Painful but… here goes.

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TeacherShelly, May 18, 2014.

  1. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    May 18, 2014

    This. I'd be a reader and a crafter whether I'm single or with someone. I love sharing interests with my SO. He's gotten me way more into sports. I love it!
     
  2. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    May 18, 2014

    I am so sorry to hear about this. I have always enjoyed your posts and can sense your commitment to what you care about. I hope things work out for the best for your family.
     
  3. ChristyF

    ChristyF Moderator

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    May 18, 2014

    Shelly, I'm so sorry you're going through this, but I so admire your strength and courage. Hold your head high! Sending hugs and prayers!!
     
  4. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    May 18, 2014

    Hugs Shelly. It had to be a very difficult decision, I am so glad you were able to show your girls that it is never ok to be hurt by someone, even if you love them. The saddest part is that he isn't being an involved father, I hope that changes, no matter what happens in your relationship.
     
  5. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    May 18, 2014

    So many people have said things so much better than I could - I love this site! Hugs. You are doing something that takes incredible strength - you might not feel your strength - Your girls are witnessing it. Bravo.
     
  6. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    May 18, 2014

    Well, he just left from picking up one daughter. I don't think I've ever cried so hard in my life: he basically said it's over. He said what he did is unforgivable and there is no scenario where he could be OK with him being part of our family again. That is so absurdly diabolical. I know it's true, but it also feels like I'm not worth fighting for. I can't believe he is willing to throw away what so many people dream of: a beautiful, healthy family, a nice home, stable life.

    And the motorcycle woman, they "like each other," which feels like a huge betrayal. He is really negative and cynical, and so is she, so they can be themselves when they are together, not having to pull back 75% so people can tolerate their negativity. Endearing, not.

    Czacza, Driving Pigeon, dgpiaffeteach, you made me laugh and feel better when you said being myself if ok. I imagined taking action photos of myself doing a half-double-crochet and reading two books at once. Haha! I also know you're right. I can be very open to adventure while staying myself. I can't NOT read, teach, mother, and crochet :) Driving Pigeon, the air balloon is one thing I forgot to mention. People do all kinds of amazing things, especially on Match.com!!

    Chemteach, thank you!

    Comaba, great idea about the journal. I have one and have been writing in it and couldn't find it when I wanted to vent today. I'm 99% sure it's in my classroom. Your advice is true since I would not like anyone to see what I've ranted about in there.

    Missy & ChristyF, your lips to God's ears.

    Tasha, I am also 100% committed to having him participate in the girls' lives. We both agreed to coparent, by going to parent teacher conferences together, doing birthdays together, family camping trips, and so on. I dream of being like Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin doing a "conscious uncoupling" but feel more like Brad and Jennifer, painful and depressing.

    I have one daughter with me this week. I intend to fully enjoy her and give her the best life possible. Thanks again for all the support. I clearly need it!
     
  7. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    May 18, 2014

    Icky money note - PLEASE find away to stash some of yours - not that he would take it - but this sounds messy and there are kids involved, etc. Don't know the legal issues but if you can - PLEASE make sure to sock away a little emergency fund he doesn't know about. Don't tell the girls. Don't mention it to anyone. Just do it. (If it's possible.) Even if it's a tiny bit.

    And maybe I'm a bitter mean nasty person but I don't think "conscious uncoupling" is real. (I like to think I'm sweet and optimistic - but not when someone rips my heart out - and I don't have kids - that raises stakes)

    Motorcycle girl doesn't sound permanent - some people are frightened to be alone and she might represent soemthing for him right now. not excusing her - but if she's (I'll say it) stupid enough to be with a man - even think about being with a man who is transitioning away from a family - well, that's on her and ...I won't go there. Sorry!

    You ARE strong. Keep breathing. many hugs.
     
  8. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    May 18, 2014

    creativemonster, you have no idea how much your words mean. I will be careful, and not worry about motorcycle sarah and just keep on keeping on. Thank you!
     
  9. DrivingPigeon

    DrivingPigeon Phenom

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    May 18, 2014

    This sounds similar to my dad, who I mentioned before. It almost seemed like having a family was a "bump in the road." He used to stay out late, hang out with friends a lot, etc. Then he had kids, and had to "grow up" even though he really didn't want to. When he left my mom he went back to his old ways, even though he was in his 40's. He started dating someone who was in her 20's. He's also suffered from depression most of his life.

    I think it's sad that some people are either truly oblivious or too afraid to realize the root of their problems. And until they do so, they are never going to be happy.
     
  10. Loveslabs

    Loveslabs Companion

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    May 19, 2014

    My heart feels for you, as I know what it is like to have something come out of no where and knock you on your butt. I was in your position once, but with different details. My best advice is to take care of yourself, take one day at a time, and don't make any major decisions for at least a year.
    You will survive and actually be a better person for it. One day you will look back and be grateful for this turn of events because you will learn and grow from it. One person told me that and I thought they were nuts, but now I know they were correct.
    Another person said, "Today begins your walk through fire, but you will emerge with a smile on your face." Sounded crazy at the time, but it was true.
    Take care:hugs:
     
  11. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    May 19, 2014

    I'm just reading this now, Shelly. My heart goes out to you. There are a thousand other things I could add, but the best way to sum it up is that I hope you're getting at least a little strength from knowing we're with you in spirit.
     
  12. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    May 19, 2014

    I think you have been given great advise. I have only experienced this from the perspective of a child. You know what to do - keep the children out of it as much as you can and don't use them to vent or as a sounding board. Give yourself permission to grieve and be mad but try to do it in private. Keep stability in your children's lives. Do positive things for yourself.

    I am also not sure about the co-parent thing. Sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it too. Don't let guilt (even though you have no reason to be guilty) make you agree to things you aren't comfortable with.

    Most of all, may you find peace.
     
  13. bandnerdtx

    bandnerdtx Aficionado

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    May 19, 2014

    TeacherShelly, I went through something kind of similar in 2008 -- a horrible divorce and betrayal... I am so sorry for the pain you are in.

    You've gotten some great advice here, but I need to add that you need to find a good attorney and soon. Things are probably going to get ugly, and the sooner you have your ducks in a row, and the sooner you have a legal advocate fighting for you, the better you will be.

    Also, don't hesitate to go to your doctor and tell her that you are struggling. She might be able to give you some temporary medicines to help you with the anxiety and stress. There's no shame in that.

    You're going to have good days and bad days for a long time. There's no way around it. Don't let anyone rush you. We all grieve differently, and we all heal at our own pace. Make your children your priority in every decision, and you'll be okay.
     
  14. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    May 19, 2014

    Shelly, so sorry that you an your daughters have to endure this pain. It stinks for all of you....
    Please make sure you & your daughters are getting support you all may need. Going into teen years they may need someone other than mom to talk to a professional, gma or aunt.
    Hugs to all of you!
     
  15. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    May 19, 2014

    You will learn quickly to be your own rock. No it was not your plan for your family, but it is what it is now. Read, crochet, and live happily ever after in your new world with your daughters.

    The part about physically hurting you in front of the girls is simply unacceptable. I'd use that for both the custody and financial battles. Even if it was just that one instance in 20 years, that is him NOW. He could have chosen to leave you for this biker girl without incident.

    Best wishes and keep us posted.
     

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