Opinions on my dating profile? (male and female please)

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Teacher_Lyn, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    Jul 28, 2010

    I know, I know. I've been dating a man for almost a year now and even though he's sweet and kind, I'm not sure he is the one for me. I want to date other men so I have something to compare. Unfortunately, I have a hard time meeting people because I am EXTREMELY shy.

    Still, I consider myself a catch. Yet, I barely get men intiating contact or responses when I intiate contact. This is my profile. Is there something wrong with it that I'm just not seeing?

    EDIT: I don't want to post my picture on this forum incase anyone here might be a coworker, but I am not ugly by a long shot. In the picture posted, I'm a light tan, shoulder length light brown hair, wide almond shaped eyes
    My Profile ​

    The one thing Lyn is most passionate about:

    Writing creatively, teaching, reading, living life to the fullest, art, photography, travelling, cooking, learning about interesting things and people.

    The most important thing Lyn is looking for in a person is:
    Honesty. You can't build any kind of relationship, whether its romantic or friendship, on lies.

    Basic Information About Lyn
    Occupation: Teacher
    Age: 26
    Kids at home: No
    Wants kids: Yes
    Height: 5 '6
    Ethnicity: Other
    Drinks: A few times a year
    Smokes: Never

    The most influential person in Lyn's life has been:
    I'd say my older brother. He made some mistakes as a teenager and young adult, but he's really turned his life around. He inspires me to always do my best and to keep a positive attitude.


    The three things which Lyn is most thankful for:-the love of my friends and family
    -Being an American -- our country isn't without it's issues, but I LOVE it here. There's no other place I'd rather live
    -My resilient attitude.

    Three of Lyns best life-skills are:
    -Making improvements and repairs around the house
    -Achieving personal goals
    -Finding new adventures and unique experiences

    The one thing Lyn wishes MORE people would notice about her is:
    I wish more people would realize that just because I'm well spoken, have been to college and love to read, I am still down-to-earth and definately not serious all the time. I enjoy having fun and relaxing.

    The first thing people notice about Lyn (other than looks) is:
    My curiousity. I enjoy learning about people, exploring new places and trying different activities. I'm also curious how things work --as a kid, I often took things apart to see what they looked like on the inside. was inside, then put them back together.

    Some additional information Lyn wanted you to know is:
    I enjoy life and believe it's as much about the journey as the destination. Right now I'm working w/an artist to complete a graphic novel. The story's really coming together, which is exciting. Also, I've got enough stress to deal with during the school year with my 25+ students, so I like to keep my personal life as drama-free as possible.



    Lyn typically spends her leisure time:
    Working on my writing projects (in the middle of a graphic novel and YA novel right now), reading, swimming at the local pool, spending time with the family/friends, taking classes in random things that interest me (so far this summer, I've done a class on how to teach ADHD students, jewelry making and getting your work published.)

    The last book Lyn read and enjoyed:

    "If I Stay" by Gayle Forman. It's about a girl who loses her entire family in a car accident. She's in a coma and has to decide whether to move onto the afterlife and be with her family, or stay amongst the living and go through life without her family. I liked the paranormal aspect.



    Lyn's friends describe her as:
    Warm
    Funny
    Creative
    Intelligent
     
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  3. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Jul 28, 2010

    Wow, have you been dating that guy a yr already?! Time really flies!

    If I was an intelligent guy w/ a good head on his shoulders, I'd find you interesting & would want to get to know you. A few questions/comments:

    - When you stated Kids at home: No, that would make me wonder, "Why, does she have kids somewhere else?" Can you just say Kids: No. That just sounds a tad strange that you specify that the kids are not "at home" & will make the guy wonder if you have kids at all or not.

    - Working on 2 novels sounds great! What does YA stand for?

    - Also, I assume these topics are what the dating service is requesting that you write about.

    I'M PMing YOU!
     
  4. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jul 28, 2010

    I read If I Stay last week. :)

    It seems like a good profile to me! I've seen some shocking ones, too, so I'm able to compare. I'm asking because I don't know...are there many guys on these dating sites in your age range? Maybe that's part of the problem? Also, do you have to describe somewhere what you're looking for in a guy, and if so, what do you have written?
     
  5. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jul 28, 2010

    YA = Young Adult

    (Yeah, you might want to write that out for those guys who may not know...)
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Jul 28, 2010

    Thanks JustMe.
     
  7. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Jul 28, 2010

    First, don't be depressed about the low response rate. It may be entirely typical. Have you read other women's profiles, and do you have any idea what the average response rate for your area is?

    The "one thing" you're most passionate about looks like about a dozen things. Maybe focusing this a little more tightly might get better response. I'm sure when people read these things they must be trying to get a feel for what the person is like, and too much information is distracting.

