NEEDED ASAP: Please critique my cover letter! :-)

Discussion in 'Job Hunting & Interviews' started by imotivatekids, Jul 3, 2006.

  1. imotivatekids

    imotivatekids Rookie

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    Jul 3, 2006

    Below is a cover letter I composed today, but I really need some additional opinions. Also, I'm in a huge bind: it is apparently due the 6th, and my proof of credential is locked up at the school I teach summer school at until Monday. What should I do? Help!


    Dear Mr. Superintendent:

    I was delighted to discover via your district website that the ________ District is hiring a second grade teacher for the upcoming school year. After graduating in May 2006 with a Bachelor of Science degree in Elementary Education from _____, it is my pleasure to be highly qualified for this position and demonstrate my interest in your district.

    Recently, I successfully completed an 18-week student teaching placement within the _______ District. Although I found much success and enjoyment in the primary grades, I decided to challenge myself and applied to student teach at an intermediate level. I found myself in a unique situation I had never experienced during any of my coursework or field experience at _____: a constructivist, inclusive, partner-taught setting consisting of 53 5th and 6th grade students in one classroom.My strong work ethic and willingness to learn helped me develop an understanding for and ability to design lessons that recognize the benefits of hands-on learning and real-life connections. I also gained strategies to include differentiation, motivation, and ownership for students with diverse educational needs and strengths. After this fortunate experience with the intermediate grades, I am excited to apply what I have learned at the primary level, and find the second grade position at ______Elementary to be an exceptional opportunity to do so.

    I possess many other strengths that I am certain your families and staff would benefit greatly from. I am an enormously flexible, creative, compassionate, and cooperative individual. I am unafraid to work hard to problem-solve and exceed expectations and needs in all facets of a school setting. I capture the essence of what it means to be a “team player,” and have demonstrated my ability as a valuable contributor and successful collaborator in the planning and delivery of lessons, school functions, and working with staff and parents. I am dedicated to the well-roundedness of students, and am committed not only to academic growth, but to offering high-quality extra-curricular opportunities.Through my Block and student teaching experiences alone, I assisted with the school store, student council, talent show, classroom dinner theatre, and “shoe-tying club.” I am virtually tireless when it comes to being certain that students are receiving the education that will best prepare them to be positive, productive community members and leaders of the future.

    Mr. Superintendent, _______ District's dedication to students and community-oriented school district is a district I would be proud to be a part of. Please review my application materials, and contact me at 920.858.0892 to schedule an interview. I look forward to meeting with you in the near future.

    Sincerely,
     
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  3. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Jul 3, 2006

    Hi, and welcome!
    Here goes: (And keep in mind that I teach math, so don't trust me on the grammar corrections!)

    Paragrahp 2: Do you need the comma after "recently"??
    Paragraph 3: You probably don't want to end a sentence with "from".

    Do you want to throw in a little about the district and why you would be such a great fit? It shows that you've done your homework.
    Maybe talk a little about why grade 2 is a good fit for you-- take a look at the state assessments. My son just finished grade 2 in NY-- there was a lot of continued emphasis on reading; the math includes "regrouping" in addition and subtraction... I forget what else was emphasized by NY and what his (wonderful!!!!) teacher added in for emphasis. But it's a great age. They're able to do a lot by themselves but are still little kids.


    Hope that was of some help!
     
  4. imotivatekids

    imotivatekids Rookie

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    I've been lurking for a LONG time, but finally had a reason to post. I was fortunate to get interviews from online applications, where cover letters weren't applied, but now I'm attempting to work on them. some of the reasons i'm a good fit are built into the letter without stating so - should i specifically do that? also, i did change the first paragraph a bit. other suggestions for what i did well or need to improve on are greatly appreciated, so please, comment, comment, comment!
     
  5. imotivatekids

    imotivatekids Rookie

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    and that's a comma after from, not a period :)
     
  6. Aliceacc

    Aliceacc Multitudinous

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    Oops, I'm getting old and the eyes are going!! (And my 3 year old had me up twice last night!!!) Sorry!!

    I guess I meant something along the lines of "knowing the great reputation you have for your literacy program, I would...." Info that lets them know you would like to work THERE, not just anywhere.
     
  7. adria

    adria Comrade

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    It sounds great but convince me that you know what it takes to be an effective second grade teacher..
     
  8. srh

    srh Devotee

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    Jul 3, 2006

    "Mr. Superintendent, _______ District's dedication to students and community-oriented school district is a district I would be proud to be a part of."

    This isn't complete. I think you want to add a couple of words: "....XYZ District's dedication to students and community-oriented school district makes it a district...

    P.S. In this sentence, I'd leave the preposition at the end; it is actually more desirable to do that with such a common phrase than to make it sound more contrived. Not everyone will agree, but that's the current trend in writing circles!
     
  9. innovationguy

    innovationguy Cohort

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    Jul 3, 2006

    My nitpicking (?!!) in [bold parenthesis]!

    Jay.
    http://innovationguy.easyjournal.com

    PS. Customarily, I post only on the Single Subject Math CSET threads, but your importunate title led me astray here!
     
  10. SueHutch

    SueHutch New Member

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    Jul 3, 2006

    Revise it

    I think you have way too much information here. You want something short, sweet, and to the point. If it contains too much information, what is the point of them calling you to interview? They already got everything from the letter. I marked below what you should take out...also questioned many things. You are overkilling it.
    Susan

     
  11. innovationguy

    innovationguy Cohort

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    I agree! It is more detailed and extensive than it needs to!

    Jay.
     

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