new kid that cries for hours!

Discussion in 'Montessori' started by crayonkid, Jan 7, 2009.

  1. crayonkid

    crayonkid Rookie

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    Jan 7, 2009

    hello people!

    the new year has started and so has the semester. I have 3 additions to my class, 1 3yr old(girl) and her 4yr old cousin(boy) and another 4yr old (girl). so far its been 3 days of the new semester and the 4yr old girl has been crying the entire time! she was fine on the first day, but on the second day she threw such a tantrum and cried for two whole hours, demanding that i call her mom. (her mom called to check up on her and then ended up taking her home)

    today(3rd day), she REFUSED to let her mom leave the class, kicking and screaming, hitting the sliding door when her mom finally left. I stopped her when she was hitting the sliding door and let her cry it out. we played games with the other kids and some even went over to her to ask why she was crying and to join us. she ignored all of them. MUCH LATER, she stopped crying and joined us outside to play, but she doesnt talk to the other kids and when invited to do an activity always says no. the 2 others are mixing with the others and have not cried at all. their moms drop them off without any fuss.

    1. how do u stop them from crying???

    2. how do u ease the separation process??

    3. how do u get kids to mix and make friends???

    4. any ideas on activities that encourage that??

    5. any ideas on activities for mornings?
     
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  3. mmswm

    mmswm Moderator

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    Jan 7, 2009

    I'm not a preschool teacher, but I am a mom, so take my advise with a grain of salt.

    I think you backtracked yourself a LOT when the mom came in to pick the child up early the second day. Basically, what she told her daughter is that if she cries long enough, mommy will come get her. She'll get lots of attention (both good and bad) and she'll get what she wants. That offers her incentive to try again...lots of times. For every time you give into a child in these situations, it usually takes SEVERAL more times when you don't give in before the issue is resolved.

    The only thing I can think of is come up with some safe place for her to go and cry herself out until she's ready to join the group. I'm assuming you had a successful first term, so whatever it was you did in august is probably still okay. The new kids have it a little tougher, since all the other kids already know each other, but some get to know you games and more practice and modeling of the rules and procedures probably isn't a bad thing for the old kids, and would be really benefitial for the new kids.

    Sorry I can't be much more help. Good luck.
     
  4. JaimeMarie

    JaimeMarie Moderator

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    Jan 7, 2009

    I agree with MMswm. The mom just made your job harder. Find a save place and ignore her. The more attention she gets for crying the more she is going to do it.
     
  5. 'Lizbeth

    'Lizbeth Rookie

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    Jan 7, 2009

    I agree with mmswm, now she knows that if she cries enough her mom comes. I had a child like that in my class once. Her mom called often throughout the day and if she could hear her daughter crying she would come pick her up right away. The mom was having a hard time seperating too, since it was her first child, and she didn't work outside the house so she missed her baby. Reassure her mom that she will be ok, that she just needs to adjust and try to discourage her picking her up early unless there is a real problem. A safe place is a great idea. Find out if she has a blanket or a stuffed animal or something from home that she loves, and let her have it to ease the seperation in the morning so she can cling to something from home. That worked at the school I used to work in. After a while she didn't even need her blanket and things got much better after the first few weeks. Good luck!
     
  6. Yenna

    Yenna Companion

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    Jan 11, 2009

    I would give the mother a call and try to establish a strong relationship with her outside of class hours. Invite her to come for a visit with her child after class. That may help her feel more at ease with the separation. Then, when you call her next, you can try to agree on a phase-in process where the child stays for a little longer every day without the mother. We do this with every new student in their first two weeks. It helps alot with separation anxiety. Some students need a little more time, others are ready from day 1. Give her lots of positive attention and get her going on the early practical life lessons as well as spoken language and art! You could suggest that the mother arrange a couple playdates with another student outside of class time.
    Good luck.
     
  7. montessori

    montessori New Member

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    Jan 15, 2009

    I am not sure this will work, but i would suggest re-create the classroom so that it looks fun and interactive with lots of interesting 'hands-on' activities for example. Kids will look forward coming to class.
     
  8. Kase

    Kase Companion

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    Jan 18, 2009

    1. how do u stop them from crying???
    You don't. You let it run it's course. I have had children cry for weeks and months and I have just continued my routine not paying any attention to their crying and they finally quit. Sure I'll try to get them involved but if you baby them too much and give them what they want they learn that they can cry to get it.

