Opinions needed!

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by giraffe326, Sep 22, 2009.

  1. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Sep 22, 2009

    I am collection opinions from friends and family, and it is pretty evenly split. So, I need more to make a decision.

    I asked to work early on Halloween at the car dealership I work at. My closing was pushed back several times last year, and I was quite upset when I was not able to close before Halloween because I really wanted to give out candy. So, this year, I asked to work early so I could do so. I have already decorated (my mom told me it was too early, but I have been excited!)
    Today, the new girl we just hired at the dealership e-mailed me and asked me to switch shifts on Halloween. She was asked for any time off requests before the schedule was made and did not say anything about Halloween. Now she wants to work early so she can take her daughter trick-or-treating for the first time. The thing is, her daughter is only a few months old (side note- parents taking their babies who are not old enough to eat candy door to door trick or treating is actually a pet peeve of mine).
    I am typically VERY flexible about switching- in the nearly 2 years I have worked there, I have only said no a few times- when I was asked to work when I already requested the time off or if I realized I had the day off and made plans. With the other part time girl we have now, I probably switch at least twice a month due to her asking me. So, I am usually very accommodating. Too accommodating as a matter of fact.
    I have a hard time saying yes because I ASKED for this shift- she could have made a request too, but did not. It also slightly irks me that she would even ask me this, knowing that I did make a special request. I also am struggling with the fact that I am a pushover, and am getting sick of it (which she is not the one who has been abusing the fact that I accommodate everything, but I am still getting tired of doing what everyone else 'needs' me to do).
    On the other hand, I feel guilty because she does have a child. A child too young for trick-or-treating, but a child none-the-less.

    What would you guys do in my situation?
     
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  3. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Sep 22, 2009

    Alright- now I am even more irritated because she just e-mailed me AGAIN. I did not get back to her yet because I was thinking it over. She e-mailed me the first time at 1 and again at 6 (I just checked it and saw it). Seriously. It is nearly 6 weeks away. That definitely made me lean the other way a bit.
     
  4. 3Sons

    3Sons Enthusiast

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    Sep 22, 2009

    No.

    The fact that she has a child doesn't really mean anything; it's not for the child's benefit. It's for her own benefit. And this was a particular request of yours.
     
  5. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    Sep 22, 2009

    I would not switch with her. If it was important, she could have requested it off before.
     
  6. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Sep 22, 2009

    I would not switch. There are plenty of activities at churches and community centers during the day to experience Halloween and they are all more appropriate than taking a baby door to door at night - same thing for visiting relatives to show off the costume, do it earlier in the day. On top of all that, she already knows you ASKED to work early so you clearly have other plans, it is no one's business what they are or to decide how valid they are.
     
  7. lilmisses1014

    lilmisses1014 Comrade

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    Sep 22, 2009

    Don't switch.
     
  8. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Sep 22, 2009

    As far as being a push over, no one can make you that way without your permission. Say no emphatically, you already have plans, and end it with that.
     
  9. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

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    Sep 22, 2009

    NO! NO!! NO!!!
    You know you are trying to get over being a PUSHOVER, so let this be the beginning of the NEW YOU!
    Tell her NO and stick to it! Don't let her make you feel guilty by using her "TOO YOUNG TO TRICK OR TREAT" baby.:whistle:
    Rebel1
     
  10. rachaelski

    rachaelski Habitué

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    Sep 22, 2009

    Don't do it! You are right, her child is too young for candy and it's somethign you've wanted for a while.
     
  11. MissWull

    MissWull Cohort

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    Sep 22, 2009

    No I wouldn't switch with her. She should have thought about it ahead of time if she wanted to take her baby out trick or treating.

    Sidenote: When I have a child, I think I would still take it out trick or treating, obviously not if it's a newborn, but if the baby was close to 1, I would. Every 1st holiday would be a special time for me and I'd want my child to experience that as well, old enough or not. It's not like I would expect to get candy for the baby, it's just the experience. I also would not take the baby out for a long time, just a few houses, maybe chatting with the neighbors and such. But still, a first holiday is a first holiday. But my decision still stands, I just wanted to say this little piece in response to your pet peeve of babies trick or treating! :)
     
  12. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Sep 22, 2009

    I am surprised it is overwhelming to the nos. I want to say no, but feel guilty.
    I'll sleep on it.

