Offended by a Parent Comment

Discussion in 'General Education' started by KinderCowgirl, Apr 7, 2010.

  1. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    This is really just kind of a vent, maybe more of an anecdote-a can-you-believe-a-parent-said-this kind of thing.

    I have a child in my class who is going to another school next year. No problem. Parent made a big deal out of explaining why though-he was really happy here, mom was happy with the progress he's made however, she wants to hang out with a better class of parent! It's not even for the child to be able to hang out with this better class of friends, she wants to have parents over for dinner, book club, etc and doesn't feel like these parents would be suitable because the school is in a low SES area. :eek:hmy:

    I was just floored, didn't even know how to respond. It's just the sweetest bunch of kids and I think the families are really nice. Silly me, I guess I'm just not paying enough attention to what they wear or what kind of car they drive! Isn't that a great example to be setting for your kid?
     
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  3. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Ugh.
     
  4. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Perfect example of when someone should just zip their lips!
     
  5. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    I would be soooo tempted to say something not quite pleasant to the parent!
     
  6. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Icy silence works wonders in those matters.
     
  7. Bumble

    Bumble Groupie

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    It would be really hard for me to be quiet on this one. I hate snobs.
     
  8. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I was going to say exactly what Bumble said...a snob. Certain places are NOT the place to be the popular, life-of-the-party, attention-seeker. School is defintely one of those places. This parent better twist her head on straight & worry about her kid's well being.
     
  9. Crzy_ArtTeacher

    Crzy_ArtTeacher Comrade

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    Well the loss of this uppity parent is really your gain.
     
  10. Mrs. Toby

    Mrs. Toby Rookie

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    Sounds like a parent of the year candidate!
     
  11. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    I would have been really tempted to say something equally as snotty. "Hmm, well I know the parents from that school and I don't know that they will like someone like you."

    I would have never said that out loud, but I certainly would have in my head!
     
  12. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    kcjo13, what I wouldn't give to at least hear another teacher say those words... :)
     
  13. jen12

    jen12 Devotee

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    People can be wacky.
    I subbed once at a school in an extremely high SES area. Every car in the drop-off was a Lexus, Escalade, Mercedes or BMW. The day I subbed it was a field trip day, and one of the parents (with her Chanel purse and gigantic diamond ring) was telling me how happy she was that the school had gone to uniforms, because of the parents' obsession with status.

    You can't do anything to control that kind of ridiculousness. You can only hope that the kid learns good values in spite of his mother's social climbing personality.
     
  14. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    I know. I just feel sorry for the kid. His first year of school, made friends, talks about still being able to see me in the halls next year.

    Yeah, I thought of a lot of things I could have said-if only I was one of those people who didn't care about being professional :whistle: . The funny thing is this school rejected him last year, he's waitlisted now-I have a feeling he won't get in. There's another she wants to try after that. She may run out of schools with "acceptable" parents and be stuck with us anyway. I certainly won't be able to look at her the same way again!

    Thanks for your responses guys!
     
  15. tinytotsteacher

    tinytotsteacher Rookie

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    Maybe she'll find out those other parents won't accept her into their social circle. :rolleyes: She might not be worthy.
     
  16. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    That poor child, growing up with a mom who cares only about social climbing.
     
  17. newbie87

    newbie87 Comrade

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    I think the way the parent explained things was tacky, but honestly I feel some of the responses are hypocritical. It's human nature to want to "do better". Status is one way people measure themselves now a days. I mean is measuring yourself by status any better/worse then people who measure themselves by who's better looking? Trust me, in my working with children I've ran into many parents who have told me how great looking their child is and how ugly other children are by comparison. I've known parents of little girls who just turn everything into a beauty contest. I just think if people were in their shoes, they would make the same choice but they're scolding them for doing it. Life is a lot about who you know. Who's to say them befriending certain parents won't have an affect their child later in life? :whistle:
     
  18. Kindergarten31

    Kindergarten31 Cohort

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    Oh my.
     
  19. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    It's not hypocritical, I would be equally annoyed if I heard someone judging based on looks.

    We all make a lot of choices, but most people have enough restraint to not vocalize the reasons out loud, especially to a teacher of that school.

    Not that it probably matters, because I'd think it was a pretty sure bet to say that this parent has already taught her child that it's ok to step on the heads of those who can get you ahead.
     
  20. teachhemet

    teachhemet Rookie

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    Parents can be very interesting!
     
  21. Toak

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    Having grown up in a lower class than I currently I am, I don't see anything snobby about the parents comment. Everything she mentioned are things I enjoy - and things that I would be hardpressed to find even one person in the social class I was born into willing and able to do so with me on any type of "educated" label.

