelled after several others came forward with the same type of stories. Her son heard her say I was mean for reporting darling nephew, so he decided to use me as his excuse not to come to school. When my principal asked him to point me out as "Ms. M, the mean teacher" he didn't even know who I was. Mom never admitted she was wrong or apologized for filing a complaint against me with the supt. Our supt called her on it at a school event when she complained about another teacher a few years later.