    As to babies trick-or-treating- in my family, everyone gets dressed up on Halloween and goes to see all the grandparents, aunts, and uncles earlier in the day. So, they always got the cute costume but didn't go door to door. Why take a baby 'trick-or-treating' to people you don't know? I understand showing them off to family and friends, but going to random people's houses is a bit silly, IMO.
     
  13. frogger

    frogger Devotee

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    Sep 22, 2009

    No I would not switch with her. You made a request before the schedule was made and got the time you wanted. If she was so on top of things she as a parent would know it was halloween and requested as well and not wait to ask you to do it. Just say no.
     
  14. djmondi

    djmondi Comrade

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    Sep 22, 2009

    I would not switch with her. My daughter will be 11 months on Halloween and will go to a few houses on our street, but that is it. HOWEVER, don't think I haven't had her first Halloween on my mind for months now! I've had her costume since the beginning of August:) So if it was me, I would've requested it off immediately. I'm always thinking about her "firsts" long ahead of time - been planning the birthday for months now...lol
     
  15. frogger

    frogger Devotee

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    Sep 22, 2009

    Don't feel guilty - she's not feeling bad about asking you again and again.
     
  16. KinderMissN

    KinderMissN Companion

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    Sep 22, 2009

    Say NO! She needs to plan these things in advance, as you obviously have. Don't let her guilt you into doing things you don't want to do.
     
  17. yarnwoman

    yarnwoman Cohort

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    Sep 22, 2009

    As a parent who took both of her kids out trick or treating (one at 6 mths, one at 1 1/2 months due to their father being about to deploy for an extended period) I would say NO NO NO! You asked for this so stick to your guns.
     
  18. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    Sep 22, 2009

    Tell her, "sorry, I already have plans."
     
  19. mollydoll

    mollydoll Connoisseur

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    Sep 22, 2009

    Don't switch. And the child's age is irrelevant. If this had been important enough to her, she would have requested the day off. It wasn't, and it doesn't become YOUR problem because of her lack of foresight.

    There comes a time when you have to take a stand. I really hate being taken advantage of and I don't allow it to happen. I too am generally very accommodating, but if I do not get treated similarly in return, I have no problem being perceived as a bitch by the users.

    Enjoy your evening, guilt free.
     
  20. Kangaroo22

    Kangaroo22 Virtuoso

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    Sep 22, 2009

    I wouldn't switch, either. Handing out candy at Halloween is important to you and you asked first.
     
  21. Proud2BATeacher

    Proud2BATeacher Phenom

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    Sep 22, 2009

    I would tell her "no". I love handing out candy too :D.
     
  22. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Sep 22, 2009

    When I asked for it off, I wrote my boss that said
    "If at all possible, I'd like to work early on Halloween. I want to hand out candy since I missed out last year. I know I am a nerd :)"





    I love decorating for holidays and have had limited decorations the last 2 years since moving to NC (I left holiday stuff in storage in Michigan because I didn't have space in my apartment). Well, I have all my stuff now and my very own house, so I am excited.

    In all honesty, if it weren't my FIRST year living in a house (I have lived in apartments since moving out of my parents house), it wouldn't be a big deal and I would switch. This is my first Halloween with my house- which is like my baby (only it costs a whole lot more and is a whole lot more work!)
     
  23. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Sep 22, 2009

    DON'T FEEL BAD. Easier said than done, I realize, but everyone here has said all there is to be said.

    Although, I would like to add: Babies dressing up for this event, cute. Babies trick-or-tricking, as in parents pushing their baby in a stroller or wagon while they stick their bucket out for candy...ugh. So a top pet peeve of mine.
     