    I corrected some typos, in red. The profile overall suggests you're intelligent -- typos detract from that and could get a more intelligent guy to shy away, while the less educated might feel the overall tenor of the profile is intimidating.

    I don't know whether you should allude to stress during the school year; it kind of suggests you might be a bit harried during the year. Actually, I'm not sure what that sentence really means.

    Is there a different spot for what you're looking for? A lot of guys might be selecting themselves out for a lot of reasons. This is okay, but you want to make sure they're eliminating themselves for the right reasons.
     
  8. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    Jul 28, 2010

    There isn't a part to really describe what I'm looking for in a relationship. In terms of age, I put my range as being 26 - 35. I feel like my profile is pretty good to, so I'm wondering if it's my picture? I am NOT drop dead gorgeous, but as I said earlier, I'm not ugly. I don't know why I don't get any hits. Several of my friends have had much success meeting guys online. I never even get any dates!
    Unfortunately, the service I am using forces you to fill in answers for those questions/statements.
     
  9. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    Thank you so much for your critique. I have went back and made the corrections. I am going to post on intellect connect and other niche dating sites geared toward kinda nerdy people like myself. Maybe that will give me better luck.

    Also, how do I find out how many responses people are getting?
     
  10. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    I think it sounds good but here are some changes if you want them.
    For some reason the college comment is coming across badly to me. Almost like you feel like those who don't go to college aren't serious. I don't know, I just don't get a good vibe from it.

    Also, I have used the term graphic novel before to my friends and some of them thought I was talking about an "adult" novel, just so you know:)

    Are you telling your current boyfriend you are doing this? I am guessing yes because of your honestly answer. Are you guys now broken up?
     
  11. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Jul 28, 2010

    Ask the owners of the site. The should have, or be able to produce, some kind of average numbers.

    I suspect it's not the profile or your picture (I think you had a picture once on your avatar? Kind of blurry and from a bit far away, but you seemed attractive). I think going to niche sites is a good move. Telling a "kinda nerdy" crowd that you're busy writing a graphic novel is .... well, probably a good thing. ;)
     
  12. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jul 28, 2010

    Will you be informing your current boyfriend that you are looking for other people to date?

    Does your BF know that you aren't sure he 'is the one'?

    How would you feel if he was out looking?
     
  13. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    Jul 28, 2010

    I agree. The part about college does sound snooty. I just don't know what to put there. At first I had something about how I wish people would realize that even though I'm quiet when I first meet people and may seem aloof, I'm really very warm and friendly. But I thought that made me seem weird.

    I'll pm you the boyfriend details.
     
  14. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    Jul 28, 2010

    It's complicated.
     
  15. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Jul 28, 2010

    I'm sure it's complicated, but are you being honest with him? You did say that honesty is most important to you.

    I kind of remembered you talking about a dating service a while ago and found this thread:

    http://forums.atozteacherstuff.com/showthread.php?t=107421

    In that thread, you had no intentions of being honest with your bf because you were concerned you'd be left alone if you broke up with him. You were given good advice on that thread regarding your plans. Regardless of your 'profile', I'd recommend some deep thinking about what you want in a relationship, who 'you are' in a relationship and how you are treating someone with whom you have been in a long relationship and for whom you say you care. Only by being honest with yourself and with your current partner, will you be able to find happiness in any relationship.

    I wish you well.
     
  16. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    Jul 28, 2010

    How do I know what I want in a relationship if I have only dated two men in my 26 years on Earth? My parents talk about how they dated a lot of people and my Mom is like, "You should just be friends with guys and go out on dates. You don't even have to be serious".

    But it's very hard for me to meet men because I have low self esteem and I am shy.

    The man I'm dating knows that I have concerns about our future because a lot of his money and time is tied up into his children, which is fine, but not fair to me. I guess I don't want to tell him "Let's see other people" and it turns out no one else is even interested in me, which has been the case in the past.
     
  17. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Jul 28, 2010

    TELL HIM.
     
  18. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    If you don't want to be with him, then you shouldn't want to be with him even if no one else is interested in you.
     
  19. Starista

    Starista Cohort

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    Jul 28, 2010

    Dear Lyn,

    Hello! I met my husband online, but not through a dating service. We met playing an online video game. Crazy way to meet, but anything can happen.

    While I have 0 experience with dating sites and what you're supposed to put on there I think yours looks good.

    I know how difficult it is to meet guys when you're shy and with low-self-esteem. I won't use the worn cliches about just being yourself and that the right guy will come along when the time is right.

    Just another thought. And please, please accept my sincerest apology if this sounds preachy. That is totally, 100% NOT my intent.

    26 is very young. When I was 25 I wanted a boyfriend very badly. I wanted to date, fall in love, get married. All my friends were doing it, so I supposed I should as well.

