Not Attending My Sister's Wedding...

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by KinderCowgirl, Sep 9, 2012.

  1. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    do you think it's really that strange?

    First of all, let me say this has nothing to do with objecting to the wedding or anything. She lives 4 states away from me. I am beyond broke right now-would have to buy a plane ticket, dress, pay to board my dog, etc. I would have to take at least 1 day off work during our standardized testing (which I know would be frowned upon). And I really don't fly well-I get really bad motion sickness, even with perscription meds for it.

    My sister doesn't seem to mind-we've never been super-close. I think she was actually a little relieved she could then make her best friend maid of honor (she would have felt obligated to make it me otherwise). My mother and friends are giving me a hard time about it. Is it really that unusual when you live farther away from each other?
     
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  3. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I don't think it is. :)
     
  4. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I don't think it's that unusual. I didn't attend my sister's wedding, either. I love my sister dearly, and we are close, but the timing of her wedding just didn't work for me. She got married in a last-minute courthouse ceremony about 1,500 miles away just before Christmas. She told me about the wedding about a week before it was being held, which wasn't enough time for me to get plane tickets that didn't cost an arm and a leg or to request time off from school. I wish I could have attended, but it just wasn't in the cards for me at the time. She was okay with it, and it hasn't impacted our relationship. If I worried that it would have hurt our bond, I would have found a way to get there.
     
  5. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    I think every family is different, have different dynamics. Just don't make a choice you'll have regrets about later.:love:
     
  6. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    It sounds like the best decision for you.

    It wouldn't be for me-- I was beyond upset that the flu made me miss my nephew's wedding in June. I cried on the phone to my mom from bed, and asked whether not going made me a bad sister.

    But you're not me, and the situation isn't the same. All my siblings, and their kids, live on Long Island. No one is any more than an hour away from anyone else. In fact, my mom and my 3 sisters all called this weekend and asked me to congratulate my neighbor on the adoption of her daughter; they've all met Viv a number of times at parties at my house. All said that, if I end up hosting the baby shower, they'll be happy to come and bring a gift. We're pretty active in the day to day workings of each other, even if we don't see each other as often as we would like.

    I would have to be pretty close to hospitalization to miss the wedding of one of my siblings. But if the two of you are OK with it, then it sounds like the right decision.
     
  7. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    I would be heartbroken if I missed my sister's wedding, but we are very close and like cza said, each family's dynamic is different.
     
  8. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    If you are not close and she doesn't mind, than I think it is fine.

    I am very close to my sister, despite a large age difference and the fact that we are 750 miles apart. I cost me over $2000 to attend her wedding and I hate her husband. But I couldn't dream of missing it. I drove to Michigan to fly with everyone to Jamaica.
     
  9. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    It sounds like you've made the best decision for you. I don't know how your family dynamics are, but would those family members pressuring you be willing to pay your expenses? We had a similar issue in my family with a few people pressuring a cousin who just didn't have the money to attend a funeral. My cousin told those family members that she'd love to go, but just didn't have the funds, but if somebody could pay her way, she'd be happy to attend. She still didn't go, but the pressure and snarky comments stopped.
     
  10. FarFromHome

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    I don't think I could miss my sister's wedding. However, if your sister is fine with it, then she's the one that matters. I wouldn't worry too much about what your mom and friends think as long as you've talked with your sister about it.
     
  11. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    I was thinking- your sister probably really is OK with it. If she wasn't, she would have made sure the time of the year worked with you.
    My cousin called me one year in March to see if I would be able to attend her August wedding or not. She wanted it one weekend, but would have moved it up a week if necessary.
     
  12. Tasha

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    I think it is fine if your sister is ok with it.
     
  13. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    I just talked to my sis who is in the PC in Africa today on the phone. She is planning on coming home for mine and I am actually picking date that fits in her school schedule there, and it's about a $2500 flight. But, like others said, people have different dynamics. There is no way I would miss a siblings wedding. Unless maybe if my sister gets married in Africa. lol.
     
  14. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    We can't tell you what to do, but I would just be very sure you wouldn't regret it later or that it would harm relationships in your family. Otherwise, ask the relatives that are bugging you to borrow money. I wouldn't let money be the difference maker.
     