  24. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Sep 22, 2009

    That is my feeling. It is one thing to bring them along dressed all cute while an older sibling trick-or-treats, but not the parent sticking out the candy bucket when they are barely eating crackers. At least a strangers' houses. Take them to see friends and family!
     
  25. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Sep 23, 2009

    Say you wish you could, but you can't switch. That's it, you don't owe her any further explanation.
     
  26. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    I told her no today. I haven't checked my e-mail in a few hours (so I am not sure of her response), but I told her I already made a commitment and I can't back out. I offered to work longer (my shift is 8-2 and hers is 2-8). I said I could work until 3:30 or 4 so she could show her daughter off to friends and family, but that I could not close.

    I technically have a prior commitment- with the kids in the neighborhood :)
     
  27. TeaRoses4M&D

    TeaRoses4M&D Rookie

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    Sep 24, 2009

    True!
     
  28. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    Sep 24, 2009

    good for you!
     
  29. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    Sep 24, 2009

    Good for you! I love handing out candy to the kiddos so I wouldn't want to miss it for the world! I hope you have fun!
     
  30. futureteach21

    futureteach21 Habitué

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    I'm glad you didn't give in. Hopefully next time she will remember ahead of time what she needs to do to get time off.
     
  31. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    She (who was so impatient and e-mailed me multiple times) never responded to my e-mail.
    I have only met her once, but so far, she is definitely not rubbing me the right way...
     
  32. futureteach21

    futureteach21 Habitué

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    Maybe you should resend your email:whistle:
     
  33. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    Sep 25, 2009

    Don't think I haven't thought about it!
     
  34. Kindergarten31

    Kindergarten31 Cohort

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    She's probabaly thinking of what to say now. I would just tell her that you asked way in advance because of your plans-and that's it. No other explanation is necessary. I think it is nice that you offered to stay later, but stick by the time you want to leave. She sounds like the kind of person that will say she'll be in at 4, then show up at 6. Isn't it funny how we make judgements of people? I HATE when I do that, but usually am right in the long run.
     
  35. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Sep 27, 2009

    Can you get me a deal on a car? :lol: you are only 281 mi – about 4 hours 48 mins from me

    OH BTW I agree with the NO
     
  36. Mrs.DLC

    Mrs.DLC Comrade

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    You made a good decision! Have fun handing out your candy! I think it's strange when adults have their own treat bags! I have had groups of school-aged kids, plus parents, all stick out a sack for the candy! And, if you give "good" things-they usually come back later!!!!
     
  37. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Don't worry about her lack of response.

    She asked you a question, you answered it... case closed.

    Enjoy Halloween and don't give this nonsense another thought!
     
  38. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    As long as you are not picky, LOL.
    Our lot is pretty bare as we are sllooowwwllyyy getting the 2010s in.
    Between Chrysler stopping the production lines and Cash For Clunkers, our inventory is nearly non-existant!
     
  39. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    As for this whole thing, I'm way over and done with it. It seems silly. I just have a hard time saying 'no', but I did it. Still feel a bit bad, but I am doing something for me, no matter how silly it is.
    She relieved me yesterday and said it was alright.
     
  40. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    I understand not being able to say NO
    I am the same way in fact I can not take a standard polygraph because it requires answers that have "NO" as an answer. When I say "no" the polygraph says I am being deceptive even when it is the truth. Go Figure?
     
  41. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    Sep 27, 2009

    giraffe - You are a reasonable and giving person. You do have a committment - to yourself. You are important too! I am proud of you because you handled this in a totally kind and reasonable way. You were kind to yourself.

    Don't wait till you are many years an adult - like I have - to start adding in yourself as an important committment. I burned out. I totally understand the guilt too! Next step is to keep talking to yourself. You have no reason to feel guilty, because you kept your word to yourself. And you are a giving person who is willing to help others out a lot. Your post just hit me because I have struggled for years with making everyone else happy, and finally there came the straw that broke the camel's back, and now I am having to learn that it is ok to consider myself, and guilt is not necessary unless I have done something wrong. Good for you!
     

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