New School/Etiquette

Discussion in 'General Education' started by daisycakes, Aug 8, 2014.

  1. daisycakes

    daisycakes Companion

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    Aug 8, 2014

    Hi everyone,

    So as I mentioned in my last post, I have a new job at a new school. I asked if I could come in next week (a week before PD starts) to move into my classroom and investigate what is in there.

    I have a lot of stuff/heavy boxes. Do you think it is okay for me to bring my boyfriend to help me move in? At my last school, this was completely acceptable/normal, but I realize that all schools are different. Should I just assume it is okay and bring him or should I ask if it is all right first? I am in California, for a bit of context.
     
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  3. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Congrats on the new position. No, I would not assume that bringing the boyfriend to help is acceptable. At my school, NO ONE comes through the door that hasn't been approved and vetted by the board. It can't possibly hurt to request clearance for the boyfriend to help you with the heavy lifting, and it will show that you understand the chain of command as well as an overall need for security. If all is well and they say fine, you have demonstrated courtesy, knowledge of school policies, and respect for rules you may not know yet. Basically, you come out smelling like a rose. Should you bring the boyfriend, and he should be asked to leave, you are in a bad position. Ignorance of the law is no defense - how many times have we all heard that? You may be forced to try to defend your boyfriend and your decision, and there is always the risk of that not going well. Ask first - it is the prudent move.
     
  4. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Friends, significant others, spouses, parents, kids, anyone willing has been fine at any school I have worked at.
     
  5. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    Really? She isn't asking for someone to work with kids, just help before school starts.
     
  6. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    Really - no one through the door without clearance at my school, no exceptions. Can it really hurt to ask permission to have non-school personnel on the premise?
     
  7. chitown

    chitown Companion

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    Personally, I would err on the side of caution and just ask before bringing anyone in. Good luck in your new school!
     
  8. jojo808

    jojo808 Comrade

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    Based on the other replies, I would ask just to be safe. My husband helps me every summer with cleaning and organizing my classroom before school. I don't think I have ever asked permission!
     
  9. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    I've never asked permission. It never even crossed my mind TBH. If you're even slightly worried though, just ask.
     
  10. Maryhf

    Maryhf Connoisseur

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    Ask first. Years ago, One of my coworkers got in trouble because her mother was helping her.
     
  11. lilia123

    lilia123 Companion

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    My husband has helped me move into my classroom before. Just let the principal know that someone is coming with you so they know why this random guy is in the building. Usually, if the children have not arrived yet they are fine with you bringing people to help.
     
  12. 2ndTimeAround

    2ndTimeAround Phenom

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    wow, some of these responses surprise me.

    There is no way I could get done what they expect me to without extra help. I'm not tall enough nor strong enough. There isn't enough time.
     
  13. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    I guess I would ask since it's a new school but I don't see why it won't be ok since the students won't be there. Most schools only have issues with outsiders in the school when students are around.
     
  14. gr3teacher

    gr3teacher Phenom

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    It would have never crossed my mind to ask.
     
  15. LiterallyLisa

    LiterallyLisa Companion

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    my first year, my sister came with me to help me move in..but I came in and asked my principal first if she could come do so. "Suuure, of course!" Later, I seen other family members of teachers helping out. Maybe they all asked as well. But honestly I would rather ask, than not ask and get called into the office. It doesn't take but a minute of checking and it starts you off on the right foot.

    This year my bf is coming to help me and I plan on sending my p a quick email asking, again.
     
  16. giraffe326

    giraffe326 Virtuoso

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    I would never even think to ask to bring someone in during the summer before anyone reports.
    I will be bringing my 12 year old cousin in in a few weeks to help me. All of the adults in my life always refuse to help when I ask them. Well, my dad would do grunt work if I asked, but I only take a car load at a time, so it is not a big deal.
     
  17. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    I think that it may depend on the district, but here in NJ, security concerns are growing. Asking hubby, someone they feel is permanent in your life, to help, may not raise many eyebrows, but a bf may be here today, gone tomorrow, and they don't want people knowing anything about passwords (copiers), keys, computers and tech, and security protocols. We lived 9/11 and things have never quite been the same. Maybe my age is showing, but the quick "I will need help bringing in heavy stuff - is it OK to bring my _________ (bf, hubby, aunt, neighbor, etc.) seems like such a simple courtesy!
     
  18. kaeco510

    kaeco510 Companion

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    While I wouldn't think it would be a problem, if you are nervous, ask! I have had both of my parents come to help me at the start and end of school, and no one minded at all. My district had some HORRIBLE things happen in the past year, and they were fine (security-wise) with my parents coming in.

    But when in doubt, always ask first!
     
  19. otterpop

    otterpop Phenom

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    I also would have never thought to ask! I guess now I will though.
     
