Painful but… here goes.

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by TeacherShelly, May 18, 2014.

  1. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Jul 5, 2014

    Wish we could all come over with some junk food and silly movies. Personally, I would bring The Muppet Movie (the 1979 one). We're here for you as best we can be.
     
  2. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 6, 2014

    Thanks, K1Teach!
    Cat, that's one of my all time favorite movies! :)
     
  3. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Jul 6, 2014

    Hugs, TeacherShelly!
     
  4. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Jul 6, 2014

    Sorry, but why is your husband coming over to do paperwork? You do have a lawyer, right?

    I am sure it will be lonely at times, but I can tell from your posts on here that you are a lovely person; turn to your friends and support system. If Cat brings the movie, I will bring the ice cream and hot fudge.

    Hope your girls are doing well.
     
  5. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Jul 6, 2014

    ...and I'll bring the wine!
     
  6. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 6, 2014

    Today was ok. Draining, for sure. We do not have a lawyer, we're trying to do this through mediation. I wanted us to fill out all the paperwork to the best of our ability before meeting with the mediator. We ended up having two big disagreements - child custody and about the house. I think it is probably pretty typical that if problems arise, it's money and kids, right?

    Anyway, it's over for now and no, we didn't get the papers filled out yet.

    I have been doing some interesting new therapy which is really working for me. It's different, not for everyone, but I have been able to rewrite some old childhood experiences in ways that empower me (and empower the "inner child" who went through the experiences the first time).

    In addition I'm reading a book called Buddha's Brain - The Practical Neuroscience of Happiness, Love, and Wisdom. If anyone else is into this kind of book, it is for people like me who live primarily in my head but have emotional things to work through.

    Anyway, this is so helpful to have you guys out there sending me good energy. I'm enjoying the idea of wine, ice cream, hot fudge, The Muppet Movie, and some of the most caring, supportive people I've ever "met." xo

    Love,
    Shelly
     
  7. runsw/scissors

    runsw/scissors Phenom

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    Jul 7, 2014

    Get a lawyer. You are in a very emotional state going through a very emotional time and dealing with highly emotionally charged issues. You need someone in your corner who is able to look at things in a more logical lens, can see what needs to be done to reach the goal, and still empathize with what you are going through. Even if you are able to sort things out in mediation, it is still a good idea to have a lawyer you can talk to and discuss details with. If you know anyone who has been through a divorce recently ask for referrals. You are a good person who wants to do what best for the kids, but you also need to protect yourself. Crazy exes tend to pull the rug out from under you when you least expect it. Trust me on this.
     
  8. Maryhf

    Maryhf Connoisseur

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    Jul 7, 2014

    I just read this Shelly. You are so strong! Sending virtual comfort food and positive thoughts.
     
  9. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Jul 7, 2014

    I agree with runs - get a lawyer. You mentioned that you and your spouse couldn't complete the paperwork due to two HUGE issues. You need someone who knows the ins and outs of family law in your area. It would be awful to make a decision you later find hard to live with because of a misunderstanding of your rights, or because you made a poor choice in a moment of weakness or exhaustion with the whole mess. A lawyer has no emotional stake in this, but can be there on your behalf.

    You need your own lawyer; it is up to him if he gets one.

    I am so sorry.
     
  10. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Jul 7, 2014

    A mediator is great when both parties agree on the major issues. That doesn't sound like it is your situation. I would go to the meeting with the mediator to see how it goes, but I wouldn't sign anything until I had talked to a lawyer. Maybe the mediator works with one. I just feel you need to protect yourself and your children. Your soon to be ex is motivated to divorce and has his own interests at heart. You might not fully understand all the implications of what you sign. A lawyer would see possible pitfalls, etc. I think it would probably be worth the money in the long-term.
     
  11. teacherintexas

    teacherintexas Maven

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    Jul 7, 2014

    Sending calorie free chocolate and a couple shots of tequila.

    I agree that getting a lawyer at this time might be a wise decision.
     
  12. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 7, 2014

    Teacherintexas, that's great, calorie free! I'm on the divorce diet (20 lbs. down so far) so I can relate to the idea of no cal. :)

    I went ahead and emailed my townhouse complex yahoo group for recommendations about lawyers and it was amazing. Right off the bat, two recommendations plus really sweet, supportive emails came back. I'm really learning how much support is out there and it feels so good.

    Husband came by today to drop something off for my daughter. He actually apologized to me for begin so mean yesterday. Okaay.

    Anyway, thanks again for the support. I'm feeling the love :)
     
  13. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 9, 2014

    I had a GREAT session with one of my therapists today. She is the inspiration for this post. Even when I have problems, I'm taking care of them. I have tools and 100% confidence I can respond to whatever comes my way. I also have a lot to be grateful for. I am safe as can be, my children are safe as can be, I have support and love out there coming my way, and I can see all this with my heart. My eyes are open. My heart is open. I'm full of gratitude. You are included in this big immense gratitude I feel, so open your heart and let me send it to you!
     
  14. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Jul 9, 2014

    This is beautiful, TeacherShelly. You are a strong woman--probably much stronger than you ever realized. Once, when I was struggling with my confidence, a good friend told me, "You can, and you will." That has become my mantra whenever I am struggling. You will make it!
     
  15. TeacherShelly

    TeacherShelly Aficionado

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    Jul 9, 2014

    I "Like!" your post, MrsC. As usual, actually. I think you and I would make great friends in real life if we lived closer… hugs!
     

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