Need to Vent!

Discussion in 'Teacher Time Out' started by Ms. I, Dec 27, 2009.

  1. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Dec 27, 2009

    I CAN'T STAND my BF's family! :mad: His parents are divorced & he has 3 siblings. He's different from the rest of them. He has more depth, integrity, sensitivity, & compassion than all of them put together. His mom & grandmother are nice, but the rest...eh! They're the smuggest, unfriendliest, materialistic, egotisical a$$es I've ever met & it would be just fine if I nev saw them ever again.

    See, normally, I'd never want to associate w/ people like that, but being that they're my BF's family, that's a little harder. When they hv family functions, I dread going, which is why I haven't gone w/ him to his family's things in yrs & I hate when Thanksgiving & Christmas rolls around for this very purpose. This Thanksgiving, I finally went w/ him to his mom's & this Christmas Eve, I finally went w/ him to his dad's. Being at his mom's was OK I guess, but I wish I never stepped foot at his dad's, which I really didn't want to go there anyway. Then New Year's Day is my BF's b-day along w/ his twin brother's. The last 5 or so yrs, my BF & I did our own thing for his b-day, which I'm so glad about.

    I could go on & on, but I won't. My BF knows how I feel & he doesn't like how they are either.

    OK, now onto much more pleasanter things! It's nice that we can vent here! :)
     
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  3. scmom

    scmom Enthusiast

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    That old saying is so true, "you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family." Venting helps. I think the best advise is probably be as pleasant as you can, minimize contact, don't complain about them because you can't ask your boyfriend to choose between you and his entire family. Good luck - it gets worse when you are forced to interact more because of grandchildren - believe me, I know! We have been on a lot of camping trips over holidays to minimize contact or I instituted a "we don't go anywhere on Christmas" policy because I got sick of pulling the kids away from their new toys, etc. to go from house to house. I made an open house buffet and invited them to visit so it was on my turf and half of them wouldn't come but at least my kids got to stay home. They are all gone now so I don't have to deal with it.
     
  4. catnfiddle

    catnfiddle Moderator

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    It's sad, but I have at least two relatives I plan on never seeing again after my grandfather passes away. One cousin in particular hurt me so deeply when I was a child, it took three tries to write this sentence coherently. My husband just shakes his head and laughs at that that cousin and then proceeds to ignore him like I do. Good to know you're as supportive of your BF as Rockhubby is of me!
     
  5. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    I know how you feel, Ms. I. I can't stand my bf's family most times. They make you feel like you aren't good enough...then ask you for things like money...hahaha.
     
  6. TennisPlayer

    TennisPlayer Cohort

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    Spend your time with who you want to if they're really that unpleasant to be around. What are you going to do if you marry him someday?
     
  7. ku_alum

    ku_alum Aficionado

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    I'm blessed that I love my husband's family (many of them are teachers, so we "get" each other).

    Sorry you find your boyfriend's family difficult to like. I don't think there is much you can do besides "grin and bear it." I would not participate in discussion that runs down the family, even if it seems okay with your bf. That isn't helpful in any way.

    Sounds like your exposure to them is limited. The times you do have to see them, be pleasant and remember that its only for a few hours.
     
  8. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thanks guys for your comments. They even treat my BF differently due to his gentle nature & he knows they treat him differently. Other than my BF, I don't talk w/ anyone else about this.

    If we end up marrying, I'll try to make the best of it & would even be willing to invite each of them over individually on separate occasions so they really get to know me because they'd never make an effort to do that otherwise. However, I won't be a pushover or doormat either. Living a far distance away from them all would be nice too! ;)
     
  9. silverspoon65

    silverspoon65 Enthusiast

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    I understand how you feel. My BF had no siblings and his dad passed away before I met him, so it's just him and his mom, but she is a piece of work. All she does is criticize.
     
  10. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    silverspoon, I wish my BF was an only child like myself!
     
  11. TeacherNY

    TeacherNY Phenom

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    My husband's family is very small and we get along fine. He gets along OK with mine but they get on his nerves now and then :lol:

    I'm glad I didn't end up marrying my ex fiance. I really couldn't stand his family. They were just very strange and I think I would go nuts if I had to spend time with them during holidays.
     
  12. blindteacher

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    I am lucky that my wife's parents are wonderful. Some of her other relatives are a bit crazy to say the least though. I hope your holidays go as smoothly as possible, Ms. I.
     