  20. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    I hate the attitude that a husband is more permanent. I get it, but my BF and I have been together for seven years now, which is a lot longer than some marriages! It's part of why I hate calling him my boyfriend; people see it as casual. My P knows how serious we are and understands it, which I so appreciate!

    *not saying you feel this way though :) just had to add my :2cents:
     
  21. Pj667766

    Pj667766 New Member

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    I agree! I am also in NJ and our principal allows anyone we choose to come in and help us out over the summer! I've seen spouses, kids, bfs, gfs, grandparents, aunts, you name it!

    As long as they're with us she trusts us not to bring in anyone dangerous...Also it's over the summer so the kids won't even be there anyway! :lol:
     
  22. YoungTeacherGuy

    YoungTeacherGuy Phenom

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    I see absolutely no problem with teachers enlisting the help of family and friends to assist with classroom setup.

    I did have one teacher who came in with her nephew the other day. She brought him to my office and said, "I wanted to introduce you to my nephew so you wouldn't wonder why a goofy teenager was wandering around campus." :lol:
     
  23. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    I do understand that it is not fair in most situations, but there is a legal permanence to a spouse that is not always present during the dating years. Some dating couples are committed, others are here today, gone tomorrow. The spouse, for better or worse, has legal standing. I didn't make the rules, I just observe this stuff. Worked with my husband's practice for years, and if you want to know who is and is not legally responsible for stuff, try presenting the bill to the SO and observe who pays, and who says that it will be paid by the BF or GF - the horse isn't theirs! Spouses pretty much know that you can call it your money or their money, but at the end of the day, the IRS sees it as "YOUR" money!:lol:
     
  24. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    I understand the legal precedence, but I definitely still hate it! Money is definitely complicated. We have married friends who keep their own accounts and split everything 50/50. One week he buys diapers, the next week she does. They even arranged it so they can pay most of their bills with two checks. Fewer arguments that way they say, which I can definitely see.
     
  25. vickilyn

    vickilyn Multitudinous

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    So not wanting to step on anyone's toes. What you are to each other is personal. I stand by my first post that at my school you wouldn't be allowed to have an outsider help you inside the building. If new to the district, how hard is it to ask if it is OK to enlist help. I guess that I don't assume that everyone thinks exactly what I think.
     
  26. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    I'm not at all saying that it's hard or unreasonable to ask. Where I'm at, it never would have crossed my mind. It was fairly immediately clear that it was acceptable. There are a lot of kids around over the summer at various camps and practices, but bringing a family member or friend is totally fine.

    I'm always among the camp that if you're not sure, ask. In my case, at my school, I was sure without asking.
     
  27. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    If you do ask, I think it is perfectly fine to say something along the lines of "Is it ok to bring someone in to help me set up?" If they need to know how you know that someone, they will ask. I totally get you on the bf vs husband tags - We were together over 7 years before we married and I am old (ancient?) enough that the term "boyfriend" just sounded phony. both of us cheated and used "fiance" for years.
     
  28. dgpiaffeteach

    dgpiaffeteach Aficionado

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    This is how I feel. I teach high school and I know my "boyfriend" is totally different than the high school term so it just sounds awkward. I moved to be close to him after college. It sounds weird to explain you moved for a boyfriend even after explaining you've been dating for five years :lol:
     
  29. creativemonster

    creativemonster Comrade

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    HA HA Just reread my response and it sounds so wrong to use the term "cheated" when discussing fiances, husbands, and boyfriends. The importance of language! I meant used a term that technically wasn't true at the time. Sorry OP - I didn't mean to hijack the topic. Hope the new principal says yes to the free help. If he doesn't, feel free to send your BF to my city. My husband volunteered to help me, but now has to work. Good for him, too bad for me!
     
  30. kpa1b2

    kpa1b2 Aficionado

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    I would have never thought to ask! DH & kids have only helped move stuff into a new building or out of the building, then they're gone. 1 year I did manage to get them to stay for a bit. DH sat, DS played on my computer and DD tried to put up a bulletin board. Oh & at least one of my kids will write on my board. They're older, but still love writing on boards. They are not helpful. :lol:

    I love that people can get their families to help!
     
  31. brigidy

    brigidy Comrade

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    I wouldn't have thought to ask. However, my not thinking gets me in trouble sometimes! So, if you question it, ask.
     
  32. WindyCityGal606

    WindyCityGal606 Enthusiast

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    If the op wondered if they should ask, then my answer to them is "ask."
     
  33. Go Blue!

    Go Blue! Connoisseur

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    You must teach in a small(smaller) district. In many places, no one has time to vet every staff member's spouse, children, family members or guests before they come to the building. Note: my Mom just retired from Newark PS and my Dad still works for East Orange PS (albeit at the BofEd). I, my brother and other family members come and go in-and-out of buildings in both districts all the time with no one batting an eyelash. So it's not a NJ thing; it's an individual district/school thing.

    OP, if you want to ask, then ask. If you don't, don't. I wouldn't.
     

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