Neighbor situation...wwyd?

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by waterfall, Jul 8, 2012.

  1. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    I had a big of an awkward situation with my downstairs neighbor this week. I've been staying up late because I sleep much better during the day (always struggled with insomnia) and now that I'm working part time, I could afford to do that and either sleep late in the mornings or nap in the afternoons on work day. Well, apparently when I walk around it's really loud to the downstairs neighbor, even though I'm just walking...I'll be honest and say I hadn't even though of that. This is my first apartment and I don't have anyone above me.

    So a couple of days ago she starts writing threatening notes on my door about calling the police for noise, banging on the door until I answer it, screaming at the top of her lungs, etc. She had not mentioned this before...her first line of action was to start yelling outside the door that she was going to call the cops, among numerous swear words. One of these times was at 8:30 pm! I live alone and I admit she scared me half to death. Anyway, obviously I'm moving soon so I just told her I was sorry and that I'd be more quiet. I've tried to completely flip my sleeping schedule around at least go sit in bed around 10 and either watch tv on my laptop with headphones or read and only get up for the bathroom. I've also been tip-toeing around, which I HATE feeling like I can't walk in my own apartment, but I figured for a couple more weeks it was worth keeping the peace. I've also been staying out as much as possible rather than being home and worrying about every step I take!

    Anyway, apparently she's been happy with that, which is great...but she left me a note on the door saying thank you and that she wanted me to come downstairs for dinner one night. I'm happy she's happy, but honestly, this woman really scares me...I don't really want to be in her apartment! Plus no matter who it is, I'm super shy around people I don't know. Even if I didn't think she was half-crazy I'd have major anxiety about it...would you just suck it up and go? I feel like I can't totally ignore it or that would be rude.
     
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  3. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    I'd acknowledge the invitation but tell her you're super busy and finding a time would be impossible.
     
  4. Blue

    Blue Aficionado

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    My DD had the same issue, except she was the downstairs neighbor. Check your appartment rules. They probably state something about quiet hours between 10 pm and 8 am. You can make all the noise you want, and your neighbor can't do anything about it.
     
  5. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    NO WAY! She's completely wackadoo!
     
  6. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    We actually don't have any quiet hours...I mean I truly do understand if she heard me in the middle of the night, but she could have said something politely and I would have worked with her...

    I am out of here permanently in 2 1/2 weeks, and for much of that I'm going to be out of town, so given the short time left it made more sense for me to just take the high road rather than making a fuss about it.
     
  7. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    :lol:

    "Sorry, I can't...you're a wackadoo!"

    In other notes, I was previously kind of bummed that I couldn't get top floor in my new place...now I'm thrilled! I'm not that noise sensitive so I'd rather here it than have to worry about bother others constantly. I'm on the 2nd floor but the way things are set up there isn't an apartment under mine.
     
  8. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

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    I would not step into that apartment for any kind of drink or food.
    You can't live fearing that whacko! Your home is where you need to be comfty and happy. You can't tippy toe around just so she won't scream at you again. Man! I would have been all over that one if she was my neighbor.
    You need to tell her how you feel, in a nice way, since you are the shy type. This can be your break through to getting over your shyness.
    Good luck,
    Rebel1
     
  9. AlwaysAttend

    AlwaysAttend Fanatic

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    Man, I thought my neighbors were bad. They throw their cigarettes (once one was still lit because there was two inches of ash attached), and their garbage on my property right against my home's foundation. They also use my retaining wall as their personal bench. On second thought I still hate my neighbors more than you could possibly be bothered by yours. And your lucky, you get to be free in a couple of weeks :).

    One day I collected 30+ cigarettes and deposited them on their sidewalk and the genius actually had the nerve to yell at me. Apparently he is well within his rights to litter on my property because when I cut my grass I have the nerve to mulch it on my lawn. Apparently they equate the occasional grass blade blown by wind to nasty cigarettes. This despite the fact that their landscapers just blow their grass into our street.