    At age 25 I did not "know myself." I still have no clue, really, what that phrase means. But I do know that at age 25 I was not mature enough emotionally to be in a "long term" relationship. Not sure why, but every gal matures at a different rate.

    Due to the fact that I had very low self-esteem at the time I made a lot of mistakes and bad choices when it came to dating and selecting guys. Learning experiences & the rights of passage, maybe.

    My first year teaching I had a marvelous mentor. I would drone on and on to her about how much I wanted a boyfriend.

    One day she asked me point blank "Why?"

    I had no answer for her.

    When I did, eventually, fall into a relationship that I deemed was going to result in a long lasting marriage after the first date she told me to be VERY cautious. Take it slow.

    Did I listen? Nope.

    She told me that she thought it should be a felony for women to marry before they're 30. :lol: Of course, I do not agree with that. Setting an age is a silly generalization. But she explained how I needed those years to work on my own self-esteem and self-image.

    One word of caution. And I know a lot can be misconstrued in text. But you mention in this post that if you tell your current beau to see other folks, that no one will be interested in you.

    What's so wrong with being alone?

    I have fond memories, some not so fond, of my single years in my 20s where I'd take myself to the Barnes and Noble,order a large hot chocolate and spend the Friday night reading a book along the lines of "Confessions of a Shopaholic."

    Your profile sounds like you're a wonderful gal. :) I wish you lots of luck! Again, I really hope my replies and thoughts do not sound preachy or overbearing or -gasp- like someone's mother! :love:
     
  20. emmakate218

    emmakate218 Connoisseur

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    If you don't know what you want in a relationship, then you should be dating to find out. You shouldn't be in an almost one year relationship...which you seem to be in only because you're scared no one else will want you.

    If you have low self esteem, then perhaps you shouldn't even be dating. You need to focus on yourself. You need to be whole before you can be a half.
     
  21. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    ...and stringing him along when you are only with him because you don't want to be alone is not fair to him. Why do you expect from others what you are not willing to give?
     
  22. Jem

    Jem Aficionado

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    I have a bit of my dating profile left-that was almost 7 years ago! I had about 3 dates a week using it. I could usually tell by the second or third date if it was not going to work out, so I 'went through' a LOT of guys. I still have my spreadsheet I used to keep them straight. Haha. I approached it like finding a job. Two years of dating just about every type of guy out there gave me a REALLY good idea of what I was looking for.

    I should also say that I went into this after breaking off an engagement with my 'high school sweetheart'. Like you, I realized I really needed to find out what was out there. I'm still in contact with several of the guys I met-we became good friends instead of something else.

    Anyhow, I used match.com. I don't know what it's like now, but back then you just wrote a paragraph. I liked that a LOT more than the little answers you have to fill out. My best friend helped me write my profile-we would work on it at night while 'man shopping'. Ah, good times. ;)

    I've used some of it for my facebook blip:

    While this face may look like the perfect visage of a goddess, I'm no stranger to clumsiness. My students are frequently knocked down, stepped on and bumped into (I blame it on their lack of height, but that never goes over well...) I'm a sucker for all things pirate. It is difficult to find pirates in Ann Arbor, so I settle for reading about them instead. The eighties rock my world, even if everyone else had enough of them before the decade even ended. I love the music, fashion (big hair, anyone?) and especially the cartoons (Kat! Truly outrageous, truly, truly, truly outrageous!). I can often be found singing along with music as varied as Robbie Williams, Donkey Punch and Matchbox Twenty. I'm addicted to stilletos, carmel apples and my video camera. I'll only grade papers and journals by candlelight. I love purchasing fun socks, often buying three pairs at a time. I do not, however, enjoy wearing socks, so I suppose that is a waste of money. I love working out, usually running and practicing yoga. I have very random eating habbits, downing entire packages of pizza rolls in the wee hours of the morning.

    Then something something something conclusion. The picture I used was a simple head shot from a professional picture my friends and I had taken one day in a wildflower field. The other pictures I had were from my Route 66 road trip. No drinking or bikini pictures. ;)
     
  23. eddygirl

    eddygirl Companion

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    Jem, I LOVE the humor in your post! Teacher Lyn, I think Jem's approach of some humor injected into your profile may get you noticed more. Most guys I know are into joking around, and putting forth your "silly side" may just be the thing to get their attention.
     
  24. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    What's great about Jem's profile is that it paints a picture of Jem. It's honest, it's who she is. Also, Jem clearly states that she was dating guys to find what she wanted in a relationship. She wasn't stringing anyone along during the process.
     
  25. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Oh, yeah...I forgot about the history of this relationship. What you're doing is insanely unfair to him.
     
  26. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    I haven't even gone out with any other guys. I was just putting feelers out there. I love the man I am with. But I'm afraid too that what if he is only with me because he can't find anyone else? He never says, "I love you" unless I say it first.

