"No, Thank You"

Discussion in 'Preschool' started by Playfulteach, Feb 28, 2015.

  1. Playfulteach

    Playfulteach Rookie

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    Feb 28, 2015

    What is your take on the "No, Thank You" phrase? Personally, it drives me insane. When children hit, kick or bite other children, and we teach the victim to say "No, Thank You" isn't that setting them up to be bullied in the future? Especially in the Elementary Years?
     
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  3. swansong1

    swansong1 Virtuoso

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    Feb 28, 2015

    I have never heard the theory of teaching a victim to say "No, thank you" to the abuser.

    Maybe it's a regional thing, but, I teach the phrase to be used when the person is turning down something they are offered and don't want.
     
  4. Alesia

    Alesia Companion

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    I hate that phrase now. I recently started in a new center and my TAs are constantly telling the kids " no, thank you" after they do something not quite right. I must here that phrase over 100 times a day.
     
  5. anna9868

    anna9868 Habitué

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    Feb 28, 2015

    I hear that phrase at preschools quite often. doesn't sound like it gets the right message to the kids!
     
  6. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    Feb 28, 2015

    Same.
     
  7. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    That is just ridiculous. Another educational misuse of an idea. Let's work on the children's manners. OK. Great idea. Let's have the kids say, "No. Thank you." after anything they decline.

    I'd love to hear why the person directing this effort thinks that "No. Thank you." is the appropriate response when someone does something inappropriate to someone.

    OP, did you ask why they are having the children use this language when it makes absolutely no sense in the context it is being used.
     
  8. Playfulteach

    Playfulteach Rookie

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    I did ask why the phrase was being used and was told it's because "Children in the preschool years lack the vocabulary to express their displeasure differently". I responded with "they can't say Ouch! Don't!"? And was told that reply was not polite. Like bullies care about polite.

    It may be regional, but the person I talked to about it says it came from Montessori teachings?
     
  9. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    Maybe they should teach the kids to say, "Thank you. May I have another." LOL It would probably be just as effective as "No. Thank you." You don't thank someone for hurting you. Thank you is a polite way to decline an offer, not a polite way to decline an attack.

    Since Montessori should be teaching the hitting, kicking, or biting student that that action hurts others, a good response would be to say, "Stop. That hurts." They can learn that response just as easily as "No. Thank you.". It is not impolite to give someone who is hurting you a directive that does not disparage their character.

    It probably came from someone who really didn't understand Montessori teachings and misapplied the idea.

    I'm as irritated with this as you are, OP.
     
  10. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Feb 28, 2015

    I've never heard of such a thing. "No, thank you" should be reserved for when someone offers you extra peas and you don't want any, not for when someone is hurting you.
     
  11. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Never heard of it either.

    Stop. I don't like that. etc. are much more common here.
     
  12. eternalsaudade

    eternalsaudade Companion

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    Feb 28, 2015

    I've heard this in my center and sometimes use it out of habit, but lately I've made a conscious effort to use the same words I teach my kids to use (stop, I don't like that, that hurts, etc). I am especially conscious of this because my kids are picking up a lot of language these days and are starting to use not only phrases we've taught them directly, but phrases they've heard us use ("Walk away!" is a popular one right now).
     
  13. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    So if the belief is that kids lack the language they need, the appropriate phrasing should be taught.
    'No, thank you' sends the wrong message.:2cents:
     
  14. Playfulteach

    Playfulteach Rookie

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    Oy. I'm so guilty of saying "walk away", or "Go find something better to do". With the input of the others here, I'm definitely going to talk to my TA's to see if we can try teaching them a different way to handle it.
     
  15. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    It shouldn't be up to your TAs and it's not about 'trying'....it's about giving kids the appropriate language they need. When one is getting hurt, no thank you isnt appropriate. It's not about being polite! Is about teaching them to be assertive.
    Teach them to say 'No!', 'Stop!' and teach them to walk away and tell someone when someone hurts them-it's a LIFE SKILL, not just a classroom mgt issue. :eek:
     
  16. Preschool0929

    Preschool0929 Cohort

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    I don't say it when a child gets hurt, but I do say "no thank you" if a child is doing something I don't want them to do (touching something they aren't supposed to, being too loud, etc.) It's just a habit. A few years ago a therapist in my classroom used it, and I just picked it up. Now it's something I say automatically without even thinking.
     
  17. vickilyn

    vickilyn Magnifico

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    Say what you mean and mean what you say - that is what I was taught, and it still works. It is as much about how you say it as the actual words, but at no time should the words "thank you" be added to "no" when the action that prompted that "no" is unpleasant, malicious, or violent. Use the right words for the right correction of the action.