    So does the fact that I'd prefer to live around people who share my interest in such things, as opposed to people who only talk about wrestling,boxing, etc their latest drunk escapade, crude humor and who show up for formal scholarship dinners wearing the best attire of jeans with one whole in them and a new t-shirt, make me a snob? After all, the later class I described were the upper class of the class I grew up with. The more middle range wouldn't have even bothered to scrape the manure off their shoes before they attended social events. What was considered dressed up where I grew up, isn't even as nice as what the teaching class considers "grunge" clothes. Few have ever read a complete book - almost always as a school assignment when they have, or many have never owned one. There's really no life there for one with an academic, as opposed to a mechanical, inclination
     
  22. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    You're right-judging whether you want to be around people by what social class they're in isn't being a snob...wait, what's the definition of snob then?

    That's the real world. You can't choose what class of people you work with or maybe members of your family marry into. Or maybe the economy is bad and you lose your job, ending up having to move to that area. Would it be offensive if she complained there were too many of a certain race or religion?

    I was offended for my kids. They have no choice what family they were born into. Several of their parents are going back to school for degrees taking classes at night after a full days' work to better themselves.

    I guess I'm just old-fashioned in thinking that education should be about, I don't know.... quality of education. Not who you can socialize with after you pick your kid up from school.
     
  23. Toak

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    But why should the fact that they couldn't choose what class they were born into mean they shouldn't be able to choose a different class to socialize with as adults? By the standards you are giving, no one should ever aspire to do better than the class they are born to. I wouldn't be at all surprised to hear you say, I should give up my teaching degree because I was born into an area of uneducated mill workers, many of whom never graduated high school, and so I'm being snobbish to them because I'm living in a higher social class ans associating with people who join book clubs and doctors, lawyers, computer science engineers (to name the top jobs amongst my non-teaching friends) instead of sticking where I was at originally and never sharing a cultural broadening experience greater than a potluck after a softball game, and who would sit around making fun of people who like to do things like visit museums, read books,and get a college education. I graduated ten years ago - most of my high school friends don't have college degrees yet, even the ones that have tried to get them. Realistically, there are few exceptions where people like that can socialize on the same level. Ie, at one college party I attended one man was speaking about his drinking at parties "My drinking is like a Gaussian curve...." etc. Everyone knew what he's saying. Try talking like that around the people I grew up with and they act like you are trying to show off, even though its typical, normal conversation. They won't even try to figure out a word before getting mad that you used it in front of them, so to avoid fighting you have to talk down so much you might as well not have been speaking in the first place. Yes, there are exceptions, but not many. Wheras move up a class or two, and its rare for that problem which is almost unavoidable before to become a rare occurrence.

    And what kid has a quality home life living in an area where his parents can't find any, or most any, people to share their interests with?
     
  24. indigo-angel

    indigo-angel Companion

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    My question is...why doesn't this person already have friends to do these things with? What's going to happen when she moves to this "better" area and she's looked down upon because of the car she drives, the clothes she wears, the gadgets her child has (or doesn't have), and the quality of her countertops, china, and stainless steel appliances? I don't necessarily think she's wrong for the way she feels, I just think she's delusional.
     
  25. becky

    becky Enthusiast

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    While Jeannie was in a troop with ps girls, I heard things that always surprised me. A parent affronted because their girl didn't get the 'good' teacher, their girl wasn't placed in the advanced class they thought she deserved. It was always their kid was better or more intelligent than the next kid.

    This kind of stuff goes on in the homeschool community, too. For example, you are looked down upon based on your choice of curriculum. If you don't make up your own, you don't rate. I haven't rated for 5 years...
     
  26. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    I also grew up in the red neck world. But, like any group of people, there were some great and not so great people.
     
  27. kcjo13

    kcjo13 Phenom

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    Everyone has choices about who to socialize with. It's an entirely new subject when that person is pulling her child out of one school and enrolling in another in order to improve that social life.


    Sweet justice.
     
  28. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    My first thoughts exactly!
     
  29. Grover

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    As of this moment (which is a way of saying I don't believe it needs to be this way), studies consistently show that the best indicator of academic success is the socio-economic class of the parents. People of similar class do, in practice, tend to live grouped together, so it's reasonable to believe that a significant part of this is the social interactions and expectations of friends and neighbors as well as parents. In this context, it would seem to be a wise choice for any parent wishing the best for their children to try to surround themselves with better educated and more financially successful neighbors. This may be snobbery, but it may also be the best personal choice the parent can make to promote her child's well-being.
     
  30. tgim

    tgim Habitué

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    I would go the icy silence route and throw in a good "teacher look" for free!
     
  31. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    I've actually read a lot of articles recently that say the best indicator of academic success is the quality of the teacher students get ( and I know he would have an outstanding teacher next year--just kidding-I have posted that I'm looping next year :p ).