  15. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    I had medical issues this summer and am still paying off those bills. I already borrowed money from my parents to pay things like my car repair, a/c repair, etc. I am more broke than I have ever been and haven't even paid half of what I owe. I could put the dress/plane ticket/dog boarding on my credit card, but in my mind can't justify such a frivolous expense right now. That's all I would be thinking about on that plane ride-the added interest fees.

    I know that I'm not going to go, I just wondered if it was a common opinion that it was such a strange decision because I've been getting a lot of flack from it. It just wouldn't surprise me if a person made a decision like that.
     
  16. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    You have to make the decision that's right for you. Sometimes in life we have to make these difficult choices. It stinks, but it's life. I would likely make the same choice in your shoes, no matter how badly I wanted to go.
     
  17. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Your Family should know of your plight and should not push you.
    It is too bad that you can not go

    You never know what will be in the air at a later time
     
  18. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    Who is paying for the wedding? I know not everyone goes the "traditional route" when deciding who pays for what, but traditionally the bride or her parents pay for the travel of the wedding party. It sounds like you would have been in the wedding if you had attended. Therefore, they should at least pay for your plane ticket and hotel. I would bring that up the next time your mom gives you a hard time about it. It might get you free travel, or it will get her off your back. win/win.
     
  19. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    I'm not sure I would miss my sisters or hers mine (we didn't). Why would you have to have a dress... just don't be in the wedding since she wants her best friend. The dog and plane are another thing... but if you don't have to pay for a wedding dress then wouldn't that cover something?!?
    I like silver's advice as well!!!
     
  20. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    Unless your fairy godmother shows up with a gown and a helicopter, you are unable to attend this wedding. Since nobody has offered a wand or said Bippity Boppity Boo about helping out with all the expenses you would occur, have a clear conscience. So sorry you're in this position and hope you're healing.
     
  21. MissCeliaB

    MissCeliaB Aficionado

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    My sister had three weddings. I went to two of them, but missed the third. (One was a small legal wedding, which I missed. I went to the big Christian wedding, and the big Indian wedding weekend.)
     
  22. BettyRubble

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    My husband's whole family except for one of his brothers didn't attend our wedding. The difference was we offered to pay for at least his parents to come. They declined. It still upsets me a little even though I know they didn't want us to spend the money but I couldn't imagine missing my child's wedding, even if I had to accept the offer of them paying for me to be there. Since no one can help you financially then I don't think you should feel bad about not attending if it would be a hardship for you.
     
  23. Ms. I

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    Under the circumstances, I don't think it's strange to not atttend your sister's wedding. I'm an only child, but I get to hear plenty from my BF & his family situation. He has 3 siblings & he's only close to one really. He was never that close with his much younger sis (& she hasn't been good at all on her end to contribute to a good sibling relationship) & he has mixed feelings about his twin bro, but these days, he's just about through with him too. Neither my BF nor 2 of the siblings give a care about their loser dad. Overall, it really is sad, but that's how things are. There's been times I've told him I wish he was an only child too, so he wouldn't have all this to deal with constantly.
     
  24. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Kinder..when is state testing? I'd think you could put away a few $ a week and save up most of your airfare...especially since youd only b traveling a few states' distance. You'd do all the test prep..a sub can administer the test for the day you would miss. I'd go for your mom if nothing else.:2cents:
     
  25. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    It's the 1st week of December for us. A teacher missed a day of testing last year and the kids bombed that portion of the test. It's already such a stressful process for the kids-we try to give them consistency.
     
  26. txmomteacher2

    txmomteacher2 Enthusiast

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    kinder,

    Two summers ago my sister got engaged for the2nd time. Her first marriage ended before it really ever started but that's whole other story. Her first wedding was a big deal. White dress, sit down dinner, a dance, the whole works. I was in the wedding party, along with three of my four kids. Family came. It was a big deal. Like I said the ink on the license was barely dry before they were getting a divorce. The 2nd time she got married was last August 20 something. It was during the first week of school last year. There was no way I was taking time off for her 2nd wedding. Plus the fact it was in Virginia and I'm in Texas. My sister was kind of upset, but I just explained to her that my class really needed me at that point to be totally devoted to them and there well being a class. I think that if your sister is ok with you not being there then don't go. Maybe you can take sometime off later in the year and spend sometime with her then.
     
  27. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Your kids will take other tests. Your sister will only have this wedding once.

    If your kids are prepared, it shouldn't make any difference who is administering the actual test. I would imagine that with 2 months notice, your administration could find a sub who will handle the testing appropriately. The kids could be warned ahead of time that you won't be there, and just why.
     