    Our home has been in our family since the 1930's so I hope they move soon because we won't be. Since they don't appear to work my guess is they collect disability (even though they are quite active) and will be able to stay there for a long time.
     
  10. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    So, do you think it's okay if I just put a note back on her door saying something like thank you for inviting me, but I am getting ready to move and just don't have any time left? She left her phone number but I don't want to call, lol (or have her have my number!!) but I feel like if I don't say anything at all that's even more awkward/rude. She hangs around on the patio a lot during the day so I'll probably see her around...not like I can totally avoid it!
     
  11. lilmisses1014

    lilmisses1014 Comrade

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    Jul 9, 2012

    When you (generally speaking) live in an apartment, you need to have reasonable expectations. DH and I had a psycho downstairs neighbor who complained about us and another tenant all the time to management. (My husband and I are quiet people who keep to ourselves, but to hear her complaints one would think we were hard-core parties who stay up all night blasting music, slamming doors, and running around the apartment in heels until pictures fell off her walls. :rolleyes: She was also annoyed that the baby who lived next door to her was so noisy.) Management came into our apartments twice to check the floors and walls (without giving us the required 24-hour notice, mind you), and they couldn't find anything wrong.

    She moved after less than a year, blaming us for driving her out; needless to say we weren't heartbroken to see her leave and our current downstairs neighbors haven't heard a peep from us.

    I get it--- good luck with the move!!
     
  12. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    No way would I go near her apartment. Decline her invitation.

    I'm glad I live in a house in the boonies. Nobody cared that i had the radio cranked while I was in the shower at 1:00 am, and I'm not sure anyone even knows that Ive been doing laundry, sweeping my porch, or vacuuming at 2 in the mornIng.
     
  13. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    No way would I go near her apartment!
     
  14. Irishdave

    Irishdave Enthusiast

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    Bingo
     
  15. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    I'm w/ everyone: AVOID HER as much as possible period!

    It's a good thing you're about to move & this isn't happening at your new place!

    I've been in my apt for 1 1/2 mos now & I have great neighbors. I've said "Hi" to a few, but we haven't even ran into each other since. Everyone keeps to themselves & shall I stress, none of us impose on the other, which is VERY important. What's wierd is that I would think I'd run into people a lot more being in a complex, but I don't, which is great! I'm on the 2nd of 3 floors. I can walk comfortably without the 1st fl person hearing...I hope. I don't hear much from the 3rd fl person. The 3 units, whose balconies I face in the bldg across from me aren't outside that much or seem to want to be seen. You know how some people can be, always craving to be seen puttering around outside in the front. Ugh! :mad: My last neighbors in each house on either side of me were like that. They were ALWAYS out in the front yard!
     
  16. Rabbitt

    Rabbitt Connoisseur

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    Geeeeesh...you weren't even vacuuming or exercising or such.
    Just walking and watching TV?

    I'm not sure I would even respond to her note.
     
  17. linswin23

    linswin23 Cohort

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    Jul 9, 2012

    Wow, what a looney. I had neighbors like this when I lived back east and it was awful! I'm so glad you are moving--definitely DO NOT go to eat at her house--this woman is nuts!
     
  18. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    I am out in my front yard a lot. I like to work on my flowerbeds, sit on the Bench in my shade garden and enjoy being outside. Not sure why that would bother anyone, but I am good friends with my neighbors and we enjoy seeing each other. The neighbor on one side just asked me over for dinner.
     
  19. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    :
    I'm not sure why a neighbor quietly enjoying their yard, working in their garden or 'puttering' would annoy anyone.:dizzy:

    :thumb:
    You sound like a good neighbor, Missy! I prefer a neighborhood where I see my neighbors keeping their property looking nice and where neighbors are friendly.:D
     
  20. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    What's wrong with that? :confused:
     
  21. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    These neighbors of mine were literally outside from the crack of dawn to into the evening about 7 days a week...doing what, who knows. They just wanted to be seen. It would be a miracle when their garage door was actually closed. On my old street, everyone had the same size, small yard...just a small lawn & definitely no room to sit outside. To me, being out in the backyard as opposed to the front yard is different. Don't get me wrong though, if anyone gardens a lot, etc., that's great.
     