    OK, I am that person who refuses to give money to the endless beggars for countless teams I don't know and who I don't support. I won't even say "No, thank you" to them. I simply smile and say "No, not today." If, on the other hand one of these children is trying to get me to buy something, I will answer with a "No, thank you" because they have offered me something I could have purchased, and I chose not to do so (however, in all fairness, those Girl Scout Cookies almost always get a very different response, and I may or may not share well with others!)
     
  18. Sarge

    Sarge Enthusiast

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    "No thank you" is what you say to the bartender when they ask if you want another martini.

    I don't teach the kids that, however.
     
  19. msaly

    msaly Comrade

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    I can't stand the "no thank you" phrase. Yes it's something you say when declining something, not when someone hits you. I encourage my kids to tell the other child to stop and explain how it makes them feel (for example- stop it hurts when you hit me, ouch that hurts or stop I don't like that.")
     
  20. Sam Aye M

    Sam Aye M Mr. Know-It-All

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    You accidentally left in the word "No."
     
  21. wyvern

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    Mar 5, 2015

    I've never heard of that. I teach children to say "No" and "Stop". And use a big voice if necessary.
     
  22. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    Now why would you ever say no to another martini?? :lol:
     
  23. Froreal3

    Froreal3 Companion

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    Yeah, you're right. This phrase is overused in certain regions or maybe even certain preschools. I've used it, and I thought about it, and it doesn't make much sense. I now tell the kids to tell someone, "Personal space please," if someone is too close. Or I will tell them to say, "Stop, I don't like that."
     
  24. eyeteach

    eyeteach Rookie

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    I will have the child walk over to the child that did the hitting, name calling or otherwise being "mean". I tell them to say what they didn't like and they finish with "Do not do that to me again!"
     
  25. bonneb

    bonneb Fanatic

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    It doesn't teach the children what the RIGHT words are to use. Susie puts her feet on the table and the teacher says, "No thank you!" We should tell the child what is the right thing to do : "Your feet belong on the floor."
     
  26. olivecoffee

    olivecoffee Companion

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    I am guilty of using this phrase. I don't teach it to my kids, but I do say it. If Tim is throwing rocks, I'd say "No, thank you (as in, 'No, don't do that and thank you for listening). Rocks stay on the ground." To me, it's a way of saying "don't" and "thank you" for complying/listening. It's always followed by what the kiddos can do.

    If a kiddo hit another, it's always a firm "We have nice hands, we do not hit." I teach kids to say "I don't like it when..." "Please stop..." etc.
     
  27. a2z

    a2z Maven

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    If you have to fill in the blanks when you use a phrase for adults to understand what you really are trying to say, it is not going to get the right meaning across to the very young child.

    I could see saying "No." and pausing until the action stops. Then saying "Thank you.", but as you phrase it, there is too much that isn't said that is thought in your head.

    Children learn by listening to those who model language. So, while you are not intentionally teaching kids to use this phrase the children will pick it up in the context it is being used. Therefore on one level you are teaching children to say "No, thank you." when someone is doing something not desired.
     
  28. olivecoffee

    olivecoffee Companion

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    I suppose I am the minority who doesn't think saying "no, thank you" is inappropriate. Of course, saying "no, thank you" in response to aggressive behavior is inappropriate and I don't say it then, nor do I teach victims to say it either. I do, however, think saying "no, thank you" in other instances exposes my preschoolers to mannerisms. Any time I could say no, outside of inappropriate situations, I say "no, thank you."

    I do this at home with my 3 and 5 year olds. My children have always heard "no, thank you," even as I am telling them to sit on the couch vs. stand on the couch. Whenever my children say "no," it's always followed by "thank you" because they hear me say it. I teach them how to claim and defend appropriately, like I do with my students.
     
  29. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    :thumb: someone touches me, hits me, violates my safety...you can bet I'm not thanking them. I'll say stop, yell no, call for help , push or hit back...but no, I won't be thanking them. And kids shouldn't eIther.:2cents:
     
  30. olivecoffee

    olivecoffee Companion

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    I agree and don't say or teach my kids to say "no, thank you" in these situations. I say, and teach kids to say, appropriate phrases. My post was about saying "no, thank you" in general and not in response to hitting, biting, kicking, etc.
     
  31. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    This was the OP.
     
  32. olivecoffee

    olivecoffee Companion

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    Yes. I was responding to OP's question of "What is your take on the phrase "no thank you." I should have been more specific in my post.
     
  33. ash_sk8s

    ash_sk8s Companion

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    Apr 9, 2015

    The last center I worked at used that "no, thank you" technique. Here, we don't! We teach the kids to say "Please stop _______!" We use solution kits so they know a variety of ways to solve their conflict, including ignoring/walking away!
     

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