    We have over 90% free and reduced lunch and many of our kids get accepted to magnet middle schools. Our school has a really good reputation for their GT program, which he is in. The academics are solid-I do know of some schools in "nicer" areas where kids don't really make the gains they'd expect-I suspect that has to do with the teaching. My parents have friends who pay $1,000/month to send their Kinder child to private school-they want me to e-mail them my lesson plans each week so they can do those activities with their kid on the weekends, because they think he's not getting that rigor at the private school. In my opinion, having means and living in a better area, doesn't necessarily mean a better education.

    Somehow I don't think this parent is really thinking about her child's future success, but again, that's just me making a judgement.
     
  32. beatlebug731

    beatlebug731 Comrade

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    What really bothers me about this situation is that the only reason the mother gave for moving her child is so that she can have "better" friends, which is making the issue about her, not her child. I mean there are so many other ways to make new friends of a different social "class." There are how many different organizations and clubs she could join. She could join a church, a country club, or anything else. It sounds like she and her child are happy with the quality of the school itself, I don't understand why she would potentially sacrifice her child's education to make new friends. It sounds silly to me when there are other things that she could do to meet new people.
     
  33. Kindergarten31

    Kindergarten31 Cohort

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    Just because I might choose to go to the country club, or go to some of the society functions, doesn't mean I am an actual member of that "class". In my case, you can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.:lol:
     
  34. Grover

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    Have any citations? The Department of Education is still publishing statistics indicating the overwhelming influence of SES, but then that could be because they have no way of measuring the quality of teachers, other, perhaps, than the performance of their students. That would, of course, predetermine the correlation between the two.

    The mother may be snobby and misguided, but may also be doing her child a favor, if only by accident.
     
  35. SPECIALEDMAN

    SPECIALEDMAN Companion

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    I would have said " But when they find out that you came for this school, and they will- you won't ever REALLY fit in.
     
  36. hatima

    hatima Devotee

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    That is sick! Reminds me of my elem. principal. My mom and the very few others on PTA wanted to encourage more parental involvement and she wouldn't let them do anything. (this was a very low income area with a lot of second language learners, nearly the entire school was on free/reduced lunch) Later this principal was having fundraising companies write the checks directly to her!
     
  37. Cerek

    Cerek Aficionado

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    So you prefer not to live around people who talk about their drunken escapades, unless they describe these escapades in educated terms?

    Wanting to improve one's social or economic class doesn't necessarily make one a snob. Looking down on those who do not (or cannot) choose to do the same does.

    While SES might be a surface indicator for a child's academic success, the actual determining factor is parental involvement in the child's education. Having more money or a better social standing doesn't mean the child will perform better in school. It still comes down to individual effort and ability combined with encouragement and support from the parents. I also tend to think the quality of the teacher has a lot do with it, but as mentioned before, it is difficult to evaluate that factor objectively or effectively.

    As for social class itself, if that is important to you, that's fine. Just be aware that you are likely being judged in the same manner you judge others.
     
  38. Toak

    Toak Cohort

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    I'd expect an educated person to have the intelligence to know that drinking like a gaussian curve does not imply anything about drunkness and could not, in itself, ever be correctly interpreted as describing even one incidence of being drunk. ... (and if you thought for one second it could be interpreted that way, i seriously hope you never consider using a Gaussian curve in your grading scales)

    I'd be extremely concerned for anyone who did not judge their friends by the same standards that I judge mine be as I pick mine based on shared interests
     
  39. Cerek

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    I'm sorry you missed the point I was making. In your first post, you are being condescending towards those in the "lower class" you came from for talking about their drinking exploits, but in your next post you are exclaiming the virtues of those who describe their drinking habits in more educated terms.

    You choose your friends based on "shared interests". I choose mine based on individual merit. I'm a Born-Again Southern Baptist with a conservative political POV. One of my best friends from college is a left-wing, liberal atheist who fiercely dislikes all things Republican and religious, yet we manage to respect each other and get along very well despite our different interests and viewpoints. It's all a matter of perspective. I know people worth more than a few million dollars that are "down to Earth" and will speak or associate with people regardless of their net worth. I know other individuals who are concerned only with their social status and live far beyond their means in order to keep up "appearances" with their supposed friends and others.

    I consider social status and physical attractiveness to be rather shallow measures for choosing friends, but that is just a personal opinion. I realize such things are important to some people and, as I said before, that is their choice to make.
     
  40. muinteoir

    muinteoir Companion

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    Gag.
     
  41. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    This post is to inform you that I didn't even know what a gaussian curve was and that I had to google it...country dumb people such as myself just call it the bell curve.
     

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