  22. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    I'm still not understanding why neighbors enjoying being outside in their yard is bothersome. :dizzy:
    I know an old man who is a WWIi vet who is in his garage with the door open puttering all day. He has a chair there, reads the paper, drinks his coffee, watches the world go by. He'd be lonely inside all alone behind closed doors. Outside, he feels 'a part of things'.

    My father takes great pride in his yard...he's ALWAYS got a project going. It keeps him busy, in shape, and truthfully, alive.

    My MIL and FIL love to sit on their front porch. They water their hanging plants, read their books, listen to sports on the radio, and greet passing neighbors.

    My next door neighbor is very active...he's outside riding his bike, working in the garden, painting his house...he pitches in to offer help with blowing leaves in our yard in the fall or trimming hedges on our property line.

    An older gentleman who lived in my neighborhood his entire life was a retired high school groundskeeper. He was always outside, keeping his yard looking nice, keeping 'an eye' on the neighborhood. It was a loss to us all when Mac died a few years ago.

    When I was a young child, neighbors would gather outside on 'the stoop' at night and chat while children played.

    These people 'bring life' to a neighborhood. it's not about 'wanting to be seen'...it's about pride in home ownership, love of the outdoors, being friendly. I'd hate to think the neighbors of my parents, or my in laws, or the elderly vets, or anyone else would be judging them for what they love to do in their own yards.:2cents:
     
  23. chebrutta

    chebrutta Enthusiast

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    waterfall, I think the note on the door explaining you've simply run out of time is perfect.

    As for being out front... well, the garage door at my parents house was only closed if we weren't home or were asleep. Someone was always "puttering" around in the yard, working on a car, working on the boat, playing basketball, etc. The open garage door was kind of the open invitation to stop, have some tea, and sit & chat awhile. Even at my new place, we keep the front door open, storm door closed so the neighbors know they can stop in and not interrupt us.
     
  24. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    At least here and in my experiences there is nothing at all strange or annoying or attention-seeking about being in your grarage or front yard at any point in the day or all day.

    Plus, front porches are kind of like gold here. :)
     
  25. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    I personally thought the invitation was extended as an apology to an obvious first impression over reaction. Was I the only one that thought it was a nice gesture?

    A note about running out of time would be okay. I'm not saying you have to accept it. I just read that invitation a bit different.
     
  26. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Well, we're all different types of people. Inside my head to those people, I sometimes think, "Can you go inside for a change", but that's just me. I know, I shouldn't let it irk me.
     
  27. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    If so, you MUST state or otherwise express that in the invitation. You can't behave, as I said earlier, like a complete wackadoo and then turn on the charm without some sort of bridge.
     
  28. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Life's too short, Ms I.
    "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain inalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." Enjoying one's yard falls into those categories for some...don't let that impede you enjoying your own pursuits.
     
  29. cutNglue

    cutNglue Magnifico

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    Not everyone is good at apologies.
     
  30. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    That's fine. But I'm sure as heck not going to your house after all that. I mean, that was far beyond not being a friendly neighbor. That was uncalled for and crazy.
     
  31. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    :thumb:
     
  32. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Ms. I, when you get "old," you might enjoy seeing your neighbors around the yard!
    We're always outside in the summer. My husband sits in the backyard and listens to music and watches the people boating and fishing at the pond.
    I go outside and brush my cats and enjoy the weather. I have a feeling you would hate us for neighbors!!!
    When our kids were little, they never came inside!
    When "I" was little, our entire neighborhood would be outside in the evenings visiting. Gosh how I loved that! My dad was so funny. He would hook up his amplifier and talk to the neighbors and tell them to get outside!!! Oh, the memories.
     
