I am beginning to think that I might not be the right fit as a classroom teacher. I had a formal observation last week and I thought it was a great lesson and my students were all behaved. I met with the VP yesterday and while I asked him to tell me a few things I did well, I also became aware of the many things I need to improve on. Which I know is what I expected, but I guess my ego and confidence have been really low lately, and every negative thing I hear eats more and more away at me. And I feel like I can't ignore these things. A good student wants to switch out of my class, and I assume it's because they don't like me or think I can't teach. I thought I had done a really good job teaching the last unit in Geometry, the best and most organized unit so far this year, and everyone did really poorly on test. A mom emailed me just now and wants to talk about her A-student daughter, and she's a teacher too, and I'm afraid she's just going to pick me apart. I have very little confidence in myself anymore. Which affects how I teach, and makes me have even less confidence in myself. Is this a new teacher thing, or is this really a sign that I shouldn't be here? I don't mind going back to tutoring or finding some other job - I usually excel in whatever position I'm in, and I'd rather feel successful at something my heart's not in, than to always feel that I suck at something I want to do. Anyways, thanks for letting me post my 1000th vent on this place...
I think this is a new teacher thing to be honest. I know in my first year I was a wreck. I thought I knew what I was doing, but when you throw in the varying personalities of children, and all that hard planning sometimes goes out the window. I had one mom take her daughter out of my class after just a few days because I was a new teacher and she thought her daughter needed a more veteran teacher. I had a dad tell me that I shouldn't even be teaching his son, or any other student. Talk about breaking down! Luckily I had a supportive admin, and after talking with them, the dad was not allowed to come into the classroom anymore which helped a little. My second year was a lot better (I was in a different school, different grade)! I am just now beginning to find my stride in teaching, and having the confidence in knowing what I'm doing. You'll get there. We are our worst critics, and sometimes we are too hard on ourselves. Stick with it if this is what you know you want to do.
I would agree. The first year you have SO much thrown at you and you are really trying to keep your head above water. You go in with so much confidence that you have learned everything that you would need to be a great teacher. Often, there is SO much more that you need to know, try, experience. The confidence waivers because the reality of what teaching really is kicks in a bit. Don't let it get your down! You are working hard, doing your very best and have the best interest of your students at heart. I read somewhere that beginning teachers go through many phases during their first year... feel confident, going through lows and highs etc. It really seems to me to be a normal part of the first year process. Do you have a mentor teacher that you could talk to at all? Maybe get some ideas from??? Keep your chin up! You are doing a fantastic job!
I had a mom tell me the same thing! But she got her wish - her "gifted" kid was transferred into the class with the veteran teacher and all of her friends 3 weeks into school. She failed her state test 6 months later. Point is - sometimes it doesn't matter who the teacher is. It matters who the student is. The first year is tough, disheartening, and can break you. Sometimes your coworkers are clique-y, parents know you're new and they want to just TRAMPLE you (and they are good at seizing any excuse for why their kid isn't doing well... and it's never the kid!), kids can be down-right horrendous, and bosses seem to have forgotten what is was like to be shiny and new. But it's a lesson - all the hardships help you determine what kind of teacher you'll be. I had to quit to find out that I can deal with all of the bulls**t, because I love teaching and I miss it.