    And he told me before he had a hard time dating -- that he tried online dating and got no bites.
     
  27. dmbfan36

    dmbfan36 Rookie

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    I met my boyfriend online about 3 years ago. And I have to say that even though you have not gone out with anyone, putting feelers out there is not the right thing to do. It would hurt me greatly to know that someone I was dating was looking around online and keeping me on the side in case they couldn't find something better. If he was doing the same, how would you feel?
     
  28. Simba

    Simba Comrade

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    Jul 28, 2010

    Jem,

    Can I hire you to write my profile?

    I'm in my middle thirties testing out the online dating game. IT'S HARD WORK!

    I'm just taking my time and haven't been very serious about it. Some of the emails and pictures are PRICELESS!!

    Regardless,...it's really none of my business, but how would you feel if he was looking to date other women without telling you?

    Please just tell him. He deserves to know. I'd want to know. Wouldn't you?

    Good Luck!
     
  29. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    why doesn't he say i love you? his actions show it, but i want to hear it.
     
  30. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    my profile is honest. it is who i am. just because i am not 100% sure i want to commit to this man does not make me a dishonest, or bad person. :mad: i haven't even found anyone else that i'm intersted in. most people my age date and sleep around. i'm not doing that.
     
  31. dmbfan36

    dmbfan36 Rookie

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    I am not saying that he is right by not say that he loves you. However you say he does show it. I would think that this is something you need to discuss with him. My own opinion though is that putting a profile up would be the same as going to a bar and trying to find a guy to go out with. Just because it's online doesn't make it any less real. If someone I was dating did that to me I would be very hurt. :2cents:
     
  32. dmbfan36

    dmbfan36 Rookie

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    I don't think anyone is saying that not committing to him makes you dishonest. However, looking for other people when he thinks you are in a committed relationship is dishonest.
     
  33. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I think you are being dishonest.
     
  34. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    oh okay. that makes more sense. it just seems like everyone was kind of beating up on me about having an online profile.

    I appreciate the constructive criticism, but you irriated me because I was not asking your opinion on whether or not what I was doing was wrong. I just wanted to know what you thought of my profile.

    I've gotten a couple pm's with similar opinions to yours and to me that was a lot more considerate than going off topic publically, especially to criticize me.

    That's what I would have done, but everyone's different and going to do what they want.
     
  35. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Would you consider telling your boyfriend you have a profile? Or would it concern you that he would be hurt or outright angry and break up?

    Déjà vu.
     
  36. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    I'm not sure that I want to date other men. It's like asking me do I want to eat hamburger the rest of my life without ever tasting anything else. Why should I give up hamburger when I'm just looking at chicken or fish?
     
  37. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Alright. I have not read all of the posts, but I am going to be completely honest.

    My initial thought is that it lacks personality/voice. It sounds like an interview or something.
    Then I skimmed ahead and came across Jem's profile. That confirmed my initial thoughts for me.
     
  38. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    I'm not trying to be critical-just going through a difficult situation myself right now, so these are my thoughts:

    There isn't a problem with wanting to date other people. It's that you don't want to tell him you're dating other people.

    I agree about the profile-I would try to make it more fun/funny.
     
  39. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    i'm not sure if Jem's profile is a fair comparison since we are posting in different forums. She was able to free write hers, whereas I had to answer questions.

    OMG, now I'M having de ja vu. I feel like I've said or read this here before.

    But I guess I could interject more personality into it.

    It's funny though because all the profiles I read from men don't seem like they put a lot of hard work and thought into it the way Jem has. :confused:
     
  40. Teacher_Lyn

    Teacher_Lyn Companion

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    I understand that. I think what rubbed me the wrong way is a person continually saying, "you're dishonest" and making it seem like because I've had this issue before, I am a bad person. Some of it is probably my guilt, but still.

    Also, I think I may go ahead and yank down my profile because I just read an article about a man that I went to high school with who has been meeting women online (in MY area nonetheless) and killing them.

    He looks normal and was working on his PHd according to the article. I may not get all that I want from my boyfriend, but at least he's not nuts!:lol:

    It's the 80/20 rule.
     
  41. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Jul 28, 2010

    You're publicly announcing for the second time that you are considering carrying on affairs...because that's what dating other men would be when you're in a comitted relationship—and I use that term loosely—and he is in the dark in regards to your shopping around for chicken and other varieties of meat. I will not comment further so you will not be distracted by my rants and instead get the feedback you desire for your profile. Truly, I'm not trying to mean and I am sorry for irrirating you. Face to face conversations often naturally expand but I understand that's not always best on an organized discussion board, but since I started this in the thread and not through personal messaging I just wanted to end it here as well. Best wishes to you both.

    ETA: And goodness, be safe! Just read about the murders.
     

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