  13. Rebel1

    Rebel1 Connoisseur

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    Ms. I,
    Good luck with your BF's family. You just might be that POSITIVE note for CHANGE in the future. You'll never know, SO NEVER LET THEM SEE YOU SWEAT! Just do your own thing and like some posters have mentioned b4 in other entries, "Kill them with kindness!" :)Keep smiling and make them keep wondering abt what you're up to.:mellow:
    :angel:Pray for them,:angel:
    Rebel1
     
  14. teach1st

    teach1st Comrade

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    I am on the other end of the spectrum. My BF is an only child and I am the one with the obnoxious family. I still spend holidays with them, and my BF goes with a smile on his face. He lets me vent about them, but he holds his tongue. He will agree with me and support me during my vents, but he lets me do the venting.

    His family drives me crazy at times because they just don't understand the odd intertwined links to a big family. He doesn't understand at times why it is important that I spend time with them eventhough they drive me crazy.

    Just remember it may be a crazy family, but he still loves them. They will always be the only family he has and as awful as the visits might be it is his family.
     
  15. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thanks for the comments! I wish my current BF's family was like my ex-BF's family. I'll take them back any day!

    teach1st, I don't know if your BF's like me, but being an only child as well, I tend to think it's rather easy to write off horrible family members & just not see them anymore, but I guess it's not so easy. No, but, honestly, if I had family members like that, I'd distance myself from them as much as possible, especially siblings.

    Rebel1, thanks for those inspiring words, I completely agree. If I end up having to see them for the rest of my life, they'll never bring me down.
     
  16. scienceteach82

    scienceteach82 Cohort

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    bf's mom just tried to take his 5yr old to a rated R movie...wtf?! she is just...ugh

    better than my ex's family though...they all did drugs

    I hope things get better.
     
  17. Hoot Owl

    Hoot Owl Aficionado

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    Ms. I, I'm so sorry his family is like that. I was really surprised to see you venting about anything so it must be bad. Hugs to you.

    You will marry his family but you don't have to see them often. Maintain your status of being a "Lady" wherever you go. Always be pleasant and respectful of his family. You'll be admired and respected for it even if the other family members won't say it to your face. And... never, ever say anything ugly about his family to him, even if you want to and even if it's warranted.
     
  18. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Hoot Owl, yes I guess it really got to me this time since I visited both for Thanksgiving & Christmas this time. :dizzy::mad:
     
  19. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Oh. My husband and I both must have missed this memo. Whoops! :lol:
     
  20. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thank God his mom's always been pretty nice, so she's the only person I really care about getting along w/ anyway, which we do. I just don't see her often either.
     
  21. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    After my grandmother passed away, I didn't see ANY of my dad's family until his funeral in March. I don't expect to see any of them again.

    My maternal grandparents passed away within a year of each other, and the only time I see any of my aunts, uncles, or cousins is when I run into them in town or at the funeral home when somebody dies.

    I met DH after most of that, so he's only met the ones who came to Dad's funeral!

    Now, DH's family is really, really close. And I mean REALLY close. They visit with each other almost weekly, and they have holiday get-togethers with the entire family (5 siblings, children, spouses, and grandchildren) . . . close to 50 people.

    They've always been nice to me, but it's a "put on" kind of nice. I can almost guarantee that they talk badly about me when I'm not there because I've been to enough get-togethers that I know they always dog the people who married into the family if they aren't in attendance. Always!

    DH and I take bets on how long it will take one of the families to start bragging on their success. DH wouldn't even read their Christmas letter. I tried, but I quit after the line, "______ has accomplished more in the last five years than most people accomplish in a lifetime." Oh, please. DH's aunt called MIL to let her know that Mr. Accomplishment had given his dad a Rolex. He got one from his boss for Christmas, but he had gotten one for his promotion as well, so he didn't need two. We also know how often they trade vehicles, how much they paid for their house, and how much they plan to pay for their new house. It gets really, really old. Whatever anybody else has done, they did it first or better or in a more expensive way.

    I do, however, have them all beat on education and seniority on my job . . . and you have no idea how hard it has been not to say something all these years.
     
  22. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Speaking of having people beat w/ a certaion level of education, I know you're not being pompous about that by any means & neither am I when I say that although my BF has a huge family & I'm sure somebody or two had a graduate degree, although, they're not the white collar types, I'm the only one out of many of his family that has a graduate degree & I'm about to work on a 2nd grad degree, which is even rarer. His siblings graduated from high school...not that anything's wrong w/ that.