    2. how do u ease the separation process??
    Try having Mom in on the separation process. Have a conference and you two come up with a routine to make it easier on everyone. She can also explain to her child what the routine will be but the key is to keep it consistent and everyone has to follow through. It's hard but it does work. It also takes time.

    3. how do u get kids to mix and make friends???
    Depending on age, you can have them work in pairs on simple activities. It could be painting together or playing in a center together. Some centers I'll only allow a certain amount of children.

    4. any ideas on activities that encourage that??
    Painting, circle games, free play games such as puzzles or manipulative games like memory or matching.

    5. any ideas on activities for mornings?
    In the mornings when kids would come in, we would just have table toys out and some mornings would be different. Books and puzzles on the carpet, block building another day, just mix it up.


    I hope this helps somewhat!! :)
     
  9. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    Jan 18, 2009

    Use all the ideas suggested. You will have to discover the one(s) that work. You might have mom supply a family photo, which sometimes calms a child. Also, verbaly assure her that her mom will be there after lunch, snack, nap, etc.
     
  10. kteachone

    kteachone Companion

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    Jan 18, 2009

    You could create some sort of routine. Tell her that when her Mommy drops her off that she needs to say, "Goodbye Mommy! I love you." and then give her mom a big hug and kiss.

    Then I would create a behavior chart. Every time she comes in and doesn't cry, she could put a sticker on her chart. When she gets so many (you decide...but remember she's four, so more than 5 stickers is probably too many) she can get some kind of reward. Talk to the mom about treats, games, etc that she likes.

    I also second having a conference with the mom. Let her know what you're trying to do and ask if she will support you.

    Hope this helps!
     
  11. kteachone

    kteachone Companion

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    Jan 18, 2009

    This also reminds me--when I worked in a daycare, I took care of a 1 yr old named Peyton. When he first started at the center, he cried all day long. I would ignore it at first, but then I started telling him that Mommy is coming, she'll be here soon, etc. I did this all day long. It seemed to reassure him.
     
  12. givemeliberty

    givemeliberty New Member

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    Jan 19, 2009

    Get permission from the parents to spank her.


    Problem solved :)
     
  13. Yenna

    Yenna Companion

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    Jan 19, 2009

    That's a very ignorant, disrespectful and harmful way to open a whole new can of worms. We do not endorse corporal punishment and have many proactive strategies and discipline techniques available instead of hitting children.
    This is a very irresponsible post, givemeliberty. How about giving the children some liberty? How would you like to get spanked?
     
  14. Kase

    Kase Companion

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    Jan 19, 2009

    I think they were being sarcastic.
     
  15. crayonkid

    crayonkid Rookie

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    Jan 21, 2009

    THANKS ALL~

    thanks everybody!

    mmswm u were so right! YJ cried everyday demanding i send her home/ call her mom/ walk her home etc... and her mom (being her first child) was a bit reluctant to seperate.

    about a safe place, she would spend her day crying it out in the library which is n extension of the living area and b all teary there. didnt want to mix or join d other kids at all.

    once she joind us for circle time, she talked, smiled and we did some coloring, she didnt finish her pic so i told her she could take it home and bring it back on monday and she answered "i dont think i should take it home coz im not coming back here on monday!"

    and sometimes it seemed like she was having fun but then remembered that she didnt like coming to school and was dtermined to hate it and would go sulk. is that normal?

    it was pretty tuff!

    the first week was pretty bad (cried everyday), second week she was still teary and not very friendly with the other kids but didnt cry as much and now shes pretty ok with all of us! :)

    now most days she doesnt cry and bravely says bye to her parents (her dad sends her now) but at times in d middle of a lesson or an activity she still goes off to sulk.
     
  16. SarahJ

    SarahJ Companion

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    Jan 31, 2009

    I had 2 little ones crying the first week back. 1 settled in as soon as I gave him a special job - sweeping the classroom floor is something he LOVES doing! and the little girl, I found her a special stuffed toy that she is allowed to cuddle in the classroom only and she has to look after him so he doesn't get sad and now she is excited to come to school. I hope your little one settles in soon.
     

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