Hey guys, this is my first post here and I am in serious need of help. I am in my first year of preschool teaching. I had a year as a daycare teacher but now I moved up in age to the 2-4 year olds. Man.... did I hit the jackpot on personalities that DON'T mix well in my first class! I need some advice from some teachers with actual experience! BTW sorry for the long post the first time here lol First of all... I'm the only steady person in my classroom. I've been here 6 months and have been through 5 other teachers in my classroom and it's as frustrating for me as it is my kiddos. The age group is of course difficult to begin with but it seems like its overwhelming everyone who comes in and they asked to be moved or quit because they can't handle the emotional roller coaster of the 2's and 3's. Because of all the people in and out as teachers I have moved from teacher assistant to head lead teacher in the classroom in about 3 months. Good pay but I rarely feel like I really know what I'm doing, which is more stressful. So I know my stress is coming off on the kids when I have to say " I'm sorry honey, I have to do teacher things right now. I'll be there in 2 shakes of a lambs tail" and have to leave them with a teacher they barely know. I feel horrible when I say that to them, but I have so much to do everyday... I don't know what else to do! Now to the kids... I wasn't kidding about the crazy mix of personalities. Many I need help with and with the assistants and other lead teachers coming in and out so much they don't ever really get to know the kids to really help except one that has stuck around for a few months. I severely need help with 3 kids that are making the room go insane. 1. I have a girl that is almost 4... but acts like shes 2. She was just recently potty trained (a milestone to reach before coming to my class) and still has accidents often. Not really a problem but a bit of a frustration. Her speech is so babyish that we have to ask hr to repeat herself a million times to even understand her. We know this is from mom because that's how her mom talks to her in the classroom. I know you're not supposed to say a child is spoiled.... but shes spoiled. For example: her older sister had candy canes at her school, so mom took her to 5 DIFFERENT STORES to find the exact candy cane her daughter wanted (sweet tart rainbow) then after she ate the candy cane in the car and wanted another one at school, she went to the store and bought more to bring in later. If this girl doesn't get what she wants you can expect a screaming kicking all out tantrum in the middle of everything. She wants to run the classroom. During large group she walks around and takes toys out, pushes chairs around, and changes clothes because she no longer likes her shirt. We try to encourage her to come to large group and follow rules, but we're met with "NO!" and straight to tantrum anytime we want her to do anything that she doesn't want to do. During lunch she will throw food. During nap she walks around and if we take her back to her mat and sit by her reading or playing, she will throw her fit because she wants up. Our center rules says they HAVE to rest on their mat for 45 minutes before we can give them something to entertain themselves. Shes done with "resting" in 10 minutes and starts her walking around. We've talked to mom just for her to go to the director and tell her that we hate her child. Mom is definitely an enabler for her behavior and wants nothing to do with helping her child stop this behavior. 2. We have a child that enjoys crying. Seriously! We've tried talking to him to find out whats wrong only for him to say "No, I like crying. I'm having fun!" He starts for literally no reason other than he enjoys crying for whatever reason. Today he followed one of my assistant teacher around for an hour just screaming no matter what she tried. She had to leave the classroom for a mental break after the constant crying. He will start crying in large group just to entertain himself. I have NO idea how to deal with this one. How do you make a kid stop doing something they like? We've talked to mom and dad and they just say "oh hes always like that... we just ignore him or give him a cookie." Not helpful. 3. This is the hardest problem of all. We have a kiddo thats super sensitive. We believe he has some kind of disability because things just don't seem to connect with him. He talks in circles and will break down is someone looks at him wrong. It seems like when he is having his meltdown he can't even function. Hands go straight to his mouth and he drools, cries, and can't even talk. Today we had to sit the group down and go over cleaning rules since most were still trying to play and make a bigger mess when the lights were turned off (our sign to clean up). Someone was cleaning up the toys he was playing with that that was it for him. Fall to the ground, screaming, crying, completely limp. I sent the kids to play outside with the other teachers and kept him inside with me to try to calm him down. I tried everything... help me pass out lunch, play with a puzzle (he loves puzzles), play with building blocks, talking/singing, read a story.... nothing. Staring straight ahead screaming, drooling, and crying for 45 minutes. Even the director tried and couldn't get through to him. Then suddenly it stopped as fast as it started, he washed his hands and face and was ready to go outside. This happens multiple times. All. Day. Long. This kid alone has made 3 teachers quit from frustration. I've tried a million different things and just can't figure out what to do. He's a very sweet kid when he's not having a meltdown.... but when 75% of your day is dealing with this kind of meltdown it's exhausting and takes away from the other kids. The few times we can get through to him during his meltdown he just talks in circles. "why are you crying?" "Because I'm in a chair (our time out spot)" "Well... why are you here?" "Because I'm in a chair." "What did you do that was not OK?" "Because I'm in a chair." "Yes. Why?" "I hit them." "Why did you hit them?" "Because I'm in a chair." "No, why did you hit them?" "I'm in a chair..." And no matter how you word a question to get it through to him, he can't get passed it. I tried him repeating me and he just keeps repeating himself. I know there's a developmental problem but parents don't believe it and refuse to get him looked at. I can't get through to him at all when hes in a fit and by the end of it he forgot why he was in a fit anyways. I know this was long but if you read this PLEASE HELP!