    However, one out of the numerous things that makes me sick about his family (well his twin brother & father) is that things that they brag about or are so proud about isn't anything anyway. They're barely scraping by in their lives & they think they're such high rollers.

    His dad makes me sick. He's a smart ass moron who's the jokster charmer type, but that doesn't mean sh-- to me. Thank God I've only been around him a couple times or so.
     
  23. Major

    Major Connoisseur

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    I read then re-read your post. You sound VERY stressed Ms. I. Hope you are OK....... Ever think about finding a new BF, one who has a family more to your liking...:hugs:
     
  24. JustMe

    JustMe Virtuoso

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    Of course I have no idea what sort of things these men are bragging about, and I know bragging in general can be quite annoying, but I'm actually happy for people when they are proud of themselves for things that may be something I personally find unremarkable. What I mean is that people should take pride in accomplishments even if they pale in comparison to another's accompishments...it's all relative. For example, in some families graduating high school is an accomplishment. Getting a fiftteen point buck...heck, that's newspaper worthy. :)

    Also, and I'm not trying to kick you down, but if you've only been around your boyfriend's father a couple of times...might you not really know him? Does your boyfriend have a good relationship with his father? If not, perhaps you know enough about him just based on what your boyfriend has shared.
     
  25. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Here's the kind of bragging his dad & brother do. For example, they both currently have a Chrysler 300 car (after having unteen other cars that they either couldn't afford or got something else because they're never satisfied w/ ANYTHING). In our area, you see 10 of them at every intersection. The brother will make sure everyone knows why he & his possessions are the best of the best by making sure they know that he has the top of the line, platinum package w/ the X, Y, Z & & blah, blah, blah so everyone can say, "that's cool man!" & he can be the envy & ctr of attn. I don't know how he affords it, but he must be in debt up to wazoo.

    His dad's always bragging about his cooking skills.

    None of his family seems to have an ounce of modesty & humbleness in their bodies whatsoever.

    And this is just ONE aspect of their crummy personalities. (In my 1st post, I said I could go on & on).

    My BF & I have had numerous conversations throughout the yrs. People like that are hopeless!

    People like that are so ugly & before anyone thinks it, I'm not jealous in the least of any of them. His loser dad's done serious wrong things in the past to his family & my BF & I'll never like or trust him. In my BF's words, he thinks he has a pretty decent relationship w/ his dad & he rates it a 6 on a 10 scale. They get along, but he hates & is disgusted by how they are. I don't know why he hasn't written his dad off yrs ago, but I guess it's hard for my BF being the compassionate person that he is. His family probably thinks he's such a pushover, softie & they don't really take him seriously & he's always the last to know about things that happen w/i the family.

    His family are the ones who can't even punch their way out of a paper bag!
     
  26. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    Thanks a lot! I'm fine. People like that aren't worth my time & energy. I just had to vent for a moment because I saw them all very recently & it reinforced how bad they are.
     
  27. TiffanyL

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    I know you are just venting but....man, I'm glad you're not dating my son! lol

    He's only 15, but I always wonder if the girl he finds will hate us all....we are a large family and can be a bit overbearing at times.
     
  28. Ms. I

    Ms. I Maven

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    TiffanyL, well you know, I don't care for them because they're so wrapped up w/ themselves that they don't think about how they're treating others. I mean when I do see them, I'm sweet & all. Not to be arrogant whatsoever, but I think I'm a good catch & any parents would be glad that I'm dating their son. :) I'm educated, classy, respectful, generous, & sweet, but I won't be a pushover & if I don't like how I'm being treated by someone, I'm not going to be around. I mean people would say I'm a hypocrite if I complained about his family, yet were around them all the time.

    My mom always told me, a true professional can hate you, but the person being hated will never know it. She's always taught me to be that way in the workplace, which I am & I'm like that w/ my BF's family as well, but we've been together long enough where he knows how I really feel.
     
  29. Ima Teacher

    Ima Teacher Maven

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    I tell my kids something similar when they have to work in groups and want to whine about having to work with someone they don't like. I ask them if they think that I like everyone I work with every day, and they seem puzzled . . . and then I tell them that there are plenty of people I have to work with that I really don't like all that much, but they would never be able to tell by watching. :whistle:
     

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