New babies, forgotten dog?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by sue35, Apr 18, 2014.

  1. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Apr 18, 2014

    Ok, so most of you will think I am crazy but I am taking my chances. We are expecting twins (via a surrogate) any day now. Clearly we are very excited. Tonight a friend was mentioning how we won't love our dog as much when the twins get here. This made me so sad and I don't want it to be true.

    When we were deciding about going through with having a child there was honestly a part of me that was hesitant because of how much I love my dog and don't want her to get less attention or love. She is a very loving dog, with us at all times. I know it sounds crazy but she has been with me during many scary times and I adore her. Why can't I love her just as much?

    I always hear how people's pets get less important once kids get here. Is there anyone who didnt let kids change their relationship with the dog? That still loved their dog just as much? I know she is only a dog, but she is a pretty special one.

    I just read this through and realized sound ridiculous but maybe someone will understand?
     
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  3. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    I felt my dogs were like my kids, but after I had kids I realized what a different type of love you have for your children. You are going to be so busy with twins, I know you will continue to love your dog but there is no possible way you will have the same time and attention to give him/her. It doesn't mean you don't love it, but your priorities will change.
     
  4. mkbren88

    mkbren88 Cohort

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    I understand. My dog was my baby until my son got here. She was still my first baby but I found myself getting more easily annoyed with the dogs after my son was here. Our dogs are and always will be a part of our family though so things didnt really change that much. Just my patience for them did. My dog has since passed away and it's been hard because my son and her were close. We have other dogs but he's not close to them.

    Good luck with the twins! You will be busy so try to include your dog in as much with the babies as you can.
     
  5. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    I love my dogs as much as I did before. Admittedly they didn't get much attention the first few weeks as we were getting used to the baby, but things went back to normal once we got the hang of it all.
     
  6. teach1

    teach1 Companion

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    I am not a parent, but I will speak on behalf of my parents.

    They loved our family dog just as much after I was born. I actually think having children made them love our dog even more. Our family dog was really incredible with children and to this day I still hear about "oh DOG wouldn't let you out of her sight when you started crawling" and "oh DOG was so gentle with you" etc. etc.

    also, when we watch old home videos... my dad has about a 2 minute limit unless of course it's of DOG when she was a puppy. haha.
     
  7. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Apr 19, 2014


    What did I miss? Are congratulations in order?


    Sue - we had two dogs when we had our first daughter and we loved them just as much, they just got fewer walks (partly because our daughter was born in late Nov. in N Michigan and it was too cold to take her out). There is enough love to go around.
    Have you picked out names?
     
  8. Loveslabs

    Loveslabs Companion

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    Apr 19, 2014

    We had a dog for five years before our daughter was born. My love for my dog did not change when my daughter was born. If anything, I appreciated the fact that she was by my side day and night, through feedings, diaper changes, midnight crying episodes, etc. I was never alone when I felt exhausted and unable to cope with the demands of a newborn. That dog looked at me as though I was the best thing in the world no matter how horrible I looked or felt.

    When our dog died we were just grief stricken. We had both owned dogs previous to our marriage, but had never experienced anything like this grief. Our dog was very much loved despite our bringing children into our home.

    So, no worries:) It will all be well. Focus on your wonderful life and enjoy it all to the max for it is true you will blink and the children will be all grown up.
     
  9. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Maven

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    Apr 19, 2014

    My neighbors had a dog before they had their baby and as far as I can tell they still love him just as much. He seems pretty spoiled (the dog) and from the pictures they take it looks like he loves the baby too!
     
  10. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Apr 19, 2014

    Thanks guys. I think I am just stressed out in general about the twins. I am not a good person when it comes to change and I tend to worry a lot. I hope our dog loves the girls, I'm sure she will when they start walking with food:)
     
  11. DizneeTeachR

    DizneeTeachR Virtuoso

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    My neighbors dog was the baby's protector if someone the dog saw as a stranger would come near baby (even in house) he would stand up & give a bark like back away! I thought it was cute how he took her into his pack!

    I know friends of ours took a blanket to hospital to get baby smell on it so dog could smell baby before they brought their baby home.

    Have you thought about carrying a pillow or something to see how dog reacts to you being "occupied"?
     
  12. Tasha

    Tasha Phenom

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    Apr 19, 2014

    We love our dog as much, but I'm not sure she loves us as much as before we brought them home. I'm mostly kidding, but our dog is very low key and is happy as long as she gets breakfast and dinner and sleeps in bed with us. She tolerates the kids as they give her lots of snacks at the table, but she is not super interested in them, even at 3.5.
     
  13. FarFromHome

    FarFromHome Connoisseur

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    I had this concern about one of my pets (we had 3). Unfortunately the one I was most concerned about passed away just a little while ago, while I've been pregnant. I'm slowly getting over it, but sometimes wonder if it might be for the best since I won't have to worry about her getting enough attention. And then I feel bad for thinking that! We tried for a while for a baby, so I thought my pets might end up being my only "children".
     
  14. smalltowngal

    smalltowngal Multitudinous

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    FFH~sorry about the passing of your fur baby. :(

    sue~I will echo what others have said that after the babies get here, the love you have for your dog won't diminish, it'll just be a different kind of love. I absolutely love my fur babies and treat them like my kid. My 10 yr old daughter will sometimes call them her brothers since she's an only child.
     
  15. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    To be perfectly honest, anyone who views their dog and other animals as "pets" or refer to them as "its" simply can't and won't understand. Only you can fully know how much and deeply you love your dog. I have curled up with my dog and literally found myself teary-eyed at how precious he is and the overwhelming love I have for him. Animals are so, so much more than pets or things to be used by humans for our comfort and entertainment. They are spiritual creatures. Point being, other people's experience may not match your own. Of course time and attention will be divided much like when a family has a second or third child, yet the love remains the same.
     
