OOoooh, my dream job! Can you guys pleeeeease look over my cover letter?? :D

Discussion in 'Job Seekers' started by Peachyness, Jul 18, 2011.

  1. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Jul 18, 2011

    So, this is an advisor position where I would work with the teachers to develop an individualized program. I would work with the teachers and parents, among other duties. It sounds very similar to what I did for two years. And they want someone with a strong background in math, which is what I solely taught for two years. :) So, here's my cover letter:


    Dear "hr person",

    I am interested in applying for the Advisor position in the "School". I am enthusiastic and prepared to apply my skills, knowledge, and experience as an Advisor to maximize student learning and provide support for staff and families. I have had great success in collaborating with staff and families to develop and implement an appropriate program for students. As you might expect, I enjoy researching teaching methods, educational articles, and activities for teachers and families; and seeing the fruits of that work as my students master skills and concepts.

    Given the right tools, all children can be successful. For example, last year I had a student, “Alonso”, who started the year at below basic in math. Using the state adopted math program, I created scaffolded lesson plans where we slowly worked through each concept using hands-on manipulative and real life examples. At the end of the year he scored proficient on the CST math portion of the test. Students like “Alonso” are the reason I work so hard to create a program where each student feels successful.

    As the math clinician, I collaborated with the staff and the students' families to design and implement an individualized program that would foster students' proficiency in math. The students I worked with made significant progress in math, moving from below basic to either basic or advanced on their benchmark tests. In addition, my students' ability to critically think and solve word problems improved drastically based on their benchmark test scores and classwork.
    In order to make this program successful, I worked diligently at evaluating, collecting, and analyzing students' formal and informal assessments in order to plan the next step in their program. I documented my findings to share with staff and families.

    I am excited at the prospect of working with the students and staff in the "School". I would like to meet with you to discuss my qualifications for the Advisor position. Thank you for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely,
    Peachness


    So, suggestions?
     
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  3. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    Jul 18, 2011

    How exciting!

    That sentence seems awkward to me--maybe it's the "huge" throwing me off, but 'made growth' also doesn't sound quite right. What about something like "significant progress"?
     
  4. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    ahh, yes! I like that much better!
     
  5. amakaye

    amakaye Enthusiast

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    Jul 18, 2011

    In the 3rd paragraph, should it be "advance" or "advanced"?

    Also, "plan my next step in their program"--maybe just "the next step" or "the next steps I would take to..." so it is more student-centered?
     
  6. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Jul 18, 2011

    Sounds good. I wish you all the best! :)

    Yes, advanced rather than advance in the 3rd paragraph.
     
  7. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jul 18, 2011

    Those first couple of sentences are long!

    Also, you make a great case for being hired as a teacher. Make sure you tie them into the description of the job you're applying for. I think you need an extra sentence or two somewhere linking all you've done with what you know about the job you're going for.
     
  8. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Alice, should I start a new paragraph and link what I've done to this job opening, or should I do this within the paragraphs?
     
  9. TamiJ

    TamiJ Virtuoso

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    I agree that the first couple of sentences are long and should be shortened.

    "In addition, my students' ability to critically think and solve word problems also improved drastically."

    I would remove "also" because you initially stated that with "in addition".
     
  10. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    I think it could go etiher way. You could include it in your first paragraph or throw in another short paragraph before your closing paragraph.
     
  11. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Okay. Thanks Alice. I am working on fixing up the first paragraph, thinking of just deleting that last sentence. Perhaps, instead, that is where I could link my past experience to this job opening.
     
  12. teach42

    teach42 Comrade

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    Jul 18, 2011

    I wonder if saying improved drastically is too vague. Usually, they want a measure of how it has improved so how do you measure it or what do you consider as improvement? Can you be more specific? Is there also someone you can address the letter to that is higher than the HR person?
     
  13. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    teach42, I'll look at that sentence after I rewrite my first paragraph. This is tougher than I thought it would be.

    In regards to HR, I don't post the name on here. :) Hence, they are HR.
     
  14. teach42

    teach42 Comrade

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    Oh, I meant usually you address the cover letter to the principal, superintendent, or someone on the hiring committee not the HR since they are not the ones who do the hiring. Maybe there is no one else??
     
  15. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Oh, I see. Right, in this situation, I'm applying to the HR personnel. :)
     
  16. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Okay, so I worked on that first paragraph. What do you guys think?

    FYI- I have incredible neck pain, so bear with me here. I have a dr. appointment first thing in the morning, but I'm a bit cranky and am currently lying on my stomach to help me bear with the pain. My brain is not quite at its fullest capacity. Bleh!

    EDIT- I don't think lying on my stomach is helping... :rolleyes:
     
  17. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jul 18, 2011

    Spacing aside, this is quite a mouthful:

    "I have prior experience in collaborating with staff and families to develop and implement an appropriate program for students; researching teaching methods, educational articles, and activities for teachers and families; and working with
    students to master skills and concepts to help them become productive members of society."

    I like what you're saying-- it's the bridge I think you needed. But it needs to be reworked.

    How about:

    I have had great success in collaborating with staff and families to develop and implement an appropriate program for students. As you might expect, I enjoy from researching teaching methods, educational articles, and activities for teachers and families; and seeing the fruits of that work as my students master skills and concepts.


    Is that any better?
     
  18. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Oh Alice. Thank you so much. :) Yes, that is better.
     
  19. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Jul 18, 2011

    Let's see what it looks like now, please.

    By the way, Peachy, you might want to look into the Mathematics Instruction Endorsement Assessment and the endorsements that go with it: see http://www.cset.nesinc.com.
     
  20. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    Alright, TG, here is the latest rough draft version:

    Dear hr dude or duddette,

    I am interested in applying for the Advisor position in the "School". I am enthusiastic and prepared to apply my skills, knowledge, and experience as an Advisor to maximize student learning and provide support for staff and families. I have had great success in collaborating with staff and families to develop and implement an appropriate program for students. As you might expect, I enjoy researching teaching methods, educational articles, and activities for teachers and families; and seeing the fruits of that work as my students master skills and concepts.

    Given the right tools, all children can be successful. For example, last year I worked with a fourth grade student, “Alonso”, who started the year at below basic in math. Using the state adopted math program, I created scaffolded lesson plans where we slowly worked through each concept using hands-on manipulative and real life examples. At the end of the year he scored proficient on the CST math portion of the test. Students like “Alonso” are the reason I work so hard to create a program where each student feels successful.

    As the math academic clinician, I collaborated with the staff and families to design and implement an individualized program that would foster students' proficiency in math. The students I worked with made significant progress in math, moving from below basic to either basic, proficient or advanced on their benchmark tests. In addition, my students' ability to critically think and solve word problems improved drastically, based on their test scores and classwork. In order to make this program successful, I worked diligently at evaluating, collecting, and analyzing students' formal and informal assessments in order to plan the next step in their program. I documented my findings to share with staff and families during IEP, SST, and conference meetings.

    I am excited at the prospect of working with the students and staff in the "School". I would like to meet with you to discuss my qualifications for the Advisor position. Thank you for your time and consideration.
     
  21. TeacherGroupie

    TeacherGroupie Moderator

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    Jul 18, 2011

    Remind me quickly, please: you've done a gig very like this before?
     

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