  28. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    I like that idea. Maybe visit next summer after I have some time to save up.
     
  29. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Except that they are 5 and have never been through that process before. This is the only standardized test we take this year, these scores are very important to our admin. If it was the only reason, I could probably let that slide, but with everything put together....
     
  30. bison

    bison Habitué

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    I wouldn't miss a family wedding, but it doesn't really matter what anyone else would do in this situation. It's up to you. Do you think that you might regret not attending later?
     
  31. TeacherNY

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    I was just thinking about this kind of thing. My sister is getting married and originally wanted to have a "destination" wedding. If she did that then I would probably not have been able to go. I barely could afford my dress, bridal shower, and wedding gift. If I had to add plane fare and hotel accomodations it just would have been impossible. I'm so glad she's getting married 15 minutes away!
     
  32. dr.gator

    dr.gator Comrade

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    I have to agree with Alice on this one. If it were me, I'd be at my sister's wedding. If money were an issue, after talking with my family I know they'd help me so that I could get there. In my life the priorities go as such God, myself, my family, my friends (including the kind with fur), and then my job. I mean just this past week my brother asked if I'd go watch my nephew play in the band at a local high school football game. I don't like the teams playing, the atmosphere of a high school football game, the fact that I'll have to pay $7 to get in ($7 that I could use to buy other stuff more important to myself), or the side of town the football game will be played on, but for my brother and my nephew I'll suck it up and go. I'd rather have them know that they were a priority in my life on that particular night than something else. Now, I'll say I haven't always done this, and when I haven't I've felt like mud, so I know that by sacrificing we will all feel good.
     
  33. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Not everyone has a family with the means to offer financial help.
     
  34. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    My sister did a destination wedding. I had to charge it. Unfortunately, I am still paying on it. And I hate her husband. I always have.
     
  35. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    This is true of my family. My sister's wedding gave me over $2K in credit card debt.
     
  36. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    If you feel you can't attend, don't let anyone guilt you into going.
     
  37. dr.gator

    dr.gator Comrade

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    In the original post by the OP she said clearly what she had planned to do and I think we all respect that. The posting, I believe was not meant to help sway her mind one way or the other. Correct me if I'm wrong Kindercowgirl. The posting was put up last week and I really pondered as to whether or not to reply. I decided to today and in retrospect probably should have let the post die. Funny though, the reason why I posted was to try and emphasize the importance of family. Having just lost my father in 2011, family first has taken on a different meaning for me. I guess in a nutshell, you don't know what you have until you lose it for good and are able to never have it back. There will be jobs, and tests, and bills, that come and go but through thick and thin the bond you have with your family will always be there. I personally would give my last dollar to be with my family. I'd even give me last dollar to have a chance to be with my dad again.
     
  38. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    I still wouldn't go.
     
  39. Peachyness

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    I 100% agree. I mean, the OP shouldn't be pressured into going if this is just going to cause more unbearable stress in her life. That's not good financially and health-wise.

    But, I do agree that tests come and go. In three, four, ten years, will this years test still be on your mind and just as important for you and for your kids? Or will the memory of attending your sisters wedding still be there with you?

    And, you never know when someone you love will just be gone one day.... I try to spend as much time with friends and family as I can.
     
  40. KinderCowgirl

    KinderCowgirl Phenom

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    Actually our test scores are 50% of our evaluation this year-so if my kids don't do well, I may be out of a job--but that's a separate argument.

    I'm not offended at all by people's opinions on the matter-I asked the question ;). I think it's hard for people who are close to their families to understand-- it would be different if we were close, we're really not. I honestly think she was relieved to not have to honor tradition and put me in the wedding party, she has a lot of friends that are closer to her that she wanted to include. If it was here in this city, or even state, obviously I'd go-but I am working really hard to stay within a budget right now, plus the timing of it-it's just not going to work for me. I was surprised by how many people couldn't understand that decision, but it's not going to sway mine.

    Dr. Gator-I do very much understand what you are saying and thank you for sharing that. I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father.
     
  41. Proud2BATeacher

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    I didn't go to my sister's wedding and quite frankly I don't feel horrible about it. She planned it last minute and none of my family members were able to attend. I figure if she (or I should say her husband) thought it was important that her family members attended, they would have given us more than 3 weeks notice, especially since we all live in different countries.
     

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