  16. Upsadaisy

    Upsadaisy Moderator

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    Apr 19, 2014

    Don't worry; when the kids are teenagers, the dog will seem like the best one in the family.
     
  17. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    Well I'm a mommy to three young boys (6, 3, and 8 months). I can tell you that you do not know the extent of a mother's love until you become one, your entire worldview changes. I think of who I was before I became a mom and I am NOT the same person today. My priorities are totally different, myself was my top priority, now it's 5th on list after the kids and my husband. Yes, our dog was/is relegated to 6th place. I love my dog, but there is no love in the world like a mother's love. It doesn't mean you won't love your dog, you will love your dog just as much as you do know. What you will discover is that there is a much deeper love out there, the one a mother has for her baby. And no matter how big they get, they will always be your precious baby. And you are about to discover that--congrats!

    For me, and this may not be true for all people, it allowed me to see how precious EACH baby is. Truth be told, I would protect the life of ANY baby over the life of my dog, even a baby I have never met before. I can't say that I would've felt that way before I had kids. Seeing how innocent, sweet, and vulnerable yours are causes an infinite fondness and adoration for all babies. They are by far the most precious things in the world.
     
  18. John Lee

    John Lee Groupie

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    Apr 19, 2014

    Haha, some realism here

    I do not understand how people consciously try to prioritize their affections, as if there needs to be some sort of ranking system. No offense intended to people here, but I think it is a character flaw of some kind, to do such a thing. (As someone else above pointed out, I think it is different for the dog = "it" crowd. I'm talking toward the ones who act like their dog is family.)

    I have friends would post on FB, and wax poetic about their dog family, trips with the dogs, etc. Then they have kids--and suddenly they start dropping hints about people taking the dog off their hands, etc. In the end, they gave the dog up for adoption, because "he didn't get along well with the kids". I lost respect for them.
     
  19. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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  20. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    This makes me feel better. I don't want to rank or prioritize things. There will never be a time (knock wood) that I need to choose between my dog or children's life. I am lucky in that my dog is very lazy so just to have her sit by me is enough for her. And I agree with JustMe, she is more than a pet to me:)
     
  21. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Apr 19, 2014

  22. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Yeah, we kept it on the downlow. :)

     
  23. stargirl

    stargirl Companion

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    Apr 19, 2014

    Wow, congratulations Caesar!! (not to get too OT from the original post--don't have much advice since I don't have pets or kids yet)
     
  24. Caesar753

    Caesar753 Multitudinous

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    Thanks! :)
     
  25. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Adorable!! Congratulations!:D
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 20, 2014
  26. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Congratulations! So cute
     
  27. ecteach

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    I love a dog, but you can never love a dog the way you love your own child. If my dog bit my child, the dog would be gone ASAP. End of story.
     
  28. sue35

    sue35 Habitué

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    Yes but I won't ever love my husband like I love my children either. I feel they are all different kinds of love and I don't need to prioritize love, I have decided. If I had a dog who bit my child that would be 100% my fault. I feel confident this is not something I need to worry about.

    After I wrote this I came to realize that I won't have to choose between who to love more or who to save from a fire. I have a lot of love in my heart for all kids, animals, etc:)
     
  29. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    See, I still love my dog but in all truthfulness, being a teacher, a wife, the mom of three small boys, the ONLY HOUSEKEEPER... the dog sheds. She's old, and she will not be replaced by a new dog once she leaves this world. It's not that I don't love dogs or puppies, I think they're great and adorable, but it is too stressful to have all I have on my plate AND have to clean up after a dog. I guess the better solution would be for SOMEBODY to HELP ME, but that ain't gonna happen...
     
  30. AdamnJakesMommy

    AdamnJakesMommy Habitué

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    Glad you realize that---you won't even love your children in the exact same way.. Each child has a unique place in your heart. Of my three children, I *appear* to be the closest to my middle son, who is three. I have had people tell me that I "love him more than the others." That is NOT true. We are figuratively attached at the hip because we just click so well (personalities, likes, dislikes, etc.), we go everywhere together and do everything together. In contrast, my oldest is just like my husband, he's a daddy's boy and Jacob is a momma's boy. But that doesn't mean I love Jacob more than Adam and Aaron. I love my first just as much but the dynamics of our relationship are different and I know as Aaron develops his little personality, the dynamics of our relationship will be just as unique.

    Love is a fluid feeling--and it should never be a rank and file. Your priorities and love are not the same thing. For example, Aaron is an infant, he is top priority because he is so helpless compared to the other two. When Aaron is crying for a bottle and Jacob wants a drink of "chocky milk," Adam wants a piece of toast, and I've got to pee: Aaron gets his bottle made first, Jacob gets his drink, I tell Adam to put his toast in the toaster, and then I run to pee. What is more immediate does not translate to being more loved. So, for you the needs of your newborn babies will trump the dog, you, the husband, everybody because you can wait to pee, the dog can wait to eat, but the baby must be changed now kinda thing.

    I know someone asserted that there was a rank and file developing on this forum, and I hope that was not directed at me. I was only listing priorities, not level of love. But, it must be said, a mother's love is so deep. It's really hard to explain. For example, I love my husband quantitatively as much as my children (if it could be quantified), but the grief I would experience if one my children were to pass away would be soul-crushing. If I lost a child, I would literally go insane. I would likely not be able to continue my life without one of them. If my husband passed, I would never love another man again, but I would move past the grief and eventually be able to eat and go to work again. The same would NOT be true if I lost a child. I would truly die of a broken heart.
     

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