Sounds like you have your hands full! For the first girl my suggestion would be do not let her run the show. By allowing her to walk around at nap, or not join group time she is getting what she wants. For group time give her a choice "you can join us in group time or you can play puzzles" do not let her do anything else. At nap time she is distrupting the whole class and it is not fair for the other kids. I don't know if your boss would allow this, but when this happened to me I took the child to the office when he would be disruptive during nap. It got so bad that I started sending him home every time. Eventually his mom got tired of having to pick him up early that she backed me up and was stern with him on his behavior. After that he started sleeping. No clue on how to deal with the crying. I would just make sure that he isn't given any attention for it. The last one I would hold a conference with the parents and your director. Get some info on therapists who can do evaluations on him and have it ready for the parents. Try to explain that it is better to start now, because that gives them a better a chance of having him start in a regular classroom in elementary school. He sounds a lot like a kid I had who was autistic, his behavior was exactly what you describe (I used to say it was like a light switch, he could turn it on and then right back off whenever he wanted ) however after 7 months his behavior turned very violent. I knew from the first day he was autistic but as a teacher you can't diagnose. What I did was focus on what I could do, after doing my evaluation on him, I suggested speech therapy because he could only speak 10 words at age 3. She listened and he began therapy. That therpaist came to school.to work with him. I explained my concerns and she felt the same way. She told the mom he needed additional testing for disabilities. She refused. Fast forward 6 months and he became extremely violent, hitting, kicking, punching throwing toys, throwing chairs, knocking over tables, etc. He was a danger to the other kids. I sat down with the mom and explained that he was dangerous to the other kids and they were afraid of him, he was taking my constant attention and that is not fair to the other kids and unless there was some type of intervention he would not be allowed to continue in our school. She took him the next week and he was diagnosed autistic. He had lots of therapists come in for about a month and then she decided to send him to a sped classroom. The point of that story was do your best to encourage the mom that there is help out there that he needs. I wish I would of done more to help my student before he turned violent.
Find the book 1 2 3 Magic. Read it then let the parents read it. You might get some good tips in the process, plus the light bulb may just turn on for the parents.
For the first child, I would give her a choice like PP suggested; however, I wouldn't give her a choice of a different activity. It's "You can join us in group or you can take a break." If she doesn't join the group or follow instructions after 2-3 warnings, she takes a break. It doesn't become a choice and she's removed from the activity until she's ready with a quiet voice and calm body. You can ask her "Are you ready to join the group?" If she absolutely refuses to join group, she doesn't get to go to recess until she joins you for a small part of the activity. If you were reading a book, she has to sit while you read it to her or she can look through it herself. "If you want to go outside, you have to read the book." If/thens worked well for me. As for throwing food, I would say, "Our food stays on the plate. You need to clean up." Bring her over to the mess she made, give her napkins or a towel, and have her clean it up as best she can. If she says no, she doesn't go anywhere but stand there while you continue to say "We clean up our messes." Take her hand and show her hand-over-hand how to clean up the food while saying, "This is how we clean up." Nap time is also not a choice. If she gets up, bring her back to her mat and tell her, "You can lay down or sit down. Make a choice." If she says she wants to do something other than those options, you say, "That's not a choice. You can lay down or sit down, what would you like to do?" She needs choices, but ultimately she should be steered toward doing what she is supposed to be doing. Honestly, with the second kiddo, I would ignore that behavior. If he is laughing while crying, he's attention-seeking. Any attention he gets, even negative attention, will reinforce his behavior. At the same time, I would probably take observations and document 1) how often he is crying 2) what set him off 3) how long it went on 4) what calmed him. The information may help you and the staff avoid triggers. For the third kiddo, I would also take data. This is primarily so you can have an informed conference with the parents. They can actually see how many times per day he's having a fit versus hearing it from you. Depending on his developmental level and age (does he speak well? does he understand what you're asking?), I would change how I questioned him while in the time out chair. He may not know why he's in time out. He may not know what he did wrong. If he hit a friend, I would say, "We have nice hands. We do not hit our friends." Take his hand and stroke it over yours and say "Nice hands. Nice hands." You can say "Show me nice hands" and hold your hand out. The expectation is that he can stroke your hand after you modeled it. These are all strategies I found successful in my preschool SPED practicum, by both myself and the classroom teacher.