  33. Peachyness

    Peachyness Virtuoso

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    In regards to the note, I also thought like Cut, that she may have been trying to apologize. She may have been PMSing, may have been in a really bad mood, sleep deprived, might be bipolar, etc. Perhaps she just wasn't herself.... I dunno. She did behave atrociously. But, I also thought that maybe she felt really stupid and wanted to try to make it up. That's what I thought at first.

    In regards to the yard thing, I have NEVER thought that my neighbors hanging out was a bad thing. In fact, I like it. I wish more people were hanging out, outside, chatting, getting to know their neighbors, etc. It seems that so many people keep to themselves. :( I hate that. I at least try to say hi to my neighbors. Before I moved to my new town into an apartment, hubby and I lived in a house. We were pretty friendly with our neighbors. I liked that. That was the first time we lived in a nice neighborhood like that.
     
  34. waterfall

    waterfall Maven

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    Right, totally agree! She didn't even say sorry either...it was "thank you for quieting down." She may or may not feel bad about acting like a raving lunatic...but I don't trust someone well enough to go into their home (alone!) who was threatening me to the point of being afraid for my safety one week prior, nor do I want to be buddy-buddy with someone who makes me feel guilty about literally walking around my apartment. I'm just sitting here on the couch right now, but my next door neighbors are banging stuff around and I'm afraid they can hear it downstairs and will blame it on me! Also like I mentioned, at this point I literally have only a few days left- it's not like I need to worry about trying to build any relationships. I'm here 4 days this week, 3 days next week, and 2 days the week after that.
     
  35. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Well, you're right, I probably wouldn't...if I lived right next door anyway, but...to each their own! As long as you didn't impose on anyone who didn't want it & enjoy life, c'est la vie! :)
     
  36. czacza

    czacza Multitudinous

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    Ms I...you've mentioned the word 'impose' in several of your posts. Most people who are in their own yards, in their own neighborhoods are simply enjoying themselves...whether gardening, barbecuing, reading on the porch, working out or socializing. You don't have to join in, but assuming that people are imposing on you just because they are trying to be neighborly and judging them for enjoying their own homes is unkind. Neighbors pick up quickly enough who prefers to keep to themselves and generally accept that. Tolerance and reciprocal acceptance is best...isn't that what we teach kids in school?

    Hey, Grammy! I'd love to have you as a neighbor!
    It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,*
    A beautiful day for a neighbor,*
    Would you be mine?*
    Could you be mine?*

    It's a neighborly day in this beautywood,*
    A neighborly day for a beauty,*
    Would you be mine?*
    Could you be mine?*

    I have always wanted to have a neighbor just like you,*
    I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.*

    So let's make the most of this beautiful day,*
    Since we're together, we might as well say,*
    Would you be mine?*
    Could you be mine?*
    Won't you be my neighbor?*

    Won't you please,*
    Won't you please,*
    Please won't you be my neighbor?
     
  37. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Perhaps Ms. I, you are in the city where there are many, many people and you just like to be alone? I love my alone time, too, but I also think people need to be friendly and communicate to make the world just a little bit better. People outside working/playing is a good thing. It says to me that they are alive and well.
     
  38. Missy

    Missy Aficionado

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    Strong communities make us feel connected in a positive way.
     
  39. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Grammy Teacher, I'm glad you've been enjoying your neigbors. Sure, I say "Hi" when I pass by people in my new apt complex & at times when I'm walking my dog & passing by people. But, people in my area tend to keep to themselves.
     
  40. MrsC

    MrsC Multitudinous

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    Not a neighbour situation, I know, but I thought of this thread when I was out for a walk this morning; I think I must have said, "Hi" to about 40 people, none of whom I know.
     
  41. Grammy Teacher

    Grammy Teacher Virtuoso

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    Truth is, we don't even have any neighbors right now! We live on a corner lot, one empty house next door, and our backyard is a lake!
     

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