Hi, I am a new teacher (2nd year) and I have a question. I don't know where to turn so I figured I would ask here. I have a 10th grade student who I think *might* have a crush on me and it is making me feel AWKWARD. First off, I am a 40 year old man and father of a seven year old. I am not a creep and would never "go there". I am currently single but date women my age only. Now that that's out of the way....this student came to my attention recently. We've always had a good teacher/student relationship, and she has told me I am her favorite teacher. We've joked around in class (appropriately) and I thought everything was fine. Last week she started crying in the lunchroom when she thought I said something mean about her in another class. (it was a misunderstanding). We ended up talking about it, and she told me again that I was her favorite teacher and that she told her mom (whom she is very close with) A LOT about me. This sort of freaked me out. The last two days of class she has stayed around later after the bell rings...just to talk as she packs her bag up. She is now making cupcakes for my birthday. She is a 16 year old teenager and emotional as hell--I get it. But she's told me she cried when she found out that I really wasn't a former NAVY SEAL (I joked in class that I was once) and said she cried another time when I was "mean" to her (again, we were talking about something before class good naturedly and out of nowhere she started crying). Because I am so new, I am assuming I am being too friendly or something. OR is this student crazy? OR am I crazy???? Should I report this to administration, inform her parents, or ignore it? Help!
Interesting first post. You played a part in this saga...:|Stop joking around. Stop trying to be cool (making up stories, joking..) Exit your class room for 'hall duty' if she's hanging out. Draw a line. Focus on your content and your teaching. Develop a reputation as the teacher who takes his content seriously.
I think the largest concern would be after school. You might want to take off right away after school and do your work at home for awhile. Otherwise you might want to hang out in another teacher's room after school.
I don't think there is anything in your post indicating obviously bad choices on your part. I'd have to be in your class to know because I believe teachers are allowed to have a personality and I'm not sure of the "feel" of your behaviors. Assuming you're not having small talk and joking with only her, I figure you're not actively feeding into this. I liked a few of my male teachers...it happens. What to do, though? Let administration know you feel a little awkward so you just wanted them to be aware and no more joking directly with or about her. Don't ignore her, though. Just be more aware. I would have told her no thanks to the birthday cupcakes, but since she is currently making them tell her thank you but don't allow it to become the focus of class or a reason for her to hang in your class between bells. We have a major, major problem with teachers sleeping with students...so you certainly want to be careful with this situation. Don't allow her to inflate this or rumors will likely begin.
You are correct...that is my personality. I do not single her out...I just noticed this behavior. Am I reading into it or does this girl have a crush? I have been warned by more experienced teachers to be on the lookout for that...or am I just reading into all this too much? And I would never ever let any student think for a second I want to be anything more than a caring teacher. And that's it.
It's probably better to read too much into it and be on the safe side, than not be aware and end up going too far. By going too far I mean the student really develops a big crush on you, to the point that rumors start flying and then you're looking bad, just because you didn't notice.
Welcome to A to Z, Zakk73. I'm less than surprised by this as a first post: A to Z can be a pretty good place to get advice on a matter this delicate without blowing the student's cover locally.
I agree. Let your department head or admin know about your concerns. Make sure they know that the student hasn't explicitly stated anything about having a crush, liking you etc but that you just wanted to make them aware should anything come up down the line. Don't cut this girl off completely, since the last thing you need is her crying to people about how much you two used to talk but not you're cold and distant. That kind of stuff can get blown way out of proportion fast. Just make sure she's not getting any special treatment and that your interaction with her is as part of a group. If she can handle it, you may want to talk to her about the cupcakes. Tell her you very much appreciate them and that you're glad to have been able to help her in class, but that it's really not appropriate for you to be receiving hand made gifts like that, especially from only one student. Make sure you share the cupcakes with the whole class. Don't have her give them to you in private. Don't get stuck in the room alone with her. Like Reading Rules said, move into the hallway for "hall duty" to help deflect her. Don't worry about if you're suspicions are right or wrong. Better to overreact than under.
I don't think there is anything wrong with this being a first post at all. I also don't think the OP's post reflects that he did much wrong and it's good that he's looking at the situation early on.
I say be careful. My husband was a young teacher that sponsored trips with students. I noticed that a young girl gave me evil looks and was snappy with me. I mentioned it to another student. A group of girls sat me down and explained that she was "in love" with Mr. M. They then warned me that she was "scary." I took it to heart, but my husband thought I was crazy. But I made him promise to never be alone with her. He would drive the students home after practice and trips. She was the last if you made the circle. After I had the girls explain their "fears" to him, he started keep one of the boys in the car with him and bringing him home last. As an ag teacher, he spends a lot of time in situations with students that could lead to "misunderstandings." About six months later, this young lady's mother accused her step father of sexually assaulting her younger sister. After numerous court appearences and the sister insisting that she wasn't assaulted; the father was cleared. My husband began listening to my gut feelings and avoids certain students now.
I would not engage her interest. I am sure it was unintentional on your part, but now that you are aware you should tread very carefully. I would maybe be "rushing to a meeting" every time you find yourself alone with her (i.e. when she lingers to slowly pack her bag). Refrain from keeping her interest by sticking to the point and dropping the humor with her. She might be reading too much into your easy-going personality. It's unfortunate, but male teachers have to be very careful (even female teachers anymore these days). If it continues and you continue to feel uncomfortable you might should speak with admin or another teacher to see how to proceed.
I'm great, how are you? Happy Friday.... I stand by my response to the op...one should reflect upon their interactions with students when there seems to be a misunderstanding. The professional educator should be the one with mature insight and be guided accordingly.
Yeah that's why I'm posting in here. Anyways I was very serious today and while she brought in the cupcakes, I was sure not to go out of my way to thank her, etc. She seemed upset and refused to take notes during class (choosing to doodle and didnt stop when she knew I did not approve!). She grabbed the plate at the end of class and marched out. I wasn't mean but I definitely wasn't funny or overly warm which perhaps was misread as flirting before. Thanks for all the responses.
Vigilance and reflection are indeed fine things; I guess I'm just not used to seeing "" in the first response to the first post of anyone that wasn't showing signs of being a troll. Anyway, Zakk73, welcome to A to Z, and I hope the young lady gets over her crush quickly and painlessly for you both.
Sorry you're dealing with this. Putting up some emotional barriers may be your saving grace, and it sounds like you've already started this process. I might also suggest discussing her behavior with a guidance counselor (more her emotional meltdowns than her possible crush, since you can only verify one of those).
